Overwhelmed

Yesterday was just a bad, bad day.

It started on Tuesday, when the phone rang and it was Korbins school. For the rest of the day, I was one the phone. Again.

The acting principle called me to say the Korbin was not getting "his" lunch. This is the 3rd time this year we have has issues with him getting lunch.

Last year we had a 504 plan drawn up to address how Korbin is to have things done at school since his food allergy is so severe and we have problems with the lunch room last year too!!

This year, in our 504 meeting we addressed what Korbin is eating for lunch when he buys lunch at school. When Korbin was in the 1st grade, he asked to buy lunch. Him doing this was very much out of my comfort zone!! I would happily keep him in a bubble, my bubble, for the rest of his life. But since I can not do that, his Dad & I thought we should empower him instead of reduce him to simply being his food allergy.

There is alot that goes into Korbin buying lunch that he will never know about, and unless you deal with this yourself, you may not fully understand how you have to try and think through every detail of lunch from beginning to end and everything in between. Since Korbin is more than a Peanut allergy, and I am more than my anxiety about his peanut allergy, he buys lunch 2 or 3 times a week.

Back to this year, the new school nutritionist contacts me at the end of September and says that all of the food he has been eating at school may not actually be safe for him. Yes! I had a panic attack because my mind instantly when there, to every possibility that could have went wrong. God had surely protected him, and once again I was worshipping at my Saviors feet for His blessings and provisions. At that point, the school offered Korbin an alternative lunch, "his" lunch of a ham or turkey sandwhich, fruit, veggies, and graham crackers or a rice krispie treat. Nothing to intensive but there is something Korb gets out of going through the lunch line like everyone else.

On Tuesday, the lunch room staff did not have "his" lunch ready and how they choose to respond it was nothing less than catastrophic and left Korbin asking me, " Mommy were they laughing at me because I can not eat peanuts?" This hurt my heart! I assured him no, but these unscrupulous women just may have been. They do not care for the children they have the possibility of influencing and this is just another reason I spent all day on the phone contacting the principle, the school nutritionist and finally the superintendent.

When I was Korbins age I was made fun of because of the thick, funny looking glasses my mom use to pick out for me and the large gap between my front teeth. One of my saving graces was Mrs. Shaw. We ate lunch in our class rooms at that time and she would push the trash can from room to room. After eating is when the taunting would start, during free time. She saw this, and when I was done with my lunch she would pull me into the hallway to walk with her. She told me I was worth more than those names, and I was better than resorting to calling names in return. She boosted my self esteem, wiped my tears and helped me face each day because I knew that she was watching out for me. This the type of influence that these women could have on children, but instead they look at each child at a penny per hour in their pay check not as an amazing soul that they could encourage in some manor.

My friend Jen works/worked in lunch rooms and I know for certain that this behavior is a choice not something the school encourages of condones.

As soon as I was assure that everyone was now aware and working on the problem at hand, my head began to ache with extreme intensity and has not stopped. On Wednesday when the phone calls began again, my back and legs began to ache and I became overwhelmed. I just wanted to cry!

I know God is protecting Korbin and equipping our family for this journey. If it were not for Him, I am not sure how I would have made it thus far! There are days, when my humanity takes over and the tears begin to fall.

I do everything I can to keep my sweet baby safe. The reality is, that although he is mine on this earth, he has been God the Fathers always. He just loaned Korbin to Rod & I to love on and enjoy on this earth. I can do everything and pray for wisdom, but Korbins life and foot steps are ultimately in God's hands. I am both extremely thankful for this and overwhelmed by the reality of it.

In a moment of weakness, I posted my FB status of that wanting to cry. I need to release some of these pent up feelings, and I was never so thankful for my FB friends and family. So many posted in encouragement and texted. I really needed that right then!!!

Today, Korbin asked to buy lunch again. I really wanted to tell him NO! But that still small voice kept at me as I danced around his question, empower him remember?
Reluctantly, I said yes. This is where it starts. Do I put my faith where my mouth is? Do I trust God, really?? Do I really bel
ieve that Korbin is more than is allergy to peanuts??

As I got into the shower, I began to hum from nowhere that Veggie Tales Song God is bigger than the Boogie Man. Ha ha! God also has a sense of humor too!!

Yes! Lord! You are bigger than the Boogie man and Food Allergies and anything else I face!! You are a great & mighty God worthy of praise and no matter what each day holds. We can face it together!

What boogie man to do you need God to face with you? He will never leave you nor forsake you! No matter what you face, and I am thankful He reminded me of that this morning!!

~Kristy~