Saturdays are the day I head to school for my chemistry lab. I dropped my A&P class, and will pick it up again in the spring. Which reduces my school load to chemisty and its lab.
I cleared the kitchen table this morning, and opened my lab manual to complete the three questions that are left from last weeks homework. I prop my legs upon the wooden,spindle chairs that accompany the used dining room table that some friends gave us several years again. As I move my left leg to the chair, I wince as the wood connects with the top portion of my foot. A slight bump should not cause pain like that, so I quickly remove my sock to see that the bridge of my foot it slightly swollen and a light color green.
I do not remember hurting it in any way! I ask Rod to look at it, he presses the bruised area(of course!), and flex's my foot as someone who has apparently delt with many injured feet would, and determined it is nothing major but I probably should not run today before something minor turns into something major.
I decided to be an "internet doctor" and google beginners running injuries and see if Dr. Rod's diagnosis is correct. From what I read, it can take sometime for your feet and ankles to build up a tolerence to running and them may ache, be swollen or slightly bruised. As long as there is no intense pain; shooting or throbbing, you are ok to continue in a day or two with taking an extra recovery day off inbetween runs.
More than slightly annoyed, I agreed because now that I have a plan to accomplish my goal I do not wanna injure myself!
So, well my guys are watching wrestlemania tomorrow night I will sneak down to the basement and have some "me" time on the treadmill!!
~Kristy~
Saturday, March 31, 2012
5 Random Things
2.) I found a new protien shake that is something that you make, and it is pretty stinkin good!
-1 cup low fat vanilla yogurt
-3/4 cup (6oz) All White liquid egg whites
-1 1/2 cup fresh blue berries
-1/2 cup pomergrante juice
Combine all the ingrediants in a blender with 3 ice cubes and blend until smooth. 250 Calories, 2g Fat, 47 g Carbs, and 14 g protien.
* I am thinking about adding a serving of vanilla protien powder and switching out the yogurt to Skim Milk which will change the nutrion infromation & increase the protien*
**AllWhite is a pasteurized product so it is safe to use cooked and noncooked**
3)Erin Henderson's blog is a new one I am reading..she has TWELVE KIDS and if she has time to run..well, I can make time too! Check her blog out at see mom run far
4.) The best fast food option is The Fesco Steak or Chicken Soft Taco at Taco Bell because it is made without cheese and sour cream. It has 150 calories, 4 grams of fat and 9-12 grams of protien!
5)Since I have started running/walking my skin looks SO much better!! I think the extra water may be helping but either way...I am digging it!
Friday, March 30, 2012
Running in the Rain
I do not feel as poorly as I thought I may after my first run in ages. My back is a little sore from lack of a good sports bra and my legs feel a little stiff but all in all, pretty good!!
As I settled in with my warm cup of coffee on this cold morning, I thought about what I should be eating if I was serious about training for this 5k.
According to The runner's diet you need 50% carbs, 25% protein and 25% fat. Which goes against what I want/need to be eating as a gastric bypass diet, which is high protein(50-75grams per day), low carb and low fat.
So, I am in a bit of a quandary as to what to do!! Its been awhile since I have seriously looked at my nutrition. I mean, I have made half hearted attempts but nothing serious. Tomorrow is the day that I set for myself to be registered for my fitness pal. I think that it will be a helpful tool for me to look at my nutritional needs and move a few things around.
I have been taking my supplements, 2 multivitamins, 2 calcium, 1 D-3, 1 iron, 1 dropper of a sub lingual B-12, B-complex and fiber. Gotta love the nutritional supplements but I honestly think that they are the reason I have not gotten really sick when my eatting went off track! I am also thankful for coupons because without them, these supplements would cost us a fortune!
As I looked through the many, many sites that the the internet has to offer in the way of 5K training and diet suggestions, the hail begins to bang against the front room window. The darkness forces me to reach above and click on the light to see the computer screen to continue to type. The current time is 2:58 and I have to walk a block and a half to get Korbin from school...in the pouring rain!
As the lightening flashes from the Heavens, I make the decision to leave the umbrella at home and RUN to the school. Off the porch, I sprint across the street and down the block to the crossing guard. I walk through the school safety's to the play ground door where my second grader grabs my wet hand and says, "Let's go Mom" and we begin to retrace our steps home. On the other side of the main street I ask Korbin, "You want to run?" and together we take off.
The splish splash under my feet has my pants completely soaked and I lost my hood on the orginal sprint, so my wet hair is hanging in my eyes where my glasses usually rest. I wipe the dripping hair strands out of my face and yell for Korbin to hold up! My lungs are on fire and it aches to breath!! Back across our street, Korbin picks up his pace again and runs into the house. If the ground was not wet, I would have collapsed right there! I go into the house and head to the kitchen to sit on a wooden chair to remove my wet coat and shoes. One puff of the inhaler..no relief! My lungs are burning and now there is an intense wheeze coming from somewhere.
Sans the wet clothes, I plop into the chair and squeek out that I need the breathing machine as the warm tears sing my eyes. Are you kidding me? An asthma attack for a block and a half??? I am irratated!!! If I can not run a block and a half, I am never gonna be able to run a 5k!!! Rod just watches me, he is not sure what to say as I sit there taking my breathing treatment from a short sprint which has reduced me to tears.
Now, my legs are aching and my back hurts as if I have been on a moving crew!! I want to be a runner, up until 3pm today I thought this goal was completely possible. I also thought this would be some work but I thought I could achieve at least a block & a half?!
The voice of reason reminds me gently that it is alot different running outside in the rain, than running on a treadmill in the basement. He may be right, either way I am frustrated. Then Rod says, " There is a reason you have a day off in between scheduled runs. Your muscles need time to recover", as he wipes the tears from my face. "I sure hope your right!" I say as I turn off the nebulizer.
"Because the way it feels right now," I said " Maybe running is another sport I should just stand on the sidelines and cheer others on for!" Rod shakes his head as he channels my mother and says, " You can do anything you want to do!"
