Decisions! Decisions!

Last week I met with my friend Alicia, who is also an academic advisor for the college I have applied to attend in the fall, to help me decide what I want to do when I grow up.
Strange, that at 30 years old, I do not feel grown up. I feel most days that this life I lead is a dream; some times good and others not so good, and any minute now I am going to wake up to find myself in the middle of Mr.Medley's English class only to realize that I did not finish my chapter in the scarlet letter in which there will be a test for in ten minutes. Breathe. Although I know that this is not a dream, it still does not seem as if that much time has passed between then and now. Sigh.
I think the main reason is that I am still struggling with the same question that I was at 18, what am I going to do when I grow up? Even though photography is my passion, it will never be my profession, because I do not wish to pursue it as one. I do not want to put that much stress on something that brings me so much joy only to ruin it in the end.
Which leaves me searching for something that will fulfill our financial needs, my need to only work part time because I am a full time wife and mommy already, and fulfills my desire to help others. This is why is began searching in the medical field.
In my days at Eastern Michigan, I was a nursing major. I enjoyed learning about the human body and how amazing God is to create something so detailed and functional. Yet, something just didn't feel right. Then, when I left school, I also left behind my nursing days. Today, I still love the science of it all but that desire to be in school for four long years to get my BSN is gone. My desire is to fulfill my dreams while creating dreams for my kid(s) and helping them to see thier dreams to the end. I can not do that(in my opinion) being in school that long. I wish now, I had finished my education. Then this would not be such an issue.
As I meet with Alicia and we chatted about life, and caught up with who's where doing what, she informed me that the program I wanted to take is on a two year waiting list!!! AHHHHH!!!! Then, she told me about a new program that I might be interested in and to take a good look at because it is really in demand right now. As the baby boomer generation ages, so does the need for Physical Therapist Assistants. This career is the sixth hottest career in the nation right now and the need is expected to rise through 2012, the starting salary for PTA is 45,000-75,000 a year.
At first when I left her office at the college, I was really confused. What was I going to do now??? I must admit I was kind of heart broken, as I had my heart and mind set. As I thought about it, I began to wonder if there was a reason that I had choose to meet with Alicia at the campus that day instead of driving to the Auburn Hills Campus where my appointment was. If God was trying to tell me something? What if my decision was not God's decision for me?
As enlightening as this thought process was, it was extremely irritating because I was now confused once again.I began praying diligently about God's will for my profession. Although, I am still a little unsure, I feel as if there is a direction or path for me to follow. I looked through the course catalog to check out what classes these majors required. I realize at that point that most of these all have the same general education classes(gen ed's), and that no matter what my destination was my starting path was still the same. I sense God's peace about the decision not to make a decision right now but to wait upon Him and He will direct my path.

Off track or on track?

I am sooooo close to loosing 100 pounds its crazy!!!!!!!! Each day I step on the scale and wait to see if the magic number appears. Each day I am disappointed or frustrated with the results. Once I meet my hundred pound accomplishment(which is nothing to sneeze at, I have to remind myself), then I will have 85 more to go to meet my goal. Can you imagine that by September I could be at my goal....that is if I get my tail in gear! Lately, I have just gotten into a routine of not logging my food and not getting my exerise in. I am frustrated with myself and the lack of results that I see, and have no one to be upset with but myself. This tiredness that I feel is overwhelming and clouding my brain. I just can't seem to kick it. I really wanted to make this month count in terms of weight loss, I wanted to make up for May's terrible loss. But, unless a miracle happens, it is not going to happen. In order to get myself back on track, I began yesterday logging my food. Instead of using a pen and notebook, I have started using a website called The Daily Plate. It is preety cool, that I can just type in my stuff a couple of times a day and see what I have eatten and it's nutrition information. It saves on my time and sanity. Monday, I totally blew it at the gym...by not even going. Korbin did not get up until 10am and I finally had sometime to spend in my bible and devotion. Tomorrow is a new day, and I will make it to the gym! Mainly because Rod &I have paid money for Korbin a preschool swimming class, and I can't see wasting the money by not going. If I can get there tomorrow, then all is not lost. I really like going to the gym and working out, the main battle is getting there! In the beginning it was not this rough, I was completely motivated and dedicated, then the extreme exhaustion kicked in. Ahhh...out of all the complications to have with wls, that is one I would have rather have as opposed to something more serious. Sunday, is my 5 month post-op anniversay and I will weigh in for the last time for month #4, so I am holding out hope that I can loose that last five pounds...........

