God is calling

I took some time away from FB last month, to Fast and Pray. I am not sure I did "it" right, I was so insistent about learning about the art of Fasting and Praying, I think I missed some of the importance. This is of course, is in true "Kristy" fashion! I read so many books about being a mother Korbins first year of life, I forgot to stop and book them into practice!!

I spent most of the morning debating what to do with the month I had just participated it. I was blessed beyond measure to be apart of my Bestie's first daughter being born on the 17th. I sat in the waiting room at the hospital with my friends three son's trying be patient, but that just was not working! Outwardly smiling at the boys, inwardly I began praying for each of them as their lives and home was going to change with the tiny wail of this little angel. I love these boys as much as one of their "mom's friends" could. I have watched them grow of the last several years, and they have been astounding examples to my sons and servants of the Almighty. I did not want to appear overly sappy in the moment, so I slid my sun glasses down to wipe my eyes as I thanked God again for my Bestie and her family yet again.

I prayed for many years for a "real friend". I had many people come and go from my life, not being able to withstand the pressure of being friends with me. I am a little neurotic at times and have alot of little quirks as well as a sense of humor that alot of people just simple do not understand. It appears that it has been easier for people to judge me and walk away than to find out why I am the way I am. My childhood best friend lives in Tennessee, and she has set the bar for all other friends extremely high. She has been there for me and with me in the most horrorific moments of my life, Pam is worth her weight in gold. Yet, Tennessee is not right down the street and both she and I need those people who do live just down the street to be there for us in our daily lives. Without these friends, day to day life is a bit lonely. So, when God chose to answer my prayer for a real friend, He gave me two!! My Bestie, S and my BBF, K!! I am eternally greatful to God for giving me these ladies!! Some people do not get any "real" friends to share in their lives and support them when things are falling apart. God gave me three!! This month, He reminded me how much these amazing friends mean to me!!

At first, breaking the FB addiction was hard. Then as hard as it was, all of a sudden it wasn't. I went to bed one night, missing the key strokes as my fingers went clickety clack checking in on friends and family alike. As I drifted into dreamland, I heard clearly, "Stop missing them and start missing me". And with that, I did.

It does not make sense, logically. How overnight you can start to yearn for something or someone that you did not realize that you missed in the first place. I found I missed the peace within my soul. I missed communicating with my husband instead of looking over the top of a laptop. I missed laughing and playing with my kids. I missed being ok with me. I missed talking to God, and listening for Him, and singing His praises randomly throughout the day. I missed God and His blessings and they were all right in front of me. I was missing it and it was right in front of my face!!

The reality was that I sat out this past month of Fasting and Praying for God to show me something that I had never seen before. I have been looking so hard for the reason that Rod is unemployed, what was God saying that I was not hearing? Now, I am left wondering if what He is saying what He has been saying all along, "Be still and Know I am God".

Still is simply not something I am good at. Remember me, slightly neurotic?! I am always busy doing something, thinking about something I should be doing or making a list of something I should be thinking about doing. So, when God is asking me to be still and I often asking "Are you sure God? But..."then I go on to list me excuses to do what ever I am doing. The reality is, often I am doing what is on my agenda for me but not what is on God's agenda for me and if I would be more still I think I would find out what God has for me today instead of what I have for me today.

As the day has progressed, I still do not have an answer as to what I should do with the past month, nor how I should proceed from here. But, the answer is clear..when God calls you have to answer! God is calling me to be more still, and put away my superwomen cape and "Be Still and Know that I am God".