~Kristy~
As I settled in with my warm cup of coffee on this cold morning, I thought about what I should be eating if I was serious about training for this 5k.
According to The runner's diet you need 50% carbs, 25% protein and 25% fat. Which goes against what I want/need to be eating as a gastric bypass diet, which is high protein(50-75grams per day), low carb and low fat.
So, I am in a bit of a quandary as to what to do!! Its been awhile since I have seriously looked at my nutrition. I mean, I have made half hearted attempts but nothing serious. Tomorrow is the day that I set for myself to be registered for my fitness pal. I think that it will be a helpful tool for me to look at my nutritional needs and move a few things around.
I have been taking my supplements, 2 multivitamins, 2 calcium, 1 D-3, 1 iron, 1 dropper of a sub lingual B-12, B-complex and fiber. Gotta love the nutritional supplements but I honestly think that they are the reason I have not gotten really sick when my eatting went off track! I am also thankful for coupons because without them, these supplements would cost us a fortune!
As I looked through the many, many sites that the the internet has to offer in the way of 5K training and diet suggestions, the hail begins to bang against the front room window. The darkness forces me to reach above and click on the light to see the computer screen to continue to type. The current time is 2:58 and I have to walk a block and a half to get Korbin from school...in the pouring rain!
As the lightening flashes from the Heavens, I make the decision to leave the umbrella at home and RUN to the school. Off the porch, I sprint across the street and down the block to the crossing guard. I walk through the school safety's to the play ground door where my second grader grabs my wet hand and says, "Let's go Mom" and we begin to retrace our steps home. On the other side of the main street I ask Korbin, "You want to run?" and together we take off.
The splish splash under my feet has my pants completely soaked and I lost my hood on the orginal sprint, so my wet hair is hanging in my eyes where my glasses usually rest. I wipe the dripping hair strands out of my face and yell for Korbin to hold up! My lungs are on fire and it aches to breath!! Back across our street, Korbin picks up his pace again and runs into the house. If the ground was not wet, I would have collapsed right there! I go into the house and head to the kitchen to sit on a wooden chair to remove my wet coat and shoes. One puff of the inhaler..no relief! My lungs are burning and now there is an intense wheeze coming from somewhere.
Sans the wet clothes, I plop into the chair and squeek out that I need the breathing machine as the warm tears sing my eyes. Are you kidding me? An asthma attack for a block and a half??? I am irratated!!! If I can not run a block and a half, I am never gonna be able to run a 5k!!! Rod just watches me, he is not sure what to say as I sit there taking my breathing treatment from a short sprint which has reduced me to tears.
Now, my legs are aching and my back hurts as if I have been on a moving crew!! I want to be a runner, up until 3pm today I thought this goal was completely possible. I also thought this would be some work but I thought I could achieve at least a block & a half?!
The voice of reason reminds me gently that it is alot different running outside in the rain, than running on a treadmill in the basement. He may be right, either way I am frustrated. Then Rod says, " There is a reason you have a day off in between scheduled runs. Your muscles need time to recover", as he wipes the tears from my face. "I sure hope your right!" I say as I turn off the nebulizer.
"Because the way it feels right now," I said " Maybe running is another sport I should just stand on the sidelines and cheer others on for!" Rod shakes his head as he channels my mother and says, " You can do anything you want to do!"
~Kristy~
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Second Chances
The sweat was dripping off my face as I guzzled the water at the end of my workout and my legs felt like jello as I struggled to get up the stairs from the basement. At first, I was proud of myself for finishing what I started even if I had to modify the plan a bit. By the time I reached the top of the stairs, I became annoyed with myself. How did I get here again?? When I said good-bye to the 250's in 2008, just months after my gastric bypass, I swore I was never going back "there" again. Yet, here I am!!
As I finished our dinner of cubed steak pieces, red skin potatoes, boiled cabbage and fresh, cut up veggies I thought I have two choices: I can dwell on it and feel defeated or I can attempt to learn from my mistake and start again. I mean, the "pouch" created by my surgeon during my gastric bypass surgery as a tool. It did not go away because I gain a small fraction of my weight back. So, I just need to get back on track again. As I sat down to eat dinner with my beautiful family, I thanked God again for second chances.
My friend, Jen, reminded of my second chance recently in the wake of her own tragedy she took a few minutes to remind me "in the middle of my lil o'mess, I forgot how big I am blessed" as she lost her father to obesity recently. She reached passed her tears and sadness to help me to remember why I had my surgery to begin with: Rod and the boys. As the reality is that when I take care of myself, I am just a better wife to Rod and mother to my boys. With the stress of Rods joblessness taking extreme tolls on my health, it is more imperative than ever, I regain control of the regain.
I have asked Jen to be a guest writer to share her dads story, so that may be some good may come from such heart ache as she watched her dad kill himself through food. Something that if I am not careful, will be my children's story about me. As I sit here now, I look over top of of the computer screen to see two little boys wrestling. I wish you could hear the giddy laughter they share!! It makes my heart do flip flops as the noise levels soars as they belly laugh with red faces as legs and arms flying everywhere. I know without a shadow of a doubt I would trade every french fry, slice of pizza or frozen coffee drinks to keep them from the pain that Jens heart endures daily as she faces life without her dad. My heart hurts for my friend but I am thankful she is willing to step out on faith and share with you and others her pain so that others may be helped. Please look for Jen's story soon.
After dinner Rod said, "So how did it feel?" talking about running. I thought for a minute, as I rubbed my calves I responded "It felt like hard work. But anything worth having is worth fighting for." He smiled back, "Your hooked now aren't you?" He knew the answer without answering the question!! I am hooked and I am the only person who stands in my way. If God can give me a second chance, shouldn't I give myself one??
~Kristy~
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
My plan is simple: Regaining Control.
My friend, Nina, writes a running blog. I have read, and reread her article You do not need will power, you NEED a plan.
