Can you pass the regret please??

*This was written on Novemeber 12, 2012 but for some reason did not get published*

I sometimes feel like shame and regret sit on my table just like the salt and pepper shakers, and we pass them around sprinking them here, there and everywhere. Sometimes we have more and sometimes less, but we season our life with shame and regret instead of Gods abundant love and blessings which is not how our Lord intended us to live.

Someone told me once that Rod's unemployment was my fault because I did not allow him to spend our money in a certain manor. This particular person which speaking of tithing ( which is another story/topic for another time). Regardless what this persons intention was, I carried around the shame of putting my family in this perdicament and the regret of not doing what this person assumed was the right thing to do.

Let's start there; sometimes the right thing to do can become the wrong thing if it is done with the wrong attitude. God wants a cheerful giver. Even if I would have tithed but done so expecting something in return or in a spirit of duty rather than given freely out of God so freely gave to us, then there is no way to know that we still would not have ended up where we were in order for God to change our attitudes and our hearts to be closer to Him.

Which was ultimately God's plan, by the way.To bring Rod and I and our family into the right frame of worship that was acceptable and pleasing to Him, not just out of a sence of duty or obligation.

But in the midst of my regret, I could not see what God was saying, and doing in us and for us. I wish I would have read more of my bible during those times, I would have read " But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, Philippians 3:13"

If you look back in life and regret choosing a certain path, or mourn for missed opportunities, just stop thinking that way the moment you catch yourself doing that! I wish I would have done that more, realizing that this path is the path God had chosen for me and what ever choices I made in my "Free Will" most likely would have lead me here, because both God and I know that I do not learn things the easy way. Sad but true.

When you see missed opportunities and can redirect your regret, it means that you have become more mature, that you have made significant progress in term of insights and competence, and that you are able to achieve much more if you encounter similar situations again.

So the next time you see missed opportunities that you’d failed to see in the past, you should celebrate because it indicates that you have been growing. The more frequent and the sooner you spot missed opportunities that have passed you by, the more it indicates that you are rapidly improving and growing.

I look back ahead now and see that the place that I am in allows me to tithe in the right spirit because they do not focus on the obvious, money is so many peoples achilles heal and can cause more hurt, shame and regret than some people can ever begin to imagine. Instead they take thier need for money or goods, to God. Who is the giver of everything we have anyway right? So why not start with Him in your need to remove your regret, just as I did.

It is never easy! But part of removing past your regrets is forgiving yourself for missing oppertunities.
The Bible makes it clear that no one is exempt from sin, but if you confess your sin, you will receive forgiveness (1 John 1:8-9). True repentance leaves no regret! This is God’s promise. Repent! Regret isn’t repentence. Regret only brings negative emotions and thoughts, but don’t confuse it with genuine repentance and humility.

How do you get over regrets?
 
Here is the list of a few things that may be helpful ( I wish these were mine, but they were in some sermon notes I found when I began thinking about how I regret over so much!)

Be successful now: No need for regret or mid-life crisis. You can have success now if you start meditating on God’s word and obey, because God had promised that we will prosper if we obey His commands and think about His words day and night. (Psalm 1:2-3, Deuteronomy 28:13, John 15:4-7)

Let God speaks to you: God is the giver of consolations. If you practice spiritual disciplines such as prayer and solitude, in time you will learn how to pay attention to God’s voice, and every time He speaks, He gently reminds and comforts. Although the Lord does rebuke us, He will never do so carelessly like humans do. I tend to have excessive guilt and regrets easily, but instead of forcing myself to be positive, I let God speaks to my heart. Every time I do that, my self-doubts & imaginary guilt will be gone.Speed over stall: Most obstacles are psychological rather than real. Regrets breed stalls. You have to realize that it doesn’t take really long to really make real progress in anything, be it skills, academics, careers, relationships, or any other achievements. If the matter you worry about is mainly an issue of competence, please understand that competence can be improved very quickly if you just stop stalling and start taking action.
Forgive yourselves: If you keep beating yourselves up over past sins and the consequences of sins, you haven’t forgiven yourselves yet. The Lord make it clear that if you don’t others, He will not forgive you (Matthew 18: 21-35). This includes forgiving yourself! If you don’t forgive yourself, the Lord won’t forgive you!
Repent and Godly Sorrow: Don’t beat yourself up and create worldly sorrow. A Christian is to walk with the Spirit, so he or she should feel guilty only if the Spirit of God rebukes him or her, and bring his or her sins to light. It’s easy to become legalistic and perfectionistic.

Write Journals: You don’t know what your thoughts are until you write them down. Memory is unreliable; it is a subjective interpretation of what really happened. And the longer time passed, the more easy it is to twist your memory. To prevent imaginative regret, make journal entry regularly so when you doubt yourself in the future, you can always refer to the journal and check what exactly were going on in the past. This help you sympathize with your past.

Acceptance: Almost 90%+ of the outcomes in life have occurred because of your choices and character. In the future you are likely to repeat the way you have done things in the past anyway, so don’t spend your energy to regret the past, but focus on character growth and learning to make wiser choices now. No matter how imperfect you were, this was you. You have to accept yourself, knowing that you have been trying the best, with the resources and experiences that you had at the times.

I would like to start seasoning my life with joy and love rather than shame and regret, and the only way to really do that is to forgive myself and to move on. It sounds simple but it rarely is. But anything worth having is worth fighting for, and a right relationship with the Savior is definately worth fighting for. And a little less burden & a abundant life while living here on earth is an added benefit too ;-)

~Kristy~