New Hair Cut

I took Korbin on Wednesday to his personal barber (Miss Sherri, his Best Friends mom) to have his hair trimmed. It wasn't until he got out of her chair that I realized that my baby is growing up right before my very eyes! It is amazing that something as mundane as a haircut can snap you back into rememberence that childhood is fleeting, and that we should take every moment to enjoy our children at these tender ages before you turn around twice and they are grown. In the picture to the right, Korbin was wearing the "B" necklace we made in preschool, taken 2 weeks ago. The photo above, was taken after his new haircut. Can you see how much difference one hair cut can make??>tear< My baby is growing up!*Sigh*

My Workout Play List

It took me forever to find a clean play list for my ipod. I usually listen to contemporary Christan music but there was nothing that I could find with a fast beat to run to. So, I began the long tedious task of finding something that had a good beat but would not ruin my Christan testimony if someone were to ask "what's on your ipod?" After three months of work, here is what I have come up with:

All-American Girl by Carrie Underwood
Survivor by Destiny's Child
Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie
Rich Girl by Gwen Stefani
Don't you know your Beautiful by Kellie Pickler
No Air by Jordan Sparks
Miss Indepedant by Kelly Clarkston
Unwritten by Natasha Bettingfield
Everybody's Got thier Something by Nikki Costa
Sos by Riahanna
Picture to Burn by Taylor Swift
Who says you can't go home by Sugarland featuring Bon Jovi
Should've said No by Taylor Swift
Life is a Highway by Rascall Flatts
Back when I knew it all by Montergomery Gentry
My Town by Montergomery Gentry
Me & My Gang by Rascall Flatts
Our Song by Taylor Swift
Pocket Full of Sunshine by Natasha Bettingfield
Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefai featuring Akon
Red High Heels by Kelli Pickler
Tatto by Jordon Sparks
Me & Charlie by Maranda Lambert

Keep in mind, these are not perfect but clean enough with a strong back beat to get my blood flowing through my workout. I may add more songs in the future but for now, these are good enough.

The End of the Beginning

Saturday was my last day at my super-stressful telephone job. It was a combination of things that ended this three week stresser for me, but the clincher was when I was told on saturday my friday night shift was elective and I was not getting paid for it in which I had spent the entire day away from my son, for naught.
I cam home relieved, terrified and crying. My life was turned upside down, and I distested where we were going. Nothing was getting accomplished and I was physically and emotionally exhausted.Yet, I felt as if I had failed. Rod needs me to bring in some extra income and yet, I couldn't. Not there anyway.
Thankfully, I still have my homecare job. I love working with these elderly people. Although, I do not see my future in working with the elderly, I love it right now and charish the experience. This position, indeed, is where I am meant to be. It should have been a no brainer when the scheduler told me a week ago that she had extra hours for me. But, I always have to try things my way first.When will I learn?
I am recouping today, and not doing much. I am still physically drained. I almost feel as I did those first months after surgery; I can barely hold my head up. I am looking forward to getting back to the gym tomorrow. I love running, and the sweat dripping down my face. There is something about that which clears my head and helps me to gain perspective. I am looking forward to cementing a school schedule with Korbin and reclaiming my days from stress and exhaustion. This week has the prespective to be a good week. God is Good!!
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me Phillippians 4 :15

