It would be right that 5 days before Christmas that my fibromyalgia would flare up!! I am both annoyed and overwhelmed with this!
The pain medication the doctor gave me last time is not touching the pain in my back/legs and I have so much to do all I want to do it cry!!
I am learning that stress is a major contributer to my fibro pains, and unresolved stress or major conflict will cause the pain in my back & leg muscles to hurt/ache more. The funny thing is that, I did not realize I was stressed right now. I am just doing my normal christmas thing, and working.
I get asked alot, so tell me your symptoms. It is often hard to describe because more often than night, I have one or two little boys to contend with while I sit in the doctors office trying to explain my "symptoms".
Imagine having a really bad case of the flu, but the only symptoms you have are extremely bad body aches and pains, hot flashes and cold chills and nausea. Imagine that you have a fever but you can’t feel it on your skin. It’s INSIDE your muscles and bones but your skin feels cool to the touch.
Now imagine that you just had a strenuous work out the day before and your muscles are really sore. Or better yet imagine a bad bruise you’ve had before and how it hurt to even touch it a little bit. Now imagine those types of bruises all over your body.
Imagine that you didn’t get a lot of sleep the night before or that you have been up for 48 hours straight. Imagine you are having a really hard time concentrating and you find yourself daydreaming and being really forgetful. You are soooo tired, you can’t make sense of things sometimes, you can’t keep your eyes open, you feel dizzy and strange, and all you want to do is lie down and sleep for as long as you can. Imagine you get the opportunity to take that nap that you’ve been craving to take all day long and when you lay down all of a sudden you can’t get to sleep to save your life. You can’t figure out why, because your body and brain feel like they’re going to drop at any moment. Why wouldn’t you be able to sleep??? You get frustrated and angry because all you want to do is drift off and rest.
Okay, now imagine that for some reason, you just can’t hold onto objects very well and you seem to be dropping a lot of things for no reason that you can determine. Imagine a time when you were really nervous and your legs and arms felt like spaghetti. You trip over things and can’t seem to feel sure of your footing.
This is alot of what I feel most days, living with this and I guess I am just down in the dumps today because I was hoping to avoid a flare up during Christmas!
Now I want you to imagine having all of those symptoms of pain and severe fatigue piled up on you, and you have to get up to go to work, or you have to take care of your kids or do housework, or repairs in your home. Imagine having an important date or vacation scheduled with your friend or loved one(s). One you’ve been looking forward to for a while and you already have reservations and some money invested in it. You have to be there.
The truth is, you just want to lay there in your agony. You have no energy, no willpower, and no motivation to do ANYTHING. It doesn’t matter if you lay down, sit, or stand, nothing helps. Even getting out of bed to go to the restroom seems like a monumental task. You don’t want to tell anyone because it seems too “lazy” and unbelievable. After all, you were fine just yesterday and you were able to function pretty well. Who is going to believe you? Why all of a sudden is this pain and fatigue piled up on you like this? What proof do you have?
Imagine trying to tell someone how you were feeling, trying to describe it, but you look completely normal. They can’t see any “evidence” of your pain, no bruises, no breaks, no virus, no anything. They give you “that look”. The one that says “you’re just making this up to get attention or because you’re lazy”. Now imagine it’s a doctor you’re desperately coming to for help to alleviate your pain and fatigue and it’s THEM giving you that look. Yeah…it’s NO fun.
It’s humiliating, it’s embarrassing and frustrating.....
I am not giving up or giving in to this disease, I honestly just want to make it through the holidays!! Maybe that sounds terrible, I don't know. But it is the truth. The guilt I feel for fealing so poorly all of the time, is just as bad as dealing with the physical pain.
The new year will bring answers, I know it!!
I just need to make it there, and realize that I need to put "me" back on the laundry list of things I have to do everyday and maybe if I do so, instead of bandaging me when I feel so terrible all of the time, then I can start to feel more like me instead of like a walking zombie with a brave face.
The other day, I could feel the flare up coming. I have gotten use to feeling terrible but this is worse than normal. I made an appointment with the doctor and I live in optimism that maybe together we can make a plan for the holidays. Not just to get through them but to maybe enjoy them?!
I know this, God has a plan for me through this, and if I allow him. He will do the extraordinary through this ordinary life.
~Kristy~
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Monday, December 17, 2012
Well Said
Did you see what Ben Stein said/wrote today?? I want to applaude Mr. Stein for standing up for the thing we share in common; God. He said this so well that is bares passing on & repeating.
Apparently the White House referred to Christmas Trees as “Holiday Trees” for the first time this year which prompted CBS presenter, Ben Stein, to present this piece which I would like to share with you. I think it applies just as much to many countries as it does to America . . .
The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.
"My confession:
I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejewelled trees, Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are, Christmas trees.
It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, “Merry Christmas” to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a crib, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her: “How could God let something like this happen?” (regarding Hurricane Katrina). Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said: “I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?”
In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbour as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said okay.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing yet?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit.
If not, then just discard it.... no one will know you did. But if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.
My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein"
Well said, Mr. Stein!! Well said!!!
~Kristy~
Friday, December 14, 2012
Not Normal
Korbins school called me at 10:32 am and as I hung up a normal phone call with his teacher,I wondered when my heart was gonna stop dropping down to my toes and back whenever the school calls?
Today's phone call was about Korbin earning a treat for achieving a certain number of reading points. Since his teacher was out yesterday, she did not send home the information saying that she was getting him the treat and making sure it was OK.
I smiled as I walked across the college campus to take my second final of the day. Our family has been blessed with Korbin having some great teachers (even with our speed bumps with the school), and I was thankful how much they loved him.
Once home for the day, I turned on the computer to see the headlines everywhere about the ELEMENTARY school in CT, where at this point at least 30 are dead and the majority are children. The cause of the horrific massacre is still unknown as I type, my head still spins each time I hear that number.
Normal.
I bet at 10:32 the phone calls began to trickle in around the community, and parents began to race to the school where they assumed their children had been doing normal, routine things at school. Little did they know, their lives would never be normal, as they viewed it before, ever again. By this time, they were just realizing the extent of the damage this day had brought them.
As I wiped my face, and cleaned my eyes from the tears stains, I put back on my shoes and headed to Korbins school. I was met in the hallway by Korbins principle. You could see her searching my clothing for my name badge, and once her eyes found it she smiled at me. It was a sad smile." We are trying to be as normal as possible here," she assured me as I asked if our school kids knew about what was going on around the country right now. She shook her head, indicating no.
As we walked down the hallway, I noticed all of the doors were closed. As she headed to the 4th grade door, she knocked and used her key to enter. Just inside, I hear the teacher remind her students that none of them are too open the door. Only she [the teacher] is to open it. Just as I arrive at Korbins classroom door, I knock to enter and I hear his teach give the same instructions. I smile at her, and thank her for opening the door and I notice her tear filled eyes. For a moment, we searched around the class room and it felt as if she wished she could be at her child's school checking on him or her too.
There was excited chatter as the kids finished their end of the day activies, to them it was a normal routine that they took for granted. I was so thankful for the school reacting quickly, and not acting as if what happened there could not happen here. The sad truth hit us all: if those things are hitting sleepy, little communities then they can certainly hit in the suburbs of a major city. It is frightening to think about, that people are attacking our children at school!!!
As I entered my bedroom and closed the door to keep from Korbin hearing me, I whispered loudly into the phone, "I am rethinking home schooling!" as Rod agreed with me. Then told me that there was also attack on children today in China too!!
My heart broke again!!
As I packed Korbins bag to spend the night with his Mamaw & Papaw, I desperately was fighting the urge to keep him home with me where I knew for certain everything he was doing and under my watchful eye he is/was completely safe. Then I told him that I had something to tell him, and I did not want him to ask why but I wanted him to trust me & his teacher and listen to me very clearly and obey. His eyes open wide and he replies, "Of Course!" He knows when I tell him something in this manor it is of the utmost importance, " Do exactly what your teacher asked regarding the door and do not open it for anyone. Allow her to open the door to the guests who come into the school."
Homeschool. I am going to homeschool the boys and keep them with me until they are 40627589.009 years old!!!
My heart is broken into a million pieces and as sit and think about what other mothers of third graders or eight year olds may be facing this evening. I am praying for them that the Lord our God will hear their cries and comfort their broken hearts and wipe away their tears over and over again as they attempt to make sense of something that makes no sense at all!!
As I prayed, I began to hum Count your blessings name them one by one and for every tear each person cried over the events of the massacre at the elementary school today, I asked God to bless them as he healed their hearts beyond their wildest dreams according all the He has in Heaven, and on Earth and beyond all that we may think of or even know.
I also thanked God for my blessings, and that I may not know nor ever take those blessing for granted. Especially the blessings of my beautiful boys and loving husband. The blessing of serving a risen Savior. The blessing of close friends. The blessings of parents, and step-parents. The blessing of a church family who prays with you, rejoices with you and crys with you. The blessing of a home, a warm bed and a car to drive. The blessing of blessings and both answered and non answered prayers. The blessing of praying to a prayer hearing and pray answering God. The blessing of taking a heart breaking moment and trying to turn it in too something to give God Glory about. Again, I pray that all those involved may be able to do so too, in time.
Psalm 18:6 "In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears".
~With a very heavy heart, Kristy~
Today's phone call was about Korbin earning a treat for achieving a certain number of reading points. Since his teacher was out yesterday, she did not send home the information saying that she was getting him the treat and making sure it was OK.
I smiled as I walked across the college campus to take my second final of the day. Our family has been blessed with Korbin having some great teachers (even with our speed bumps with the school), and I was thankful how much they loved him.
Once home for the day, I turned on the computer to see the headlines everywhere about the ELEMENTARY school in CT, where at this point at least 30 are dead and the majority are children. The cause of the horrific massacre is still unknown as I type, my head still spins each time I hear that number.
Normal.
I bet at 10:32 the phone calls began to trickle in around the community, and parents began to race to the school where they assumed their children had been doing normal, routine things at school. Little did they know, their lives would never be normal, as they viewed it before, ever again. By this time, they were just realizing the extent of the damage this day had brought them.
As I wiped my face, and cleaned my eyes from the tears stains, I put back on my shoes and headed to Korbins school. I was met in the hallway by Korbins principle. You could see her searching my clothing for my name badge, and once her eyes found it she smiled at me. It was a sad smile." We are trying to be as normal as possible here," she assured me as I asked if our school kids knew about what was going on around the country right now. She shook her head, indicating no.
As we walked down the hallway, I noticed all of the doors were closed. As she headed to the 4th grade door, she knocked and used her key to enter. Just inside, I hear the teacher remind her students that none of them are too open the door. Only she [the teacher] is to open it. Just as I arrive at Korbins classroom door, I knock to enter and I hear his teach give the same instructions. I smile at her, and thank her for opening the door and I notice her tear filled eyes. For a moment, we searched around the class room and it felt as if she wished she could be at her child's school checking on him or her too.
There was excited chatter as the kids finished their end of the day activies, to them it was a normal routine that they took for granted. I was so thankful for the school reacting quickly, and not acting as if what happened there could not happen here. The sad truth hit us all: if those things are hitting sleepy, little communities then they can certainly hit in the suburbs of a major city. It is frightening to think about, that people are attacking our children at school!!!
As I entered my bedroom and closed the door to keep from Korbin hearing me, I whispered loudly into the phone, "I am rethinking home schooling!" as Rod agreed with me. Then told me that there was also attack on children today in China too!!
My heart broke again!!
As I packed Korbins bag to spend the night with his Mamaw & Papaw, I desperately was fighting the urge to keep him home with me where I knew for certain everything he was doing and under my watchful eye he is/was completely safe. Then I told him that I had something to tell him, and I did not want him to ask why but I wanted him to trust me & his teacher and listen to me very clearly and obey. His eyes open wide and he replies, "Of Course!" He knows when I tell him something in this manor it is of the utmost importance, " Do exactly what your teacher asked regarding the door and do not open it for anyone. Allow her to open the door to the guests who come into the school."
Homeschool. I am going to homeschool the boys and keep them with me until they are 40627589.009 years old!!!
My heart is broken into a million pieces and as sit and think about what other mothers of third graders or eight year olds may be facing this evening. I am praying for them that the Lord our God will hear their cries and comfort their broken hearts and wipe away their tears over and over again as they attempt to make sense of something that makes no sense at all!!
As I prayed, I began to hum Count your blessings name them one by one and for every tear each person cried over the events of the massacre at the elementary school today, I asked God to bless them as he healed their hearts beyond their wildest dreams according all the He has in Heaven, and on Earth and beyond all that we may think of or even know.
I also thanked God for my blessings, and that I may not know nor ever take those blessing for granted. Especially the blessings of my beautiful boys and loving husband. The blessing of serving a risen Savior. The blessing of close friends. The blessings of parents, and step-parents. The blessing of a church family who prays with you, rejoices with you and crys with you. The blessing of a home, a warm bed and a car to drive. The blessing of blessings and both answered and non answered prayers. The blessing of praying to a prayer hearing and pray answering God. The blessing of taking a heart breaking moment and trying to turn it in too something to give God Glory about. Again, I pray that all those involved may be able to do so too, in time.
Psalm 18:6 "In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears".
~With a very heavy heart, Kristy~
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Overwhelmed
Yesterday was just a bad, bad day.
It started on Tuesday, when the phone rang and it was Korbins school. For the rest of the day, I was one the phone. Again.
The acting principle called me to say the Korbin was not getting "his" lunch. This is the 3rd time this year we have has issues with him getting lunch.
Last year we had a 504 plan drawn up to address how Korbin is to have things done at school since his food allergy is so severe and we have problems with the lunch room last year too!!
This year, in our 504 meeting we addressed what Korbin is eating for lunch when he buys lunch at school. When Korbin was in the 1st grade, he asked to buy lunch. Him doing this was very much out of my comfort zone!! I would happily keep him in a bubble, my bubble, for the rest of his life. But since I can not do that, his Dad & I thought we should empower him instead of reduce him to simply being his food allergy.
There is alot that goes into Korbin buying lunch that he will never know about, and unless you deal with this yourself, you may not fully understand how you have to try and think through every detail of lunch from beginning to end and everything in between. Since Korbin is more than a Peanut allergy, and I am more than my anxiety about his peanut allergy, he buys lunch 2 or 3 times a week.
Back to this year, the new school nutritionist contacts me at the end of September and says that all of the food he has been eating at school may not actually be safe for him. Yes! I had a panic attack because my mind instantly when there, to every possibility that could have went wrong. God had surely protected him, and once again I was worshipping at my Saviors feet for His blessings and provisions. At that point, the school offered Korbin an alternative lunch, "his" lunch of a ham or turkey sandwhich, fruit, veggies, and graham crackers or a rice krispie treat. Nothing to intensive but there is something Korb gets out of going through the lunch line like everyone else.
