Darkenss and Light

Ever you ever felt as if you are trapped in a vortex of darkness and dispair? You try to find your way toward the light, and everytime you think that you have found the way out you have actaully only found a mirage just like in the desert. Days, weeks and months pass and you muddle your way through. Sometimes, you actually do ok haning out there in the darkness not realizing that you could have/be so much more in the light. But most days, you get a glimpse of the light and it reminds you of all that you could have/be. Then the tormenting question begins " Do I stay here and make the best of being miserable or so I search for the light again?"Each day you wrestle with this question until you ultimately decide that the current life that your living is not really living at all. So you begin to search. And search. And search. Day after day you search and suddenly one day you finally reach the light. You are happy! So happy!! You have worked so hard to get to where you are at, then one day you are swept up from the light into a whirl wind only to be placed back down into a place that you do not know. Are you in the light or in the darkness?? Where are you exactly? You have no idea but you are back to searching again. You are tired, emotional, and even angry. Don't you deserve to live in the light and be happy? Why do these things keep happening to you? You fight to make sense of what it happening, but you feal as if you failed somehow. Failed yourself, failed you family, and failed you relationship with Christ. Deep inside you know that the whirl wind was not your fault, yet there is an overwhelming sense of failure and sadness. What should you do now is all you can think? You know you are at a cross roads, to stay where you are at or continue to once again search for the light.
That is exactly the way I feal after having weight loss surgery, I lived in the darkenss for so long and then after I had wls I muddled through for a while until I finally got to where I was happy with myself, my life and my weight. Then life happened, and I was tossed into the air dealing with these happenings. Now, I am at a cross roads as to what to do next or where to go to be "back in the light" again. I feal as if I have finally delt successfully my most of my past issues, and now it is the issues of the moment that are weighing me down. I guess I thought that my life has been so full of issues, heartache and sadness that maybe it was my time to have happiness, love and success. How foolish of me!! Happiness again, is just beyond my graps. Maybe this is the burden I am meant to bare. Maybe having success in life will never be achievable to me.But what ever my destiny is I know that I walked in light for a moment and that was enough to make my search in pursuit of it for the rest of my days until I find it again.