Since I have always wanted to be a runner, I am making a plan!! My plan is simple: Regaining Control.
So, I went to the Fruit Store this week stocked up!! I cut all the fruit and veggies, filled the fridge with water and protein shakes.
On Monday, my day began with coffee then followed by a protein shake. I have replaced one meal this week with protein shakes and then at night if I need a snack, instead of chips or candy, I dig out the fruit & veggies. I drink 4-6 bottles of 16.8 water in addition to my coffee and ice tea. It's not the ideal plan, but it is some place to start.
On Sunday, Rod loaded C25K Running Plan onto the Ipod, and the first week you run 3 days with a day off in between. So today is the day!! In addition to laundry, I will be running on the treadmill today. This morning I weighed myself and I weigh in at 259.2. I will weigh myself again in a week, and see what the results are. According to the running plan, in 9 weeks I should be able to run a 5k.
The last thing on my "Plan" is to join My fitness pal. Another "runner" friend, Crystal, has been asking me to join this site for the extra support in my quest to become a runner and be more healthy. It is my plan to join the site and navigate it by Saturday, so that I can track all my progress next week.
I made the decision to do this, since I dropped my A&P class this semester and focus on chemistry. More than that at the beginning of the week, the boys & I were taking our nightly walk around the block. Korbin asked me if he & I could take some extra walks together without Konnor so we could run? My heart lept!!As a mom, I have just a few things I want for my kids: to walk in truth with God as their Savior, to be healthy and to be men of integrity. As it stands, being a good wife and mother was what made me start this journey to health to begin with, it also stands to reason that should motivate me too. But, when I lack motivation I will have a plan!!
As Rod and Korbin get ready for sports season, it is kinda exciting for me to have a "sport" to focus on too!! I can be a runner! I can do this!! 2012 is my year to run my first 5k!!
Since I have always wanted to be a runner, I am making a plan!! My plan is simple: Regaining Control.
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| Here I am at 259.2
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On Monday, my day began with coffee then followed by a protein shake. I have replaced one meal this week with protein shakes and then at night if I need a snack, instead of chips or candy, I dig out the fruit & veggies. I drink 4-6 bottles of 16.8 water in addition to my coffee and ice tea. It's not the ideal plan, but it is some place to start.
On Sunday, Rod loaded C25K Running Plan onto the Ipod, and the first week you run 3 days with a day off in between. So today is the day!! In addition to laundry, I will be running on the treadmill today. This morning I weighed myself and I weigh in at 259.2. I will weigh myself again in a week, and see what the results are. According to the running plan, in 9 weeks I should be able to run a 5k.
The last thing on my "Plan" is to join My fitness pal. Another "runner" friend, Crystal, has been asking me to join this site for the extra support in my quest to become a runner and be more healthy. It is my plan to join the site and navigate it by Saturday, so that I can track all my progress next week.
I made the decision to do this, since I dropped my A&P class this semester and focus on chemistry. More than that at the beginning of the week, the boys & I were taking our nightly walk around the block. Korbin asked me if he & I could take some extra walks together without Konnor so we could run? My heart lept!!As a mom, I have just a few things I want for my kids: to walk in truth with God as their Savior, to be healthy and to be men of integrity. As it stands, being a good wife and mother was what made me start this journey to health to begin with, it also stands to reason that should motivate me too. But, when I lack motivation I will have a plan!!
As Rod and Korbin get ready for sports season, it is kinda exciting for me to have a "sport" to focus on too!! I can be a runner! I can do this!! 2012 is my year to run my first 5k!!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Where have I been???
I have admittedly NOT been blogging because in all honesty, I am just not sure what to say?! I know right, ME?!
OK, well I know what to say but not sure how to say it in a kind way because in all honesty there is so much going on in my personal life that I would love to share with my faithful readers, to get it outta my head and onto (blogger) paper. But the path of heart ache and tragedy that would be left in its wake is typically things that are done too me, not by me. So, with that being said, for those people who have been checking my blog waiting for me to lambaste them..although you may deserve it. I am not going too! Its not my style. I will let God deal with you, as me for me, I am moving on!
Kinda anticlimactic isn't it?!
Not really!! It's just something a little birdy told me, " I have been forgiven, loved and shown lots of Mercy and Grace, so I have no reason not too..I can only show the same to others." With that statement in mind, it reminds me of a powerful sermon I heard once that said simply, " Forgiveness has nothing to do with the person or people you are forgiving. It has everything to do with you and God, and your relationship with Him". The speaker went on to say, that you as the forgiver do not need to continue to be beaten up, abused or torn down ( by yourself or others) but you do need to make the decision to forgive and move forward. Moving forward may be a day by day struggle but with God as your primary example as your most powerful source of forgiveness; you can in deed move forward. I remember sitting in this service like it was yesterday, the alter was packed as the speaker urged people to lay it on the alter and simply forgive as you were yet forgiven.
I feel a sense of freedom in forgiveness, the anger is moving out of my heart alot quicker now. I wish I could say the same for the hurt I feel. Through Christ, I know the hurt will eventually heal too. I pray now, that some good can come from the pain that I have felt over the past intense days, but really it has been years. Sigh.."What you have meant for evil against me, God has chosen for good"(Genesis 50:20). God has a way to bringing peoples true thoughts and feelings into the light, although it is my heart that is broken, maybe He knew I could handle it so that those persons or people maybe brought back into the right standing with God the Father. "We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother"(1 John 4:19-21).
Before you go patting me on the back, saying "Wow that's really great she can do that!". I ask you, please do not think that highly of me!! I did not share this with you to slyly point the finger at someone or to get accolades but to simply share by story of forgiveness. Like any story, it has a beginning, middle and an end. I am at the very beginning of mine. My heart is still aching, as I type because I want you to hear "my side" and see my view point and to agree that I was right. As I have typed and deleted many, many items. I am simply reminded that, forgiveness is not my story to tell. Forgiveness it the entire reason, that Jesus hung on the Cross between the Heaven and the Earth. To bare my transgressions, and yours. I am just a character in His story, and He uses my breath and life to write the pages. What He did for me, I can do in my vain humanity for others. Despite my pain and anguish to do so, because it is simple what He asks for me.