On Tuesday, the lunch room staff did not have "his" lunch ready and how they choose to respond it was nothing less than catastrophic and left Korbin asking me, " Mommy were they laughing at me because I can not eat peanuts?" This hurt my heart! I assured him no, but these unscrupulous women just may have been. They do not care for the children they have the possibility of influencing and this is just another reason I spent all day on the phone contacting the principle, the school nutritionist and finally the superintendent.
When I was Korbins age I was made fun of because of the thick, funny looking glasses my mom use to pick out for me and the large gap between my front teeth. One of my saving graces was Mrs. Shaw. We ate lunch in our class rooms at that time and she would push the trash can from room to room. After eating is when the taunting would start, during free time. She saw this, and when I was done with my lunch she would pull me into the hallway to walk with her. She told me I was worth more than those names, and I was better than resorting to calling names in return. She boosted my self esteem, wiped my tears and helped me face each day because I knew that she was watching out for me. This the type of influence that these women could have on children, but instead they look at each child at a penny per hour in their pay check not as an amazing soul that they could encourage in some manor.
My friend Jen works/worked in lunch rooms and I know for certain that this behavior is a choice not something the school encourages of condones.
As soon as I was assure that everyone was now aware and working on the problem at hand, my head began to ache with extreme intensity and has not stopped. On Wednesday when the phone calls began again, my back and legs began to ache and I became overwhelmed. I just wanted to cry!
I know God is protecting Korbin and equipping our family for this journey. If it were not for Him, I am not sure how I would have made it thus far! There are days, when my humanity takes over and the tears begin to fall.
I do everything I can to keep my sweet baby safe. The reality is, that although he is mine on this earth, he has been God the Fathers always. He just loaned Korbin to Rod & I to love on and enjoy on this earth. I can do everything and pray for wisdom, but Korbins life and foot steps are ultimately in God's hands. I am both extremely thankful for this and overwhelmed by the reality of it.
In a moment of weakness, I posted my FB status of that wanting to cry. I need to release some of these pent up feelings, and I was never so thankful for my FB friends and family. So many posted in encouragement and texted. I really needed that right then!!!
Today, Korbin asked to buy lunch again. I really wanted to tell him NO! But that still small voice kept at me as I danced around his question, empower him remember?
Reluctantly, I said yes. This is where it starts. Do I put my faith where my mouth is? Do I trust God, really?? Do I really bel
ieve that Korbin is more than is allergy to peanuts??
As I got into the shower, I began to hum from nowhere that Veggie Tales Song God is bigger than the Boogie Man. Ha ha! God also has a sense of humor too!!
Yes! Lord! You are bigger than the Boogie man and Food Allergies and anything else I face!! You are a great & mighty God worthy of praise and no matter what each day holds. We can face it together!
What boogie man to do you need God to face with you? He will never leave you nor forsake you! No matter what you face, and I am thankful He reminded me of that this morning!!
~Kristy~
It started on Tuesday, when the phone rang and it was Korbins school. For the rest of the day, I was one the phone. Again.
The acting principle called me to say the Korbin was not getting "his" lunch. This is the 3rd time this year we have has issues with him getting lunch.
Last year we had a 504 plan drawn up to address how Korbin is to have things done at school since his food allergy is so severe and we have problems with the lunch room last year too!!
This year, in our 504 meeting we addressed what Korbin is eating for lunch when he buys lunch at school. When Korbin was in the 1st grade, he asked to buy lunch. Him doing this was very much out of my comfort zone!! I would happily keep him in a bubble, my bubble, for the rest of his life. But since I can not do that, his Dad & I thought we should empower him instead of reduce him to simply being his food allergy.
There is alot that goes into Korbin buying lunch that he will never know about, and unless you deal with this yourself, you may not fully understand how you have to try and think through every detail of lunch from beginning to end and everything in between. Since Korbin is more than a Peanut allergy, and I am more than my anxiety about his peanut allergy, he buys lunch 2 or 3 times a week.
Back to this year, the new school nutritionist contacts me at the end of September and says that all of the food he has been eating at school may not actually be safe for him. Yes! I had a panic attack because my mind instantly when there, to every possibility that could have went wrong. God had surely protected him, and once again I was worshipping at my Saviors feet for His blessings and provisions. At that point, the school offered Korbin an alternative lunch, "his" lunch of a ham or turkey sandwhich, fruit, veggies, and graham crackers or a rice krispie treat. Nothing to intensive but there is something Korb gets out of going through the lunch line like everyone else.
On Tuesday, the lunch room staff did not have "his" lunch ready and how they choose to respond it was nothing less than catastrophic and left Korbin asking me, " Mommy were they laughing at me because I can not eat peanuts?" This hurt my heart! I assured him no, but these unscrupulous women just may have been. They do not care for the children they have the possibility of influencing and this is just another reason I spent all day on the phone contacting the principle, the school nutritionist and finally the superintendent.
When I was Korbins age I was made fun of because of the thick, funny looking glasses my mom use to pick out for me and the large gap between my front teeth. One of my saving graces was Mrs. Shaw. We ate lunch in our class rooms at that time and she would push the trash can from room to room. After eating is when the taunting would start, during free time. She saw this, and when I was done with my lunch she would pull me into the hallway to walk with her. She told me I was worth more than those names, and I was better than resorting to calling names in return. She boosted my self esteem, wiped my tears and helped me face each day because I knew that she was watching out for me. This the type of influence that these women could have on children, but instead they look at each child at a penny per hour in their pay check not as an amazing soul that they could encourage in some manor.
My friend Jen works/worked in lunch rooms and I know for certain that this behavior is a choice not something the school encourages of condones.
As soon as I was assure that everyone was now aware and working on the problem at hand, my head began to ache with extreme intensity and has not stopped. On Wednesday when the phone calls began again, my back and legs began to ache and I became overwhelmed. I just wanted to cry!
I know God is protecting Korbin and equipping our family for this journey. If it were not for Him, I am not sure how I would have made it thus far! There are days, when my humanity takes over and the tears begin to fall.
I do everything I can to keep my sweet baby safe. The reality is, that although he is mine on this earth, he has been God the Fathers always. He just loaned Korbin to Rod & I to love on and enjoy on this earth. I can do everything and pray for wisdom, but Korbins life and foot steps are ultimately in God's hands. I am both extremely thankful for this and overwhelmed by the reality of it.
In a moment of weakness, I posted my FB status of that wanting to cry. I need to release some of these pent up feelings, and I was never so thankful for my FB friends and family. So many posted in encouragement and texted. I really needed that right then!!!
Today, Korbin asked to buy lunch again. I really wanted to tell him NO! But that still small voice kept at me as I danced around his question, empower him remember?
Reluctantly, I said yes. This is where it starts. Do I put my faith where my mouth is? Do I trust God, really?? Do I really bel
ieve that Korbin is more than is allergy to peanuts??
As I got into the shower, I began to hum from nowhere that Veggie Tales Song God is bigger than the Boogie Man. Ha ha! God also has a sense of humor too!!
Yes! Lord! You are bigger than the Boogie man and Food Allergies and anything else I face!! You are a great & mighty God worthy of praise and no matter what each day holds. We can face it together!
What boogie man to do you need God to face with you? He will never leave you nor forsake you! No matter what you face, and I am thankful He reminded me of that this morning!!
~Kristy~
Monday, December 10, 2012
Moment by moment
My day began unexpectedly at 4am when Konnor fell out of bed and smacked his face on the hardwood floor. The entire right side of his face was bright red and he had a huge lump right above his eyebrow. It was swollen & bruising.
Rod had fallen asleep in the living room, just like you do not wake a grizzly bear when he is asleep, you do not wake Rod where he falls asleep or he will not fall asleep in the same manor again for the rest of the night. Yes! This is what I have learned after almost 10 years of marriage.
So, I went into the living room fearing the manor that Rod would wake up but I needed him to look at Konnor. Four exhausted eyes were better than two watering, red eyes at this early morning time. Rod tried to get Kon to follow his finger, but Konnor did not understand what he was suppose to be doing so it was not helpings. His pupils were reactive and he could answer all our questions, so we thought he could go back to sleep.
Within minutes he was snuggled into my bed, and on his way back to dreamland.
I just could not get out of my head the loud crash of Konnor falling out of bed and how he just missed landing on something sharp. It was the second time this week-end we had a near miss.
On Saturday, I was standing in the bathroom blow drying my hair when Rod fell out out of the shower. His head hit my lower back, and I fell forward. I screamed because my mind had not yet comprehended what was going on and I tried to refocus my vision to figure out why Rod was laying on his back, half in & out of the bathtub, moaning in agony.
It turns out he had lost his footing and the soap made the tub slippery, causing him to fall backward. We were so thankful he fell backward instead of forward because if he would have done that, he would have hit his head on the facet and/or impaling himself with the tub stopper.
I was thinking how one little moment could change your life forever, both in good and bad ways.
My friend A's husband got a piece of wire into his eye this week-end, and now he is recovering from surgery from a single moment doing something he has most likely done a thousand times before. My heart hurt for them, at this early morning and I began to wonder if God wakened me in this manor to pray for this family and to show me to take life a little slower and take things moment by moment?
Yesterday at church Pastor Mikes opening remarks, "If you are not careful you will miss Christmas. Not the shopping, Not the baking, Not the gift giving, the spirit of Christmas." Jesus is the gift and it is His Spirit we are suppose to embody especial this time of year, but as I work retail this year, I can say with most certainty that most people have lost the Spirit of Christmas.
The quietness of the house, as the clock flipped to 5am, I was reminded of the man who bought a bag of goldfish for a little girl yesterday. He did not know this little girl, as matter of fact, he just met her a moment before he purchased the gold fish for her and her mom. The mom tried to pay him but he declined with akind smille and a "Merry Christmas". He remembered the Spirit of Christmas. I want to remember the Spirit of Christmas and not miss it. Not take things for granted, to be kind, and bring joy to others, just to name a few things that remind me of Jesus and the things He brought to us.
I could feel myself starting to relax and slip back into sleep and as I prayed, I thanked God for those moments, that His hand was there and although something happened, like Rod & Konnor both falling, He caught them just enough to avoid a catastrophe.
I thanked God for those people who endure catastrophe's, like my friend A & her family with the uncertainty of her husbands sight, that give Him Glory for those moments that they saw Him even when things were falling apart for them. These people are example of truly how to worship in times of trail and distress. I hate that bad things happen to such good, good people but I am so thankful they love God in the good times and bad.
Most importantly, I am thankful that God reminded me of the True Spirit of Christmas and to take them moment by moment and not to miss the Joy of the Season.
My prayer that for all who read this, that you will not miss the joy of Christmas and the meaning that Jesus has brought to your life or will bring to your life, if you do not know Him. He, along with the God the Father, will fill every void you have in this life, can forgive every sin and change your bad into good. Things will not be perfect if you ask Jesus into your life, but because of Him you can endure these hardships because there is a perfect place with the only perfect man ever existed waiting for you on the other side of this world. Won't you ask Jesus to be waiting for you in eternity? He will bring you Joy Unspeakable and help you to see the baby in the manger in a whole new light this season!
Take things moment by moment, my dear friends, and do not miss all of the Joy this season has to offer! You will not be sorry you did!!
~Kristy~
Rod had fallen asleep in the living room, just like you do not wake a grizzly bear when he is asleep, you do not wake Rod where he falls asleep or he will not fall asleep in the same manor again for the rest of the night. Yes! This is what I have learned after almost 10 years of marriage.
So, I went into the living room fearing the manor that Rod would wake up but I needed him to look at Konnor. Four exhausted eyes were better than two watering, red eyes at this early morning time. Rod tried to get Kon to follow his finger, but Konnor did not understand what he was suppose to be doing so it was not helpings. His pupils were reactive and he could answer all our questions, so we thought he could go back to sleep.
Within minutes he was snuggled into my bed, and on his way back to dreamland.
I just could not get out of my head the loud crash of Konnor falling out of bed and how he just missed landing on something sharp. It was the second time this week-end we had a near miss.
On Saturday, I was standing in the bathroom blow drying my hair when Rod fell out out of the shower. His head hit my lower back, and I fell forward. I screamed because my mind had not yet comprehended what was going on and I tried to refocus my vision to figure out why Rod was laying on his back, half in & out of the bathtub, moaning in agony.
It turns out he had lost his footing and the soap made the tub slippery, causing him to fall backward. We were so thankful he fell backward instead of forward because if he would have done that, he would have hit his head on the facet and/or impaling himself with the tub stopper.
I was thinking how one little moment could change your life forever, both in good and bad ways.
My friend A's husband got a piece of wire into his eye this week-end, and now he is recovering from surgery from a single moment doing something he has most likely done a thousand times before. My heart hurt for them, at this early morning and I began to wonder if God wakened me in this manor to pray for this family and to show me to take life a little slower and take things moment by moment?
Yesterday at church Pastor Mikes opening remarks, "If you are not careful you will miss Christmas. Not the shopping, Not the baking, Not the gift giving, the spirit of Christmas." Jesus is the gift and it is His Spirit we are suppose to embody especial this time of year, but as I work retail this year, I can say with most certainty that most people have lost the Spirit of Christmas.
The quietness of the house, as the clock flipped to 5am, I was reminded of the man who bought a bag of goldfish for a little girl yesterday. He did not know this little girl, as matter of fact, he just met her a moment before he purchased the gold fish for her and her mom. The mom tried to pay him but he declined with akind smille and a "Merry Christmas". He remembered the Spirit of Christmas. I want to remember the Spirit of Christmas and not miss it. Not take things for granted, to be kind, and bring joy to others, just to name a few things that remind me of Jesus and the things He brought to us.
I could feel myself starting to relax and slip back into sleep and as I prayed, I thanked God for those moments, that His hand was there and although something happened, like Rod & Konnor both falling, He caught them just enough to avoid a catastrophe.
I thanked God for those people who endure catastrophe's, like my friend A & her family with the uncertainty of her husbands sight, that give Him Glory for those moments that they saw Him even when things were falling apart for them. These people are example of truly how to worship in times of trail and distress. I hate that bad things happen to such good, good people but I am so thankful they love God in the good times and bad.
Most importantly, I am thankful that God reminded me of the True Spirit of Christmas and to take them moment by moment and not to miss the Joy of the Season.
