First Day Back to Work

Today is my first day at my "new" job. As you may recall, back in March, I started doing homecare one day a week. I love this job, but 2 hours a week was not getting us anywhere financially. I tried to talk to the person who does our scheduling, unfortunately, she does not have anything available for me to work in the hours I am available when Rod is home. So this left me to find something else where. Fortunately, my sisters company was hiring and the hours are right, so I applied and the offered my the position and I accepted. Today, is my first day and Rod's parents are coming down to watch Korbin while I head in for training at 2:30
I am slightly intimidated with the thought of going back to work a full 20 hours a week. I am enjoying the thought of a pay check but nervous that I will not be able to preform up to par. It has been 4 years next month that I have been in a office to work. I remember the stress, and I am not relishing in the idea of having this stress in my life again. I am currently stressed enough with getting Korbin's homeschooling off the ground and finding us a home to rent/buy in Oakland county. I am already wearing 52 hats, how many more can I wear without dropping something.
However, Rod and I have said that we we will revaluate things after christmas, and see if we are still in the need for me to work. Which is 3 months from now, and I am sure that I can handle three months of madness, if necessary. I love the thought of making my own money and fealing like a contributing member of our household. But at the same time, Korbin's child care for the 1 1/2 hours that over laps where I leave and Rod gets home, is up in the air. I am extremely picky who watchs my boy, so just not anyone will do. This is causing me alot of anxiety.
Plus, my sisters name is on the line. If I get in there and can't do things as well as she can, I might make her look bad. This is another source of stress for me. This is not just a group of kids hanging out in highschool and I am afraid she will make me look bad. This is someone's livelyhood we are talking about. She put her name and repuatation on the line for me, this is a very big deal in my family. It is one of the few things my dad stresses to us- your name & your word is all you have becareful who you give it too.
Needless to say, this morning has been kinda emotional for me. Especially when Korbin keeps asking me why I have to go to work, mommies aren't suppose to work. All I can say is that, "I wish that were true my darling, I wish that were true". But on the positive side, I have been very privilaged to stay home with him for this long. It has been amazing and something that alot of mothers do not get the chance to do. So, I guess this as a good of time as any to go back out into the work force?! Right?