I can NOT believe today is the last day of January!! This month has flown by!!
Tomorrow is suppose to be D-Day for our gluten free life style but I guess I did not realize it was a Friday! So, I am wondering if D-Day should wait until the first Monday of the month?? It gives me a few more days to use some of the things in my pantry without the guilt of buying it and not using it. Although, I will be giving away what we are not using to our church's food pantry or my sister if it is frozen or perishable.
At my sister's house, my neice has a horrorible milk allergy that causes her as much agony as Korbin's gluten causes him. Going gluten free will also give me a chance to try out some lactose free treats for her as well. As Korbin sobbed through the grocery store yesterday, I made a mental vow to make this transition as easy for him as I can.
After school yesterday we went to Wal-mart to pick up some potato's for dinner. Korbin had asked for meatloaf, my friend Serena gave me the best meatloaf recipe and Korbin adores it.He was secretly afraid he was saying good-bye to another food he enjoys. I had already seen scoping out GF crackers that I could substitute for the Ritz, but I did not tell him. As I posted before, I am cleaning up my cabinet and needed in addition to some potato's a few things to organize with since a trip to the dollar store was a bust!
Once in the gluten free isle at the store Korbin began picking up bags of pretzels and they all seemed to say " Made on a machine that processes peanuts" which means he can not have them. Checking bag after bag I heard him groan, then I looked to see my little boy red faced and crying. I pulled him close and wiped his eyes. I kissed the top of his head over & over again trying to reassure him that this is for the best and hoped that he did not feal my tears falling on his head.
Who knew a trip to the grocery store would be this hard?????
The reality is, I have no idea what to say to make this better for him!! In my best effort, I told him lets focus on what he can have! We headed over to the baking isle and I showed him the GF cake mixes, brownie mix and cookie mix. This seemed to lighten his spirits a bit as he realized mommy could still bake for him. I headed next to the candy isle and showed him the Swedish fish and Hersey bars that he could still have. He immediately picked up more than I normally would have let him buy, but today I was not going to tell him no!! We picked up some cocoa pepples and some GF Rice Krispies for Rice Krispie treats, and started to make our way to the front of the store.
Korb asked if he could pick up his valentines for his friends today and I welcomed anything to take his mind off of things. Looking through the red & pink boxes, Korbbie asked randomly " Mom how long do we have to do this before I get my "real" life back". I felt as if my heart was going to burst out of my chest as I tried to steady my breathing before answering. I did not want to answer this...
"This can be a forever kinda thing, son. We do not know until we try." I answered honestly as I looked at his beautiful blue eyes as big as half dollars.
His face turned bright red and his ears were a crimson and he let out an " Ughhrrrrr" and he sobbed. He cried hard and he chest convulsed for breath and he grieved bitterly in the middle of the store. He did not care who watched him as he whispered loudly which I can only assume he was praying. I have found comfort in the arms of my Heavenly Father in those moment of intense pain & confusion, so I can only believe that Korbin was talking his problems to the foot of the cross too. My heart was broken for him beyond what will ever be repaired in the same manor ever again. God was the only one now who could give him wisdom, strength, clarity and hope for the future.
"One day at a time, my sweet boy,one day at a time." I whispered into his ear as I wiped his tears for the second time at the store that day.
He wiped his face and asked earnestly, "Mom Miss Nina said no dark pop. Can I have Mt. Dew. I can make it through with Mt. Dew!!" I laughed loudly which in turn brought a light back to his red eyes. "Yes, son, I believe you can" and he reached into the small cooler by the check out before I had finished my sentence.
In the car we turned up Toby Mac and song along loudly.Music always seemed to calm things down for Korbin & I. I held his hand and for once, he did not pull away as if he was too big to hold my hand anymore. Quietly, I prayed for peace for my sweet boy and asked God to equip him for the journey ahead. What ever it may be or how ever long it is.
This morning I began to clean out the cabinets and organize them. As I did, I prayed the God would give me wisdom how to cook for my family in this "new" way and how to spot the gluten in items because I am still so unsure of all the forms it can be listed in an ingredient's list.
Plus in some warped kinda way, I am super excited about my new organized cabinets!! I am such a nerd!! Ha ha ha!! I will post pictures when they are all complete!!
~Kristy~
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