Potty Training and other Thoughts

We have been potty training Korbin since October 2007, 9 terribly long months! This is completely frustrating and irritating to me that my child who knows the meaning of discombobulated will not go to the bathroom!

We have tried everything from m&m/jelly belly rewards, sticker charts, toy buying, spanking and even, money. Nothing has worked! To say we have a strong willed child, is an understatement. I am tormented that my little guy will go to Sam's Club, My In-laws, or Red Robin and go to the bathroom but at home he will not.

I have read every book that can get my hands on and they all say the same thing. Every child potty trains at a different rate and that we just have to be patient, it is his thing to do and he is the only one to do it.

I agree with all of this, but none the less, he is still not going to the bathroom at 3 1/2, how much longer do I need to be patient? Until he is 46?? I read and article today on strong will children and thier potty training, and thier advice was simple: BACK OFF!

It simply states that Korbin may feel that the only thing he has control of is going to the bathroom. So, stop asking him, stop forcing him, stop nagging him. Just simply explain that you are going to leave the potty training up to him and do that.After all it is his accomplishment.

Today, I am going to the store and going to buy Korbin some pull ups. Then I am going to let him pick out his favorite candy and some cool stickers. Tonight, Rod and I are going to tell Korbin that we have so many days until our family camp out with our church. Then, I am going to show him the chart I made for that shows him how many days until the camp out. And each day we can either cross off the days or put a really cool sticker on it if he goes potty. It is up to him. Then, I will also tell him that the candy is a reward that he gets each time he goes, but mommy and daddy are not asking him to go to the potty or making him go in there anymore.Neither is anyone else.He is a big boy and he knows when his body is telling him that he has to go. But if there are more lines than stickers on the camp out chart- then we can not go camping.

Rod and I are just more stressed than we need to be about something that we really can not make him do. This is our option to give Korbin more control over this and hopefully we will see some consistent results from this.

Summer Schedule

To take a page from the supernany, I got some white bulletin board paper and made a family schedule for the summer. It is currently hanging in the dining room for everyone to see. I have recently come to the realization that my daily schedule has gone out the window, literally. Thus, the disorganization and frustration.

I plan to begin this new schedule on Monday, when our new classes begin at the YMCA. This past week, I have just been cleaning and organizing so that we can be anew with a clean house. I had not realized how off track we had gotten! I had just been so focused on getting myself healthy that I had let-go a few other things.Sadly, I also realized that as much as I try, I am organizationally challenged. It is one of the things about myself, that frustrates me the most.

But since I have definitely decided that I am homeschooling Korbin for preschool, I thought I should start to structure our day now that way in August we can begin our currriculum without much fuss about daily structure.

By far the biggest thing I struggle with is just the act of getting up in the morning. I like to sleep! And I do not want to get up any earlier than I have too!Especially right now when I am dealing with this extreme exhaustion due to wls. Korbin is a sleeper too and normally gets up between 8-9 in the morning.I want to have time each day to read my bible,to my daily devotion and pray. Yet, if I do not get up early, then there is no time for that. But on the flip side, if I do get up I am so tired then I am not a happy person to deal with.

In effort to get the best of both worlds, or at least have a place to start I am getting up at 7:25 M,W,F which is 20 minutes before Korbin in order to be at the Y at 8:45.Then on T, TH the wake up time for the summer is left blank and then when do get up, we will just begin our morning routine. I am going to make notes on this schedule so that when fall arrives, I can make proper adjustments to accomadate our busy schedule and Korbin's internal clock. Learning takes place when a child has proper nutrition and accquate sleep.

My dear friend Judy always tells me that I know what to do, I just have to believe in myself enough to do it. So, I am going out on a limb and trusting that she is right?! Here goes nothing....

Hair loss

It is in the bath tub drain, all over the floor and the carpeting. It covers my clothes and ranges from a little to a lot. What is it? IT'S MY HAIR!! This was another (minor) complication that I was hoping to avoid, but was not surprised when it arrived.However.I was more than slightly unnerved when I ran my hand through my wet hair in the shower and pulled back a mass of tangled hair none the less.

Hair loss usually occurs in the fourth of fifth month following weight loss surgery.I am currently in my fourth month. During this phase of rapid weight loss, caloric intake is marginal. I am eating 600-800 calories per day.This is putting my body in a state of panic called starvation. A healthy body normally sheds ten percent of hair follicles at any given time. When a body is starving roughly thirty to forty percent of hair follicles are sacrificed as the body channels nutrition to more vital areas, like the muscles you need to live. During this phase hair loss is dramatic, and the remaining hair becomes lifeless.

