Church at home

It sure has been a week here!! I have been sick since Wednesday, well I could "feel" it coming on Tuesday but I was in denail.

Konnor has not been sleeping well for a couple of weeks now, and the amount of times he was up verse the length of time began to become taxing.

Korbin began coughing on Wednesday and by that night was in an asthma tail spin. So on Thursday Rod had both boys at two different doctors.

On Friday, I still was feeling absolutely horrorible and went back to the doctor and got a steriod shot and post poned my dental extraction for another week.

Today, everyone is finally on an upward trend but still not at 100%. So the boys and I stayed home this morning from Church, while Rod went reluctantly without us.

There is something about going together as a family to church that I enjoy above all other activities we do. It is like a refreshing glass of water for our souls, where we each get what we need on our individual levels so that we can allow God to direct our paths for the given week. Yes, even the toddler.

Our new church has the BEST toddler program I have ever seen. Even in the infant room, the children recieve a story, prayer time and a "cuddle card" which talks about the story the the child recieved and how to cuddle & talk about God's word with your infant. then, when the 0-2 year old moves from the infant room to the toddler room, Ms. Anne celebrates the child's achievement with amazing excitement!!

Then the toddlers move over to "Tot Spot" where they get a more structured way of learning, that just expands upon what was done on the infant side to encourage there ever growing curousity with a safe enviroment to learn. Each child is loved on, taught, played with and given God's word to  hide in thier heart, even from age 2-4. Then, Konnor will get a similar type of graduation when he goes from the Tot Spot to the childrens wing as Ms. Anne walks the new grads into thier next phase of childhood at church. She and the other Tot Spot-ers do such a great job. I am so thankful for them, it is really hard to put into words how much my heart loves this ministry!!

Korbin has an equally wonderful experience in the "Food Allergy Friendly" childrens wing. No, this church is not perfect, but they are diligently trying to get it which helps me to be actually worship instead of sitting there wondering if someone was going to try and convince me again if there was no nuts in Honey Nut Cherrios. With Lori & Stan at the check-in, and host of other parents who deal with similar food allergy issues, Korbin is not the only person who carries an epi pen with him nor are we the only ones who know how to properly administer it. People are kind to him and care for him and never treat him differently because of his food issues. He tells us often that he feels respected because no one ever treats him as a bother of something he can not control. Which is another reason, I find myself loving the people at this church; because they love on my kids!!!

So for us to miss church for these reasons, and a great many other, is rather difficult on this momma. So rather than sulking and starting the day off a miss, I decided to give to God what He asks of us..some love & time. I grabbed up Konnor and we went to snuggle with Korbin and read some of Gods word.

I love this book because it meets both the boys where they are..it is stories that are worded that Konnor can understand with pictures and at the end there is a group questions that can help me tie into Korbins life. Today's was "How to be a Man of God". We prayed with Rod before he left and while we should be in church we are watching some God centered DVD's instead of Mickey Mouse or Phineas & Feb.

In a day filled with giving med's, refilling juice cups and listening to the hum of the nebulizer it was nice to start this day as it should have been. I need to work more on giving God his time at home everyday, not just with the boys but to feed my own soul too. Life is a balance and with God on our side, we have the scales tipped in our favor!! May your Sunday be filled with His Love and Peace today!!

~Kristy~

Shaking the Funk

I think I have decided that the way the Devil picks at me is through distractions. I am a list maker, infact I LOVE them! And if  something comes up that I must do that is not on my list, I will then write it on the list only to cross it off to prove that I have accomplished said unplanned item. But lately, it seems as if it is one thing after another that caused me to be distracted from the task at hand. I feel overwhelmed, discombobulated and very out of sorts. I do not like this feeling and I need to find away to shake the funk!

On Monday night, I went to my Mamaw's as I had planned and by mid day Tuesday my plan for the week went out the window. Konnor has been up all night most nights for two or three weeks now. I have some pretty big deadlines to meet in Chemistry and A&P, which on top of grocery shopping, laundry, & cleaning to basement so the water co. could come out this week; I had no time to get sick. But yet, it happened. So cleaning gave way to a pillow & blanket with a trip to the urgent care. I have bronchitis with a sinus infection...