My prayer that for all who read this, that you will not miss the joy of Christmas and the meaning that Jesus has brought to your life or will bring to your life, if you do not know Him. He, along with the God the Father, will fill every void you have in this life, can forgive every sin and change your bad into good. Things will not be perfect if you ask Jesus into your life, but because of Him you can endure these hardships because there is a perfect place with the only perfect man ever existed waiting for you on the other side of this world. Won't you ask Jesus to be waiting for you in eternity? He will bring you Joy Unspeakable and help you to see the baby in the manger in a whole new light this season!
Take things moment by moment, my dear friends, and do not miss all of the Joy this season has to offer! You will not be sorry you did!!
~Kristy~
Thursday, December 6, 2012
11 year Dating Anniversary
I am not sure where the last 11 years has gone, but yesterday was the 11th anniversary of my first date with my man.
We met through a mutual friend and over a series of phone calls, we decided to meet and have a first date.
I worked all day training for my new job at TCF Bank inside the old K-mart. I drove my silver Saturn, named "Simon" to and from Southfield every week-day for two weeks.
After work, I drove to the hotel to pick up my pay check where I worked the audit, on the week ends ( 11p-7am) and then home to shower and get ready for my date. I was SO EXCITED and NERVOUS!!! I wore a green sweater and blue jeans.
I drove to dearborn and sat outside TGI Fridays and thought, Do I really want to do this??
Rod also came from work, in Dearborn, off of Michigan Ave & Telegraph behind the Home Depot his company had moved from Troy to that office. He wore a cream colored logo shirt with his companies name on it, and carhart blue jeans.
We met outside the restaurant, and he opened the door for me and then when he got to our table, he gave me a Red Rose and pulled out me chair for me. I was certainly impressed with his manors.
I ordered a pasta dish, with chicken and I am not sure what Rod ordered. Most likely steak because we began discussing the current Mad Cow Disease and how I was currently staying away from Red Meat.
I remember his hearty laugh, and today as I look at Konnor who is currently sitting on my lap, I see bits & pieces of that man who sat in front of me all those years ago.
It seems like we sat there for hours, I was lost his eyes and how they crinkle up in the corners. The conversation was so carefree and easy. I knew I wanted to see him again.
He walked me to my car, and asked if there was something else we could do because he did not want to leave.
I smiled.
I did not want to leave either!
Then we changed direction and walked to his car, which was a 1996 Green Buick Regal, instead. This was Rods baby. He loved this car and took great care of it, you could tell. It would later be the care we drove our first child home from the hospital in.
We sat in his car and talked forever, and made plans for our second date. He asked if he could hold my hand, and he was so nervous his palms were so sweety! I tried not to say anything, it was funny and gross at them same time!
I could not believe I made someone that nervous!!
Rods hands no longer sweet when he hold hands, but he still randomly kisses my hand as he hold it and his eyes still crinkle in the corners when we finally get a few minutes to ourselves.
Its funny to think that this is where it all started, and I would not change a thing from now until then.
What has always attracted me to Rod was how he took such great care of me. Even then, he was my provider and protector. That was the first date I had ever been on where I did not have to pay for my own meal!
Things have changed, we are older and wiser and been through alot of speed bumps and pot holes. When things get to crazy, I try to stop and remember those moments when we first started dating and the man I fell in love with.
August 2, 2013 we will be married for 10 years. We have two handsome, mostly healthy little boys. We have so much to be thankful for and have a marriage, despite the bumps, to be proud of. We never give up on each other and never stop believing in God bringing us together for a purpose.
Rod will always be my provider and protector. He completes that missing piece in my heart that I was looking for. He protects me from others and my self, and takes the heat when people think it is him forcing my hand at something when usually it is me, but I can not stand up for myself.
I am the people pleaser and he is the force to be reckoned with. He is the black and white area and I am the gray. I am the sensitive cry at nothing, and He is the I will not cry unless my guts are being ripped out. I am the Rom Com and He is the Shoot'em up, Kill'em movie. He is next to no sauce on his pizza and I am extra sauce on everything.
Together, we complete two halves of the same circle.
I see parts of both my Dad and my Step Dad in him, which was a hard combination to find in a man, and I think my mom would love him and the life we have made together. The man that made me say "Yes" to his proposal when I thought he was breaking up with me, was Jesus.
Although Rod sometimes gets crazy and looses his way ( just as I do) he always returns back to the same place: the feet of Jesus. He love of Jesus and constant searching for the best way to serve and honor Him, is what sealed the deal that this is the man I would share my life. I love that Rod loves Jesus!
It is my sincrerest prayer that our boys have a marriage like ours, without the bumps and hardships, but with the love and passion we have.
We do not have the perfect life, but it is our life together and I am so thankful for all that it is and all that it is not!!
I love you Roderick Allen more than all the sand in all the beach's in all the world forever!! Happy Dating Anniversary!!
~Kristy~
We met through a mutual friend and over a series of phone calls, we decided to meet and have a first date.
I worked all day training for my new job at TCF Bank inside the old K-mart. I drove my silver Saturn, named "Simon" to and from Southfield every week-day for two weeks.
After work, I drove to the hotel to pick up my pay check where I worked the audit, on the week ends ( 11p-7am) and then home to shower and get ready for my date. I was SO EXCITED and NERVOUS!!! I wore a green sweater and blue jeans.
I drove to dearborn and sat outside TGI Fridays and thought, Do I really want to do this??
Rod also came from work, in Dearborn, off of Michigan Ave & Telegraph behind the Home Depot his company had moved from Troy to that office. He wore a cream colored logo shirt with his companies name on it, and carhart blue jeans.
We met outside the restaurant, and he opened the door for me and then when he got to our table, he gave me a Red Rose and pulled out me chair for me. I was certainly impressed with his manors.
I ordered a pasta dish, with chicken and I am not sure what Rod ordered. Most likely steak because we began discussing the current Mad Cow Disease and how I was currently staying away from Red Meat.
I remember his hearty laugh, and today as I look at Konnor who is currently sitting on my lap, I see bits & pieces of that man who sat in front of me all those years ago.
It seems like we sat there for hours, I was lost his eyes and how they crinkle up in the corners. The conversation was so carefree and easy. I knew I wanted to see him again.
He walked me to my car, and asked if there was something else we could do because he did not want to leave.
I smiled.
I did not want to leave either!
Then we changed direction and walked to his car, which was a 1996 Green Buick Regal, instead. This was Rods baby. He loved this car and took great care of it, you could tell. It would later be the care we drove our first child home from the hospital in.
We sat in his car and talked forever, and made plans for our second date. He asked if he could hold my hand, and he was so nervous his palms were so sweety! I tried not to say anything, it was funny and gross at them same time!
I could not believe I made someone that nervous!!
Rods hands no longer sweet when he hold hands, but he still randomly kisses my hand as he hold it and his eyes still crinkle in the corners when we finally get a few minutes to ourselves.
Its funny to think that this is where it all started, and I would not change a thing from now until then.
What has always attracted me to Rod was how he took such great care of me. Even then, he was my provider and protector. That was the first date I had ever been on where I did not have to pay for my own meal!
Things have changed, we are older and wiser and been through alot of speed bumps and pot holes. When things get to crazy, I try to stop and remember those moments when we first started dating and the man I fell in love with.
August 2, 2013 we will be married for 10 years. We have two handsome, mostly healthy little boys. We have so much to be thankful for and have a marriage, despite the bumps, to be proud of. We never give up on each other and never stop believing in God bringing us together for a purpose.
Rod will always be my provider and protector. He completes that missing piece in my heart that I was looking for. He protects me from others and my self, and takes the heat when people think it is him forcing my hand at something when usually it is me, but I can not stand up for myself.
I am the people pleaser and he is the force to be reckoned with. He is the black and white area and I am the gray. I am the sensitive cry at nothing, and He is the I will not cry unless my guts are being ripped out. I am the Rom Com and He is the Shoot'em up, Kill'em movie. He is next to no sauce on his pizza and I am extra sauce on everything.
Together, we complete two halves of the same circle.
I see parts of both my Dad and my Step Dad in him, which was a hard combination to find in a man, and I think my mom would love him and the life we have made together. The man that made me say "Yes" to his proposal when I thought he was breaking up with me, was Jesus.
Although Rod sometimes gets crazy and looses his way ( just as I do) he always returns back to the same place: the feet of Jesus. He love of Jesus and constant searching for the best way to serve and honor Him, is what sealed the deal that this is the man I would share my life. I love that Rod loves Jesus!
It is my sincrerest prayer that our boys have a marriage like ours, without the bumps and hardships, but with the love and passion we have.
We do not have the perfect life, but it is our life together and I am so thankful for all that it is and all that it is not!!
I love you Roderick Allen more than all the sand in all the beach's in all the world forever!! Happy Dating Anniversary!!
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
25 little things Part III
This is the last part to my three part post of 25 little things that has blessed me, changed my life or I am thankful for this season. It has been a delight to walk down memory lane and remember how much I have changed or learned this year. I will never walk this way again and I am happy to take these moments to reflect to that someday I can re-read these posts and see how amazing God has been in 2012.
15.) This year one of the most horrific things that happened was the drowning of little Tru, my friend D's grandson. I will never, ever for get her testimony that starts with a phone call from her daughter in law. " D, Tru is dead". These are words you never want to hear about anyone you love, but a one year old little boy is alot harder to swallow. This story morphs from a tragedy into a miracle where God is definitely the Hero of the story! Moments after L. hangs up with her mother-in-law, she and her husband C. hit the flooring to praying and God heard this cries and over the next several days where their humanity was so unsure, God did what medical professionals said was impossible; healed Tru completely!! L. & C. never became angry with God,like so many of us would, me included. They felt honored and privileged that through this turn of events that God would use them to reach so many people and bring honor & glory to Himself. How they handled this tragedy changed my life forever! When things go wrong, and they inevitably will, that I need to handle them like a child of the King of Kings instead of a defeated victim of life's circumstances.
16.) So many times I look at my oldest son and see so much of his father in him. I love that but sometimes I wonder if he has anyone of my qualities or attributes. One day in October, that question was answered as Korb brings this large book, a note book and pencil with him as he snuggles up next to me on the couch. Then he starts giving me of the stars, and ends is 20 minute long fact session of much I did not know, with " I look up things in the encyclopedia & write them down during my free time." I smiled widely and asked him if he loves learning? In a typical boy response he replies he loves it, only if it is something he enjoys!! That is so me!! I love to learning and enjoy my classes very much!! I am praying he always loves school and has a zest for learning always. Unlike my sweet husband who stays far, far away from anything scholastic. It was nice to see a little bit of me in my son, and I was thankful that God showed me that being the right type of influence on the boys will pay off!!
17.) Everyday I get the most amazing kisses!! Chubby little boy are wrap around my neck and I get a peck on the cheek and my heart does that flipp flopp thing. I am constantly reminded how blessed I am to have two healthy little guys. Yes, they have food allergies and sometimes that gets overwhelming to deal with, but in the big picture of things it could be worse. God knew what He was doing when He gave us these two particular boys and I could not be more grateful because He entrusted their health & well-being to Rod and I. What a privilege and Honor!! There are some days that are extra special when I get chubby little girl arms to give me amazing hugs from my beautiful nieces. I love, love, love these girls!! I love the way they play with the boys; their cousins. I love their laughter. I love to relive moments of my childhood seeing them together reminds me of times with my sister. This year my around-the-block bestie had her little girl, and now I get lovies from sweet little S. too!! Little child hugs, kisses and laughter are truly one of God's best blessings and not to be taken for granted!!
18.) I said in a earlier post, I have been lucky enough to have the same best friend for most of my life. She has been there for my through thick & thin, literally and figuratively. This year, in March, she came up for a family wedding and I finally got to meet my sweet little L.!! She is a spitting image for her momma and this was one of the best week-end I had at that point, in a long, long time!! It was sweet to sit up and chat like we use to and chatting up in person rather than a short convo over the phone. The year my mommy died, I called her at 3am, and by 9am she had flown in from Tennessee and never left my side. Most of the days were a blurr but if it was not for her, I am not sure I would have made it through that. She stood in my wedding, and I in hers and we both waited by the phones to hear about babies being born. Having a friend like her, has changed my life forever, and who would have thought sitting next to someone in the 5th grade would change my life in this manor?!
19.) The church Rod & I haven chosen to attend is very spirit filled. I have never experienced the level of worship anywhere else. It is not just surface worship either, it is reading, studying, praying, memorizing and working (mission trips, fundraisers, food pantry, etc etc) to know God and worship Him enlighten of all that you know and do. I hope that I am explaining that correctly. I have known God through His scripture, through prayer and church attendance for a long time. But never, never have I entered into this style of reverent worship before. The praise and worship music, the open alter and "raising your hand until you reach the Heavens" are truly a new experience for both Rod & I. Its not something that we would trade for anything now that we have experienced it!! This church and these people have forever changed how I experience God. Since Rod got his new job, I have been really struggling with my health and because of that I felt that I did not give God the praise and worship that He deserved for bringing us through his completely horrible hardship. As I dealt with my guilt, I could here God calling to me, just worship me with everything you are because of everything I am. And as a true christain, I fought the feeling to just worship. Not because of God but because of me, for whatever reason you want to give, I just was not doing it. Two weeks again, my friend & confidant, C went to the alter hands raised just praising , praising , praising God. Before I realized what was happening I was kneeling next to her and I could hear the murmurings of her praising God. My heart was bursting as I asked for nothing and just submitted my will unto the Saviors and with my arms raised I just praised and worshipped Him. I am thankful for C.'s obedience to God because He truly used my friend to bring me to the place where I should have been all along. "I am here to worship".
20.) I am thankful for my family. Everything that they are and everything that they are now has made me who I am today. I was not an easy child, to say the least. Alot of things were happening around me that I did not necessarily understand but impacted my emotions and feelings just the same. I acted out accordingly. It has taken my a very long time to get past the guilt of how I treated people that I love, and caused them grief. The thing is that, I was a child. I acted and spoke as a child. As I grew up and became an adult, I put away childish things. Nothing was handed to me or done for me, I was an adult at a very early age because of circumstances beyond my control. I have forgiven those people in my life who made bad decisions for me and moved on. God has forgiven me for so much, who am I not to forgive others??? I love my family despite their bad decisions and realize/focus on the fact that it is not my job to judge others. I am not Jesus and have no desire to have His job. However, as an adult, I have to recognize that I am not now, nor ever going to put my children in the positions that I was put into. Just because I have forgiven and moved on, does not make me blind. I am thankful for forgiveness and new beginnings. Yet, do not stand there and ask me not to judge while judging me for not allowing my children to be apart of bad decisions. Despite my love for people, God has given me wisdom to parent my children with a particular set of directions and I will not waiver to raise them how God has directed.
