11 year Dating Anniversary

I am not sure where the last 11 years has gone, but yesterday was the 11th anniversary of my first date with my man.
We met through a mutual friend and over a series of phone calls, we decided to meet and have a first date.
I worked all day  training for my new job at TCF Bank inside the old K-mart. I drove my silver Saturn, named "Simon" to and from Southfield every week-day for two weeks.
After work, I drove to the hotel to pick up my pay check where I worked the audit, on the week ends ( 11p-7am) and then home to shower and get ready for my date. I was SO EXCITED and NERVOUS!!! I wore a green sweater and blue jeans.
I drove to dearborn and sat outside TGI Fridays and thought, Do I really want to do this??
Rod also came from work, in Dearborn, off of Michigan Ave & Telegraph behind the Home Depot his company had moved from Troy to that office. He wore a cream colored logo shirt with his companies name on it, and carhart blue jeans.
We met outside the restaurant, and he opened the door for me and then when he got to our table, he gave me a Red Rose and pulled out me chair for me. I was certainly impressed with his manors.
I ordered a pasta dish, with chicken and I am not sure what Rod ordered. Most likely steak because we began discussing the current Mad Cow Disease and how I was currently staying away from Red Meat.
I remember his hearty laugh, and today as I look at Konnor who is currently sitting on my lap, I see bits & pieces of  that man who sat in front of me all those years ago.
It seems like we sat there for hours, I was lost his eyes and how they crinkle up in the corners. The conversation was so carefree and easy. I knew I wanted to see him again.
He walked me to my car, and asked if there was something else we could do because he did not want to leave.
I smiled.
I did not want to leave either!
Then we changed direction and walked to his car, which was a 1996 Green Buick Regal, instead. This was Rods baby. He loved this car and took great care of it, you could tell. It would later be the care we drove our first child home from the hospital in.
We sat in his car and talked forever, and made plans for our second date. He asked if he could hold my hand, and  he was so nervous his palms were so sweety! I tried not to say anything, it was funny and gross at them same time!
I could not believe I made someone that nervous!!
Rods hands no longer sweet when he hold hands, but he still randomly kisses my hand as he hold it and his eyes still crinkle in the corners when we finally get a few minutes to ourselves.
Its funny to think that this is where it all started, and I would not change a thing from now until then.
What has always attracted me to Rod was how he took such great care of me. Even then, he was my provider and protector. That was the first date I had ever been on where I did not have to pay for my own meal!
Things have changed, we are older and wiser and been through alot of speed bumps and pot holes. When things get to crazy, I try to stop and remember those moments when we first started dating and the man I fell in love with.
August 2, 2013 we will be married for 10 years. We have two handsome, mostly healthy little boys. We have so much to be thankful for and have a marriage, despite the bumps, to be proud of. We never give up on each other and never stop believing in God bringing us together for a purpose.
Rod will always be my provider and protector. He completes that missing piece in my heart that I was looking for. He protects me from others and my self, and takes the heat when people think it is him forcing my hand at something when usually it is me, but I can not stand up for myself.
I am the people pleaser and he is the force to be reckoned with. He is the black and white area and I am the gray. I am the sensitive cry at nothing, and He is the I will not cry unless my guts are being ripped out. I am the Rom Com and He is the Shoot'em up, Kill'em movie. He is next to no sauce on his pizza and I am extra sauce on everything.
Together, we complete two halves of the same circle.
I see parts of both my Dad and my Step Dad in him, which was a hard combination to find in a man, and I think my mom would love him and the life we have made together. The man that made me say "Yes" to his proposal when I thought he was breaking up with me, was Jesus.
Although Rod sometimes gets crazy and looses his way ( just as I do) he always returns back to the same place: the feet of Jesus. He love of Jesus and constant searching for the best way to serve and honor Him, is what sealed the deal that this is the man I would share my life. I love that Rod loves Jesus!
It is my sincrerest prayer that our boys have a marriage like ours, without the bumps and hardships, but with the love and passion we have.
We do not have the perfect life, but it is our life together and I am so thankful for all that it is and all that it is not!!

I love you Roderick Allen more than all the sand in all the beach's in all the world forever!! Happy Dating Anniversary!!

~Kristy~

25 little things Part III

This is the last part to my three part post of 25 little things that has blessed me, changed my life or I am thankful for this season. It has been a delight to walk down memory lane and remember how much I have changed or learned this year. I will never walk this way again and I am happy to take these moments to reflect to that someday I can re-read these posts and see how amazing God has been in 2012.

