Hi! My name is Kristy & I am an emotional eatter!!

This afternoon, I delt with my first episode of "dumping" since my weightloss surgery. It was an absolute horrific experience I never, ever wish to repeat.
"Dumping syndrome is an effective result of the gastric bypass system which alerts the body of inappropriate eating. Dumping syndrome is described as a shock-like state when small, easily absorbed food particles rapidly dump into the digestive system. This results in a very unpleasant feeling with symptoms such as a cold clammy sweat, pallor, butterflies in the stomach and a pounding pulse. These symptoms may be followed by cramps and diarrhea. This state can last for 30-60 minutes and is quite uncomfortable!" this definition was from web md.
My experience started with a pounding headache that echoed like I was in a tunnel. My tempature shot up and I began to sweat, as when I looked at something to long I felt as if my eyes would cross,I was extremely dizzy and I began to shake. My stomach made awful noises as if it were the loche ness monster and hurt like someone had just sucker punched me in the gut. I could not think or do anything other than lay on the couch. It was agony and I did it to myself.
Two tablespoons of chicken salad, one hand full of baked chips, one piece of sugar free candy...aw what the heck...two snack size kit kats...later and I was feeling the effect.
Actually that was what I was trying to avoid was feeling, so I began to eat. I often feel as if I am not good enough; not a good enough wife, mother, employee, sister, friend, aunt..the list is endless. When I was over weight I could blame it on that, the weight. Now that I have shed this over layer of protective fat, I have nothing to place the blame on for my feelings of insignificence. Yet, these feelings of not being good enough are overwhelming. I strive to be the best I can in all things, but yet I continuelly fall short. And if it were not for the grace of God in my moments of weakness as a mother, Korbin would be in therapy for my mothering mistakes for the rest of his exsistence. Maybe this is God's reasoning for not blessing us with other children, because I am a failure to the one he did give us thus not deserving of any others. And even though my struggles of these feeling are not secrets, there are/is no shortage of people in our lives to show up and intentionally or unintentionally to tell me how unworthy I am either through thier actions or words. I always remember my momma telling me that actions speak louder than words, and now as an adult, I understand what she is saying.
Then, when my feelings are hurt or I feel as if I am being attacked I overreact and do/say something stupid. Thankfully, God has been really dealing with me in this area and these occassions are less and less. However, in the days to come I deal with emotions that attack my character as a person, wife and mother.
Today, instead of over reacting, I ate. I ate to replace the feelings I was having, I ate to make myself feeling better, I ate because I did not know what else to do.And I still do not know what to do and I still don't feeling better.