21.) Before I was born my mom gave birth to a beautiful little girl whom she & my daddy named Shelly. Shelly was born into this world, and passed from it in the same day. Its funny that in reality I am the middle child. That explains so much!! Of the course of this year, my friend Steph often reminds me of what Shelly would be like if she walked with us today. I am not sure why I think/feel that way, I just do. Maybe it is how Steph genuinely cares about me & my family. Talked me through so many crazy situations yet she is willing to "be crazy" with me in the moment, that in a way reminds of mom. I am so thankful for those moments I get to see my mom in other people. God allows me these times to get through until I see her again in Heaven.
22.) This was the first year I hosted a table at our churches Christmas Tea for Ladies. More went into this than I can possibly tell you, but I truly loved every second of the night with my friends and family sitting at my table.I enjoyed the formality of it as well as the friendly atmosphere. More than that, I loved the Holy Spirit working!! As a teenage/young adult, my step mom taught me how to do a table scape and I was excited to use what she taught me, and share her tips & tricks with a few others. I am sorry to say, I thought at the time that I was never going to use the information. Little did I know that I would have such a God-centered way to use these skills?! I will do it again next year, and as many years as they allow me too!!
23.) I am thankful for the generosity of others! Through that generosity while Rod was unemployed we got to do some pretty amazing things like go to a Tiger game, and see the semi-pro soccer team in Auburn Hills. We had gone to a carnival, thanks to Uncle Gary and many other people helped us provide Christmas gifts to our boys. Plus several other things. People we so kind to us!! I am so thankful for those people and they know who they are, and I pray God will reward your kindness!
24.) As I wrap up my list, I am thankful for an attitude of gratitude. The Lord has allowed me to reflect on things and be in a state of constant thankfulness and praise. I am thankful to live in a country where I can freely read my bible and tell others how much my God has done for me. God has sent me messages of His word to encourage me when I am done and He has carried me when I could not walk alone. Today, I so thankful for who God has transformed me into and I pray I continue to be the person He wants me to be for His glory!
25.) As I did not put these in any particular order, I should have started this one because everything I am is a result of Jesus Christ and everything I aspire to be is because of how He bleed and died for me. I have never been loved like that, and everything I say and do is because of Him. Jesus has changed who I am from the inside out and has given me courage and strength beyond what I could possibly do on my own. He loved me when I was unlovable and carried me when I could not take care of myself and gave me endurance when I did not think I could endure anything any longer. He blessed me beyond my wildest dreams and gave me a future with Him when this life is over. I thought I knew Him until I fell in love with Him, and then I truly found out who Jesus is and though trails and hardships, Jesus never left me. He wiped away my tears, heard my prayers and gave me hope when I thought there was none. He has set the supreme example of who I am to be and although, I fail daily I am forgiven and have the ability to forgive others because of His forgiveness of me. Jesus changed my life and I am forever thankful for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and I will always be a follower of the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, The Great I Am and everything that was, is and is to come is because of Jesus Christ!!
~Kristy~
15.) This year one of the most horrific things that happened was the drowning of little Tru, my friend D's grandson. I will never, ever for get her testimony that starts with a phone call from her daughter in law. " D, Tru is dead". These are words you never want to hear about anyone you love, but a one year old little boy is alot harder to swallow. This story morphs from a tragedy into a miracle where God is definitely the Hero of the story! Moments after L. hangs up with her mother-in-law, she and her husband C. hit the flooring to praying and God heard this cries and over the next several days where their humanity was so unsure, God did what medical professionals said was impossible; healed Tru completely!! L. & C. never became angry with God,like so many of us would, me included. They felt honored and privileged that through this turn of events that God would use them to reach so many people and bring honor & glory to Himself. How they handled this tragedy changed my life forever! When things go wrong, and they inevitably will, that I need to handle them like a child of the King of Kings instead of a defeated victim of life's circumstances.
16.) So many times I look at my oldest son and see so much of his father in him. I love that but sometimes I wonder if he has anyone of my qualities or attributes. One day in October, that question was answered as Korb brings this large book, a note book and pencil with him as he snuggles up next to me on the couch. Then he starts giving me of the stars, and ends is 20 minute long fact session of much I did not know, with " I look up things in the encyclopedia & write them down during my free time." I smiled widely and asked him if he loves learning? In a typical boy response he replies he loves it, only if it is something he enjoys!! That is so me!! I love to learning and enjoy my classes very much!! I am praying he always loves school and has a zest for learning always. Unlike my sweet husband who stays far, far away from anything scholastic. It was nice to see a little bit of me in my son, and I was thankful that God showed me that being the right type of influence on the boys will pay off!!
17.) Everyday I get the most amazing kisses!! Chubby little boy are wrap around my neck and I get a peck on the cheek and my heart does that flipp flopp thing. I am constantly reminded how blessed I am to have two healthy little guys. Yes, they have food allergies and sometimes that gets overwhelming to deal with, but in the big picture of things it could be worse. God knew what He was doing when He gave us these two particular boys and I could not be more grateful because He entrusted their health & well-being to Rod and I. What a privilege and Honor!! There are some days that are extra special when I get chubby little girl arms to give me amazing hugs from my beautiful nieces. I love, love, love these girls!! I love the way they play with the boys; their cousins. I love their laughter. I love to relive moments of my childhood seeing them together reminds me of times with my sister. This year my around-the-block bestie had her little girl, and now I get lovies from sweet little S. too!! Little child hugs, kisses and laughter are truly one of God's best blessings and not to be taken for granted!!
18.) I said in a earlier post, I have been lucky enough to have the same best friend for most of my life. She has been there for my through thick & thin, literally and figuratively. This year, in March, she came up for a family wedding and I finally got to meet my sweet little L.!! She is a spitting image for her momma and this was one of the best week-end I had at that point, in a long, long time!! It was sweet to sit up and chat like we use to and chatting up in person rather than a short convo over the phone. The year my mommy died, I called her at 3am, and by 9am she had flown in from Tennessee and never left my side. Most of the days were a blurr but if it was not for her, I am not sure I would have made it through that. She stood in my wedding, and I in hers and we both waited by the phones to hear about babies being born. Having a friend like her, has changed my life forever, and who would have thought sitting next to someone in the 5th grade would change my life in this manor?!
19.) The church Rod & I haven chosen to attend is very spirit filled. I have never experienced the level of worship anywhere else. It is not just surface worship either, it is reading, studying, praying, memorizing and working (mission trips, fundraisers, food pantry, etc etc) to know God and worship Him enlighten of all that you know and do. I hope that I am explaining that correctly. I have known God through His scripture, through prayer and church attendance for a long time. But never, never have I entered into this style of reverent worship before. The praise and worship music, the open alter and "raising your hand until you reach the Heavens" are truly a new experience for both Rod & I. Its not something that we would trade for anything now that we have experienced it!! This church and these people have forever changed how I experience God. Since Rod got his new job, I have been really struggling with my health and because of that I felt that I did not give God the praise and worship that He deserved for bringing us through his completely horrible hardship. As I dealt with my guilt, I could here God calling to me, just worship me with everything you are because of everything I am. And as a true christain, I fought the feeling to just worship. Not because of God but because of me, for whatever reason you want to give, I just was not doing it. Two weeks again, my friend & confidant, C went to the alter hands raised just praising , praising , praising God. Before I realized what was happening I was kneeling next to her and I could hear the murmurings of her praising God. My heart was bursting as I asked for nothing and just submitted my will unto the Saviors and with my arms raised I just praised and worshipped Him. I am thankful for C.'s obedience to God because He truly used my friend to bring me to the place where I should have been all along. "I am here to worship".
20.) I am thankful for my family. Everything that they are and everything that they are now has made me who I am today. I was not an easy child, to say the least. Alot of things were happening around me that I did not necessarily understand but impacted my emotions and feelings just the same. I acted out accordingly. It has taken my a very long time to get past the guilt of how I treated people that I love, and caused them grief. The thing is that, I was a child. I acted and spoke as a child. As I grew up and became an adult, I put away childish things. Nothing was handed to me or done for me, I was an adult at a very early age because of circumstances beyond my control. I have forgiven those people in my life who made bad decisions for me and moved on. God has forgiven me for so much, who am I not to forgive others??? I love my family despite their bad decisions and realize/focus on the fact that it is not my job to judge others. I am not Jesus and have no desire to have His job. However, as an adult, I have to recognize that I am not now, nor ever going to put my children in the positions that I was put into. Just because I have forgiven and moved on, does not make me blind. I am thankful for forgiveness and new beginnings. Yet, do not stand there and ask me not to judge while judging me for not allowing my children to be apart of bad decisions. Despite my love for people, God has given me wisdom to parent my children with a particular set of directions and I will not waiver to raise them how God has directed.
21.) Before I was born my mom gave birth to a beautiful little girl whom she & my daddy named Shelly. Shelly was born into this world, and passed from it in the same day. Its funny that in reality I am the middle child. That explains so much!! Of the course of this year, my friend Steph often reminds me of what Shelly would be like if she walked with us today. I am not sure why I think/feel that way, I just do. Maybe it is how Steph genuinely cares about me & my family. Talked me through so many crazy situations yet she is willing to "be crazy" with me in the moment, that in a way reminds of mom. I am so thankful for those moments I get to see my mom in other people. God allows me these times to get through until I see her again in Heaven.
22.) This was the first year I hosted a table at our churches Christmas Tea for Ladies. More went into this than I can possibly tell you, but I truly loved every second of the night with my friends and family sitting at my table.I enjoyed the formality of it as well as the friendly atmosphere. More than that, I loved the Holy Spirit working!! As a teenage/young adult, my step mom taught me how to do a table scape and I was excited to use what she taught me, and share her tips & tricks with a few others. I am sorry to say, I thought at the time that I was never going to use the information. Little did I know that I would have such a God-centered way to use these skills?! I will do it again next year, and as many years as they allow me too!!
23.) I am thankful for the generosity of others! Through that generosity while Rod was unemployed we got to do some pretty amazing things like go to a Tiger game, and see the semi-pro soccer team in Auburn Hills. We had gone to a carnival, thanks to Uncle Gary and many other people helped us provide Christmas gifts to our boys. Plus several other things. People we so kind to us!! I am so thankful for those people and they know who they are, and I pray God will reward your kindness!
24.) As I wrap up my list, I am thankful for an attitude of gratitude. The Lord has allowed me to reflect on things and be in a state of constant thankfulness and praise. I am thankful to live in a country where I can freely read my bible and tell others how much my God has done for me. God has sent me messages of His word to encourage me when I am done and He has carried me when I could not walk alone. Today, I so thankful for who God has transformed me into and I pray I continue to be the person He wants me to be for His glory!
25.) As I did not put these in any particular order, I should have started this one because everything I am is a result of Jesus Christ and everything I aspire to be is because of how He bleed and died for me. I have never been loved like that, and everything I say and do is because of Him. Jesus has changed who I am from the inside out and has given me courage and strength beyond what I could possibly do on my own. He loved me when I was unlovable and carried me when I could not take care of myself and gave me endurance when I did not think I could endure anything any longer. He blessed me beyond my wildest dreams and gave me a future with Him when this life is over. I thought I knew Him until I fell in love with Him, and then I truly found out who Jesus is and though trails and hardships, Jesus never left me. He wiped away my tears, heard my prayers and gave me hope when I thought there was none. He has set the supreme example of who I am to be and although, I fail daily I am forgiven and have the ability to forgive others because of His forgiveness of me. Jesus changed my life and I am forever thankful for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and I will always be a follower of the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, The Great I Am and everything that was, is and is to come is because of Jesus Christ!!
~Kristy~
Monday, December 3, 2012
25 little things Part II
This is the second part to 25 little things that I began the other day when I started to reflect on the things I was thankful for and things that changed my life over the course of the last year. These items are not in order of importance but rather than in order of what comes to mind at which time. IF they were is number order of importance, they would all be labeled #1 because they are all important to me! We left off on the other post with seven, so today we start with:
8.) Konnor looks at me with those crazy blue eyes of his & his chubby little cheeks and says, " W-our the best mommy in the wor-wa". It makes my heart melt into mush every time!! I am not sure how or why he started telling me I was the the best mommy in the world but it does not matter because I love it!!
9.) Relentless Detroit was a power lifting event organized to benefit a young boy with brain cancer. It started out as a thought and spiralled into this amazing God centered power house where people from all walks of life joined together to benefit a family struggling with Cancer but God used it all for His glory! This event is how Jesus would have loved on people if He walked the earth today. The wounded, the struggling, the tattoo'd, the mohawked, the Christian, the non-Christian, the givers, the donors,the receiver, family and friends just to name a few that were present that day and could feel the Holy Spirit working and changing lives through this event. It was definitely amazing to be a very small, small part of this event and it changed how I viewed being God's hand & feet.
10.) I am thankful for disagreements. Yeah, I said it. This year I had a hug disagreement with my dad & very close friend, and because of hard work, constant communication, commitment and prayer we are closer now that before. I love my dad, he is an amazing man, but we have never been on the same page. The older I get the more I am learning not to care! I have a dad, and he loves me. Sure, his plans for me are not always mine but he loves me enough to care. That is whats important and the rest, is just "stuff" that needs to swept up and thrown into the trash because in the bigger picture of life, it does not really matter anyway. I am lucky enough to have the same best friend for the last 25 years of my life. She gets me. She gets the fact that I do not trust people very easily because they usually end up hurting my feelings or not turning out to be the friends I thought they were. But because we live in different states, it is sometimes hard to do things together on a regular basis. So we both have friends we do things with on a regular basis, and over the past 3 years my around-the-block best has filled the spot. But this year, things changed and we were challenged in different ways. Through those challenges, a new trust emerged and today, things are not perfect but we both know that forever friends are there through the good & bad, and without this disagreement we would have never known that.
11.) Date nights with my hubby have been a saving grace this year. They are few & far between but I am so thankful for them because they help me to remember I was Rod's wife before I was Korbin & Konnor's mother. At my baby shower, my friend Melissa did the devotion and she urged me to make sure my relationship with my husband stayed strong because someday we the kids grow up and leave home, all we are going to have is each other and if we do not invest in each other today, tomorrow we will not be able to reap the rewards of the investment. These moments help me to regroup, and show me how much I love these times alone just to focus on him and he on me. I really do love my man, and although I tell him alot, these times help me to show him through uninterrupted conversation and time for us.It also helps us to be better parents.
12.) God's timing is perfect. He shows up right on time every time and I am always thankful for His divine wisdom that know exactly what you need when you need it.