I pray that in someway, that has helped you to see that there is power in forgiveness and you hold it in your hand. Will you stand there with your fist tightly closed, or will you open it? The choice is yours!
~"There is a saying, 'Love your friends and hate your enemies.' But I say: Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way you will be acting as true sons of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust too. If you love only those who love you, what good is that? Even scoundrels do that much. If you are friendly only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even the heathen do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect. (TLB, Matthew 5:43-48) ~
~1 John 4:16-19 ESV So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. (17) By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. (18) There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (19) We love because he first loved us.~
~Kristy~
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Fun for Dinner
Who knew eatting shredded cheese and pretzels would bring so much happiness?? This was the scene from last nights dinner...
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| He is taking the pretzel &cheese and placing it on the spoon |
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| It takes alot of concentration to do that |
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| And it causes alot of giggles |
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| I love the way he wrinkles his nose when he laughs hard. |
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| I always hope our dinner table is filled with this much laughter. |
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| "Hmm this is too much fun to be dinner???" |
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| Guilty as charged! |
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| Yep! He is just too cute!! |
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| Dinner of Champions!!( And picky two year olds!) I was our dinner table to be a place where our kids get to laugh and tell us about thier day and we come together as a family. I think Konnor has caught on to this concept early, and since he was eatting sherdded cheese and Pretzels with a spoon, it was definately worth getting the camera out for!! |
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Go Fast Mommy??
Last night at 6:30, I closed my A&P book and sighed. I have been working on those terms all day. I am not nearly done with the 171 terms or the chapter outline I need to complete before my test on Thursday. Oh wait! Book bingo is on Thursday and so is my Lab this week..I may need to take the test on Wednesday.
I hate when I realize my deadlines are earlier than I anticipate!
Anyway, the beautiful day had slipped away from me, so in a last ditch effort to regain some of the day that passed me by, I grabbed my tennis shoes and yelled for the boys to get ready we were going for a walk.
Six shoes, two light jackets, and a hoddie later we were out the door. As Konnor's little arm pulled my down the three stairs in front of our house, I tried to take a deep breath and take in the smell of spring arriving but instead I was grappling just to keep my feet beneath me as little one wanted me "Go Fast" far before I was ready!
I was determined to take my deep breath of springs impending arrival, so half way down our block I commanded the boys to stop in front of the picture perfect house that has buds trying to bloom. "Do you smell that?"I asked. "Is is dog poop?" Korbin responded, "I thought I saw..". "No!" I interrupted " I was referring to the smell in the air that spring is coming," I was trying to explain. "Nope," Korbin said " I do smell dog poop though." I did get to take me deep breath, it was more of frustration than of enjoyment but I had to laugh it off, those kids! I do love them!!
At the end of our street,Korb asked if he could run. I thought for a second and before I could think of a reason not too, I agreed. He began to run from the corner to the next stop sign. Konnor looked up at me with those blue eyes and asked innocently, "Go Fast Mommy?" and before I knew it we were also running to the corner. It was hard not to laugh at those chubby little toddler legs so determined to mimic his brother as he simply attempts not to fall down while running and holding my hand. Which was also my goal, not to fall down! It is more challenging than one might think to run holding the hand of your toddler while trying to keep up with your seven year old. But at the corner we collapsed in laughter and it was the best 50 steps or so I had taken all day!!
We ran in intervals the rest of the way home, it was definitely alot of fun and was a much better walk than I anticipated it would be. As we crossed the finish line onto our front yard, Korbin announced proudly that he could "Totally do that five second race with me". I think he meant 5 k race but at that point, I did not have the heart to correct him!!
"It's time to start getting ready for bed & Korbbie do your homework" I said as we came inside, which was met with groans. Inwardly, I groaned too. I would much rather repeat our family run!! The laughter and the exercise got my blood pumping and I realized yet again how much I miss the simple things sometimes. "Tomorrow can we go for another walk?" Korbin yelled from his head inside his backpack looking for his bag of books from school. "Definitely!" I said
"And go fast too?" Konnor asked "DEFINITELY, we will run too!"
~Kristy~
I hate when I realize my deadlines are earlier than I anticipate!
Anyway, the beautiful day had slipped away from me, so in a last ditch effort to regain some of the day that passed me by, I grabbed my tennis shoes and yelled for the boys to get ready we were going for a walk.
Six shoes, two light jackets, and a hoddie later we were out the door. As Konnor's little arm pulled my down the three stairs in front of our house, I tried to take a deep breath and take in the smell of spring arriving but instead I was grappling just to keep my feet beneath me as little one wanted me "Go Fast" far before I was ready!
I was determined to take my deep breath of springs impending arrival, so half way down our block I commanded the boys to stop in front of the picture perfect house that has buds trying to bloom. "Do you smell that?"I asked. "Is is dog poop?" Korbin responded, "I thought I saw..". "No!" I interrupted " I was referring to the smell in the air that spring is coming," I was trying to explain. "Nope," Korbin said " I do smell dog poop though." I did get to take me deep breath, it was more of frustration than of enjoyment but I had to laugh it off, those kids! I do love them!!
At the end of our street,Korb asked if he could run. I thought for a second and before I could think of a reason not too, I agreed. He began to run from the corner to the next stop sign. Konnor looked up at me with those blue eyes and asked innocently, "Go Fast Mommy?" and before I knew it we were also running to the corner. It was hard not to laugh at those chubby little toddler legs so determined to mimic his brother as he simply attempts not to fall down while running and holding my hand. Which was also my goal, not to fall down! It is more challenging than one might think to run holding the hand of your toddler while trying to keep up with your seven year old. But at the corner we collapsed in laughter and it was the best 50 steps or so I had taken all day!!
