The year Konnor was born, I sat out to read more about Godly women. I speed through countless books while nursing my newborn at all hours of the days and nights. Many I barely remember, and some I will never forget. The several books on Susanna Wesley I read, affected me greatly. I laughed and cried with the 17th century mother as she plunged through life with a fierceness I admire.
She was the youngest of twenty five, born in 1669 to the family of Dr. Samuel Annesley, a well-known, powerful minister.At thirteen Susanna decided to stop attending her father’s church and joined the Church of England on her own, obviously independent and determined early on. I can appreciate that spirit about her, even if those around Susanna at that time did not. I think that is what makes her influence so powerful because it transends time.
She married when she was twenty to Samuel Wesley,he was twenty-six.Their marriage is a fascinating mixture of devotion, love, arguments, commitment, and mutual faith in God. Like some married couples some of us might know they had some fierce arguments. One political difference between them caused Samuel to leave for months.This may have broken many women of that era of time, but not Susanna, that determination that I spoke of earlier served her well during this time in her life.
What struck me most when reading about thier marriage was how it mirrored my own. Often in couples, one gives way to the other to keep the peace, and does not fairly easily. Not Susanna and Samuel. The friction between them was often how determined they were to hold to thier own will and opinions. I have learned that in my own marriage, that sometimes being right does not always make me happy. Nor does being submissive make me a door mat, it is a delicate balance it has taken me almost ten years to learn the basics and by no means have I "arrived". Yet like the Wesley's, Rod and I are strong-willed, and hard headed then the fireworks fly but of us ( and them) holding firm to get our own way. Does this sound like anyone else other than me??
Susanna and Samuel always seemed to work past thier issues and come back together and reaffirm thier love and commitment to one another. As a result, they had 19 children together. Nine of which, did not live past the age of two. Susanna had sincere determination to raise God-honoring children who lived thier lives for Him. In determination was incredible and through great adversities, she over came them to make sure her ten living children followed Christ, even when she found herself doubting.
I find a kindred spirit in Susanna Wesley, especially in her rules to raise well-adjusted, well mannered children. I have read many, many parently books on different topics, styles, do's and don'ts, etc, etc. They all keep coming back to these 16 rules of sorts that were set in place hundred's of years ago that are so applicable to us today:
1. Eating between meals not allowed. (3 meals a day – no snacks)
2. As children they are to be in bed by 8 p.m. (starting with the youngest)
3. They are required to take medicine without complaining. (although they
did throw up)
4. Subdue self-will in a child, and those working together with God to save
the child’s soul. (main point)
5. To teach a child to pray as soon as he can speak. (Lord’s Prayer twice
daily – then others)
6. Require all to be still during Family Worship.
7. Give them nothing that they cry for, and only that when asked for politely.
(No crying – odious sound – strictly enforced)
8. To prevent lying, punish no fault which is first confessed and repented of.
(one child trouble, rest readily honest)
9. Never allow a sinful act to go unpunished. (willful disobedience or
wrongdoing)
10. Teach children to fear the rod. (spanked them early – not necessary later)
11. Never punish a child twice for a single offense. (once dealt with never
mentioned again)
12. Comment and reward good behavior. (this freely and positively done)
3
13. Any attempt to please, even if poorly performed, should be commended.
(good job – great try)
14. Preserve property rights, even in the smallest matters. (even to a pin, give
something away not yours)
15. Strictly observe all promises. (Hers and others)
16. Require no daughter to work before she can read well. (taught Latin,
Greek, all subjects – then duties – EDUCATION 6 hours a day 5 years old
and up)
The thing that rather overwhelms me as I read the list and the testimony of her
children is her amazing consistency. They knew exactly what was expected of them and
what would happen good or bad. She was free with her love and positive reinforcement but they knew perfectly well what would happen if they misbehaved. Susanna Wesley approached being a mother as an awesome stewardship over the eternal destinies often human beings. She believed if she did her job well then all her children would followGod’s way and be with her in heaven for eternity.
Although the verbage of these rules may seem outdated, the idea is what is the most striking. In 2006, I began seeking diligently my "ministry", what was God's will for me to do for Him on this earth? I prayed, cried, and begged God to reveal His purpose for me. Thr irony is that, I was in the throw's of my ministry and did not even realize it. My mission field was my home, and all those who entered there. My children and my husband, desperately needed me to seek God's will for our home and help God throw our home to achieve His purpose for each one of thier lives. We have all heard the saying, "If mama aint happy, aint nobody happy". Well if there isn't any happiness in our homes, how is God going to achieve the best from us?
That is why Susanna Wesley speaks so loudly to me, because no matter what she allowed God to use her to help achieve the best from her children.She believed very strongly in daily prayer and if she could not find a private place in the house to pray, she put her apron over her head as a sign to the children to be extra quiet, mom was praying.One famous incident from her life occurred when Samuel was away for almost a year, either in debtor’s prison which happened to him more than once or at an extended church meeting in London (sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between those two!) He left another pastor in charge of Sunday services and they were so bad the congregation dwindled down to a handful. Susanna went dutifully with the children but felt like they needed more spiritual encouragement so she started a Sunday afternoon service in the rectory/parsonage where she read her favorite sermons from the library.Word got around and finally with standing room only they had two hundred people in the house. The guest preacher got mad and wrote Samuel to make Susanna stop. Several letters went back and forth before finally Susanna wrote that she would stop the Sunday afternoon services if Samuel would take responsibility for each person’s soul at Judgment Day. Samuel dropped it and Susanna kept up the services.
Now all this time young John Wesley is watching and learning. Many of the actions
of the Methodist movement can be traced back to Susanna’s kitchen and living room:
Women in leadership roles, lay preachers, preaching where the people were, and how
they set up systems of care.
With ten children Susanna instituted a system of the oldest paired with the youngest
for a number of things. She did not attempt to get each child ready for bed herself, for
instance. The oldest helped the youngest and so forth. Many believe this experience
encouraged John Wesley to give lots of responsibilities to a wide range of people to get
he mission accomplished. He never attempted to do it all himself, something he learned
from his mother.And he kept learning from her. As a grown man he wrote her letters and asked her advice. He considered her wise in the ways of God and well worth listening to.She lived and died a hero of the faith at the age of 73, devout and faithful to God, dedicated as a mother and a follower of Jesus Christ. Like the woman of
Proverbs 31: 25-31
Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. 26
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her
tongue. 27 She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the
bread of idleness. 28 Her children rise up and call her happy; her husband too,
and he praises her: 29 "Many women have done excellently, but you surpass
them all." 30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the
LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her a share in the fruit of her hands, and let her
works praise her in the city gates.