13.) Every Thanksgiving on the day following we go to Canterbury Village and see Santa. The purpose of our visit is to buy our Christmas ordiments that reflect something that we done through out the year. This year Konnor bought a Toy Story ordiment because of his Toy Story themed 3rd Birthday and Korbin got Darth Vader because that is who he dressed up at for Halloween. Every year as we put up the Tree, we put up the new ordiments and the old ones that always bring up fun memories and stories about what has happened over the years. I am so thankful for memories! Some make us laugh, the others make us cry but it is a special moment just to share this time together. One of the best parts of this tradition is that they boys get to pick out an ordiment but we always get to pick out an ordiment for them, we picked out a cross for Korbin because of his baptism this year and Konnor got a "hot-d-doctor" or a helicopter because of his love for them. Someday when the boys grow up and the love of thier lives is someone other than mommy, then they can take some of their memories with them to start thier new lives and hopefully this will be a tradition for their families, making memories together.
14.) If you would have asked me when I was younger what I wanted to do, I would have told you I wanted to be a nurse. It was not until after my mom died, I figured out that nursing was exactly where I wanted to be! I thought I could have combined my business classing with nursing , and go into hospital administration. Then, after I had Korbin and I began staying home with him rather than returning to work I realized my "true" calling in life. I would have a dozen children if I could, but that appears not to be God's plan for me. Although I work part time now, I still consider myself a stay-at-home mom because I am with my boys more than I am not. Of course, I would ~not have it any other way! I am so thankful to be a Stay-at-Home Mom. The doctor the other day said, " So your just a house wife". I smiled politely because NO! I am so much more than just a house wife. I do not envy my motherhood counter parts who have to work full time and mother after work or on the week-ends. I do not judge them either. I am simply thankful for my calling and recognize that others have different calling and/or circumstances and can not for any number of reasons do what I do, because many of them would love too. I do not take it for granted, and I do not view being a SAHM as something less than amazing because a pay check does not accompany my title of everything to everyone at all times. Rod told me once that he prayed that God would allow me to be at home with our children full time until they no longer needed me. Ha ha I am nor sure he knew how long it would be until they no longer needed me because Korbin is now 8, and sometimes is seems that he needs me more now than he ever has before! God has chosen to honor Rods request in both good times & bad.
Look for part III soon!!!
~Kristy~
8.) Konnor looks at me with those crazy blue eyes of his & his chubby little cheeks and says, " W-our the best mommy in the wor-wa". It makes my heart melt into mush every time!! I am not sure how or why he started telling me I was the the best mommy in the world but it does not matter because I love it!!
9.) Relentless Detroit was a power lifting event organized to benefit a young boy with brain cancer. It started out as a thought and spiralled into this amazing God centered power house where people from all walks of life joined together to benefit a family struggling with Cancer but God used it all for His glory! This event is how Jesus would have loved on people if He walked the earth today. The wounded, the struggling, the tattoo'd, the mohawked, the Christian, the non-Christian, the givers, the donors,the receiver, family and friends just to name a few that were present that day and could feel the Holy Spirit working and changing lives through this event. It was definitely amazing to be a very small, small part of this event and it changed how I viewed being God's hand & feet.
10.) I am thankful for disagreements. Yeah, I said it. This year I had a hug disagreement with my dad & very close friend, and because of hard work, constant communication, commitment and prayer we are closer now that before. I love my dad, he is an amazing man, but we have never been on the same page. The older I get the more I am learning not to care! I have a dad, and he loves me. Sure, his plans for me are not always mine but he loves me enough to care. That is whats important and the rest, is just "stuff" that needs to swept up and thrown into the trash because in the bigger picture of life, it does not really matter anyway. I am lucky enough to have the same best friend for the last 25 years of my life. She gets me. She gets the fact that I do not trust people very easily because they usually end up hurting my feelings or not turning out to be the friends I thought they were. But because we live in different states, it is sometimes hard to do things together on a regular basis. So we both have friends we do things with on a regular basis, and over the past 3 years my around-the-block best has filled the spot. But this year, things changed and we were challenged in different ways. Through those challenges, a new trust emerged and today, things are not perfect but we both know that forever friends are there through the good & bad, and without this disagreement we would have never known that.
11.) Date nights with my hubby have been a saving grace this year. They are few & far between but I am so thankful for them because they help me to remember I was Rod's wife before I was Korbin & Konnor's mother. At my baby shower, my friend Melissa did the devotion and she urged me to make sure my relationship with my husband stayed strong because someday we the kids grow up and leave home, all we are going to have is each other and if we do not invest in each other today, tomorrow we will not be able to reap the rewards of the investment. These moments help me to regroup, and show me how much I love these times alone just to focus on him and he on me. I really do love my man, and although I tell him alot, these times help me to show him through uninterrupted conversation and time for us.It also helps us to be better parents.
12.) God's timing is perfect. He shows up right on time every time and I am always thankful for His divine wisdom that know exactly what you need when you need it.
13.) Every Thanksgiving on the day following we go to Canterbury Village and see Santa. The purpose of our visit is to buy our Christmas ordiments that reflect something that we done through out the year. This year Konnor bought a Toy Story ordiment because of his Toy Story themed 3rd Birthday and Korbin got Darth Vader because that is who he dressed up at for Halloween. Every year as we put up the Tree, we put up the new ordiments and the old ones that always bring up fun memories and stories about what has happened over the years. I am so thankful for memories! Some make us laugh, the others make us cry but it is a special moment just to share this time together. One of the best parts of this tradition is that they boys get to pick out an ordiment but we always get to pick out an ordiment for them, we picked out a cross for Korbin because of his baptism this year and Konnor got a "hot-d-doctor" or a helicopter because of his love for them. Someday when the boys grow up and the love of thier lives is someone other than mommy, then they can take some of their memories with them to start thier new lives and hopefully this will be a tradition for their families, making memories together.
14.) If you would have asked me when I was younger what I wanted to do, I would have told you I wanted to be a nurse. It was not until after my mom died, I figured out that nursing was exactly where I wanted to be! I thought I could have combined my business classing with nursing , and go into hospital administration. Then, after I had Korbin and I began staying home with him rather than returning to work I realized my "true" calling in life. I would have a dozen children if I could, but that appears not to be God's plan for me. Although I work part time now, I still consider myself a stay-at-home mom because I am with my boys more than I am not. Of course, I would ~not have it any other way! I am so thankful to be a Stay-at-Home Mom. The doctor the other day said, " So your just a house wife". I smiled politely because NO! I am so much more than just a house wife. I do not envy my motherhood counter parts who have to work full time and mother after work or on the week-ends. I do not judge them either. I am simply thankful for my calling and recognize that others have different calling and/or circumstances and can not for any number of reasons do what I do, because many of them would love too. I do not take it for granted, and I do not view being a SAHM as something less than amazing because a pay check does not accompany my title of everything to everyone at all times. Rod told me once that he prayed that God would allow me to be at home with our children full time until they no longer needed me. Ha ha I am nor sure he knew how long it would be until they no longer needed me because Korbin is now 8, and sometimes is seems that he needs me more now than he ever has before! God has chosen to honor Rods request in both good times & bad.
Look for part III soon!!!
~Kristy~
Friday, November 30, 2012
25 little things
I finally have a quiet moment to reflect on 2012, all it has brought and has not brought. To some, this post may be a little premature because most do their reflection on December 30/31, not November.
Did you read my post about passing the regret please? I decided to change it up a little instead of mourning over missed opportunities, I will celebrate what God has given and taken away.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." The Lord laid out the plans for my family and I like a finely tuned instrument, and I just wanted to list a few of the little things that changed my life this year.
1.) I am not sure how my friendship with the Schim family started, but this family showed me what true worship true faith alone is. They put everything, I mean everything out there for God this year when the whole family spent 6 weeks in Costa Rica ministering and loving on people that had never met before. The youngest child being in middle school, sat night after night talking to a man trying to pursued him for Christ. He never gave up, never gave in and never was one of "those". Ya know "those" pushy people who have the right desire in their heart who knock on your door to tell you about God but their mannerism turn you off instead of on? Little G never did that, his honesty, sincerity and passion for this man, is what most adult men dream about doing by witnessing in this manor. I have to give it up to H, because she is a teen-age girly girl and she never once complained about sleeping on a floor, taking cold showers or washing people's feet like Jesus did. I do not know H as well as some, but I wish I was a teen-ager that followed that hard after her God and loved her parents enough to trust them to take her some place completely outta her comfort zone. My friendship with Mama H is astounding! She is that prayer warrior friend that every Christan should have. She helps pick me up when I am down, she never judges me and she has a crazy faith that I aspire to have. Their was a heart breaking moment in Costa Rica when she could have given up, packed up and came home. But instead she put her hand in the hand of God, and said, "For saking all, I trust you." Man! That is faith! On the flip side of crazy faith is her crazy husband, K. K along with another friend I will talk about later, has really I mean REALLY shown me how to worship!! I thought I knew how to worship before coming to Kirby Church but boy, was I wrong! I was hurting in my soul after leaving our last church, and a few things I experienced there. But through the friendship of the Schim family, I learned the true meaning of leaving at the alter from K. He has a crazy, mad passion for his Lord and Savior, and if you are with him for a moment you can feel something different about him. If you don't you should check you pulse, seriously! K brings the gospel to your front door in a manor you can "get it". K said once that he thought he missed the opportunity for his calling, but man friend!! I totally do not think so, you and your family have changed my life forever!!
2.) Small group. These women uplifted me in my darkest times. Sharing my secrets and my joys. I love these ladies!
3.)My husband. This year there was a point Rod was lower than I had ever seen or experienced before. I had no idea what I was doing, or how to continue to help him or if my help was hurting him. But God knew what he was doing. This is my blog, not my husbands. His story is his to tell, and for that reason I will not go into to much detail but one moment our life was flipped turned upside down and God totally changed "meant evil against me, but God meant it for good" (Genesis 50:20). Today Rod, although not perfect, it trying harder to "put of the old man" as Paul says in the book of Ephesians. I love to see him worship and some of our greatest moments in life these days, are spent side by side worshipping together at church. The "everyone service", changed us both forever, as well as the brotherhood Rod feels in his small group. I could not list these men even if I wanted too because what happens in small group stays in small group. It may sound silly to you, but it allows for a freedom that you can only describe once you have experienced. These men know who they are, and I am thankful for the friendship they have provided Rod.
4.) My wedding band it super loose because of my weight loss, and as a result I wear it on my middle finger. Never did I expect to loose it in the front yard on a very dark night. Rod & I searched for HOURS in the dark on our hands & knee's, only to come up with one of the two parts of the ring set. I cried most of the night, and begged God to please help me to find my ring! It was more than the ring, it was the symbol of what it meant that I needed to find. I reluctantly asked for prayer about finding a lost object, and K asked bluntly what did I loose?? Since I thought it was best not to lie in church, I told my Sunday morning class about my ring. During the second day of crawling around on our leaf filled lawn, two cars pulled up in front of our house and out poured my Sunday morning class and all of thier kids to help search through our lawn to find my ring. My heart was over flowing with the love I felt from my friends at that moment. Did you ever find a group of people you knew you were meant to be with?? That was the moment when down on my knees searching for my ring that my search became praise. When Rod & I left our last church, we lost many friends and I mourned the loss of their friendship for a long time. It was amazing how God had replaced those friendships 10 fold, with honest sincere friends who in our time of craziness never stepped back and through their hands up but joined in! My sincerest prayer is that my boys have friends like this when they are adults!
5.) Korbin's Testimony. We sat together on his bed trying to write out his testimony. It had to be his words, but for a 7 & 9/10ths year old boy putting your feelings into words is very, very hard! As he began to cry in frustration, I left him alone to be with his thoughts. After a few minutes, the words flowed and it was amazing to see God working through my baby. It was just as amazing to hear his word broadcast through out the church just moments before he was baptized.
6) God's perfect timing. Just 2 weeks before Rod's unemployment was do to run out completely, the Lord lead Rod to the right job. We received his very last UIA check the very day he started with the company he is at now. Of course, we are still praying that the temporary assignment will become permanent but we can very literally see that God will never leave us nor forsake us.
7.) On Wednesday night our church did a "move" service where everyone in the church changed places, the adults were where the kids usually were, the teens were where the adults had always been and the kids moved to the teens spot. In one of the rooms, Ms. W shared a very personal, private story about " Be Still and Know that I am God". Recently, I had purchased a small little plaque that quotes the scripture and I really was unsure why I had to have that particular item, but without thinking too long I purchase the 5.99 item and was on my way. It was clear to me that night, why God had laid on my heart that item and now He was using Ms. W's story to tell me again, "Be Still and Know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10).
It is clear to me now, that is post is meant to be one of several or it will be w a y too long. I will continue on again tomorrow, as we start a new month, I will continue to reflect on 25 little things!
~Kristy~
Did you read my post about passing the regret please? I decided to change it up a little instead of mourning over missed opportunities, I will celebrate what God has given and taken away.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." The Lord laid out the plans for my family and I like a finely tuned instrument, and I just wanted to list a few of the little things that changed my life this year.
1.) I am not sure how my friendship with the Schim family started, but this family showed me what true worship true faith alone is. They put everything, I mean everything out there for God this year when the whole family spent 6 weeks in Costa Rica ministering and loving on people that had never met before. The youngest child being in middle school, sat night after night talking to a man trying to pursued him for Christ. He never gave up, never gave in and never was one of "those". Ya know "those" pushy people who have the right desire in their heart who knock on your door to tell you about God but their mannerism turn you off instead of on? Little G never did that, his honesty, sincerity and passion for this man, is what most adult men dream about doing by witnessing in this manor. I have to give it up to H, because she is a teen-age girly girl and she never once complained about sleeping on a floor, taking cold showers or washing people's feet like Jesus did. I do not know H as well as some, but I wish I was a teen-ager that followed that hard after her God and loved her parents enough to trust them to take her some place completely outta her comfort zone. My friendship with Mama H is astounding! She is that prayer warrior friend that every Christan should have. She helps pick me up when I am down, she never judges me and she has a crazy faith that I aspire to have. Their was a heart breaking moment in Costa Rica when she could have given up, packed up and came home. But instead she put her hand in the hand of God, and said, "For saking all, I trust you." Man! That is faith! On the flip side of crazy faith is her crazy husband, K. K along with another friend I will talk about later, has really I mean REALLY shown me how to worship!! I thought I knew how to worship before coming to Kirby Church but boy, was I wrong! I was hurting in my soul after leaving our last church, and a few things I experienced there. But through the friendship of the Schim family, I learned the true meaning of leaving at the alter from K. He has a crazy, mad passion for his Lord and Savior, and if you are with him for a moment you can feel something different about him. If you don't you should check you pulse, seriously! K brings the gospel to your front door in a manor you can "get it". K said once that he thought he missed the opportunity for his calling, but man friend!! I totally do not think so, you and your family have changed my life forever!!