We ran in intervals the rest of the way home, it was definitely alot of fun and was a much better walk than I anticipated it would be. As we crossed the finish line onto our front yard, Korbin announced proudly that he could "Totally do that five second race with me". I think he meant 5 k race but at that point, I did not have the heart to correct him!!
"It's time to start getting ready for bed & Korbbie do your homework" I said as we came inside, which was met with groans. Inwardly, I groaned too. I would much rather repeat our family run!! The laughter and the exercise got my blood pumping and I realized yet again how much I miss the simple things sometimes. "Tomorrow can we go for another walk?" Korbin yelled from his head inside his backpack looking for his bag of books from school. "Definitely!" I said
"And go fast too?" Konnor asked "DEFINITELY, we will run too!"
~Kristy~
Monday, March 12, 2012
Time Away
With a quick call to my amazing sister-in-law, we had a sitter for the week-end, and it was settled. Of course secretly, I fretted about money! Easter is coming and my sister is getting married in a week, how we were going to afford new outfits for these things plus a host of other things AND go up north for the week end too??
As the weeks drug on until the planned time away & a bizillion things went wrong!! Rod & I were frusterated and snapping at each other consently! We needed this!!!Although joblessness is not life nor death, it is extremely stressfull on our marriage and on our health's. I am so thankful that God has put yet more people in our lives to show us that He is still working, even when His schedule & mine do not agree.
Steph invited Rod & I up north to a cute little cottage in January. We had began trying to plan a couple's getaway last year, so with both of our husbands birthdays approaching, she jumped at the chance to finally plan the get away as a birthday gift to them. And since we both have very demanding two year olds ( oh and other children too ha ha), this get away was necessary for them too!!
This was not the typical vaction most people dream of..we literally did nothing most of the time and it was simply fantastic!!!!
The simplicity of the cottage was what the Lord ordered for me to help refocus on some of the things I was struggling with and it was nice to relax and laugh. A few things that were lacking a bit in my life.
Our kids had fun having some time away from us too!! Being spoiled by Mamaw & Papaw and Aunt Stacy!! My daddy is a truck driver, and not home enough to take the boys for week-end for us. So, it is wonderful that Rod's parent step in to help us with this. Aunt Stacy keeps them at home, when they feel comfortable enough to sleep while we are away and make them fun treats & shopping for new toys. Its a group effort, but I know they are well cared for which helps me (and Rod) take a break for a minute.
I try to take care in not posting or blogging about things that I think may cause someone else to stumble. Too often, I have seen people intentionlly put things out there to make me or other jealous of what they have and others do not. It is hurtful and I do not wanna be "that" person.
Yet, I wanted to touch on this a bit because God can use other people to meet your needs without you exactly realizing. When I orginally said ok to going with Steph & Mike for the week-end, I began to frett about the money portion of the trip. Since money is something I often frett over right now, I was not sure how to make this work but I knew that Rod &I NEEDED a break from reality for a short bit. This was something we had to do to continue to cope with the stressful reality that we live in.
The closer the week-end got, as many things fell out of place, a few fell into place and I began to focus less on the money and the need to just recharge my batteries. As soon as I took my eyes off the money, that was when I allowed God to work. It's funny how we are often our own stumbling blocks and we restricked God from doing what He does best.."Supply all our needs according to His riches in Heaven".
So, as much as Steph would say " I did not do anything special", she did by simply listening to what the Holy Spirit was saying. Sometimes the calling is simple, to make a dinner for someone or send a card or a text. Other times it is more and often we have to say no to other things that we really want to do to do what God is calling us to do. I want to make no mistake in glorifying my friends, when it was truly the Lord speaking through them and they were just being obedient to the calling of God. How else would they have known we needed this so desperately right now at this particularly point in our lives?? They could not have!!
It is not easy to discern what we want to do verses what God is asking us to do.But God is calling...are you listening???
~Kristy~
Thursday, March 8, 2012
What is going on here???
My heart is beating out of my chest as I type, the reality is that I just do not wanna face what my fingers are typing but I can not stop myself.
I attempt with all sincerity to be transparent with my struggles, inconsistencies, imperfections and out-in-out bad behavior so that God may use me to to help someone else. Of course this often means my character gets called into question because in order to be more Christ-like because you have to admit you were less Christ-like to begin with.
These past weeks, it feels like less Christ like is an understatement!! I have yelled at a store cashier, thrown dinner on the floor because it did not turn out to my perfection, mumbled under my breathe at every little irritating thing and cried for 3 hours over a picture frame,only to name a few.At the ends of my tirades or moments of insanity, I can not even remember what set these emotions into play in the first place. I am left physically drained and emotionally overwhelmed because I simply have no idea what on earth is happening here.
I sat last night and listed to a Beth Moore study, that said when you are feeling overwhelmed that the only way up is down. Face Down. Carpet Fibers up the nose, face down before the Lord.
Overwhelmed is an understatement, I chided as I lisened. I am so overwhelmed I am upside down and inside out overwhelmed.
Then, I discipline myself..I have friends struggling with diseases, with the loss of children, who are talking care of sick parents, who are taking care of sick children, and I have the audacity to even complain the my husband does not have a job??? Who are you kidding here??
Yet, here I am. I have talked to God.Nothing. I have begged God.Nothing. I have yelled at God.Nothing.
What are we doing wrong?
What are we not learning?
What are we not seeing?
What is the big picture we are missing?
What is the details we are missing?
These are the same tormenting questions I have been asking myself for three long years now. I have seen God moving when we need Him most, He has never failed us. He has provided our needs, and sometimes even our wants. But so it seems, when I talk and want an answer, instead of the answer I desire or even one that I do not it appears I get nothing in return.
I am sincerely confused, because I know that God is there and He is listening. His word tells me so and since God is incapable of lying, and that He is the truth, I know He has the answers that I am seeking.
So, where are the answers??
This it leaves me often asking myself: "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE???"