15.) This year one of the most horrific things that happened was the drowning of little Tru, my friend D's grandson. I will never, ever for get her testimony that starts with a phone call from her daughter in law. " D, Tru is dead". These are words you never want to hear about anyone you love, but a one year old little boy is alot harder to swallow. This story morphs from a tragedy into a miracle where God is definitely the Hero of the story! Moments after L. hangs up with her mother-in-law, she and her husband C. hit the flooring to praying and God heard this cries and over the next several days where their humanity was so unsure, God did what medical professionals said was impossible; healed Tru completely!! L. & C. never became angry with God,like so many of us would, me included. They felt honored and privileged that through this turn of events that God would use them to reach so many people and bring honor & glory to Himself. How they handled this tragedy changed my life forever! When things go wrong, and they inevitably will, that I need to handle them like a child of the King of Kings instead of a defeated victim of life's circumstances.

16.) So many times I look at my oldest son and see so much of his father in him. I love that but sometimes I wonder if he has anyone of my qualities or attributes. One day in October, that question was answered as Korb brings this large book, a note book and pencil with him as he snuggles up next to me on the couch. Then he starts giving me of the stars, and ends is 20 minute long fact session of much I did not know, with " I look up things in the encyclopedia & write them down during my free time." I smiled widely and asked him if he loves learning? In a typical boy response he replies he loves it, only if it is something he enjoys!! That is so me!! I love to learning and enjoy my classes very much!! I am praying he always loves school and has a zest for learning always. Unlike my sweet husband who stays far, far away from anything scholastic. It was nice to see a little bit of me in my son, and I was thankful that God showed me that being the right type of influence on the boys will pay off!!

17.) Everyday I get the most amazing kisses!! Chubby little boy are wrap around my neck and I get a peck on the cheek and my heart does that flipp flopp thing. I am constantly reminded how blessed I am to have two healthy little guys. Yes, they have food allergies and sometimes that gets overwhelming to deal with, but in the big picture of things it could be worse. God knew what He was doing when He gave us these two particular boys and I could not be more grateful because He entrusted their health & well-being to Rod and I. What a privilege and Honor!! There are some days that are extra special when I get chubby little girl arms to give me amazing hugs from my beautiful nieces. I love, love, love these girls!! I love the way they play with the boys; their cousins. I love their laughter. I love to relive moments of my childhood seeing them together reminds me of times with my sister. This year my around-the-block bestie had her little girl, and now I get lovies from sweet little S. too!! Little child hugs, kisses and laughter are truly one of God's best blessings and not to be taken for granted!!

18.) I said in a earlier post, I have been lucky enough to have the same best friend for most of my life. She has been there for my through thick & thin, literally and figuratively. This year, in March, she came up for a family wedding and I finally got to meet my sweet little L.!! She is a spitting image for her momma and this was one of the best week-end I had at that point, in a long, long time!! It was sweet to sit up and chat like we use to and chatting up in person rather than a short convo over the phone. The year my mommy died, I called her at 3am, and by 9am she had flown in from Tennessee and never left my side. Most of the days were a blurr but if it was not for her, I am not sure I would have made it through that. She stood in my wedding, and I in hers and we both waited by the phones to hear about babies being born. Having a friend like her, has changed my life forever, and who would have thought sitting next to someone in the 5th grade would change my life in this manor?!

19.) The church Rod & I haven chosen to attend is very spirit filled. I have never experienced the level of worship anywhere else. It is not just surface worship either, it is reading, studying, praying, memorizing and working (mission trips, fundraisers, food pantry, etc etc) to know God and worship Him enlighten of all that you know and do. I hope that I am explaining that correctly. I have known God through His scripture, through prayer and church attendance for a long time. But never, never have I entered into this style of reverent worship before. The praise and worship music, the open alter and "raising your hand until you reach the Heavens" are truly a new experience for both Rod & I. Its not something that we would trade for anything now that we have experienced it!! This church and these people have forever changed how I experience God.  Since Rod  got his new job, I have been really struggling with my health and because of that I felt that I did not give God the praise and worship that He deserved for bringing us through his completely horrible hardship. As I dealt with my guilt, I could here God calling to me, just worship me with everything you are because of everything I am. And as a true christain, I fought the feeling to just worship. Not because of God but because of me, for whatever reason you want to give, I just was not doing it. Two weeks again, my friend & confidant, C went to the alter hands raised just praising , praising , praising God. Before I realized what was happening I was kneeling next to her and I could hear the murmurings of her praising God. My heart was bursting as I asked for nothing and just submitted my will unto the Saviors and with my arms raised I just praised and worshipped Him. I am thankful for C.'s obedience to God because He truly used my friend to bring me to the place where I should have been all along. "I am here to worship".