2.) Small group. These women uplifted me in my darkest times. Sharing my secrets and my joys. I love these ladies!
3.)My husband. This year there was a point Rod was lower than I had ever seen or experienced before. I had no idea what I was doing, or how to continue to help him or if my help was hurting him. But God knew what he was doing. This is my blog, not my husbands. His story is his to tell, and for that reason I will not go into to much detail but one moment our life was flipped turned upside down and God totally changed "meant evil against me, but God meant it for good" (Genesis 50:20). Today Rod, although not perfect, it trying harder to "put of the old man" as Paul says in the book of Ephesians. I love to see him worship and some of our greatest moments in life these days, are spent side by side worshipping together at church. The "everyone service", changed us both forever, as well as the brotherhood Rod feels in his small group. I could not list these men even if I wanted too because what happens in small group stays in small group. It may sound silly to you, but it allows for a freedom that you can only describe once you have experienced. These men know who they are, and I am thankful for the friendship they have provided Rod.
4.) My wedding band it super loose because of my weight loss, and as a result I wear it on my middle finger. Never did I expect to loose it in the front yard on a very dark night. Rod & I searched for HOURS in the dark on our hands & knee's, only to come up with one of the two parts of the ring set. I cried most of the night, and begged God to please help me to find my ring! It was more than the ring, it was the symbol of what it meant that I needed to find. I reluctantly asked for prayer about finding a lost object, and K asked bluntly what did I loose?? Since I thought it was best not to lie in church, I told my Sunday morning class about my ring. During the second day of crawling around on our leaf filled lawn, two cars pulled up in front of our house and out poured my Sunday morning class and all of thier kids to help search through our lawn to find my ring. My heart was over flowing with the love I felt from my friends at that moment. Did you ever find a group of people you knew you were meant to be with?? That was the moment when down on my knees searching for my ring that my search became praise. When Rod & I left our last church, we lost many friends and I mourned the loss of their friendship for a long time. It was amazing how God had replaced those friendships 10 fold, with honest sincere friends who in our time of craziness never stepped back and through their hands up but joined in! My sincerest prayer is that my boys have friends like this when they are adults!
5.) Korbin's Testimony. We sat together on his bed trying to write out his testimony. It had to be his words, but for a 7 & 9/10ths year old boy putting your feelings into words is very, very hard! As he began to cry in frustration, I left him alone to be with his thoughts. After a few minutes, the words flowed and it was amazing to see God working through my baby. It was just as amazing to hear his word broadcast through out the church just moments before he was baptized.
6) God's perfect timing. Just 2 weeks before Rod's unemployment was do to run out completely, the Lord lead Rod to the right job. We received his very last UIA check the very day he started with the company he is at now. Of course, we are still praying that the temporary assignment will become permanent but we can very literally see that God will never leave us nor forsake us.
7.) On Wednesday night our church did a "move" service where everyone in the church changed places, the adults were where the kids usually were, the teens were where the adults had always been and the kids moved to the teens spot. In one of the rooms, Ms. W shared a very personal, private story about " Be Still and Know that I am God". Recently, I had purchased a small little plaque that quotes the scripture and I really was unsure why I had to have that particular item, but without thinking too long I purchase the 5.99 item and was on my way. It was clear to me that night, why God had laid on my heart that item and now He was using Ms. W's story to tell me again, "Be Still and Know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10).
It is clear to me now, that is post is meant to be one of several or it will be w a y too long. I will continue on again tomorrow, as we start a new month, I will continue to reflect on 25 little things!
~Kristy~
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Can you pass the regret please??
*This was written on Novemeber 12, 2012 but for some reason did not get published*
I sometimes feel like shame and regret sit on my table just like the salt and pepper shakers, and we pass them around sprinking them here, there and everywhere. Sometimes we have more and sometimes less, but we season our life with shame and regret instead of Gods abundant love and blessings which is not how our Lord intended us to live.
Someone told me once that Rod's unemployment was my fault because I did not allow him to spend our money in a certain manor. This particular person which speaking of tithing ( which is another story/topic for another time). Regardless what this persons intention was, I carried around the shame of putting my family in this perdicament and the regret of not doing what this person assumed was the right thing to do.
Let's start there; sometimes the right thing to do can become the wrong thing if it is done with the wrong attitude. God wants a cheerful giver. Even if I would have tithed but done so expecting something in return or in a spirit of duty rather than given freely out of God so freely gave to us, then there is no way to know that we still would not have ended up where we were in order for God to change our attitudes and our hearts to be closer to Him.
Which was ultimately God's plan, by the way.To bring Rod and I and our family into the right frame of worship that was acceptable and pleasing to Him, not just out of a sence of duty or obligation.
But in the midst of my regret, I could not see what God was saying, and doing in us and for us. I wish I would have read more of my bible during those times, I would have read " But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, Philippians 3:13"
If you look back in life and regret choosing a certain path, or mourn for missed opportunities, just stop thinking that way the moment you catch yourself doing that! I wish I would have done that more, realizing that this path is the path God had chosen for me and what ever choices I made in my "Free Will" most likely would have lead me here, because both God and I know that I do not learn things the easy way. Sad but true.
When you see missed opportunities and can redirect your regret, it means that you have become more mature, that you have made significant progress in term of insights and competence, and that you are able to achieve much more if you encounter similar situations again.
So the next time you see missed opportunities that you’d failed to see in the past, you should celebrate because it indicates that you have been growing. The more frequent and the sooner you spot missed opportunities that have passed you by, the more it indicates that you are rapidly improving and growing.
I look back ahead now and see that the place that I am in allows me to tithe in the right spirit because they do not focus on the obvious, money is so many peoples achilles heal and can cause more hurt, shame and regret than some people can ever begin to imagine. Instead they take thier need for money or goods, to God. Who is the giver of everything we have anyway right? So why not start with Him in your need to remove your regret, just as I did.
It is never easy! But part of removing past your regrets is forgiving yourself for missing oppertunities.
The Bible makes it clear that no one is exempt from sin, but if you confess your sin, you will receive forgiveness (1 John 1:8-9). True repentance leaves no regret! This is God’s promise. Repent! Regret isn’t repentence. Regret only brings negative emotions and thoughts, but don’t confuse it with genuine repentance and humility.
How do you get over regrets?
Here is the list of a few things that may be helpful ( I wish these were mine, but they were in some sermon notes I found when I began thinking about how I regret over so much!)
Be successful now: No need for regret or mid-life crisis. You can have success now if you start meditating on God’s word and obey, because God had promised that we will prosper if we obey His commands and think about His words day and night. (Psalm 1:2-3, Deuteronomy 28:13, John 15:4-7)
Let God speaks to you: God is the giver of consolations. If you practice spiritual disciplines such as prayer and solitude, in time you will learn how to pay attention to God’s voice, and every time He speaks, He gently reminds and comforts. Although the Lord does rebuke us, He will never do so carelessly like humans do. I tend to have excessive guilt and regrets easily, but instead of forcing myself to be positive, I let God speaks to my heart. Every time I do that, my self-doubts & imaginary guilt will be gone.Speed over stall: Most obstacles are psychological rather than real. Regrets breed stalls. You have to realize that it doesn’t take really long to really make real progress in anything, be it skills, academics, careers, relationships, or any other achievements. If the matter you worry about is mainly an issue of competence, please understand that competence can be improved very quickly if you just stop stalling and start taking action.
Forgive yourselves: If you keep beating yourselves up over past sins and the consequences of sins, you haven’t forgiven yourselves yet. The Lord make it clear that if you don’t others, He will not forgive you (Matthew 18: 21-35). This includes forgiving yourself! If you don’t forgive yourself, the Lord won’t forgive you!
Repent and Godly Sorrow: Don’t beat yourself up and create worldly sorrow. A Christian is to walk with the Spirit, so he or she should feel guilty only if the Spirit of God rebukes him or her, and bring his or her sins to light. It’s easy to become legalistic and perfectionistic.
Write Journals: You don’t know what your thoughts are until you write them down. Memory is unreliable; it is a subjective interpretation of what really happened. And the longer time passed, the more easy it is to twist your memory. To prevent imaginative regret, make journal entry regularly so when you doubt yourself in the future, you can always refer to the journal and check what exactly were going on in the past. This help you sympathize with your past.
Acceptance: Almost 90%+ of the outcomes in life have occurred because of your choices and character. In the future you are likely to repeat the way you have done things in the past anyway, so don’t spend your energy to regret the past, but focus on character growth and learning to make wiser choices now. No matter how imperfect you were, this was you. You have to accept yourself, knowing that you have been trying the best, with the resources and experiences that you had at the times.
I would like to start seasoning my life with joy and love rather than shame and regret, and the only way to really do that is to forgive myself and to move on. It sounds simple but it rarely is. But anything worth having is worth fighting for, and a right relationship with the Savior is definately worth fighting for. And a little less burden & a abundant life while living here on earth is an added benefit too ;-)
~Kristy~
I sometimes feel like shame and regret sit on my table just like the salt and pepper shakers, and we pass them around sprinking them here, there and everywhere. Sometimes we have more and sometimes less, but we season our life with shame and regret instead of Gods abundant love and blessings which is not how our Lord intended us to live.
Someone told me once that Rod's unemployment was my fault because I did not allow him to spend our money in a certain manor. This particular person which speaking of tithing ( which is another story/topic for another time). Regardless what this persons intention was, I carried around the shame of putting my family in this perdicament and the regret of not doing what this person assumed was the right thing to do.
Let's start there; sometimes the right thing to do can become the wrong thing if it is done with the wrong attitude. God wants a cheerful giver. Even if I would have tithed but done so expecting something in return or in a spirit of duty rather than given freely out of God so freely gave to us, then there is no way to know that we still would not have ended up where we were in order for God to change our attitudes and our hearts to be closer to Him.
Which was ultimately God's plan, by the way.To bring Rod and I and our family into the right frame of worship that was acceptable and pleasing to Him, not just out of a sence of duty or obligation.
But in the midst of my regret, I could not see what God was saying, and doing in us and for us. I wish I would have read more of my bible during those times, I would have read " But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, Philippians 3:13"
If you look back in life and regret choosing a certain path, or mourn for missed opportunities, just stop thinking that way the moment you catch yourself doing that! I wish I would have done that more, realizing that this path is the path God had chosen for me and what ever choices I made in my "Free Will" most likely would have lead me here, because both God and I know that I do not learn things the easy way. Sad but true.
When you see missed opportunities and can redirect your regret, it means that you have become more mature, that you have made significant progress in term of insights and competence, and that you are able to achieve much more if you encounter similar situations again.
So the next time you see missed opportunities that you’d failed to see in the past, you should celebrate because it indicates that you have been growing. The more frequent and the sooner you spot missed opportunities that have passed you by, the more it indicates that you are rapidly improving and growing.
I look back ahead now and see that the place that I am in allows me to tithe in the right spirit because they do not focus on the obvious, money is so many peoples achilles heal and can cause more hurt, shame and regret than some people can ever begin to imagine. Instead they take thier need for money or goods, to God. Who is the giver of everything we have anyway right? So why not start with Him in your need to remove your regret, just as I did.
It is never easy! But part of removing past your regrets is forgiving yourself for missing oppertunities.
The Bible makes it clear that no one is exempt from sin, but if you confess your sin, you will receive forgiveness (1 John 1:8-9). True repentance leaves no regret! This is God’s promise. Repent! Regret isn’t repentence. Regret only brings negative emotions and thoughts, but don’t confuse it with genuine repentance and humility.
How do you get over regrets?
Here is the list of a few things that may be helpful ( I wish these were mine, but they were in some sermon notes I found when I began thinking about how I regret over so much!)
Be successful now: No need for regret or mid-life crisis. You can have success now if you start meditating on God’s word and obey, because God had promised that we will prosper if we obey His commands and think about His words day and night. (Psalm 1:2-3, Deuteronomy 28:13, John 15:4-7)
Let God speaks to you: God is the giver of consolations. If you practice spiritual disciplines such as prayer and solitude, in time you will learn how to pay attention to God’s voice, and every time He speaks, He gently reminds and comforts. Although the Lord does rebuke us, He will never do so carelessly like humans do. I tend to have excessive guilt and regrets easily, but instead of forcing myself to be positive, I let God speaks to my heart. Every time I do that, my self-doubts & imaginary guilt will be gone.Speed over stall: Most obstacles are psychological rather than real. Regrets breed stalls. You have to realize that it doesn’t take really long to really make real progress in anything, be it skills, academics, careers, relationships, or any other achievements. If the matter you worry about is mainly an issue of competence, please understand that competence can be improved very quickly if you just stop stalling and start taking action.
Forgive yourselves: If you keep beating yourselves up over past sins and the consequences of sins, you haven’t forgiven yourselves yet. The Lord make it clear that if you don’t others, He will not forgive you (Matthew 18: 21-35). This includes forgiving yourself! If you don’t forgive yourself, the Lord won’t forgive you!
Repent and Godly Sorrow: Don’t beat yourself up and create worldly sorrow. A Christian is to walk with the Spirit, so he or she should feel guilty only if the Spirit of God rebukes him or her, and bring his or her sins to light. It’s easy to become legalistic and perfectionistic.
Write Journals: You don’t know what your thoughts are until you write them down. Memory is unreliable; it is a subjective interpretation of what really happened. And the longer time passed, the more easy it is to twist your memory. To prevent imaginative regret, make journal entry regularly so when you doubt yourself in the future, you can always refer to the journal and check what exactly were going on in the past. This help you sympathize with your past.
Acceptance: Almost 90%+ of the outcomes in life have occurred because of your choices and character. In the future you are likely to repeat the way you have done things in the past anyway, so don’t spend your energy to regret the past, but focus on character growth and learning to make wiser choices now. No matter how imperfect you were, this was you. You have to accept yourself, knowing that you have been trying the best, with the resources and experiences that you had at the times.
I would like to start seasoning my life with joy and love rather than shame and regret, and the only way to really do that is to forgive myself and to move on. It sounds simple but it rarely is. But anything worth having is worth fighting for, and a right relationship with the Savior is definately worth fighting for. And a little less burden & a abundant life while living here on earth is an added benefit too ;-)
~Kristy~
The Diagnosis
I sat in the doctors office crying and feeling foolish as well as overwhelmed. For the past three days it took everything I could to get off the couch and do the very basics of life. I looked forward to nothing else than returning to the couch, I hurt everywhere and I wanted to cry but I feared the pain. I wish I could say it was the first time I felt like that but it wasn't. I happened more and more often over the last couple of months and I was beginning to believe that it was not normal to feel this way and it was more than "stress".