Beth Moore, said it simply, the only way up is down. I have prayed. Alot,in fact. But I can honestly said I have never gotten face down looking for a fresh start from God.
I mean, why not?? Why have I not stepped up and stepped into humility and admitted that I am desperate to hear from Him?? That I am surrounded by conflicted and I can not fix this without Him???
I think that this is an intensly private issue, between myself and my Lord but I am called to share with those people around me who are also struggling with life as we know it, to listen to God's word and to help them realize what a friend help me to realize that they only way up is down, through the midst of conflict, to follow Moses and Aaron's example to fall face down and seek God.
I am so sincerely blessed enough to have an amazing group of women in my life that follow hard after God, and talk to me honestly, sincerely and openly never humilating me, belittling me or making fun of me because I am searching so hard to hear for God. Instead they lift me up, and help me through this desert experience.This is just one of the ways I know that God is still there.This is one of the reasons I share this with you because God is calling!! Calling me and maybe you, to be Face down before me and simply worship.
Listen to Beth Moore's Face Down, and may it encourage you the way it encourage me!!
If music is your form of encouragement, try Casting Crown's Praise you in THIS storm. I love this song and it reminds me that God is always with me.
A few Face Down Scriptures:
~Leviticus 9:5-7~
~Joshua 5:13-14~
~Numbers 13:31-14:5~
~Numbers 20:1-6~
~2Chronicles12:17~
~Matthew 26:38-39~
I attempt with all sincerity to be transparent with my struggles, inconsistencies, imperfections and out-in-out bad behavior so that God may use me to to help someone else. Of course this often means my character gets called into question because in order to be more Christ-like because you have to admit you were less Christ-like to begin with.
These past weeks, it feels like less Christ like is an understatement!! I have yelled at a store cashier, thrown dinner on the floor because it did not turn out to my perfection, mumbled under my breathe at every little irritating thing and cried for 3 hours over a picture frame,only to name a few.At the ends of my tirades or moments of insanity, I can not even remember what set these emotions into play in the first place. I am left physically drained and emotionally overwhelmed because I simply have no idea what on earth is happening here.
I sat last night and listed to a Beth Moore study, that said when you are feeling overwhelmed that the only way up is down. Face Down. Carpet Fibers up the nose, face down before the Lord.
Overwhelmed is an understatement, I chided as I lisened. I am so overwhelmed I am upside down and inside out overwhelmed.
Then, I discipline myself..I have friends struggling with diseases, with the loss of children, who are talking care of sick parents, who are taking care of sick children, and I have the audacity to even complain the my husband does not have a job??? Who are you kidding here??
Yet, here I am. I have talked to God.Nothing. I have begged God.Nothing. I have yelled at God.Nothing.
What are we doing wrong?
What are we not learning?
What are we not seeing?
What is the big picture we are missing?
What is the details we are missing?
These are the same tormenting questions I have been asking myself for three long years now. I have seen God moving when we need Him most, He has never failed us. He has provided our needs, and sometimes even our wants. But so it seems, when I talk and want an answer, instead of the answer I desire or even one that I do not it appears I get nothing in return.
I am sincerely confused, because I know that God is there and He is listening. His word tells me so and since God is incapable of lying, and that He is the truth, I know He has the answers that I am seeking.
So, where are the answers??
This it leaves me often asking myself: "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE???"
Beth Moore, said it simply, the only way up is down. I have prayed. Alot,in fact. But I can honestly said I have never gotten face down looking for a fresh start from God.
I mean, why not?? Why have I not stepped up and stepped into humility and admitted that I am desperate to hear from Him?? That I am surrounded by conflicted and I can not fix this without Him???
I think that this is an intensly private issue, between myself and my Lord but I am called to share with those people around me who are also struggling with life as we know it, to listen to God's word and to help them realize what a friend help me to realize that they only way up is down, through the midst of conflict, to follow Moses and Aaron's example to fall face down and seek God.
I am so sincerely blessed enough to have an amazing group of women in my life that follow hard after God, and talk to me honestly, sincerely and openly never humilating me, belittling me or making fun of me because I am searching so hard to hear for God. Instead they lift me up, and help me through this desert experience.This is just one of the ways I know that God is still there.This is one of the reasons I share this with you because God is calling!! Calling me and maybe you, to be Face down before me and simply worship.
Listen to Beth Moore's Face Down, and may it encourage you the way it encourage me!!
If music is your form of encouragement, try Casting Crown's Praise you in THIS storm. I love this song and it reminds me that God is always with me.
A few Face Down Scriptures:
~Leviticus 9:5-7~
~Joshua 5:13-14~
~Numbers 13:31-14:5~
~Numbers 20:1-6~
~2Chronicles12:17~
~Matthew 26:38-39~
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Susanna Wesley, A Proverbs 31 Mother
She was the youngest of twenty five, born in 1669 to the family of Dr. Samuel Annesley, a well-known, powerful minister.At thirteen Susanna decided to stop attending her father’s church and joined the Church of England on her own, obviously independent and determined early on. I can appreciate that spirit about her, even if those around Susanna at that time did not. I think that is what makes her influence so powerful because it transends time.
She married when she was twenty to Samuel Wesley,he was twenty-six.Their marriage is a fascinating mixture of devotion, love, arguments, commitment, and mutual faith in God. Like some married couples some of us might know they had some fierce arguments. One political difference between them caused Samuel to leave for months.This may have broken many women of that era of time, but not Susanna, that determination that I spoke of earlier served her well during this time in her life.
What struck me most when reading about thier marriage was how it mirrored my own. Often in couples, one gives way to the other to keep the peace, and does not fairly easily. Not Susanna and Samuel. The friction between them was often how determined they were to hold to thier own will and opinions. I have learned that in my own marriage, that sometimes being right does not always make me happy. Nor does being submissive make me a door mat, it is a delicate balance it has taken me almost ten years to learn the basics and by no means have I "arrived". Yet like the Wesley's, Rod and I are strong-willed, and hard headed then the fireworks fly but of us ( and them) holding firm to get our own way. Does this sound like anyone else other than me??
