Courage

The scale read this morning 256.2 lbs, which is down from the 259.7 that it was reading ( exactly 3.5lbs down!). I was pretty excited with that because I only began my Dr. Oz eating plan on Tuesday this week. It was nice for the scale to reflect what I was feeling: doing better.
I just simply feel better when I eat better. I did not really "give up" anything, I had coffee all week, and a candy bar and a couple of cup cakes that I baked for Rod's soccer team. Yet, I felt more in control because I did not scarf down 4 cup cakes at once but instead consumed 4 cupcakes over the course of 4 day, and they were still delicious just spread out.
The fact that I was feeling better gave me the courage to work out with the soccer team yesterday. I had forgotten how much I loved soccer until I felt the ball connect with my foot and the feeling of running down the field and being in control of the ball as I kick hard and it connects with the net. It was also fun to hear Korbin say, "That was cool mom! How do you put a spin on the ball like that?" It was nice not to be winded and not to be concerned about how I look running, just doing it and living in the moment.
As a child, I was told I was not an athlete.So, I never really tried. I played alot of soccer with my friends for fun, but at that time there were not soccer teams to join( that I knew of anyway). So, I joined the band and student council, doing my thing there. I watched my sister join every sports she desired and achieving reasonable success because she was the "athlete" of the family. I often wonder why this was, but as an adult it has motivated me now to be an athlete, to run the 5K  and to participate with my children in their sports never telling them what they are going to do or not do for sports or music; other than to keep their commitments and to support their endeavors.
I often find myself, at 34, battling the mentality that I am not an athletic person verses being an athletic person is something anyone can work at to become if they want it bad enough. I remember spending alot of time in doors reading, or writing because I felt it was something I could accomplish and do well at as a child instead of going outside and playing. In felt inferior, like to could not even "play" well enough, so why even bother?! 
In gym class, when we played soccer I enjoyed the thrill of the hunt chasing the ball and watching it connect with my foot as I maintained speed controlling it until I could get into position to whack the ball and with a whoosh watch it fly pass the goalie into the net. This, as one of many, is the reason I love to watch Korbin play soccer. I enjoy  connecting with my son in a sport that we both share a passion for. Sadly, I still feel inferior to the idea that " I am not a sports person" and do not share it with him as often as I should. Yesterday for whatever reason, I did not let that stop me and I enjoyed the moment.
Since Konnor is little, the moment was short, as I had to bring him home when soccer practice started. But I was thankful for what time I had, and pray that those opportunities will present themselves more often.
When I feel in control of my food, I often feel more in control of other area's of my life. That is one of the reasons that the year after my gastric bypass I changed and grew so much as a person. I did not like the person that "fat" Kristy was. I hid behind the weight and ate my way through alot of the struggles and emotional issues that I carried from my childhood. Since my transformation was interrupted by my beautiful little miracle, Konnor, because I became pregnant just one year after my bypass I have taken a couple of steps backward.
With the amazing friends and people I have in my life to support me, I feel now, like I felt in 2008. Confident enough to take the step forward, instead of starting my journey and will now attempt to complete it.
Yes, I would like to meet my goal weight but more than that, I want to feel good about who I am and what I have accomplished; both on and off the scale.
I have finally come to the conclusion that I am more than the number on the scale, and my entire self worth should not rest of what the scale does or does not say. This is a battle for me, like many other, but I try to keep it in the for front off my mind, But it is nice when the number does reflect my hard work!

~Kristy~