Looking for the Signs

Since I started this new job, I've had some serious anxiety, to say the least. I hate leaving Korbin 5 days a week. I hate not being here when Rod gets home from work. I hate being hung up on or yelled at. I hate not being in church Wednesday nights. I hate the general disruption I feel in my soul because life is chaotic on a daily basis. Fridays and Sundays are my only days off and they are filled with errands. There is no relief from the stress or relaxation from the day's happenings. I feel as if I am one big ball of stress, and it is taking it's toll again because the exhaustion I felt in the beginning of my wls surgery has returned.
When I envisioned this year, I saw a full year of bonding with my little guy as it is his last year at home before heading off to school. I saw a focus on getting myself healthy before trying to expand our family. I saw enjoying date nights with my husband once a month, doing new things and revisiting old places with fond memories.
However, what is currently enveloping our life is not at all what I thought is was going to be. Something has to change!!
So, when my hubby told me that his company may be going back to mandatory 12's until Christmas, I took it as a sign that this job is not for me. Maybe I should have taken that this job was not for me when I could not find a sitter that could be here when I needed him/ her without other obligations. Maybe I should have taken the disruption in my being as a sign. Maybe I should have let God "supply all our needs" instead of taking matters into my own hands. But alas, I did not. As a result, here I am. Stressed.
Rod's 12's are scheduled to begin the week of Oct 7th, which will be my last week at my telephone job.I am a little sad, because I wanted to be able to help out financially. I wanted to have a little extra money to buy some new clothes that I so desperately need. I wanted to be able to buy my husband a Christmas gift without wondering where the money is going to come from to do so. Apparently, those are my wants and not God's plans for me/us.
I do not know where we go from here. I just know where ever it is, it will not be with me working at the place I am at now?!

Stressed, tired and emotional!

I am experiencing a gamut of emotions as of late. There is just so much going on in our lives right now, I am just not sure which is the correct path to follow.First, this job that I have just is not working out for us. I am severely stressed because of the sales aspect, I am coming to realize that I am just not a sales person. I like the hours, however, Korbin and Rod do not like them so much. It is stressing Rod to get Korbin each night, and where exactly he is gonna end up since we can not seem to get a permanent sitter for the hour and a half that we need him/her each night. I promised my sister I would try it for at least a month before I/We made any decisions. I finally got a chance to chat with the person who does the scheduling at my home care position, and they can get me some more hours to compensate for this other position if it does not work out. I guess I am just really unsure which path to follow regarding the work situation. I love working with the lady that I work with in my home care job. It is that soft spot I have for her that caused me to keep this position when I got the job with my sister, instead of quitting. But, in all honestly, I just want one job where I can work two nights a week, make my 100+ dollars and then fill in with my home care lady. This working everyday, even if it only a couple hours a day, is wearing me out!! Korbin and his schooling should be my primary focus right now, instead, it has been put on the back burner because of everything that is going on including me getting to work every night by 5:30.Another thing that I was afraid of happening has indeed happened, I am so busy trying to get errands done, do laundry, cook meals, clean house, school Korbin, and get a sitter and get to work that there is no time to pay attention to what I am eating and get to the gym!! I am thankful that God gave me the option to try and make this work, and I am also glad that He gave me the wisdom to realize that this is not working. Now, I pray that He will give me the wisdom to make the right decision what to do next!!

Praying for Joy!

My husband met his best friend, whom I will affectionately call "Fred" for the sake of privacy, in the 5 th grade. So, when we got married making Fred his best man, was an obvious choice. Three years later, when Fred met the love of his life, "Ethel", my husband was Fred's best man. In April, Fred & Ethel welcomed a beautiful little baby girl into the world, whom we will Joy.
Joy has been a happy baby, with beautiful brown hair and blue eyes that gives smiles away for a wink and thinks her daddy is her hero.
No one ever would have guessed that this beautiful, gift from God would be in the hospital fighting for her life. Thursday afternoon, Joy's dad, her hero took his daughter to the ER because he knew something "was not right" with his little girl. Several hours later, Joy was life flighted from one hospital to the local childrens' hospital two hours away because her blood count was unstable and there was a large mass protruding from her right side.
After several tests several days later, they have diagnosed Joy with a form of kidney cancer that is commonly found in children under the age of two. Her doctors believe that the cancer is just contained to the kidney area, and plan to remove her kidney and the tumor this week. However, last evening the results of another test revealed a spot on her liver. The doctors believe it is a tangled mass of cells because the tumor is pushing her organs and other insides into other places, but they want to rule out the cancer spreading prior to surgery.
It is hard to see Joy a once vibrate baby just laying in a hospital crib. It is even harder to see Fred and Ethel hurting for thier young daughter without an explaination why.
I am not telling you this, because I needed something else to blog about. I am telling you this because I believe in the power of prayer and my friends and thier child need all of the prayers that they can get right now. And honestly, it is all I know to for them!!
I would take this all away if I could. I would heal thier daughter from this awful disease. I would give them back thier peace of mind, and thier comfort that that they once had. I would do anything I could to help them wake up from this awful dream that has become thier life!! But all I can do if pray for them, remind them of God's sovernty in the midst of trails, and His grace. All I can do is be there for them during this time and ask God to heal Joy and return her to full health. All I can do is pray! Please, I am asking anyone who reads this: Please pray for my friends and God to heal and restore thier Joy !!!!!