Susanna and Samuel always seemed to work past thier issues and come back together and reaffirm thier love and commitment to one another. As a result, they had 19 children together. Nine of which, did not live past the age of two. Susanna had sincere determination to raise God-honoring children who lived thier lives for Him. In determination was incredible and through great adversities, she over came them to make sure her ten living children followed Christ, even when she found herself doubting.
I find a kindred spirit in Susanna Wesley, especially in her rules to raise well-adjusted, well mannered children. I have read many, many parently books on different topics, styles, do's and don'ts, etc, etc. They all keep coming back to these 16 rules of sorts that were set in place hundred's of years ago that are so applicable to us today:
1. Eating between meals not allowed. (3 meals a day – no snacks)
2. As children they are to be in bed by 8 p.m. (starting with the youngest)
3. They are required to take medicine without complaining. (although they
did throw up)
4. Subdue self-will in a child, and those working together with God to save
the child’s soul. (main point)
5. To teach a child to pray as soon as he can speak. (Lord’s Prayer twice
daily – then others)
6. Require all to be still during Family Worship.
7. Give them nothing that they cry for, and only that when asked for politely.
(No crying – odious sound – strictly enforced)
8. To prevent lying, punish no fault which is first confessed and repented of.
(one child trouble, rest readily honest)
9. Never allow a sinful act to go unpunished. (willful disobedience or
wrongdoing)
10. Teach children to fear the rod. (spanked them early – not necessary later)
11. Never punish a child twice for a single offense. (once dealt with never
mentioned again)
12. Comment and reward good behavior. (this freely and positively done)
3
13. Any attempt to please, even if poorly performed, should be commended.
(good job – great try)
14. Preserve property rights, even in the smallest matters. (even to a pin, give
something away not yours)
15. Strictly observe all promises. (Hers and others)
16. Require no daughter to work before she can read well. (taught Latin,
Greek, all subjects – then duties – EDUCATION 6 hours a day 5 years old
and up)
The thing that rather overwhelms me as I read the list and the testimony of her
children is her amazing consistency. They knew exactly what was expected of them and
what would happen good or bad. She was free with her love and positive reinforcement but they knew perfectly well what would happen if they misbehaved. Susanna Wesley approached being a mother as an awesome stewardship over the eternal destinies often human beings. She believed if she did her job well then all her children would followGod’s way and be with her in heaven for eternity.
Although the verbage of these rules may seem outdated, the idea is what is the most striking. In 2006, I began seeking diligently my "ministry", what was God's will for me to do for Him on this earth? I prayed, cried, and begged God to reveal His purpose for me. Thr irony is that, I was in the throw's of my ministry and did not even realize it. My mission field was my home, and all those who entered there. My children and my husband, desperately needed me to seek God's will for our home and help God throw our home to achieve His purpose for each one of thier lives. We have all heard the saying, "If mama aint happy, aint nobody happy". Well if there isn't any happiness in our homes, how is God going to achieve the best from us?
That is why Susanna Wesley speaks so loudly to me, because no matter what she allowed God to use her to help achieve the best from her children.She believed very strongly in daily prayer and if she could not find a private place in the house to pray, she put her apron over her head as a sign to the children to be extra quiet, mom was praying.One famous incident from her life occurred when Samuel was away for almost a year, either in debtor’s prison which happened to him more than once or at an extended church meeting in London (sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between those two!) He left another pastor in charge of Sunday services and they were so bad the congregation dwindled down to a handful. Susanna went dutifully with the children but felt like they needed more spiritual encouragement so she started a Sunday afternoon service in the rectory/parsonage where she read her favorite sermons from the library.Word got around and finally with standing room only they had two hundred people in the house. The guest preacher got mad and wrote Samuel to make Susanna stop. Several letters went back and forth before finally Susanna wrote that she would stop the Sunday afternoon services if Samuel would take responsibility for each person’s soul at Judgment Day. Samuel dropped it and Susanna kept up the services.
Now all this time young John Wesley is watching and learning. Many of the actions
of the Methodist movement can be traced back to Susanna’s kitchen and living room:
Women in leadership roles, lay preachers, preaching where the people were, and how
they set up systems of care.
With ten children Susanna instituted a system of the oldest paired with the youngest
for a number of things. She did not attempt to get each child ready for bed herself, for
instance. The oldest helped the youngest and so forth. Many believe this experience
encouraged John Wesley to give lots of responsibilities to a wide range of people to get
he mission accomplished. He never attempted to do it all himself, something he learned
from his mother.And he kept learning from her. As a grown man he wrote her letters and asked her advice. He considered her wise in the ways of God and well worth listening to.She lived and died a hero of the faith at the age of 73, devout and faithful to God, dedicated as a mother and a follower of Jesus Christ. Like the woman of
Proverbs 31: 25-31
Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. 26
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her
tongue. 27 She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the
bread of idleness. 28 Her children rise up and call her happy; her husband too,
and he praises her: 29 "Many women have done excellently, but you surpass
them all." 30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the
LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her a share in the fruit of her hands, and let her
Thursday, March 1, 2012
God is calling
I took some time away from FB last month, to Fast and Pray. I am not sure I did "it" right, I was so insistent about learning about the art of Fasting and Praying, I think I missed some of the importance. This is of course, is in true "Kristy" fashion! I read so many books about being a mother Korbins first year of life, I forgot to stop and book them into practice!!
I spent most of the morning debating what to do with the month I had just participated it. I was blessed beyond measure to be apart of my Bestie's first daughter being born on the 17th. I sat in the waiting room at the hospital with my friends three son's trying be patient, but that just was not working! Outwardly smiling at the boys, inwardly I began praying for each of them as their lives and home was going to change with the tiny wail of this little angel. I love these boys as much as one of their "mom's friends" could. I have watched them grow of the last several years, and they have been astounding examples to my sons and servants of the Almighty. I did not want to appear overly sappy in the moment, so I slid my sun glasses down to wipe my eyes as I thanked God again for my Bestie and her family yet again.
