The great clothes give away

I have just spent the last 2 hours in the depths of my closet pulling things out that no longer fit; they are too big! I thought that when this time came I would be happy about giving the things away that caused me so much anquish to purchase in the first place. However, that is completely not the case. Each hanger full of clothes is a bucket full of tears shed about the item not fitting properly, not looking "right" or was my only choice because it was the only thing in that size I could find. With each piece I bought, I felt like a failure because I could not loose the weight and look the way I wanted too. Now, it is time to give away those pieces and I feal as if I am giving away a piece of myself. Yes, I am ready to move on with my new weight and new life, but man o man!! Each shirt, skirt, pair or pants or dress holds fond memories for because I literally wore it all the time. I simply had no choice, there is not alot of variety of nice plus size clothes in our price range. Since my surgery I had lost 10 dress sizes. The jeans I wore to the hospital that day, are huge on me. My favorite shirts hang lifeless on me, and those black dress pants I wore all the time almost double around my waist. These things excite me. But as I empty each hanger and place the item into the give-away pile, I am amazed with how far I have come in such a short amount of time. Five months. I have gone from just existing to living. It is hard sometimes to see the time that I waisted that I will never get back. What brings me to tears over and over again is the long white dress hanging in plastic with the buttons all the way down the back into the train that I searched four long months for. Your wedding day should be the most amazing day of your life, the day you feel like a princess or movie star. This beautiful dress that was gorgous on the rack was a train wreck on me. The day I married the man of my dreams, I looked like a chubby little kid playing dress up. The top was too big and the shoulders kept falling off, and the midsection was so tight that I had to unzip it to sit down and was so long in length that my dad stepped on it walking me down the isle nearly causing me to trip. This was extremely disappointing and embrassing. I ruined the best day of my life by being over weight. As you see, clothes have always been an emotional issue for me. I am looking forward to this turning into something other than dread of fear. The other day was a good experience that I hope is the turning of a corner for me. I took Korbin with me to Dress Barn to buy a dress for my nephews wedding. I tried on this sleeveless blue satin dress, that was totally something I would not have ordinarily tried on. Korbin looked up at me with his big blue eyes shinning and whispered "Mama you look beautiful!" At that moment no matter what the pattern or the fabric of the dress I felt beautiful as my heart melted into mush. Korbin thought I was beautiful and that was all that mattered!