The doctor acted compassionate in the beginning, smiling kindly and giving me Kleenex to wipe my face. He told me my symptoms we common with something called Fibromyalgia.
I stared blankly at him for what seemed like forever. The other doctors I has seen had just written me off with a prescription for pain medicine and I honestly thought that I was just hooked on it. It was a total God thing that I got to see this particular doctor, the doctor I normally see was completely booked and he was the only one available. I was feeling so poorly I would have said yes to almost anyone!
"It is not fair that I feel so bad all the time to my kids and husband," I sobbed. We had been so much with Rods unemployment, the kids food allergies and now this?! " Its not fair to you." The doctor said kindly. "Your blood test are all normal except for your B-12 is less than half for someone your age, and your Red Blood Cell count is low. You meet the rest of the criteria for Fibromyalgia. So that is my official diagnosis."
I left his office with mixed emotions. Part of me was relieved and another part completely scared to death. With an official diagnosis, it was not just me. And if it was not just me then there was actually something wrong with me.
I came home pale as a ghost but I felt very hot & flustered. I told Rod what the doctor had said, and slowly began to recount what he had said. Rod asked me about prescriptions and this is where the compassionate doctor became a monster. He had given me a paper prescription and I dropped it off on the way home. Minutes into my conversation with Rod, the phone rang and it was the pharmacy, saying the doctor electronically sent my prescription somewhere else and the insurance was rejecting it because it was already filled. For the next 45 minutes, Rod and I called every pharmacy in the area. Finally we located the medication and an hour and a half later, my loving husband picked it up and I thought the confusion was over.
Later the next week, I called the doctors office to explain the confusion with the paper prescription and the electronic prescription. The doctor called back several hours later completely irate!! He yelled, ranted and raved how dare I attempt to fill two prescriptions?? All he did was listen, and attempt to help me and this was how I respected his position?? "There was obviously something more to the story," the doctor yelled into the phone " and I am cancelling all medication coming out of this office until I can figure out what your up too" his voice boomed over the phone. All I could do was cry, and I sobbed into the phone calling Rod trying to explain what has just occurred. My head throbbed and I was so overwhelmed. I thought I was doing the right thing by calling and trying to explain what was going on...
Rod tried to calm me down, but he was at work. He told me quickly to find another doctor and make an appointment and we would discuss the rest when he got home. I know he felt terrible with his quick response to my tears, but I understand and we need this job!!
Later that afternoon, I got myself together enough to make a couple of phone call and found a new doctor specializing in women's health and had a new appointment within 10 days. I felt a little better with this, it was just surviving until then...
The next couple days were painful both physically & emotionally. But through the grace of God I made it.
I seen a Nurse Practitioner, she was a female doctor, and she spent almost an hour and a half reviewing my medical history and talking treatment plans with me. I liked her. She spoke kindly to Konnor,and I walked out feeling like there was hope for me.
Until I made a follow up appointment and that is when she"needed" me to try this antidepressants.
I know & understand that these are a normal course of treatments for fibromyalgia. I had done some reading by then and was starting to understand a few things. But I was extremely uncomfortable with this. Reluctantly, I agreed but had severe side effects.
I made a 3rd appointment, now this time to review the medication and to talk about my newly developed sinus infection.
3 rounds of antibiotics, and 2 different antidepressants with severe side effects, and one month later I am still in alot of pain.
I put on a brave face, and smile but I hurt. Alot.
I am down, not out. My God is bigger than a diagnosis and once I can get the pain under control I will be able to think more clearly and come up with a plan that suites me!
Until then, I will pray (alot) and focus on God and His goodness. He has brought us through so much and I know now from where we have been that He has this and nothing happens without first sifting through his hands!!
~Kristy~
The doctor acted compassionate in the beginning, smiling kindly and giving me Kleenex to wipe my face. He told me my symptoms we common with something called Fibromyalgia.
I stared blankly at him for what seemed like forever. The other doctors I has seen had just written me off with a prescription for pain medicine and I honestly thought that I was just hooked on it. It was a total God thing that I got to see this particular doctor, the doctor I normally see was completely booked and he was the only one available. I was feeling so poorly I would have said yes to almost anyone!
"It is not fair that I feel so bad all the time to my kids and husband," I sobbed. We had been so much with Rods unemployment, the kids food allergies and now this?! " Its not fair to you." The doctor said kindly. "Your blood test are all normal except for your B-12 is less than half for someone your age, and your Red Blood Cell count is low. You meet the rest of the criteria for Fibromyalgia. So that is my official diagnosis."
I left his office with mixed emotions. Part of me was relieved and another part completely scared to death. With an official diagnosis, it was not just me. And if it was not just me then there was actually something wrong with me.
I came home pale as a ghost but I felt very hot & flustered. I told Rod what the doctor had said, and slowly began to recount what he had said. Rod asked me about prescriptions and this is where the compassionate doctor became a monster. He had given me a paper prescription and I dropped it off on the way home. Minutes into my conversation with Rod, the phone rang and it was the pharmacy, saying the doctor electronically sent my prescription somewhere else and the insurance was rejecting it because it was already filled. For the next 45 minutes, Rod and I called every pharmacy in the area. Finally we located the medication and an hour and a half later, my loving husband picked it up and I thought the confusion was over.
Later the next week, I called the doctors office to explain the confusion with the paper prescription and the electronic prescription. The doctor called back several hours later completely irate!! He yelled, ranted and raved how dare I attempt to fill two prescriptions?? All he did was listen, and attempt to help me and this was how I respected his position?? "There was obviously something more to the story," the doctor yelled into the phone " and I am cancelling all medication coming out of this office until I can figure out what your up too" his voice boomed over the phone. All I could do was cry, and I sobbed into the phone calling Rod trying to explain what has just occurred. My head throbbed and I was so overwhelmed. I thought I was doing the right thing by calling and trying to explain what was going on...
Rod tried to calm me down, but he was at work. He told me quickly to find another doctor and make an appointment and we would discuss the rest when he got home. I know he felt terrible with his quick response to my tears, but I understand and we need this job!!
Later that afternoon, I got myself together enough to make a couple of phone call and found a new doctor specializing in women's health and had a new appointment within 10 days. I felt a little better with this, it was just surviving until then...
The next couple days were painful both physically & emotionally. But through the grace of God I made it.
I seen a Nurse Practitioner, she was a female doctor, and she spent almost an hour and a half reviewing my medical history and talking treatment plans with me. I liked her. She spoke kindly to Konnor,and I walked out feeling like there was hope for me.
Until I made a follow up appointment and that is when she"needed" me to try this antidepressants.
I know & understand that these are a normal course of treatments for fibromyalgia. I had done some reading by then and was starting to understand a few things. But I was extremely uncomfortable with this. Reluctantly, I agreed but had severe side effects.
I made a 3rd appointment, now this time to review the medication and to talk about my newly developed sinus infection.
3 rounds of antibiotics, and 2 different antidepressants with severe side effects, and one month later I am still in alot of pain.
I put on a brave face, and smile but I hurt. Alot.
I am down, not out. My God is bigger than a diagnosis and once I can get the pain under control I will be able to think more clearly and come up with a plan that suites me!
Until then, I will pray (alot) and focus on God and His goodness. He has brought us through so much and I know now from where we have been that He has this and nothing happens without first sifting through his hands!!
~Kristy~
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Beyond Wednesday
This was written on 10/14/20012
The Wednesday of the "Everyone" Service was a supernatural-superspiritual day that will live of indefinately inside my heart and mind forever!Yet, life as we knew it continued on around us. As much as I would like for the world to stop for God, it does not.
Thursday morning, it was business as usual as we got Korbin up & ready for school. Afterward, Rod and I did our morning errands, and later we had lunch with Konnor. The only exception to this normal day was the suit & tie that my husband was dressed in at 2pm sharp standing hansomely in the doorway asking me, " So, how do I look?". His interview was set for 2:45, and it was only a 20 minute drive down the expressway. He could have easily left 15 minutes later but his nerves and excitment were getting the best of him. I straighted his tie and brushed the lint of the shoulders of his white dress shirt. "You look amazing," I told him. He really did! There was something about the look in his eyes that made his clothing choice seem almost invisbible compared to the look on his face. Yes, something was differant. Just like the night before, I could not place my finger on it.
Rod, Konnor and I prayed together and Korbin was noticably missing from our family prayer. It still seems weird to me somedays that he is in school all day. Rod kissed both of us and he was out the door with a whistle.
Thirty minutes later, Rods parents were standing in the living room prepared to watch the boys while I went to work myself.
Since Rod had to drive pass the store I work out, the plan was for him to stop in and let me know how his interview went on the way home. I was expecting him somewhere in the ball park of 3:30 or 4pm. He did not walk into the store until after 5pm! The interview lasted TWO HOURS!! Rod was beeming from ear to ear, and there was something about his attitude that I had not seen in a long time!
Confidence
I found myself holding my breath as our eye connected from the front door of the store. In his shirt & tie, he reminded me of a slightly older version of the man I dated almost 12 years ago.
His smile was so grand, it was infectious!
We talked while I worked, and if I was not wearing and apron & hat, it would have almost felt like a date.Rod just kept saying over and over again, " I just have a feeling.."
My soul was slightly troubled as I wanted to share in his joy, but I was skeptical. We had been there so many times where companies would encourage Rod to believe that he was the one, and never call back. I always told him when this happened that he did not want to work for a company where the HR department was dishonest from the get-go, but the fact remained that this time our backs were against the wall!
Unemployment was ending in less than two weeks, and although it was not alot, it was $742.00 that we depended on every two weeks to put food on the table. Although I was now working, the 20-30 hours I was alotted a week was not going to pay all the bills alone.
I knew God was not going to let us down. In the darkest hours over the last uncertain three and a half years, God was there.
That still small voice that lived inside my soul reminded me of the life verse I choose for myself, " Be anxious for nothing..let your request be made known unto God..and the peach of God that passes all understand will guard your heart.." Philippians 4:6-7.
Smiling through the fears as I had done so many times before, I kissed Rod good bye and he headed home to our boys as I finished my shift.
The night seemed to speed by and before I knew it, my relief was there for my 15 minute break. I got a quick snack & headed to the bench where so many team memeber sat when they did not wish to head upstairs. I reached inside my pants pocket to find my phone which was buzzing loudly as I attempted to dial Rods number, only to realize he was calling me.
"I got it! I got it! I got it!!," Rod said giddily, he was breatheless with excitement as he continued his story. " Jeff just called and I was at McDonalds with my parents and the boys when I stepped out of there to take the phone call."
All I could do was smile and cry!
How silly I was to doubt God would come through for us and still He chose to bless us anyway.
Rod continued to talk quickly with great excitment but I was still stuck at the beginning of the conversation: " I got it!"
For the last year and a half, I have been praying a for job for Rod. On the heals of his second consecutive lay-off after only an eight month temporary assignment as a break, I have been longing to hear those words, "I am going back to work".
Our nightmare was finally ending.
I called my BFF and my dad within seconds of hanging up with Rod, and then my pray partner Heather who screamed with excitment.
"Two jobs within two weeks," Heather yelled to her husband Keith. " Rod and Kristy both have jobs! Praise the Lord" and with those words praise the lord I lost it and could not quit crying happy tears for the rest of the night, even at work.
Praise the Lord, indeed!!
He had carried us, me specifically so many times. He kept food on our table, the lights on, a roof over our heads, clothes on our kids, gas in our car, and He spent people to speak love to us in a variety of ways of the last years. God had a planned for all of this and Sunday, we would see His plan come true as only God could turn something bad into something amazing!
Saturday we would celebrate Konnor's 3rd birthday. It is hard to believe our baby is turning 3!! We gave him a Toy Story Birthday Party, and I made the cake and decorations myself
 |
| {You can see the smile on Korb's face right after scoring. Ale, behind Korb heading to "Chest Bump" at the other end of the field} |
The end of several amazing, God-centered days was Sunday with the Baptism of Korbin. As a 4 year old, during family devotions in our apartment when I was pregnant with Konnor, Korbin gave his heart to Jesus. It was very sweet, Rod began to sing " I was sinking deep in sin.." Korbin began to cry. Rod asked him what was wrong? He said, "I do not wanna sink into sin" Through a series of scary and exciting questions, Korbin came to an understanding of what Jesus Christ did for him on the Cross of Calvary. Through prayer, Korb asked Jesus to forgive him of his sins and live in heart forever and be the leader of his life. It is a special moment that will live in my heart & life forever. We, along with Pastor Mike, thought it was best to have Korbin wait unti he was a bit older to be baptised. This year as a third grader, Korbin recorded his self written testimony at church on Friday with Pastor Don. Then Sunday morning Korbin particpated in belivers baptism.
It was cerainly an amazing Couple of Days in Our lives and it all began with the "Everyone" service! God is Good Folks!
 |
| {My little boy became an Man in Christ right here} It was cerainly an amazing Couple of Days in Our lives and it all began with the "Everyone" service! God is Good Folks! ~Kristy~
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Saturday, October 13, 2012
The "Everyone" Service
Where to begin?!
There has been SO MUCH CHANGE in so little time here,it is hard to believe that is has only been one week!
I guess the best place to start is a week ago Wednesday. Our church is trying to change it up a bit on Wednesday nights and try some different things ( which is one of the reasons I love this church so much) to bring something new to the table for the steadfast Christan's who are there every week.
I know what your thinking, and I am totally going to blow your thoughts out of the water, I am not one of those Christan's. It started out that I began staying home on Wednesday because of the baby. Then school. Then sports. Then I had realized one day that I had not been in a Wednesday Night church service other than VBS, since the Praise-giving service last November!!
Two weeks ago, Rod said to me that he felt strongly that we were not in church as a family on Wednesday Night and that needed to change. With those simple words it did. The "Everyone" service was the first service our entire family was in a Wednesday night service together.
Let me explain the "Everyone" Service. In our church, on Wednesday night the teen-agers are in the gym with Fusion with Pastor Michael & Allie, age 4-12 are in the children's wing for Pioneer Club, The Babies &toddlers are in the Tot Spot, and the rest of the adults are in main church doing a bible study with one or all of the remaining 3 Pastors. I am not exactly sure who thought of the concept of the "everyone" service, but it is exactly what it's name describes. Everyone together in the main church, with the exception of the babies and toddlers.
