What is going on here???

My heart is beating out of my chest as I type, the reality is that I just do not wanna face what my fingers are typing but I can not stop myself.

I attempt with all sincerity to be transparent with my struggles, inconsistencies, imperfections and out-in-out bad behavior so that God may use me to to help someone else. Of course this often means my character gets called into question because in order to be more Christ-like because you have to admit you were less Christ-like to begin with.

These past weeks, it feels like less Christ like is an understatement!! I have yelled at a store cashier, thrown dinner on the floor because it did not turn out to my perfection, mumbled under my breathe at every little irritating thing and cried for 3 hours over a picture frame,only to name a few.At the ends of my tirades or moments of insanity, I can not even remember what set these emotions into play in the first place. I am left physically drained and emotionally overwhelmed because I simply have no idea what on earth is happening here.

I sat last night and listed to a Beth Moore study, that said when you are feeling overwhelmed that the only way up is down. Face Down. Carpet Fibers up the nose, face down before the Lord.

Overwhelmed is an understatement, I chided as I lisened. I am so overwhelmed I am upside down and inside out overwhelmed.

Then, I  discipline myself..I have friends struggling with diseases, with the loss of children, who are talking care of sick parents, who are taking care of sick children, and I have the audacity to even complain the my husband does not have a job??? Who are you kidding here??

Yet, here I am. I have talked to God.Nothing. I have begged God.Nothing. I have yelled at God.Nothing.

What are we doing wrong?
What are we not learning?
What are we not seeing?
What is the big picture we are missing?
What is the details we are missing?

These are the same tormenting questions I have been asking myself for three long years now. I have seen God moving when we need Him most, He has never failed us. He has provided our needs, and sometimes even our wants. But so it seems, when I talk and want an answer, instead of the answer I desire or even one that I do not it appears I get nothing in return.

I am sincerely confused, because I know that God is there and He is listening. His word tells me so and since God is incapable of lying, and that He is the truth, I know He has the answers that I am seeking.

So, where are the answers??

This it leaves me often asking myself: "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE???"

Beth Moore, said it simply, the only way up is down. I have prayed. Alot,in fact. But I can honestly said I have never gotten face down looking for a fresh start from God.

I mean, why not?? Why have I not stepped up and stepped into humility and admitted that I am desperate to hear from Him?? That I am surrounded by conflicted and I can not fix this without Him???

I think that this is an intensly private issue, between myself and my Lord but I am called to share with those people around me who are also struggling with life as we know it, to listen to God's word and to help them realize what a friend help me to realize that they only way up is down, through the midst of conflict, to follow Moses and Aaron's example to fall face down and seek God.

I am so sincerely blessed enough to have an amazing group of women in my life that follow hard after God, and talk to me honestly, sincerely and openly never humilating me, belittling me or making fun of me because I am searching so hard to hear for God. Instead they lift me up, and help me through this desert experience.This is just one of the ways I know that God is still there.This is one of the reasons I share this with you because God is calling!! Calling me and maybe you, to be Face down before me and simply worship.

Listen to Beth Moore's Face Down, and may it encourage you the way it encourage me!!

If music is your form of encouragement, try Casting Crown's Praise you in THIS storm. I love this song and it reminds me that God is always with me.

A few Face Down Scriptures:
~Leviticus 9:5-7~
~Joshua 5:13-14~
~Numbers 13:31-14:5~
~Numbers 20:1-6~
~2Chronicles12:17~
~Matthew 26:38-39~