20.) I am thankful for my family. Everything that they are and everything that they are now has made me who I am today. I was not an easy child, to say the least. Alot of things were happening around me that I did not necessarily understand but impacted my emotions and feelings just the same. I acted out accordingly. It has taken my a very long time to get past the guilt of how I treated people that I love, and caused them grief. The thing is that, I was a child. I acted and spoke as a child. As I grew up and became an adult, I put away childish things. Nothing was handed to me or done for me, I was an adult at a very early age because of circumstances beyond my control. I have forgiven those people in my life who made bad decisions for me and moved on. God has forgiven me for so much, who am I not to forgive others??? I love my family despite their bad decisions and realize/focus on the fact that it is not my job to judge others. I am not Jesus and have no desire to have His job. However, as an adult, I have to recognize that I am not now, nor ever going to put my children in the positions that I was put into. Just because I have forgiven and moved on, does not make me blind. I am thankful for forgiveness and new beginnings. Yet, do not stand there and ask me not to judge while judging me for not allowing my children to be apart of bad decisions. Despite my love for people, God has given me wisdom to parent my children with a particular set of directions and I will not waiver to raise them how God has directed.

21.)  Before I was born my mom gave birth to a beautiful little girl whom she & my daddy named Shelly. Shelly was born into this world, and passed from it in the same day. Its funny that in reality I am the middle child. That explains so much!!  Of the course of this year, my friend Steph often reminds me of what Shelly would be like if she walked with us today. I am not sure why I think/feel that way, I just do. Maybe it is how Steph genuinely cares about me & my family. Talked me through so many crazy situations yet she is willing to "be crazy" with me in the moment, that in a way reminds of mom. I am so thankful for those moments I get to see my mom in other people. God allows me these times to get through until I see her again in Heaven.

22.) This was the first year I hosted a table at our churches Christmas Tea for Ladies. More went into this than I can possibly tell you, but I truly loved every second of the night with my friends and family sitting at my table.I enjoyed the formality of it as well as the friendly atmosphere. More than that, I loved the Holy Spirit working!! As a teenage/young adult, my step mom taught me how to do a table scape and I was excited to use what she taught me, and share her tips & tricks with a few others. I am sorry to say, I thought at the time that I was never going to use the information. Little did I know that I would have such a God-centered way to use these skills?! I will do it again next year, and as many years as they allow me too!!

23.) I am thankful for the generosity of others! Through that generosity while Rod was unemployed we got to do some pretty amazing things like go to a Tiger game, and see the semi-pro soccer team in Auburn Hills. We had gone to a carnival, thanks to Uncle Gary and many other people helped us provide Christmas gifts to our boys. Plus several other things. People we so kind to us!! I am so thankful for those people and they know who they are, and I pray God will reward your kindness!

24.) As I wrap up my list, I am thankful for an attitude of gratitude. The Lord has allowed me to reflect on things and be in a state of constant thankfulness and praise. I am thankful to live in a country where I can freely read my bible and tell others how much my God has done for me. God has sent me messages of His word to encourage me when I am done and He has carried me when I could not walk alone. Today, I so thankful for who God has transformed me into and I pray I continue to be the person He wants me to be for His glory!

25.) As I did not put these in any particular order, I should have started this one because everything I am is a result of Jesus Christ and everything I aspire to be is because of how He bleed and died for me. I have never been loved like that, and everything I say and do is because of Him. Jesus has changed who I am from the inside out and has given me courage and strength beyond what I could possibly do on my own. He loved me when I was unlovable and carried me when I could not take care of myself and gave me endurance when I did not think I could endure anything any longer. He blessed me beyond my wildest dreams and gave me a future with Him when this life is over. I thought I knew Him until I fell in love with Him, and then I truly found out who Jesus is and though trails and hardships, Jesus never left me. He wiped away my tears, heard my prayers and gave me hope when I thought there was none. He has set the supreme example of who I am to be and although, I fail daily I am forgiven and have the ability to forgive others because of His forgiveness of me. Jesus changed my life and I am forever thankful for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and I will always be a follower of the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, The Great I Am and everything that was, is and is to come is because of Jesus Christ!!

~Kristy~

25 little things Part II

This is the second part to 25 little things that I began the other day when I started to reflect on the things I was thankful for and things that changed my life over the course of the last year. These items are not in order of importance but rather than in order of what comes to mind at which time. IF they were is number order of importance, they would all be labeled #1 because they are all important to me! We left off on the other post with seven, so today we start with:


8.) Konnor looks at me with those crazy blue eyes of his & his chubby little cheeks and says, " W-our the best mommy in the wor-wa". It makes my heart melt into mush every time!! I am not sure how or why he started telling me I was the the best mommy in the world but it does not matter because I love it!!

