As the beginning of a new year, I resolve once again to maintain my blog! I have a couple other goals/resolutions but keeping up with the idealism of blogging to keep a journal somewhere in cyberspace for my kids to read some day and holds their memories and thoughts of their mom weighs heavy on me.
Over the Christmas holiday, my Uncle David lost his wife to complications of diabetes. A disease that I have been diagnosed with. To date, since my massive weight loss, I control it through diet and exercise. Yet the days are not that distant where I had to monitor my Blood Sugar very closely and often panicked, giving myself 4-6 insulin injections daily. I worked hard to maintain a good blood sugar level and often fail despite my attempts. So with Aunt Tricia's passing, I have taken it very hard. My cousin Cody is only 17 and he, like me, has the possibility of living more days on this earth without his mother than with her. This year will be 12 years that I have been living without my mom. Someone told me once, that it gets easier as the time goes on. I am not sure how much time has to pass but I often find it much more difficult without her as I get older. I have many more questions as I once, many more responsibilities, many realizations and I need the insight only my mommy could give.
Rod asks me often since the late evening of the December 24th, "How are you dealing with this" and my response is "I am not". Simple stated. I can only move forward in my own life and do what Aunt Tricia could not; take care of myself. I am not saying that she did not take care of herself. She lived in North Carolina, there is no way for me to know what she did or did not do(nor am I making such a horrific statement). I trust that she did, because she loved my Uncle and Cousin that much! As a wife and a mother, you often find yourself doing what it best for those you love and that includes taking care of yourself.
So as this New Year begins and death has claimed the life of another loved one, I am resolving not to let another one life go without gleaning some prospective from it! I will do my best to keep up with my blog to leave memories with my children and maybe allow someone else to glean some thing from my life that I am choosing to glean from others. I will tell those in my life how much I love them, regrdless of it I agree with thier choices but will pray for them faithfully in confidence that God will use things in thier lives( and mine) for His glory! I will take moments to cuddle with my boys and my husband and choose not to worry about the laundry, the dishes or the beds because in 10 years they will never remember those things anyway. I will work harder to manage my day to day taks with going to school so that I am not overwhelmed and overburdended. I will walk hand in hand with my Lord and Savior and allow Him to lead my life instead of letting Him walk next to me or beside me, I will follow Him.I will manage my health because in the long run, if I do not, it will someday manage me; I will use the tool I have been given and as I celebrate 3 years as being a wls patient I will achieve my goal weight!! I will enjoy my life, I will love every second both good and bad and in all things I will praise the Lord!!!
~ My Dear Aunt Tricia~
I wish I had gotten to know you better. Yet, I will not let your death go unnoticed! I will promise to take better care of myself so that this family does not loose another person to the brutality of diabetes!! Uncle David said that you were his best friend and he is going to miss you in ways that words can not discribe! Thank you for leaving that legacy with me and showing others that your marriage partner can be your best friend in life!! It gives me so much to strive for in my own life! I pray that you are resting in the arms of a Great and Mighty God and that I will meet you on Heaven golden shore one sweet day! You will be dearly missed upon this earth and you were greatly loved by many!~Kris
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