New week, same stress!

Last weeks stresses seems to be carrying over into this week. Rod's gout is bothering him, and by the time I got home last night, his big toe was almost the size of his heal. Thank the Lord, that the Dr. refilled his prescription without requiring an appointment.But he is in a lot of pain until the medication begins to work. I am equally thankful that the Lord provided a sitter for Korbin, I felt very at ease leaving Korbin with Sarah last night. She has sat for him in the past, she is a Christan and she doesn't take his attitude but she is not on a power trip about her authority so she is not mean to him. I could breathe a sigh of relief, for half a second. I did not make any sales last night, and I realized that I missed my phone time for last week by 1.89!! So, something has to break soon.
I never realized that my reentry into the working world would be this stressful. Honestly, I am not sure I can make this work. I will give it ago, but I am not confident. Which is sad, because since I have lost a significant amount of weight, I have gained a lot of self confidence. However, this is uncharted waters for me and I am not as "natural" at it as I would like to be.
I am still praying the Rod's company will come through and provide and adquate raise. This would elevate some burden, I would still have to have a job until some of our past isssues are paid off, but I would know that there is an end in sight!!
It's not really that I have a problem working. It's that I feal that my primary job is to care for my child, husband and home and I am just not doing that to my satisfaction. I know that when Korbin stays up crying, that this is not an okey-dokey thing.
Ugh!! If I could put into words the thoughts and fealing that race through my being at this very moment: I am very grateful to God for giving my a chance to help my husband and our family dig our way out of this hole we are in. His provision is evident. I just have no peace in this position. I wish that I did?! I am thankful for Rod's job; with or without a raise. I am thankful for a qualified, loving sitter for Korbin. I am just concerned with where we are headed, the stress is knotting in my shoulders and I need to head to the gym for a run and relieve this stress and clear my head....

Saturday Surprise

Today was a long day for me as it began at 5:45 am when the alarm sounded. I hit it once, and woke up at 6am.When I jumped on the scale this morning, it said 233. So long to 2 more pounds. Then it was out the door at 6:40 to be at my home care job at 6:50, 10 minutes early because I needed to leave early to be at my new job at 9am. I worked there from 9-12:30, where I successfully avoided the temptations of the two boxes of donuts. However, I did not "make my week" with anymore sales. Disheartened, I headed home.
When I got home, I heard one very happy little boy yelling through the opened windows of our apartment "Mommy!Mommy!". It was then, that I was faced with a wonderful surprise: a made bed, folded laundry and a dishwasher emptied and refilled!!!
To some, that might not mean a lot, but to me it meant more than I could formulate into words at the time.I hope the smile on my face could say everything to my husband that I couldn't. As I recall the flood of emotion that I felt this morning, tears begin to well in my eyes.
Work is extremely overwhelming for me, and stressful. The manager at this company is known for just "recognizing" when people are not gonna work out and relieving them of their position without much warning. This is very nerve wracking to me because I am trying my best, but I have not even been there a full week yet, and I do not want to be one that randomly does not work out.So most of the morning I felt really inadequate, like Rod and Korbin were counting on me and I had let them down by not making a sale today and securing my position there for another day.
Yet, when I arrived home and seen that Rod had tended to some of my daily chores, I felt very respected. As if he does realize how hard I am working to take care of my self, our home, Korbin and his education, and now a part time job. I've got alot on my plate right now, and for Rod to help out without being asked or a list, that made my week!!! Then, when Michigan scored a touch down in the 4th quater against Miami and won the game 16 to 6...well that sweetened the deal!!!!!!!

Ding! Kristy's gotta Sale!!