9.) Relentless Detroit was a power lifting event organized to benefit a young boy with brain cancer. It started out as a thought and spiralled into this amazing God centered power house where people from all walks of life joined together to benefit a family struggling with Cancer but God used it all for His glory! This event is how Jesus would have loved on people if He walked the earth today. The wounded, the struggling, the tattoo'd, the mohawked, the Christian, the non-Christian, the givers, the donors,the receiver, family and friends just to name a few that were present that day and could feel the Holy Spirit working and changing lives through this event. It was definitely amazing to be a very small, small part of this event and it changed how I viewed being God's hand & feet.

10.) I am thankful for disagreements. Yeah, I said it. This year I had a hug disagreement with my dad & very close friend, and because of hard work, constant communication, commitment and prayer we are closer now that before. I love my dad, he is an amazing man, but we have never been on the same page. The older I get the more I am learning not to care! I have a dad, and he loves me. Sure, his plans for me are not always mine but he loves me enough to care. That is whats important and the rest, is just "stuff" that needs to swept up and thrown into the trash because in the bigger picture of life, it does not really matter anyway. I am lucky enough to have the same best friend for the last 25 years of my life. She gets me. She gets the fact that I do not trust people very easily because they usually end up hurting my feelings or not turning out to be the friends I thought they were. But because we live in different states, it is sometimes hard to do things together on a regular basis. So we both have friends we do things with on a regular basis, and over the past 3 years my around-the-block best has filled the spot. But this year, things changed and we were challenged in different ways. Through those challenges, a new trust emerged and today, things are not perfect but we both know that forever friends are there through the good & bad, and without this disagreement we would have never known that.

11.) Date nights with my hubby have been a saving grace this year. They are few & far between but I am so thankful for them because they help me to remember I was Rod's wife before I was Korbin & Konnor's mother. At my baby shower, my friend Melissa did the devotion and she urged me to make sure my relationship with my husband stayed strong because someday we the kids grow up and leave home, all we are going to have is each other and if we do not invest in each other today, tomorrow we will not be able to reap the rewards of the investment. These moments help me to regroup, and show me how much I love these times alone just to focus on him and he on me. I really do love my man, and although I tell him alot, these times help me to show him through uninterrupted conversation and time for us.It also helps us to be better parents.

12.) God's timing is perfect. He shows up right on time every time and I am always thankful for His divine wisdom that know exactly what you need when you need it.

13.) Every Thanksgiving on the day following we go to Canterbury Village and see Santa. The purpose of our visit is to buy our Christmas ordiments that reflect something that we done through out the year. This year Konnor bought a Toy Story ordiment because of his Toy Story themed 3rd Birthday and Korbin got Darth Vader because that is who he dressed up at for Halloween. Every year as we put up the Tree, we put up the new ordiments and the old ones that always bring up fun memories and stories about what has happened over the years. I am so thankful for memories!  Some make us laugh, the others make us cry but it is a special moment just to share this time together. One of the best parts of this tradition is that they boys get to pick out an ordiment but we always get to pick out an ordiment for them, we picked out a cross for Korbin because of his baptism this year and Konnor got a "hot-d-doctor" or a helicopter because of his love for them. Someday when the boys grow up and the love of thier lives is someone other than mommy, then they can take some of their memories with them to start thier new lives and hopefully this will be a tradition for their families, making memories together.

14.) If you would have asked me when I was younger what I wanted to do, I would have told you I wanted to be a nurse. It was not until after my mom died, I figured out that nursing was exactly where I wanted to be! I thought I could have combined my business classing with nursing , and go into hospital administration. Then, after I had Korbin and I began staying home with him rather than returning to work I realized my "true" calling in life. I would have a dozen children if I could, but that appears not to be God's plan for me. Although I work part time now, I still consider myself a stay-at-home mom because I am with my boys more than I am not. Of course, I would ~not have it any other way! I am so thankful to be a Stay-at-Home Mom. The doctor the other day said, " So your just a house wife". I smiled politely because NO! I am so much more than just a house wife. I do not envy my motherhood counter parts who have to work full time and mother after work or on the week-ends. I do not judge them either. I am simply thankful for my calling and recognize that others have different calling and/or circumstances and can not for any number of reasons do what I do, because many of them would love too. I do not take it for granted, and I do not view being a SAHM as something less than amazing because a pay check does not accompany my title of everything to everyone at all times. Rod told me once that he prayed that God would allow me to be at home with our children full time until they no longer needed me. Ha ha I am nor sure he knew how long it would be until they no longer needed me because Korbin is now 8, and sometimes is seems that he needs me more now than he ever has before! God has chosen to honor Rods request in both good times & bad.