They say that no wls patient has eve went bald from this, yet I find no comfort in that knowledge when at any given time I am finding large amounts of my hair everyplace but where it belongs! I have recently started a vitamin to my daily routine of pills called Biotin. It is suppose to support healthy hair and nail growth. Honestly, if I had known I needed this type of supplement, then I would have started taking it months ago.

I am trying to count my blessings, not my problems. This surgery has definitely been a blessing! I feel better now than I have in a long,long time! I am finally doing things that I have wanted to do with Korbin like running and playing outside and going to the pool. Things a lot of people take for granted until you can't do them. I am finally enjoying motherhood, that is a blessing that I did not expect to find in all of this, yet thankful that I did.

Yes, the hair loss and extreme tiredness are annoying. The tiredness should subside when I start to level off weight wise. The hair loss should end any time soon (prayerfully!). Until then, I will take the good with the bad and be thankful for the loss of pounds and just use the hair loss and a reminder to pray for patience!!

To Preschool or Not to Preschool that is the Question?

Since Korbin was 2 we have been bumbarded with questions about when Korbins is going to school? Everytime I tell this unassuming person that he is not going to preschool, I will homeschool him until the fall when he will go to kindergarden at 4 3/4 instead of 5. Insert dirty look or unkind comment here. Then this person will continue to tell me how wrong I am and that Korbin needs "social interaction" and that we don't want him to become one of those "crazy home schooled kids".Insert stress here. I have been so overwhelmed with these comments recently that I do not know which way is up! I feel in my heart that I should keep Korbin home with me one more year. Yet, I have found myself checking into the lastest and greatest preschools only to find myself more stressed and confused than ever before. I believe I am completely capable and compident to teach him his preschool material. I,too, know how to count and my ABC's. First, we simply can not afford $1500-$5000 for preschool. Yes Folks! That is really how much it costs!! Second, because of where Korbins b-day is the local preschools want to put him in three-year-old preschool instead of four-year-old-preschool. Which is just asking for him to get bored and cause trouble. At his third b-day, Korbin could count to thirty, knew all his ABC's, could color, cut, and glue(not perfectly but well enough for him to pass the kindergarden test), tell his address, phone #, parents names and cell#'s, dress himself with pants and shirts, knew his first, middle and last name and can recognize his first and last name, put together a 24 piece puzzle alone, sorts things by shapes and size,talks in sentences and all of the rest of the 54 things that are on the test to enter kindergarden with the exception of going to the bathroom by himself. Third, again because of where is birthday is he either enters school early or late. And in the preschool world he would be the oldest child with his birthday being less than 60 days after school starts and will know more plus some than the other kids and will be bored with the entire process rather quickly.Which means we would be paying money for absolutely nothing. Fourth, Society pushes kids entirely way too hard too early. Once you enter school at age 3 you are in school until approx. age 22 when you graduate from college. Where is thier childhood exactliy?? If I keep him home I can structure our day and routine where there is time for fun, learning, child interaction, alone time, time with mommy, and protect some one is childhood well I can. All to soon he will be off and running and there will be no time for silly little games, time to sit together reading and enjoy his time at home. The question I wrestle with is : Am I robbing him of the experience? Am I doing it for him or for me? Regardless of what I want, is this the best decision for him? I am not against sending your child to preschool if he/she needs it. However, Korbin is the exception rather than the rule. He has been an over achiever since birth and done everything, again except going to the bathroom, on his own ie, deciding he did not want a bottle any more or early, ie talking, putting puzzles together and counting to 20 at age 1. He is a great kid and would be comic relief to any teacher. The question remains- To Preschool or Not to Preschool??

In the Beginning

This is my first post and the beginning of my blog or musing of my some tragically boring or very hectic, crazy busy life. I am a full time stay at home mom who is only four months post-op from having weightloss surgery(wls). It is a juggling act trying to manage a preschooler and his needs, our active church and family life and my new diet needs and restrictions. I wanted to have a place to record all of these thoughts, feeling, emotions and funny moments of my son's childhood, my journey to health and the hard moments that you never read about but makes a marriage strong and life lasting. I am not perfect, and often do things wrong. I want to remember my mistakes, learn from them and leave an imprint for others to learn from as well. Feel free to leave your imprint and join my in my days as a newly wed( 5 years is still newly wed, right?) a young mom who runs a race toward health, happiness,and pursuits Godliness as she searches daily for His will in her life.