Last night I went to work, a little more calm than I spent the day. God is good and when I prayed for Him to calm my nervous, He did just that. I spent my entire 3 1/2 hours on the phone, and only breaking once to use the restroom. Then, after 3/4 of the way through the night, God blessed me with a sale!! At first, I was not very excited because the lady wanted an invoice but later I was told that it counts toward my weekly goal. So then I got excited!! However, Rod's day was not as exciting as mine. In the companies Rah Rah meeting, they annouced another person was recieving the promotion that Rod was hoping would be offered to him. His ego was some what deflated when I arrived home at 9pm. My heart really went out to him and any happiness I felt towards success that evening was gone. I wanted to jump on top of the couch and yell into the phone of Rod's boss about how are he has worked and how deserving he is of this promotion and more. However, I sat there and listened to his heartache and heard something in his voice I had not heard in a long time, hope. He was not giving up and intended to fight for a high position within this company because he believed in it and wanted to be apart of thier long term visions and goals. This was not a typical Rod statement and my heart leap with pure joy as I could hear how the Lord was working in Rod.
I went to bed last night completely thankful for the days events, even if some of them came in unexpectant packages. The Lord is good and His provision is amazing!! I am not sure how He is gonna work things out here for us on the job front but He showed me tonight, He is in control and I trust Him, He has never failed me/us before!

The emotion of stress

I am so very, very, very tired!! The week began with Korbin being up most of the night with a fever, that lead into the first day of home school, which lead into the first day of my new job. I am extremely tired and very emotional. Wednesday nights are our church nights and instead of being in church with my family, I was in a call center being hung up on.All I could think of was "This is not where I am suppose to be!". I know that it is my job as a help mate to help my husband and if my husband believes that I need to work to bring more revenue into our home, then that is what I will do. But man-o-man, I never realized how draining, both emotionally and physically, and stressful it would be.And this is just day #2!!! I just keep praying that God will be merciful and grant our request for a raise/promotion for Rod during his review in the upcoming days.
Last night during my 6 hour shift, I got a brief introduction to the company who now writes my paychecks, then it was off to the phones. I was completely intimidated!! There is a minimum number of calls I need to make, a script I need to follow and a dollar amount I need to achieve each week. The pressure is on!! What if I can not preform up to their demands? My home care job does not require this type of stress at all, and reminds me more of my banking days. Which, for the record, were not fun and very hard core competitive for sales and customer service. The banking job of today is nothing like it was in the past and is no posh job.
I am off to night number two, and I will be on the phone with customers for 3 1/2 hours tonight in which I am praying that I can make a sale!! I am praying that God will calm my nerves and help me to be productive and help me to achieve my goals. My success or failure is completely depended upon the Lord, and I pray the He will equip me for what lies ahead.Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ which strengths me". I am also praying that if it is His will that I stay at this position, that He will give me the wisdom to do all the things that I need to do in a day and the stamina to get it all done. I am praying that He will put quality, relyable sitters for Korbin in our path. More than anything I am praying that will reveal His will for my life, because I want to give Him honor & glory through my life and it's happenings and I am just confused how to be all things to all people!!

First Day Back to Work

Today is my first day at my "new" job. As you may recall, back in March, I started doing homecare one day a week. I love this job, but 2 hours a week was not getting us anywhere financially. I tried to talk to the person who does our scheduling, unfortunately, she does not have anything available for me to work in the hours I am available when Rod is home. So this left me to find something else where. Fortunately, my sisters company was hiring and the hours are right, so I applied and the offered my the position and I accepted. Today, is my first day and Rod's parents are coming down to watch Korbin while I head in for training at 2:30
I am slightly intimidated with the thought of going back to work a full 20 hours a week. I am enjoying the thought of a pay check but nervous that I will not be able to preform up to par. It has been 4 years next month that I have been in a office to work. I remember the stress, and I am not relishing in the idea of having this stress in my life again. I am currently stressed enough with getting Korbin's homeschooling off the ground and finding us a home to rent/buy in Oakland county. I am already wearing 52 hats, how many more can I wear without dropping something.
However, Rod and I have said that we we will revaluate things after christmas, and see if we are still in the need for me to work. Which is 3 months from now, and I am sure that I can handle three months of madness, if necessary. I love the thought of making my own money and fealing like a contributing member of our household. But at the same time, Korbin's child care for the 1 1/2 hours that over laps where I leave and Rod gets home, is up in the air. I am extremely picky who watchs my boy, so just not anyone will do. This is causing me alot of anxiety.
Plus, my sisters name is on the line. If I get in there and can't do things as well as she can, I might make her look bad. This is another source of stress for me. This is not just a group of kids hanging out in highschool and I am afraid she will make me look bad. This is someone's livelyhood we are talking about. She put her name and repuatation on the line for me, this is a very big deal in my family. It is one of the few things my dad stresses to us- your name & your word is all you have becareful who you give it too.
Needless to say, this morning has been kinda emotional for me. Especially when Korbin keeps asking me why I have to go to work, mommies aren't suppose to work. All I can say is that, "I wish that were true my darling, I wish that were true". But on the positive side, I have been very privilaged to stay home with him for this long. It has been amazing and something that alot of mothers do not get the chance to do. So, I guess this as a good of time as any to go back out into the work force?! Right?