Look for part III soon!!!

~Kristy~

25 little things

I finally have a quiet moment to reflect on 2012, all it has brought and has not brought. To some, this post may be a little premature because most do their reflection on December 30/31, not November.

Did you read my post about passing the regret please? I decided to change it up a little instead of mourning over missed opportunities, I will celebrate what God has given and taken away.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." The Lord laid out the plans for my family and I like a finely tuned instrument, and I just wanted to list a few of the little things that changed my life this year.

1.) I am not sure how my friendship with the Schim family started, but this family showed me what true worship true faith alone is. They put everything, I mean everything out there for God this year when the whole family spent 6 weeks in Costa Rica ministering and loving on people that had never met before. The youngest child being in middle school, sat night after night talking to a man trying to pursued him for Christ. He never gave up, never gave in and never was one of "those". Ya know "those" pushy people who have the right desire in their heart who knock on your door to tell you about God but their mannerism turn you off instead of on? Little G never did that, his honesty, sincerity and passion for this man, is what most adult men dream about doing by witnessing in this manor. I have to give it up to H, because she is a teen-age girly girl and she never once complained about sleeping on a floor, taking cold showers or washing people's feet like Jesus did. I do not know H as well as some, but I wish I was a teen-ager that followed that hard after her God and loved her parents enough to trust them to take her some place completely outta her comfort zone. My friendship with Mama H is astounding! She is that prayer warrior friend that every Christan should have. She helps pick me up when I am down, she never judges me and she has a crazy faith that I aspire to have. Their was a heart breaking moment in Costa Rica when she could have given up, packed up and came home. But instead she put her hand in the hand of God, and said, "For saking all, I trust you." Man! That is faith! On the flip side of crazy faith is her crazy husband, K. K along with another friend I will talk about later, has really I mean REALLY shown me how to worship!! I thought I knew how to worship before coming to Kirby Church but boy, was I wrong! I was hurting in my soul after leaving our last church, and a few things I experienced there. But through the friendship of the Schim family, I learned the true meaning of leaving at the alter from K. He has a crazy, mad passion for his Lord and Savior, and if you are with him for a moment you can feel something different about him. If you don't you should check you pulse, seriously! K brings the gospel to your front door in a manor you can "get it". K said once that he thought he missed the opportunity for his calling, but man friend!! I totally do not think so, you and your family have changed my life forever!!

2.) Small group. These women uplifted me in my darkest times. Sharing my secrets and my joys. I love these ladies!

3.)My husband. This year there was a point Rod was lower than I had ever seen or experienced before. I had no idea what I was doing, or how to continue to help him or if my help was hurting him. But God knew what he was doing. This is my blog, not my husbands. His story is his to tell, and for that reason I will not go into to much detail but one moment our life was flipped turned upside down and God totally changed "meant evil against me, but God meant it for good" (Genesis 50:20). Today Rod, although not perfect, it trying harder to "put of the old man" as Paul says in the book of Ephesians. I love to see him worship and some of our greatest moments in life these days, are spent side by side worshipping together at church. The "everyone service", changed us both forever, as well as the brotherhood Rod feels in his small group. I could not list these men even if I wanted too because what happens in small group stays in small group. It may sound silly to you, but it allows for a freedom that you can only describe once you have experienced. These men know who they are, and I am thankful for the friendship they have provided Rod.

4.) My wedding band it super loose because of my weight loss, and as a result I wear it on my middle finger. Never did I expect to loose it in the front yard on a very dark night. Rod & I searched for HOURS in the dark on our hands & knee's, only to come up with one of the two parts of the ring set. I cried most of the night, and begged God to please help me to find my ring! It was more than the ring, it was the symbol of what it meant that I needed to find. I reluctantly asked for prayer about finding a lost object, and K asked bluntly what did I loose?? Since I thought it was best not to lie in church, I told my Sunday morning class about my ring. During the second day of crawling around on our leaf filled lawn, two cars pulled up in front of our house and out poured my Sunday morning class and all of thier kids to help search through our lawn to find my ring. My heart was over flowing with the love I felt from my friends at that moment. Did you ever find a group of people you knew you were meant to be with?? That was the moment when down on my knees searching for my ring that my search became praise. When Rod & I left our last church, we lost many friends and I mourned the loss of their friendship for a long time. It was amazing how God had replaced those friendships 10 fold, with honest sincere friends who in our time of craziness never stepped back and through their hands up but joined in! My sincerest prayer is that my boys have friends like this when they are adults!