So with my schedule more off than normal, I feel as if my head is whirling. I mean, it may be the corticosteroids I am on or it could be my lack of control. I have no control of when I get sick or for how long I am out of commission, but it does not aid in this funk I have had lately.

I have been super reflective, and become increasingly thankful for what I do have rather than what I do not. Yes, things are hard for my family right now but if I look around it is easy to find someone that I can bless in someway without having alot of money in the bank to do so.  Yet, regardless it feels as if there is this coat of funkiness I am wearing that I can not seem to remove! It is annoying and troublesome!

What does one do to shake the funk? Well I do not know what works for everyone, but what works for me is simple: laughter! Listening to the laughter of my kiddo's, sharing laughter with my husband, making time to laugh with my friends, and laughing when I feel like crying.

~Kristy~

Each Day is a Gift

Somewhere along the way, I have stopped realizing that each day is a gift. Good. Bad. Indifferent. Each day is one more that the Lord has allowed us to have and we should be thankful for that day, and whatever occurs.
Because somewhere someone is fighting for one more day or someone is wishing they had just one more day.

The year I was in the four grade, I was in a spilt class with fifth graders. This is where I met my first real friend, Amy. She had long, scraggley reddish brown hair, a gap in her front teeth like me and divorced parents like I did so we were destined to be best friends from the start! We did everything that we could together. Since my homelife was a shipwreck, I waitted for days in Ms. Derossick class where I could share my woe's with my friend who got it, even as a fifth grader. She cried with me. Laughed with me. And never let me fall alone. After school, I begged my mom often to "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go to Amy's house", where after a quick call to Amy's mom, I was dropped off within an hour or two. The answer was not always yes, but I lived for the moments that were. Amy had a big family, a sister, two step sisters and a half brother. Her life mirrored mine, and I could get lost at her house with the laughter and squabbles or trips with her mom and step dad to the bowling alley. Fourth grade was the B E S T grade ever!!! When my family moved away at the end of that year, I was devestated. But Amy stated true to her word and we stayed in touch. I was even the friend she invited to go camping with her as her family went to Kings Island. It was my first time sleeping in a tent. Being in a 5th Wheel and going any where that was not to Tennessee to see my mom's family as a "vacation". We stayed friends through the years until somewhere after high school. We had interactions here and there but nothing to speak of. It was sad to me that our friend ship slipped through the cracks of life and I oftend hoped that life would bring us together again. The day my mom died, I thought of Amy alot. If ever I needed the girl who shared my pain, it was then. I was more than thankful for the amazing friends that shared my grief, but there was something special about my fourth grade friend that I needed at that time. Soon after, I had learned she had a little boy, J and I was invited to her wedding. It was strange sitting there,at that table enjoying a special day with my childhood friend, I was still hoping that somehow, someway this new phase of Amy's life would rekindle our frienship. A few phone calls here or there, but it was clear we were headed in different directions. Fast forward a few years, I find out that that our seperate paths rewarded us with very different futures...this year would have been Amy's 35th birthday. Somewhere there is a little boy wishing for one more day with his mommy. I think of her often and my heart aches for him.

This week-end, a friend, lays in a hospital bed fighting for one more day with her beautiful family. Praising God for all that He had done, never chastising Him for the disease that is distroying her body and will take her away from her family much, much to early. I remember being a young twenty something sitting in a church pew watching in awe as she lavished love on her darling girls and handsome son while lovingly disciplining them when necessary. On a given day, her husband snuck up behind her and kissed her on the cheek. She blushed like a school girl, and the love that they shared was evident. I knew then and there, I want to be a mother and wife so in love with her family that I wore it proudly displayed upon my face for all to see, like my friend! My heart aches for her, the pain that she endures. The reality of the future that she face unless God intervenes..
Why does it take such harshness for me to realize that I am given so, so much? There are a great many reason or excuses that I could give to you, but alas it is simply selfishness. I, like so many, think far more about myself than I should.

