Standing with the Fridgerator Open

Wasting my time, wasting electricity wondering why I think that life's problems can be solved inside the ice box. I've searched the cub boards, the pantry and the grocery store shelves with an intense need to feed my feelings for years. Why I thought I could just solve this dilemma with a surgery is beyond me.
Maybe for the last several months, I have put everything/everyone out of my line of vision and focused on the big prize. With much success, I might add. Now that the holidays are fastly approaching, my emotions are outta whack and I am in search of something to get them back in check.
Sadly, old habits die hard, and I always begin my search in the fridge. The professionals call it self-sabotage. I read alot about it prior to my wls, and I am conscious of it now and try to gain prespective each time I reach for the food. I struggle with breaking this habit as it has been an issue since before I can remember it not being an issue.
Food was my friend, my comforter, my confident, and it filled every void that I had. I never went through a mourning period for this food, like so many do that have wls. I mainly felt relieved, like a house guest that came and stayed to long; I was happy that it was gone.
Just as I am happy that it took 150 pounds with it. I stand in the door way, and wave good-bye to the lost blubber. Then quietly close the door and do a happy dance that it is gone. That is what I do most every day. So these feelings of insecurity and insignificane are some what of an anomoly to me.
It is the preverbial angel and devil senerio, and I can choose. The past or the present. I am struggling in this new life I have choosen, it is not easy as I had thought it would be. Actually prayed that it would be. However, I must say that God has seen me through this experience with more good times than bad. So what am I saying? I'm not sure...just rambling I guess. But mainly I am wondering why the little man in the fridge who turns the light on and off has not yelled at me yet and told me to close the door?!