5.) Korbin's Testimony. We sat together on his bed trying to write out his testimony. It had to be his words, but for a 7 & 9/10ths year old boy putting your feelings into words is very, very hard! As he began to cry in frustration, I left him alone to be with his thoughts. After a few minutes, the words flowed and it was amazing to see God working through my baby. It was just as amazing to hear his word broadcast through out the church just moments before he was baptized.

6) God's perfect timing. Just 2 weeks before Rod's unemployment was do to run out completely, the Lord lead Rod to the right job. We received his very last UIA check the very day he started with the company he is at now. Of course, we are still praying that the temporary assignment will become permanent but we can very literally see that God will never leave us nor forsake us.

7.) On Wednesday night our church did a "move" service where everyone in the church changed places, the adults were where the kids usually were, the teens were where the adults had always been and the kids moved to the teens spot. In one of the rooms, Ms. W shared a very personal, private story about " Be Still and Know that I am God". Recently, I had purchased a small little plaque that quotes the scripture and I really was unsure why I had to have that particular item, but without thinking too long I purchase the 5.99 item and was on my way. It was clear to me that night, why God had laid on my heart that item and now He was using Ms. W's story to tell me again, "Be Still and Know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10).

It is clear to me now, that is post is meant to be one of several or it will be w a y too long. I will continue on again tomorrow, as we start a new month, I will continue to reflect on 25 little things!

~Kristy~

Can you pass the regret please??

*This was written on Novemeber 12, 2012 but for some reason did not get published*

I sometimes feel like shame and regret sit on my table just like the salt and pepper shakers, and we pass them around sprinking them here, there and everywhere. Sometimes we have more and sometimes less, but we season our life with shame and regret instead of Gods abundant love and blessings which is not how our Lord intended us to live.

Someone told me once that Rod's unemployment was my fault because I did not allow him to spend our money in a certain manor. This particular person which speaking of tithing ( which is another story/topic for another time). Regardless what this persons intention was, I carried around the shame of putting my family in this perdicament and the regret of not doing what this person assumed was the right thing to do.

Let's start there; sometimes the right thing to do can become the wrong thing if it is done with the wrong attitude. God wants a cheerful giver. Even if I would have tithed but done so expecting something in return or in a spirit of duty rather than given freely out of God so freely gave to us, then there is no way to know that we still would not have ended up where we were in order for God to change our attitudes and our hearts to be closer to Him.

Which was ultimately God's plan, by the way.To bring Rod and I and our family into the right frame of worship that was acceptable and pleasing to Him, not just out of a sence of duty or obligation.

But in the midst of my regret, I could not see what God was saying, and doing in us and for us. I wish I would have read more of my bible during those times, I would have read " But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, Philippians 3:13"

If you look back in life and regret choosing a certain path, or mourn for missed opportunities, just stop thinking that way the moment you catch yourself doing that! I wish I would have done that more, realizing that this path is the path God had chosen for me and what ever choices I made in my "Free Will" most likely would have lead me here, because both God and I know that I do not learn things the easy way. Sad but true.

When you see missed opportunities and can redirect your regret, it means that you have become more mature, that you have made significant progress in term of insights and competence, and that you are able to achieve much more if you encounter similar situations again.

So the next time you see missed opportunities that you’d failed to see in the past, you should celebrate because it indicates that you have been growing. The more frequent and the sooner you spot missed opportunities that have passed you by, the more it indicates that you are rapidly improving and growing.

I look back ahead now and see that the place that I am in allows me to tithe in the right spirit because they do not focus on the obvious, money is so many peoples achilles heal and can cause more hurt, shame and regret than some people can ever begin to imagine. Instead they take thier need for money or goods, to God. Who is the giver of everything we have anyway right? So why not start with Him in your need to remove your regret, just as I did.

It is never easy! But part of removing past your regrets is forgiving yourself for missing oppertunities.
The Bible makes it clear that no one is exempt from sin, but if you confess your sin, you will receive forgiveness (1 John 1:8-9). True repentance leaves no regret! This is God’s promise. Repent! Regret isn’t repentence. Regret only brings negative emotions and thoughts, but don’t confuse it with genuine repentance and humility.

How do you get over regrets?
 
Here is the list of a few things that may be helpful ( I wish these were mine, but they were in some sermon notes I found when I began thinking about how I regret over so much!)