This particular service was the first one we had held, so I personally was a little unsure what to expect. The service began as so many had before, with a Praise and Worship song lead by Pastor Don. Yet, the feeling was different. I couldn't then and still can't now put my finger on it. It was just different, alive maybe the best description I can come up with. Within the first few seconds of the first song, the hair on the nape of my neck stood to attention. My nostrils smelled a sweet fragrance, I had never smelled before and it was intoxicating! Every sense I had was alive with emotion! I often try not to look around during service because I have found before that the devil uses this against me, and takes my attention away from God and puts it on others. Yet, this time something caught my attention that caught me off guard..
I am use to seeing adults raising their hands to praise our God but when a 12 year old boy stood seats apart from his Dad, closed his eyes and reaching toward the Heavens, he reminded me of a younger version of the older man standing a few seats down also doing the same thing. My thoughts first went to the young boy was just imitating what he had seen his dad doing, but as I watched I was riveted by the sincerity of the boy. As he stretched his arms higher and higher attempting in his humanity to reach the heavens, he was mouthing something. At a glance, one may have thought he was singing but as I unashamedly stared I realized he was having a conversion. I can only assume it was God by the innocence of the boy and the tears streaming down his face.
In that moment, in my glorified imagination I was taken to a place where I could hear the songs of my church all around me but beyond that I could hear beyond that the angels chanting loud and continuous, "Holy! Holy! Holy" In the darkness of the church, the light of the souls of the ones around me were shining so bright, it was blinding! As I squinted to see beyond the light in the darkness around me, I could see the shadow of a figure of whom I can only described as blurry. Like when Konnor puts his greasy little fingers all over my glasses, I can see through them but everything is distorted and unfocused.
The figure moved throughout the building touching young and old, boys and girls, men and women. Some the figure hugged wrapping his arms around and others he gently touched their face wiping their tears. Some he stood next too and others still he seemed to gently pull them forward towards himself. As I wiped my tears aways, I felt the figure put his arms around me and hug tightly. He whispered something into my ear but with the music and the chanting, I could not hear what he was trying to tell me. I wanted to run after the figure to find out what he has said, but with my attempts to move a cold breathe filled the air and I could not move. My legs are arms felt like they had lead in them and my body was nothing more than a heart beat as it rang in my ears. My senses were on overload and something amazing was happening around me. I had never seen or felt anything like this before ever! I was fearful to breath or think beyond the moment because I did not want it too end, I had never felt such peace deep within my soul or such a presence of the Lord Almighty, in was incomprehensible what was taking place in this building the realm beyond what our physical bodies could see, feel, hear or touch. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that we had entered into the throne room of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and I was deeply, deeply humbled for the opportunity to bow at the Masters feet. How at that moment I longed to be the women who washed Christ's feet with her tears and dry them with her hair. I felt like I could or would do anything just to be with Jesus just one more second!!
If the Pastor preached that service, I will never remember.
I wanted desperately to know what the figure has whispered in my ear! Even know as I write, I am just awestruck with the majesty that appeared in the Church that night. I pray right this moment within everything within me that Spirit returns to our humble church and fills us once again with His amazing brightness and allows us the privilege of serving at His feet if only for simply seconds that will be enough. Those second will carry me through until I can meet the Savior face to face upon that Golden Shore someday.
I am not sure if I ever stopped crying that night! My heart was forever changed as I opened my eyes to look around to see if the 12 year old boy was still worshipping and my heart lept with joy to see my boy now doing what that 12 year old and many boys and girls around the room also now doing, raising their hands to praise our God. Many children had both arms outstretched and their faces directed to receive the warmth of their Heavenly Fathers kiss upon their brow.
For the first time in many,many months I felt alive! Truly alive! I was aware of every sense I had and every hair on my arm forearm was standing attention for the Lord Our God.
I closed my eyes and face of those I loved flashed before me; my cousins, my friends Keith and Heather,Serena, my mentors Ed & Laura, Uncle Gary and Aunt Judy and several others as I heard an audible voice command me to "PRAY" and I obeyed. I did not have time to question who it was speaking or why this was occurring, my heart was too busy rejoicing.
My life changed forever in the blink of an eye, and I knew I would never, ever be the same again after tonight's service.
During communion, Rod lead Korbin and I, in addition to my Aunt and Uncle in pray. My heart lept again to see tears of sincerity stream down his face. There was a very dark time in Rod's life where he was not the person who was standing before me. I can only credit God for changing Rod's life and molding him into the husband, father and leader who was standing with us in that moment. I do not claim his perfection, but I know that daily he is putting away the old man and picking up the new man and allowing Christ to lead him and he does his best to lead us.
What Rod prayed for, I will never remember as I stared wipe-eyed again at the figure who moved around the room touching praying families. Stopping at each circle or line of people, hoovering over the prayer and his or her group. I thought the figure had left but somehow he seem larger now, and more willowy as if I could the prayers & worship of God's people were strengthening him and changing his color from a dark to a grayer. It could be the light shining from within the groups, like a beacon in the night, that made his color appear different or it could be the devil who was fighting for peoples heart and attention had admitted defeat and left because in the name of Jesus the devil has to flee.
As our family ended our prayer and headed back to our seats, the figure followed us and sat between Rod and Korbin. I wondered if they could see or feel him as I could, or if I was truly loosing my mind. I thought for a moment asking but then immediately stopped because I did not want to do what I often find myself doing in my humanity, trying to be Rod's Holy Spirit. The true and living Holy Spirit was in attendance that night and He did not need my help!!
The figure put his arm around my oldest child pulling him close just as he had done so many others and leaned in to whisper something in Rod's ear. Did he hear what I had missed?
The thought occurring loudly to me like a throbbing paper cut, was that's God point? He let's me be apart of His plan but allows Rod as our leader and head of our home to hear from Him directly? How silly I felt in that moment, I had been praying so hard for Rod to rise to be what I needed him to be but yet, I was not humbling myself enough to listen to what God was telling me Rod needed me to be!
With that Epiphany, the willowy figure looked at me with transparent eyes that could see deep into my soul and with that he disappeared, and the service was over.
On the way home I sat in the dark listening to the boys since from the backseat sing rather loudly, "oh! oh! oh-oh! The king is coming.." by the Newsboys and feeling the expressway beneath my feet in the car wondering if I should tell Rod all that I seen and felt in church that night or if I would just sound like a whack-a-doodle?
In the same moment I went to speak Rod said," That service was AMAZING! Things are changing! I just know it!" and I grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight.
Yes! Things had already changed and over lives were never going to be the same! I smiled and said, " I know, right?!"
I would tell him my story another night, as for now, I would let the Holy Spirit continue on His journey. I had a feeling that maybe He was not finished yet!
And He wasn't!
But that's entire another blog post!!
~Kristy~
**Look for another blog post in a few days entitled Beyond Wednesday to see what happened next**
There has been SO MUCH CHANGE in so little time here,it is hard to believe that is has only been one week!
I guess the best place to start is a week ago Wednesday. Our church is trying to change it up a bit on Wednesday nights and try some different things ( which is one of the reasons I love this church so much) to bring something new to the table for the steadfast Christan's who are there every week.
I know what your thinking, and I am totally going to blow your thoughts out of the water, I am not one of those Christan's. It started out that I began staying home on Wednesday because of the baby. Then school. Then sports. Then I had realized one day that I had not been in a Wednesday Night church service other than VBS, since the Praise-giving service last November!!
Two weeks ago, Rod said to me that he felt strongly that we were not in church as a family on Wednesday Night and that needed to change. With those simple words it did. The "Everyone" service was the first service our entire family was in a Wednesday night service together.
Let me explain the "Everyone" Service. In our church, on Wednesday night the teen-agers are in the gym with Fusion with Pastor Michael & Allie, age 4-12 are in the children's wing for Pioneer Club, The Babies &toddlers are in the Tot Spot, and the rest of the adults are in main church doing a bible study with one or all of the remaining 3 Pastors. I am not exactly sure who thought of the concept of the "everyone" service, but it is exactly what it's name describes. Everyone together in the main church, with the exception of the babies and toddlers.
This particular service was the first one we had held, so I personally was a little unsure what to expect. The service began as so many had before, with a Praise and Worship song lead by Pastor Don. Yet, the feeling was different. I couldn't then and still can't now put my finger on it. It was just different, alive maybe the best description I can come up with. Within the first few seconds of the first song, the hair on the nape of my neck stood to attention. My nostrils smelled a sweet fragrance, I had never smelled before and it was intoxicating! Every sense I had was alive with emotion! I often try not to look around during service because I have found before that the devil uses this against me, and takes my attention away from God and puts it on others. Yet, this time something caught my attention that caught me off guard..
I am use to seeing adults raising their hands to praise our God but when a 12 year old boy stood seats apart from his Dad, closed his eyes and reaching toward the Heavens, he reminded me of a younger version of the older man standing a few seats down also doing the same thing. My thoughts first went to the young boy was just imitating what he had seen his dad doing, but as I watched I was riveted by the sincerity of the boy. As he stretched his arms higher and higher attempting in his humanity to reach the heavens, he was mouthing something. At a glance, one may have thought he was singing but as I unashamedly stared I realized he was having a conversion. I can only assume it was God by the innocence of the boy and the tears streaming down his face.
In that moment, in my glorified imagination I was taken to a place where I could hear the songs of my church all around me but beyond that I could hear beyond that the angels chanting loud and continuous, "Holy! Holy! Holy" In the darkness of the church, the light of the souls of the ones around me were shining so bright, it was blinding! As I squinted to see beyond the light in the darkness around me, I could see the shadow of a figure of whom I can only described as blurry. Like when Konnor puts his greasy little fingers all over my glasses, I can see through them but everything is distorted and unfocused.
The figure moved throughout the building touching young and old, boys and girls, men and women. Some the figure hugged wrapping his arms around and others he gently touched their face wiping their tears. Some he stood next too and others still he seemed to gently pull them forward towards himself. As I wiped my tears aways, I felt the figure put his arms around me and hug tightly. He whispered something into my ear but with the music and the chanting, I could not hear what he was trying to tell me. I wanted to run after the figure to find out what he has said, but with my attempts to move a cold breathe filled the air and I could not move. My legs are arms felt like they had lead in them and my body was nothing more than a heart beat as it rang in my ears. My senses were on overload and something amazing was happening around me. I had never seen or felt anything like this before ever! I was fearful to breath or think beyond the moment because I did not want it too end, I had never felt such peace deep within my soul or such a presence of the Lord Almighty, in was incomprehensible what was taking place in this building the realm beyond what our physical bodies could see, feel, hear or touch. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that we had entered into the throne room of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and I was deeply, deeply humbled for the opportunity to bow at the Masters feet. How at that moment I longed to be the women who washed Christ's feet with her tears and dry them with her hair. I felt like I could or would do anything just to be with Jesus just one more second!!
If the Pastor preached that service, I will never remember.
I wanted desperately to know what the figure has whispered in my ear! Even know as I write, I am just awestruck with the majesty that appeared in the Church that night. I pray right this moment within everything within me that Spirit returns to our humble church and fills us once again with His amazing brightness and allows us the privilege of serving at His feet if only for simply seconds that will be enough. Those second will carry me through until I can meet the Savior face to face upon that Golden Shore someday.
I am not sure if I ever stopped crying that night! My heart was forever changed as I opened my eyes to look around to see if the 12 year old boy was still worshipping and my heart lept with joy to see my boy now doing what that 12 year old and many boys and girls around the room also now doing, raising their hands to praise our God. Many children had both arms outstretched and their faces directed to receive the warmth of their Heavenly Fathers kiss upon their brow.
For the first time in many,many months I felt alive! Truly alive! I was aware of every sense I had and every hair on my arm forearm was standing attention for the Lord Our God.
I closed my eyes and face of those I loved flashed before me; my cousins, my friends Keith and Heather,Serena, my mentors Ed & Laura, Uncle Gary and Aunt Judy and several others as I heard an audible voice command me to "PRAY" and I obeyed. I did not have time to question who it was speaking or why this was occurring, my heart was too busy rejoicing.
My life changed forever in the blink of an eye, and I knew I would never, ever be the same again after tonight's service.
During communion, Rod lead Korbin and I, in addition to my Aunt and Uncle in pray. My heart lept again to see tears of sincerity stream down his face. There was a very dark time in Rod's life where he was not the person who was standing before me. I can only credit God for changing Rod's life and molding him into the husband, father and leader who was standing with us in that moment. I do not claim his perfection, but I know that daily he is putting away the old man and picking up the new man and allowing Christ to lead him and he does his best to lead us.
What Rod prayed for, I will never remember as I stared wipe-eyed again at the figure who moved around the room touching praying families. Stopping at each circle or line of people, hoovering over the prayer and his or her group. I thought the figure had left but somehow he seem larger now, and more willowy as if I could the prayers & worship of God's people were strengthening him and changing his color from a dark to a grayer. It could be the light shining from within the groups, like a beacon in the night, that made his color appear different or it could be the devil who was fighting for peoples heart and attention had admitted defeat and left because in the name of Jesus the devil has to flee.
As our family ended our prayer and headed back to our seats, the figure followed us and sat between Rod and Korbin. I wondered if they could see or feel him as I could, or if I was truly loosing my mind. I thought for a moment asking but then immediately stopped because I did not want to do what I often find myself doing in my humanity, trying to be Rod's Holy Spirit. The true and living Holy Spirit was in attendance that night and He did not need my help!!
The figure put his arm around my oldest child pulling him close just as he had done so many others and leaned in to whisper something in Rod's ear. Did he hear what I had missed?
The thought occurring loudly to me like a throbbing paper cut, was that's God point? He let's me be apart of His plan but allows Rod as our leader and head of our home to hear from Him directly? How silly I felt in that moment, I had been praying so hard for Rod to rise to be what I needed him to be but yet, I was not humbling myself enough to listen to what God was telling me Rod needed me to be!
With that Epiphany, the willowy figure looked at me with transparent eyes that could see deep into my soul and with that he disappeared, and the service was over.
On the way home I sat in the dark listening to the boys since from the backseat sing rather loudly, "oh! oh! oh-oh! The king is coming.." by the Newsboys and feeling the expressway beneath my feet in the car wondering if I should tell Rod all that I seen and felt in church that night or if I would just sound like a whack-a-doodle?
In the same moment I went to speak Rod said," That service was AMAZING! Things are changing! I just know it!" and I grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight.
Yes! Things had already changed and over lives were never going to be the same! I smiled and said, " I know, right?!"
I would tell him my story another night, as for now, I would let the Holy Spirit continue on His journey. I had a feeling that maybe He was not finished yet!
And He wasn't!
But that's entire another blog post!!
~Kristy~
**Look for another blog post in a few days entitled Beyond Wednesday to see what happened next**
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