I had just spent 10 days in the hospital and it was days before Christmas; we had almost nothing for the boys, no groceries, I had tubes sticking out of my stomach in various places, I had a new born I could no longer nurse because of medication from the surgery and Rod was still unemployed. How did people think I was doing???
Just like when you whack your thumb with a hammer, and you scream at the top of your lungs, someone inevitably comes running into the room and asks are you ok? You yell "No I am not ok!" and people often shake their heads in agreement. They get it.
But when things are falling apart, and you want to scream I am not ok! Too many people shake their heads in disgust and mumble something about I thought SHE was a Christan?! Well darn it, I am a Christan and I say its time that we stop asking people to pretend things are fine when they aren't!!
Rods unemployment was a very dark time for he & I both, and I would often go to church sobbing looking for comfort and direction. Instead I would get a lecture about my faith is not strong enough and I am not trusting God enough or I must be "sinning" and I need to repent from my sins so that God will bless us again. Instead of being encouraged at church, I would often walk away more discouraged and more forced to pretend that things were ok. ( This one of the reasons we changed churches, encase you were wondering).
Inside I was screaming, THINGS ARE NOT OK!!
I needed a hug. I needed kindness. I needed compassion. I needed understanding. I did not need someone to know what to say, or even do. I just needed someone to be there, and maybe even pray with me or point me back to the Cross. But the last thing I needed was another person asking me if I was ok?!
Later, I learned that alot of our trials were not even about us. They were about those watching us and many, many, many told me that as they watched me struggle the were encouraged because I was real. I knew God had all that I needed and could/would bring us through what we are enduring but my feelings were very real and I often had more questions than answers. My faith was never really an issue, I knew my faith was sincere and alive, as well as my trust. Yet, this is where my faith and trust was put into action, regardless of my feelings and questions, at the end of this day this is what I clung too.
Somewhere in the middle of this, I stopped looking at me and mine, started looking at God. Regardless of what was going on, my creator deserved my worship. Honestly, in the very beginning this was just a decision. Today for x amount of minutes, I was not going to ask for anything I was just going pray and thank God for who He is.Some days I just sat there with nothing to say, just listening for something ANYTHING. It was never that God was not good or I did not have something to worship about or give thanks for, but I was hurting so much, I could not do or say anything.
That seemed to go on forever!
Yet, something seemed to be changing in me. I did not notice it at first, because life was still whirling around me. Then one day at church, it happened. The most amazing worship service I had ever experienced!! At that time I put off all the pain, heartache, questions and confusion and just stood in the presence of the Lord. I knew I was changed forever, even if my circumstances did not change or even got worse. The song that plays in my head forever from that day is Never let go.
God never let's go, and it just kinda clicked!
Today, we are on the other side of Rod's unemployment storm. I seen how God cupped us in His hands and carried us through the storm. But there is always another storm just around the corner.
If you have not endured a storm yet, one is coming.
Or maybe you are enduring a storm right now or know someone how is.
You do not have to have all the answers or know what to say, especially to God. Its all right to cry out to Him. You are important to God, He gave His son to repair the gap that sin caused so that we can have a relationship with Him. He wants us to talk to Him, and just as a parent on earth will stop what he or she is doing because their child is that important to them regardless of what else is going on or who else is important to them, so will your Heavenly Father. You mean that much too Him!!
Even if you have never talk to Him before, He is waiting for you! You can call on Him anytime!
Is ok to be mad, hurt, angry or scared. One of the things that happened when Jesus came to earth is that He experienced human emotion. There is no feeling we have, that Jesus did not experience. He gets it! Talk to Him! He is the friend that sticks closer than a brother!
It is also ok to release emotion, talk to a friend, hit a punching bag, go for a run, get it outta your system! Its also ok to take some time to yourself to do this, your not being a bad____( fill in the blank) because you do. You need it!!
Lastly, this should be a gimme! If you are trying to be an encouragement to someone who is going through a storm, call or send an email but what ever you do do not ask HOW ARE YOU DOING??
My favorite thing someone said to me was, " Hey I was checking in on you and wanted to know how to pray?" You can also substitute ".. is there anything I can do to help out?" or "..let's get away from things for a bit. When can I pick u up for coffee or bring it over?" or "..if there is anything you need to talk about I am here to listen." Those are none offensive ways to encourage someone without slamming their fthumb with a hammer and asking if they are ok?
If you want to encourage someone and are not sure how, I found a list of a few things that may help:
Let me share with you a few techniques of encouraging others I have observed which works. I can pretty much vouch for each of these because they have been applied on me at one stage or another.
- Show genuine interest. I believe this is by far the most effective way of encouraging others. Let them know you care. Express genuine interest by asking questions. Get them talking. I find the act of talking and thinking can fire up the engines (roar!). With some hope and luck, this can lead to positive action. But don’t be fake about it and don’t go overboard.
- Acknowledge what’s important to them. When you acknowledge what’s important to others, you provide a form of affirmation and validation about who they are and what they’re doing. Whether they can admit it or not, each of them deep down craves this acknowledgement. The affirmation and validation is like nitro for their confidence and self-esteem.
- Say “Well done”. Nothing worth doing is ever easy. If it’s easy, then it’s not worth doing. Worthwhile things always takes time and effort. One good way of providing encouragement is simply by saying “Well done” or “Congratulations”. These magical Words of Encouragement at the right time can make all the difference between “keep going” and “give up”.
- Say “Thank you”. Common courtesy. Good manners. That what this tip is about. It’s only natural to expect a reward after hard work. It’s only natural to thank someone when they do something for you. You can start now. Thank your wife after she cooks a nice meal. Thank your friend for lending you that Stargate DVD. A simple thank you lets others know what they have done is worthwhile and meaningful to you.
- Reciprocate the favour. If someone does something nice for you, a great way to show your appreciation is simply to reciprocate the favour. Think of this as a pendulum. They do something nice for you. You do something nice for them. They do something nice for you. You do something nice for them. And so on…
- Respond with something unexpected. Another effective way to encourage others is to respond with something totally unexpected. Out of the blue. That’s when the maximum impact is delivered. Such acts can reach them at an emotional level and our brains are hard wired to respond to emotional things.
- Ask for advice or confide in them. This is like flattery. Haven’t you felt like you were on top of the world when your peers asked you for advice or confided in you about something personal or important to them? Didn’t that make you want to help and do everything you can to ensure their faith in you is well founded?
- Offer to lend a hand. Waiting for someone to ask you for advice is passive. You can be proactive by offering to lend a hand. If that person sees that you are willing to commit your own time and energy in their interests, they will be more committed to seeing it through and less likely to give up themselves.
In the midst of pain, we have to remember to look to the Heaven and know that God provided Noah a rainbow and He will provide one for us too, it is just hard to know how long our storms will last. But just as the lighting flashes in the sky indicating a storm is starting, it also has an ending point. A friendly act of encouragement and a gentle reminder to Never Let Go makes ALL the difference during these storms until the ending point arrives!!
~Kristy~
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