Be successful now: No need for regret or mid-life crisis. You can have success now if you start meditating on God’s word and obey, because God had promised that we will prosper if we obey His commands and think about His words day and night. (Psalm 1:2-3, Deuteronomy 28:13, John 15:4-7)

Let God speaks to you: God is the giver of consolations. If you practice spiritual disciplines such as prayer and solitude, in time you will learn how to pay attention to God’s voice, and every time He speaks, He gently reminds and comforts. Although the Lord does rebuke us, He will never do so carelessly like humans do. I tend to have excessive guilt and regrets easily, but instead of forcing myself to be positive, I let God speaks to my heart. Every time I do that, my self-doubts & imaginary guilt will be gone.Speed over stall: Most obstacles are psychological rather than real. Regrets breed stalls. You have to realize that it doesn’t take really long to really make real progress in anything, be it skills, academics, careers, relationships, or any other achievements. If the matter you worry about is mainly an issue of competence, please understand that competence can be improved very quickly if you just stop stalling and start taking action.
Forgive yourselves: If you keep beating yourselves up over past sins and the consequences of sins, you haven’t forgiven yourselves yet. The Lord make it clear that if you don’t others, He will not forgive you (Matthew 18: 21-35). This includes forgiving yourself! If you don’t forgive yourself, the Lord won’t forgive you!
Repent and Godly Sorrow: Don’t beat yourself up and create worldly sorrow. A Christian is to walk with the Spirit, so he or she should feel guilty only if the Spirit of God rebukes him or her, and bring his or her sins to light. It’s easy to become legalistic and perfectionistic.

Write Journals: You don’t know what your thoughts are until you write them down. Memory is unreliable; it is a subjective interpretation of what really happened. And the longer time passed, the more easy it is to twist your memory. To prevent imaginative regret, make journal entry regularly so when you doubt yourself in the future, you can always refer to the journal and check what exactly were going on in the past. This help you sympathize with your past.

Acceptance: Almost 90%+ of the outcomes in life have occurred because of your choices and character. In the future you are likely to repeat the way you have done things in the past anyway, so don’t spend your energy to regret the past, but focus on character growth and learning to make wiser choices now. No matter how imperfect you were, this was you. You have to accept yourself, knowing that you have been trying the best, with the resources and experiences that you had at the times.

I would like to start seasoning my life with joy and love rather than shame and regret, and the only way to really do that is to forgive myself and to move on. It sounds simple but it rarely is. But anything worth having is worth fighting for, and a right relationship with the Savior is definately worth fighting for. And a little less burden & a abundant life while living here on earth is an added benefit too ;-)