One of my first memorable Sunday school classes at my current church was lead by a man named, Mark. His statement was simple, ".. as soon as we all realize that we are on the bottom rung on the ladder and Christ is above us and we strive together to be more like and reach Him, we will all get along fine". Profound.
And ya know? On those days when I humble myself before Christ and Man are the days I feel the best and have the most peace in my heart. Each day is a gift, we are simply not promised another nor were we promised on this earth as my mother would say, a rose garden. I want to live with more passion and love with more passion and at the end of my days I want to leave a legacy that I realized that each day is a gift and acted as such, leaving no regrets!!

Dream Big, Push Hard..

This is from a friends blog this morning and it made an impact on my entire day!!

"Dream big, push hard – know that God can do immeasurably more than you can ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20), and you’ll see God change the trajectory of your life. And in those times, when you make a mistake or fail, keep you head up and know that your faith is spot on. However, your life is too short to make the same mistakes over and over – learn from your mistakes, correct them, dust yourself off, and get back on the right track."

The reality is..I have not been dreaming or pushing for a really long time! Since Rod was laid off in December of 2008, all of my dreams came screeching to a halt and began the act of surviving.Thus the continual feeling of drowning. I put me and all my needs/desires on the back burner to meet the needs of my family to get by. Even when I enrolled in school again, I just wanted to simply "get done" because we need me to get a job NOW!!

This is where I feel the need to stop and explain something..when Korbin was born, I had planned to return to work at the bank. Rod had told me since we had found out the Korb was coming, the he wanted me to stay home. Each time he said this, I would laugh! I was NOT the stay at home mother type. Geesh!! Well, with no baby sitter to speak of and with a new found desire to protect my infant son at all costs, I became the stay at home mom type! This is when Rod filled me in on his Divine plan: He prayed that God would change my mind and heart and that I would stay home with our child(ren) until he/ they were old enough to be in school all day. We had no idea that God would continue to answer Rod's prayer even in a time that our family desperately needed me to work. I did, however, have a less than part time job working with the elderly doing home care for approximately a year. I loved this job, and it reaffirmed my career field choice but because of the distances I had drive verses the few hours I was at each home, we were not making any money, so after Konnor was born and I had my gallbladder removed, I did not return.Since then, I have not been able to get a job anywhere, including the local golden arches despite my attempts!! I think I am the only person in America who has applied multiple times to fast food places only to be repeatedly turned down, ha ha!!

So now, I am in school full time while being a stay at home mom.

Since we were fighting so hard to simply survive, I stopped dreaming. About my goal weight. About vacations. About the future. About everything. I just simply prayed often that somehow in someway we would simply make it through this nightmare. When you stop dreaming, you stop pushing to succeed.

Through the course of the day, I realized because I stopped dreaming I let bitterness and jealousy set in. Which is hard to admit. When ever I would hear about a friend or even a friend of a friend who took a great vacation or did something amazing, I often found myself in the tailspin of a horrible depression. Then the self loathing began which ultimately lead too, you guessed it, an argument with Rod over something completely ridiculous!

So that act of stopping to believe in my dreams, was a very serious mistake!

In the month of December, I seen the hand of God in our lives in a way I had not seen in a very long time. I was astounded! And embarrassed..I had not lost faith in God. Or even questioned why He was allowing this to continue..I had honestly stopped caring. The situation is what it is and there is nothing I can do to change it. Right?

As the month began to unfold, and things began to change,and so did I! I felt..happy again. Hopeful even. And then just as I began to think maybe..MAYBE?! The month changed on the calender and so did the tide.It was back to business as usual..sigh! So where does this leave me, exactly??

Should I dare to dream? Should I dare to push? Should I PLAN for the future????

Well, Tommy's blog post answered that for me:  "Pray through it and fix it NOW!"

I will hold close this blog's theme verse and pray through it and wait for God "(to) do immeasurably more than you can ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20)! So, as I dare to dream again and push hard for something amazing to happen, I look forward to sharing with you how God answers prayer and changes things.

