Not Normal

Korbins school called me at 10:32 am and as I hung up a normal phone call with his teacher,I wondered when my heart was gonna stop dropping down to my toes and back whenever the school calls?

Today's phone call was about Korbin earning a treat for achieving a certain number of reading points. Since his teacher was out yesterday, she did not send home the information saying that she was getting him the treat and making sure it was OK.

I smiled as I walked across the college campus to take my second final of the day. Our family has been blessed with Korbin having some great teachers (even with our speed bumps with the school), and I was thankful how much they loved him.

Once home for the day, I turned on the computer to see the headlines everywhere about the ELEMENTARY school in CT, where at this point at least 30 are dead and the majority are children. The cause of the horrific massacre is still unknown as I type, my head still spins each time I hear that number.

Normal.

I bet at 10:32 the phone calls began to trickle in around the community, and parents began to race to the school where they assumed their children had been doing normal, routine things at school. Little did they know, their lives would never be normal, as they viewed it before, ever again. By this time, they were just realizing the extent of the damage this day had brought them.

As I wiped my face, and cleaned my eyes from the tears stains, I put back on my shoes and headed to Korbins school. I was met in the hallway by Korbins principle. You could see her searching my clothing for my name badge, and once her eyes found it she smiled at me. It was a sad smile." We are trying to be as normal as possible here," she assured me as I asked if our school kids knew about what was going on around the country right now. She shook her head, indicating no.

As we walked down the hallway, I noticed all of the doors were closed. As she headed to the 4th grade door, she knocked and used her key to enter. Just inside, I hear the teacher remind her students that none of them are too open the door. Only she [the teacher] is to open it. Just as I arrive at Korbins classroom door, I knock to enter and I hear his teach give the same instructions. I smile at her, and thank her for opening the door and I notice her tear filled eyes. For a moment, we searched around the class room and it felt as if she wished she could be at her child's school checking on him or her too.

There was excited chatter as the kids finished their end of the day activies, to them it was a normal routine that they took for granted. I was so thankful for the school reacting quickly, and not acting as if what happened there could not happen here. The sad truth hit us all: if those things are hitting sleepy, little communities then they can certainly hit in the suburbs of a major city. It is frightening to think about, that people are attacking our children at school!!!

As I entered my bedroom and closed the door to keep from Korbin hearing me, I whispered loudly into the phone, "I am rethinking home schooling!" as Rod agreed with me. Then told me that there was also attack on children today in China too!!
My heart broke again!! 

As I packed Korbins bag to spend the night with his Mamaw & Papaw, I desperately was fighting the urge to keep him home with me where I knew for certain everything he was doing and under my watchful eye he is/was completely safe. Then I told him that I had something to tell him, and I did not want him to ask why but I wanted him to trust me & his teacher and listen to me very clearly and obey. His eyes open wide and he replies, "Of Course!" He knows when I tell him something in this manor it is of the utmost importance, " Do exactly what your teacher asked regarding the door and do not open it for anyone. Allow her to open the door to the guests who come into the school."

Homeschool. I am going to homeschool the boys and keep them with me until they are 40627589.009 years old!!!

My heart is broken into a million pieces and as sit and think about what other mothers of third graders or eight year olds may be facing this evening. I am praying for them that the Lord our God will hear their cries and comfort their broken hearts and wipe away their tears over and over again as they attempt to make sense of something that makes no sense at all!!

As I prayed, I began to hum Count your blessings name them one by one and for every tear each person cried over the events of the massacre at the elementary school today, I asked God to bless them as he healed their hearts beyond their wildest dreams according all the He has in Heaven, and on Earth and beyond all that we may think of or even know.

I also thanked God for my blessings, and that I may not know nor ever take those blessing for granted. Especially the blessings of my beautiful boys and loving husband. The blessing of serving a risen Savior. The blessing of close friends. The blessings of parents, and step-parents. The blessing of a church family who prays with you, rejoices with you and crys with you. The blessing of a home, a warm bed and a car to drive. The blessing of blessings and both answered and non answered prayers. The blessing of praying to a prayer hearing and pray answering God. The blessing of taking a heart breaking moment and trying to turn it in too something to give God Glory about. Again, I pray that all those involved may be able to do so too, in time.

Psalm 18:6 "In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears".

~With a very heavy heart, Kristy~