I prayed for many years for a "real friend". I had many people come and go from my life, not being able to withstand the pressure of being friends with me. I am a little neurotic at times and have alot of little quirks as well as a sense of humor that alot of people just simple do not understand. It appears that it has been easier for people to judge me and walk away than to find out why I am the way I am. My childhood best friend lives in Tennessee, and she has set the bar for all other friends extremely high. She has been there for me and with me in the most horrorific moments of my life, Pam is worth her weight in gold. Yet, Tennessee is not right down the street and both she and I need those people who do live just down the street to be there for us in our daily lives. Without these friends, day to day life is a bit lonely. So, when God chose to answer my prayer for a real friend, He gave me two!! My Bestie, S and my BBF, K!! I am eternally greatful to God for giving me these ladies!! Some people do not get any "real" friends to share in their lives and support them when things are falling apart. God gave me three!! This month, He reminded me how much these amazing friends mean to me!!
At first, breaking the FB addiction was hard. Then as hard as it was, all of a sudden it wasn't. I went to bed one night, missing the key strokes as my fingers went clickety clack checking in on friends and family alike. As I drifted into dreamland, I heard clearly, "Stop missing them and start missing me". And with that, I did.
It does not make sense, logically. How overnight you can start to yearn for something or someone that you did not realize that you missed in the first place. I found I missed the peace within my soul. I missed communicating with my husband instead of looking over the top of a laptop. I missed laughing and playing with my kids. I missed being ok with me. I missed talking to God, and listening for Him, and singing His praises randomly throughout the day. I missed God and His blessings and they were all right in front of me. I was missing it and it was right in front of my face!!
The reality was that I sat out this past month of Fasting and Praying for God to show me something that I had never seen before. I have been looking so hard for the reason that Rod is unemployed, what was God saying that I was not hearing? Now, I am left wondering if what He is saying what He has been saying all along, "Be still and Know I am God".
Still is simply not something I am good at. Remember me, slightly neurotic?! I am always busy doing something, thinking about something I should be doing or making a list of something I should be thinking about doing. So, when God is asking me to be still and I often asking "Are you sure God? But..."then I go on to list me excuses to do what ever I am doing. The reality is, often I am doing what is on my agenda for me but not what is on God's agenda for me and if I would be more still I think I would find out what God has for me today instead of what I have for me today.
As the day has progressed, I still do not have an answer as to what I should do with the past month, nor how I should proceed from here. But, the answer is clear..when God calls you have to answer! God is calling me to be more still, and put away my superwomen cape and "Be Still and Know that I am God".
I spent most of the morning debating what to do with the month I had just participated it. I was blessed beyond measure to be apart of my Bestie's first daughter being born on the 17th. I sat in the waiting room at the hospital with my friends three son's trying be patient, but that just was not working! Outwardly smiling at the boys, inwardly I began praying for each of them as their lives and home was going to change with the tiny wail of this little angel. I love these boys as much as one of their "mom's friends" could. I have watched them grow of the last several years, and they have been astounding examples to my sons and servants of the Almighty. I did not want to appear overly sappy in the moment, so I slid my sun glasses down to wipe my eyes as I thanked God again for my Bestie and her family yet again.
I prayed for many years for a "real friend". I had many people come and go from my life, not being able to withstand the pressure of being friends with me. I am a little neurotic at times and have alot of little quirks as well as a sense of humor that alot of people just simple do not understand. It appears that it has been easier for people to judge me and walk away than to find out why I am the way I am. My childhood best friend lives in Tennessee, and she has set the bar for all other friends extremely high. She has been there for me and with me in the most horrorific moments of my life, Pam is worth her weight in gold. Yet, Tennessee is not right down the street and both she and I need those people who do live just down the street to be there for us in our daily lives. Without these friends, day to day life is a bit lonely. So, when God chose to answer my prayer for a real friend, He gave me two!! My Bestie, S and my BBF, K!! I am eternally greatful to God for giving me these ladies!! Some people do not get any "real" friends to share in their lives and support them when things are falling apart. God gave me three!! This month, He reminded me how much these amazing friends mean to me!!
At first, breaking the FB addiction was hard. Then as hard as it was, all of a sudden it wasn't. I went to bed one night, missing the key strokes as my fingers went clickety clack checking in on friends and family alike. As I drifted into dreamland, I heard clearly, "Stop missing them and start missing me". And with that, I did.
It does not make sense, logically. How overnight you can start to yearn for something or someone that you did not realize that you missed in the first place. I found I missed the peace within my soul. I missed communicating with my husband instead of looking over the top of a laptop. I missed laughing and playing with my kids. I missed being ok with me. I missed talking to God, and listening for Him, and singing His praises randomly throughout the day. I missed God and His blessings and they were all right in front of me. I was missing it and it was right in front of my face!!
The reality was that I sat out this past month of Fasting and Praying for God to show me something that I had never seen before. I have been looking so hard for the reason that Rod is unemployed, what was God saying that I was not hearing? Now, I am left wondering if what He is saying what He has been saying all along, "Be still and Know I am God".
Still is simply not something I am good at. Remember me, slightly neurotic?! I am always busy doing something, thinking about something I should be doing or making a list of something I should be thinking about doing. So, when God is asking me to be still and I often asking "Are you sure God? But..."then I go on to list me excuses to do what ever I am doing. The reality is, often I am doing what is on my agenda for me but not what is on God's agenda for me and if I would be more still I think I would find out what God has for me today instead of what I have for me today.
As the day has progressed, I still do not have an answer as to what I should do with the past month, nor how I should proceed from here. But, the answer is clear..when God calls you have to answer! God is calling me to be more still, and put away my superwomen cape and "Be Still and Know that I am God".
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