Because no matter what; God is Good all the Time!!
~Kristy~

**If you would like to read all of Pastor Tommy Swindol's Blog post "What to do with Failure" http://www.fwb21.com/2012/01/18/what-to-do-with-failure/ check this out!!

Plans Delayed!

I was on track..
1 cup coffee -check
1-12oz protein shake-check
24ozs water-check

Unexpected phone call.. NOT Check!

I went to the dentist yesterday because of an on going tooth problem. Both of my eye teeth have broken off and because we have not had health/dental insurance for the past two years (because of Rod's unemployment), I have not been able to get them looked at or fixed.
A friend gave me the name and number to a local dentist that would work with me, so I called immediately and looked forward to getting this dental pain relieved.After a super painful dentist and a slip to turn to get the broken tooth cut out, I called the neurologist to check to make sure the medicine they have me taking for the infection was in accordance with the current medicine I was taking for my migraine.
This morning the phone rings and the receptionist tells me that the doctor wants me to do everything the exact same until after the dental extraction to see if the teeth problems are also causing my headaches. Sooo...at first I was completely discouraged!! I was off & running, so to speak and now this?!
I should be use to being side tracked but, I guess no one really ever gets use to that! Now what do I do??
A HOUSE DETOX!!!
Until I go back to the dentist, I will be searching for every non-healthy, goal-detouring, pound packing on item that dwells in my cabinets and fridge and remove it.
I will continue on with my water goals and taking my supplements and go forward from there. This is a journey, not a sprint. Its not who gets there first sometimes, it is simply about finishing the race.
Make no mistake, I will finish the race!!  Thank you all for either running with me or cheering me on!!
~Kristy~

Protien Shakes and a Plan

These are my FAVORITE Protien Shake Recipes!! I never dreaded making them because they all really taste good!
 I made my list & went to the grocery to make sure I had everything on hand to make any of these at anytime! So now that I have my food under control, I need to make a plan.

So here goes:
8:00am-coffee
9:30-Protien shake
24ozs water
12:30-Protien Shake
24ozs water
3:30-Soup at Hand Cream of Boccoli
24 ozs water
6:00pm-6ozs lean chicken breast w/ 1/2 cup salsa and a salad w/ 1/4 cup shredded cheese and dressing
9:00 *Night time eatting is my DOWN FALL* Hand full of pretzels, 2 oz's cubed cheese and cup of Hot Tea

1 multivitamen
1 calcuim Supp
1 Vit C Sup
1 Iron
2 Fiber Supp's
1 B-Complex
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Vanilla Coffee Delight
Ingredients:  10-12 oz low-fat milk  2 scoops vanilla protein powder  1/2 cup low-fat coffee flavored ice cream Add all ingredients in blender. Blend and enjoy.

The Bad Girl
Ingredients:

■12 oz skim milk
■2-4 Chocolate Graham Crackers & 1/2 tsp peppermint extract
■Handful of ice
■2 scoops of chocolate whey protein
Blend and enjoy! *This is great after a hard work out because of the extra carbs involved*

Orange Vanilla Shake
Ingredients:

■2 scoops of vanilla protein powder
■4-5 ice cubes
■1 tsp vanilla extract
■1/2 banana
■2-3 frozen strawberries
■2 packets of sweetener
This will get your taste buds going!

Chocolate Coffee Shake
Ingredients:

■2 scoops of chocolate protein
■1 cup of skim milk
■5 ice cubes
■1 cup of water
■1 spoonful of instant coffee!
Yummo!!!