First Day or Preschool

Today was Korbin's first day of Preschool at the Last Name Academy for (almost) 4- year old's enrollment of one. In August, I ordered the Hands on Homeschooling Curriculum and today we began a modified version of the first weeks activities.
After the Tiger game on Saturday, Korbin came down with a virus that leaves small sores on his throat and a tempature for 103/104. The doctor said it typically take 4-6 days to run it's course, and the reason no one in our house has been sleeping well since Saturday night. Last night was no exception as Korbin was up at 5:30 in the morning until Rod left for work at 7:30, then he fell asleep while listening to Patch the Pirate in his bedroom. He slept until 11 am, when I finally woke him up.
So, we began our school work at 12:30 after lunch and was done by 2:30 with everything. Things went pretty well, considering he was not fealing his best. Korbin did really well with recognizing his letter "A" and thier sounds, but got really discouraged with no being able to write them they way he wanted to. The work sheets have the lines for the Kids to trace, but Korbin kept telling me that his hand won't go where he wants it to!! Today we did our bible story and craft, an "A" work sheet, a coloring page and a dry erase book for math along with a puzzle. I think everything went pretty well today. We'll see how the rest of the week goes...........

Fall is coming!!!!!

I love the fall!!! The attraction to this beautiful season as that of a cat to catnip. I love the slight breeze in the air, the smell of warm apple cider and the color of the leaves on the ground. I like the transition of shorts to sweaters, sunscreen to Halloween and Thanksgiving to Christmas. Christmas is the most enjoyable time of the year for me, I am the proverbial kid in a candy store. It use to be that I would wish away my fall days right into the Christmas season. But as I grow older, I enjoy the season preceding Christmas just as much!
Today, I got in the box that housed my fall decorations and began placing pumkins, leaves and pinecones around the house. I really enjoyed placing the Harvest decorations in thier spots and began to get more excited to go and do our tradition fall activities in the coming weeks: the Ladies at the end of September, the Couples retreat in early October, our annual trip to the apple orchard, Halloween, and Saturdays spent watching College football that gives way to the RedWings season opener.
This fall holds a particular special place in my heart this year, as it will be the last fall that Korbin will be home and not in school. It is very sobering to think of how quickly he has grown, and even more quickly time has flown by.
I am going to enjoy this new season of my life, as my 7 month annivigersary of my surgery has just past and I am 130 pounds thinner than I was at this time last year.The scale now reads 235, and I just missed my monthly weight loss goal for August by 2 pounds. I have a lofty goal this month of 22 pounds to loose and it is going to take some determination but I honestly believe that it is obtainable.
As well as going into this new season with a new weight, I am also going into this season with a new job. Last Thursday, I interviewed and was hired to do inside sales for an appliance/electronic company Monday- Thursday 5:30-9:00pm and 9am-12:30 on Saturdays. Which still enables me to keep my homecare position on Saturday mornings, at least for the time being.
I knew that fall was on it's way when Saturday evening at the Tiger Game, Korbin and I both had on jackets and were wishing for blankets. It was a wonderful way to end our summer, I just wish the Tigers had ended thier game on a equally high note. I wish you all a fabulous fall and looking forward to enjoying some of our fall days with you!!!!