Cinnamon Roll Protein Shake
Ingredients:

■2 scoops vanilla protein powder
■1 tbsp sugar-free instant vanilla pudding
■1/4 tsp cinnamon
■1/2 tsp imitation vanilla (or 1/4 tsp extract)
■1 packet artificial sweetener
■a few dashes butter flavor sprinkles or butter-flavor extract
■8 oz water (or low-fat milk)
■3 ice cubes
Directions:
Add all ingredients to blender, whip, and serve

 Orange Sunrise
Ingredients
-1 cup Crystal Light Orange Sunrise
-1/2 cup cool whip
-1 scoop Vanilla Protien Powder
-5 Ice Cubes
Directions:
Blend until Smooth

Vanilla Chai Protien Shake 

Ingredients:
-1 cup skim milk
-1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
-1/4 cup Splenda
-1/3 cup unflavored or vanilla protein powder
-3 teaspoons instant tea mix, unsweetened
-3/4 teaspoons vanilla extract
-3/4 teaspoons cinnamon
-8 ice cubes
Directions:
Blend Until Smooth

Pina Colada Protein Shake

Ingredients:
-1 cup water
-2 packets Splenda
-2 scoops vanilla protein powder
-8 ice cubes
-1 teaspoon pineapple extract
-1/2 teaspoon coconut extract
Directions:
Mix all ingredients in a blender until smooth and creamy

This is the ONLY protien powder I buy & use. I have tried all the off brands, and alot of them get stuck in the bottom of my blender or,even worse, they cause my HUGE digestion problems! So, when I talk about my gastric bypass and making protien shakes-EAS 100% Whey protien is all I suggest to my friends! They also sell soy too!!


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So now I have a plan & my protien mapped out to so here I go!!!!

Mindless Eatting

I sat down to write out some goals and mindless grabbed some of these lil bad boys! They look harmless enough and maybe if you ate one or two a day, they might be. But since I grabbed SIX of these and have a couple times a day since Christmas, I am wondering how often I actually mindlessly eat?

I remember when I first started my weight loss journey in 2007, I realized I was a plate cleaner. C'mon moms?! You all either know someone or have been a plate cleaner yourself at some point in your child's life. Ya know, you pick up your child's plate and see one or two pieces of food and since you have been crazy busy meeting everyone elses needs you forgot to meet your own basic need:FOOD! So, you grab a handle full of pretzels from Johnny's plate, a 1/2 eaten piece of cheese from Suzy's plate and gulp down the baby's left over pudding and your off and running again. You toss the clean plates into the dishwasher and continue on the mad dash of daily motherhood duties until dinner time,where the same thing occurs. Then at 10pm at night, you wonder why you are starving?? I have worked really hard to conquer my plate cleaning demon but I had not realized in it's place I had replaced it with mindless eating.

Does the food battles EVER END????

This morning I stepped on the scale for the first time since the beginning of December, 2011. I was horrified to see the reading of 263.9 at that time. I was so upset that I took the batteries out of the electronic scale and hide them from myself so these horrible torcher device could not threaten me again!! Until this morning...it was time to face the music. If I am gonna put an action place into place, I need to know exactly what I am battling again, right? Holding my breath, I stepped on to the scale and MUCH to my surprise, it said 260.3. OK! OK, I know that number is nothing to get excited about but admittedly so, it was better than I thought.

So here we go: Monday is MLK day and I do not dare start anything on a day that is not in schedule or a week-end. From past experiences, they are never a success. Tuesday is the day!! I will be doing something called the Five Day Pouch Test or 5dpt for short. It is away to retrain my pouch that was created from my stomach & small intestines during my gastric bypass. Each day is just like a phase that I was on from the first day of surgery until complete healing, thus regular food. It focus's on helping you recognizing to feel full again and protein/complex starch's. Each day has rules and regulations to help you achieve maximum success.It also includes regular/daily exercise. If you are interested, you can click on the link under blogs I follow for Living After WLS, and it will describe the 5dpt in detail but I will give more information each day as to what I will be doing. Until then, I am gonna continue on my daily supplements and water...I am back up to 64 oz's of water per day not including coffee or hot/ice tea that I drink. I have also not had any pop in a short while too.

Lastly, I am gonna put into check the mindless eating. I use to eat 6 small meals a day or every 2-3 hours. I was never hungry because I knew exactly when I was gonna eat again. I think it was a mind over matter thing, plus with this style of eating it kept my blood sugar in check too. I am not sure if I am ready to do this again, actually to be honest, I am terrified!! I simply do not want to fail!! By all accounts, I have lost more than 100 lbs and the weight loss surgery center has classified me as a "success". So the devil who sits upon my shoulder wants to know why I am gonna torture myself again. Even with weight loss surgery, loosing weight is hard work. I worked for every pound that I lost and will have to again. It is time consuming, painful and lots of work!! So WHY am I doing this again!!!

Because I am worth it!! That's why!!!

~Kristy~

Finally...a new post!!

Ya know, I have been CRAZY busy and let grass grow under my feet blogging. I am really sorry to those of you who really look forward to reading my posts and have encouraged me to get back into things.

No, I have no idea how to link this to face book but will look into it, for those of you who have asked me to do that for you.

So, a quick update: I am still in school. This semester I am taking organic chemistry & Anatomy and Physiology. After this semester, I can apply to the respiratory therapy program. I have another semester and an entrance test before I can apply to the nursing program.

I have also been struggling with migraine headaches and I am currently under the care of a neurologist for these. I was taking topamax for them, which is actually an anticonvolsant but it is also used now to treat migraines. I had some side effects to that, so now I am trying something else. Well actually, I am praying about trying something else. I have the scrip laying on the entertainment center and I am just not sure if I wanna use it or not. The doctor said she see's alot people who have had a gastric bypass for migraines. So, this month I have been focusing on taking my vitamins and increasing my water to see if there is any improvement with that.

The above picture is the most current one, it was taken is October 2011. My current weight in that pictures is..gasp..257.3!! I know, I know!! This is a LONG way from my 190's I was in right before I was pregnant with Konnor. There has been so much happening, I have honestly putting my health on the back burner again. Which is one of the reasons I was wondering if I began to experience migraines.

This time last year, I was struggling with the idea of failure. Was I a failure because of the regain?? I mean, I had weight loss surgery to be healthy, right? So, if I gained back weight and was no longer healthy, was I a failure?? To be honest, I am still not sure of the answer. But what I am sure of is that if I give up completely, that definitely makes me a failure, so I refuse to give up!!

Just as soon as I made that commitment, I got slammed in the face with something else. Or should I say, someone else. No! Ha ha it is NOT what you are thinking...there is no other little Kristy on the horizon!! I am talking about my mamaw.

My mom died some years ago, and this year her mom who is in her senior years, began to need some extra care. So my aunts and uncles, cousins and my sister and I began giving her around the clock care in her home. This emotionally and physically exhausting. Make no mistake, I would not change any moment of the help I have given to her or the bonding we have experienced because of it. Or the bonding I have experienced with my family. I would however change, the time I had to spend away from Rod and the boys. I miss them when I am not with them but mamaw's house is just not a place for them to be right now. Mamaw is getting stronger everyday and with continued therapy,she should be able to care for herself enough to only need help during the night. Instead of getting started on my fitness and weight loss goals in Jan, I am looking at Feb.

What are my goals? The most simple is too feel good again. I hate feeling like I have failed and I hate feeling dependant on medicine to feel good. I would like to get to my goal weigh of 169 lbs, which is still 200lbs from my highest weight. I also would like to run my first 5k this year. I want to be able to cook more healthy foods for my family and lastly, I want to reduce the amount of coffee I drink. I LOVE coffee!! Every time I smell it I am transported back to my grandparents house in KY and the smell that came from the cups when my dad was there and would sit and drink coffee around the dark, wooden table with the spindle bar chairs. To this day, I have no idea if my papaw drank the coffee or not but it is one of my fondest memories. So drinking coffee and smelling it remind me of my dad & papaw. But too much of it just is not good for me, so one or two cups a day is a good goal. Maybe tomorrow, I will make a post a list..just like the old days..and of course one of my obvious goals is to blog more. There is something healthy for me about putting my thoughts into word form and getting them out of my head and onto paper. Plus, I like the memories it leaves for the boys. And if I put it on "blogger" paper it does not clutter the corners of my house to eventually get tossed away. Thank you all for sticking with me and continue to read & inquire. I look forward to blogging with you more and I fight the regain, finish school and see what else God has in store for me & mine in 2012!~Kristy~