~Kristy~

The Diagnosis

I sat in the doctors office crying and feeling foolish as well as overwhelmed. For the past three days it took everything I could to get off the couch and do the very basics of life. I looked forward to nothing else than returning to the couch, I hurt everywhere and I wanted to cry but I feared the pain. I wish I could say it was the first time I felt like that but it wasn't. I happened more and more often over the last couple of months and I was beginning to believe that it was not normal to feel this way and it was more than "stress".
The doctor acted compassionate in the beginning, smiling kindly and giving me Kleenex to wipe my face. He told me my symptoms we common with something called Fibromyalgia.
I stared blankly at him for what seemed like forever. The other doctors I has seen had just written me off with a prescription for pain medicine and I honestly thought that I was just hooked on it. It was a total God thing that I got to see this particular doctor, the doctor I normally see was completely booked and he was the only one available. I was feeling so poorly I would have said yes to almost anyone!
"It is not fair that I feel so bad all the time to my kids and husband," I sobbed. We had been so much with Rods unemployment, the kids food allergies and now this?! " Its not fair to you." The doctor said kindly. "Your blood test are all normal except for your B-12 is less than half for someone your age, and your Red Blood Cell count is low. You meet the rest of the criteria for Fibromyalgia. So that is my official diagnosis."
 I left his office with mixed emotions. Part of me was relieved and another part completely scared to death. With an official diagnosis, it was not just me.  And if it was not just me then there was actually something wrong with me.
I came home pale as a ghost but I felt very hot & flustered. I told Rod what the doctor had said, and slowly began to recount what he had said. Rod asked me about prescriptions and this is where the compassionate doctor became a monster. He had given me a paper prescription and I dropped it off on the way home. Minutes into my conversation with Rod, the phone rang and it was the pharmacy, saying the doctor electronically sent my prescription somewhere else and the insurance was rejecting it because it was already filled. For the next 45 minutes, Rod and I called every pharmacy in the area. Finally we located the medication and an hour and a half later, my loving husband picked it up and I thought the confusion was over.
Later the next week, I called the doctors office to explain the confusion with the paper prescription and the electronic prescription.  The doctor called back several hours later completely irate!! He yelled, ranted and raved how dare I attempt to fill two prescriptions?? All he did was listen, and attempt to help me and this was how I respected his position?? "There was obviously something more to the story," the doctor yelled into the phone " and I am cancelling all medication coming out of this office until I can figure out what your up too" his voice boomed over the phone. All I could do was cry, and I sobbed into the phone calling Rod trying to explain what has just occurred. My head throbbed and I was so overwhelmed. I thought I was doing the right thing by calling and trying to explain what was going on...
Rod tried to calm me down, but he was at work. He told me quickly to find another doctor and make an appointment and we would discuss the rest when he got home. I know he felt terrible with his quick response to my tears, but I understand and we need this job!!
Later that afternoon, I got myself together enough to make a couple of phone call and found a new doctor specializing in women's health and had a new appointment within 10 days. I felt a little better with this, it was just surviving until then...
The next couple days were painful both physically & emotionally. But through the grace of God I made it.
I seen a Nurse Practitioner, she was a female doctor, and she spent almost an hour and a half reviewing my medical history and talking treatment plans with me. I liked her. She spoke kindly to Konnor,and I walked out feeling like there was hope for me.
Until I made a follow up appointment and that is when she"needed" me to try this antidepressants.
I know & understand that these are a normal course of treatments for fibromyalgia. I had done some reading by then and was starting to understand a few things. But I was extremely uncomfortable with this. Reluctantly, I agreed but had severe side effects.
I made a 3rd appointment, now this time to review the medication and to talk about my newly developed sinus infection.
3 rounds of antibiotics, and 2 different antidepressants with severe side effects, and one month later I am still in alot of pain.
I put on a brave face, and smile but I hurt. Alot.
I am down, not out. My God is bigger than a diagnosis and once I can get the pain under control I will be able to think more clearly and come up with a plan that suites me!
Until then, I will pray (alot) and focus on God and His goodness. He has brought us through so much and I know now from where we have been that He has this and nothing happens without first sifting through his hands!!
~Kristy~

Beyond Wednesday

This was written on 10/14/20012

The Wednesday of the "Everyone" Service was a supernatural-superspiritual day that will live of indefinately inside my heart and mind forever!
Yet, life as we knew it continued on around us. As much as I would like for the world to stop for God, it does not.
Thursday morning, it was business as usual as we got Korbin up & ready for school. Afterward, Rod and I did our morning errands, and later we had lunch with Konnor. The only exception to this normal day was the suit & tie that my husband was dressed in at 2pm sharp standing hansomely in the doorway asking me, " So, how do I look?". His interview was set for 2:45, and it was only a 20 minute drive down the expressway. He could have easily left 15 minutes later but his nerves and excitment were getting the best of him. I straighted his tie and brushed the lint of the shoulders of his white dress shirt. "You look amazing," I told him. He really did! There was something about the look in his eyes that made his clothing choice seem almost invisbible compared to the look on his face. Yes, something was differant. Just like the night before, I could not place my finger on it.
Rod, Konnor and I prayed together and Korbin was noticably missing from our family prayer. It still seems weird to me somedays that he is in school all day. Rod kissed both of us and he was out the door with a whistle.
Thirty minutes later, Rods parents were standing in the living room prepared to watch the boys while I went to work myself.
Since Rod had to drive pass the store I work out, the plan was for him to stop in and let me know how his interview went on the way home. I was expecting him somewhere in the ball park of 3:30 or 4pm. He did not walk into the store until after 5pm! The interview lasted TWO HOURS!! Rod was beeming from ear to ear, and there was something about his attitude that I had not seen in a long time!
Confidence
I found myself holding my breath as our eye connected from the front door of the store. In his shirt & tie, he reminded me of a slightly older version of the man I dated almost 12 years ago.
His smile was so grand, it was infectious!
We talked while I worked, and if I was not wearing and apron & hat, it would have almost felt like a date.Rod just kept saying over and over again, " I just have a feeling.."
My soul was slightly troubled as I wanted to share in his joy, but I was skeptical. We had been there so many times where companies would encourage Rod to believe that he was the one, and never call back. I always told him when this happened that he did not want to work for a company where the HR department was dishonest from the get-go, but the fact remained that this time our backs were against the wall!
Unemployment was ending in less than two weeks, and although it was not alot, it was $742.00 that we depended on every two weeks to put food on the table. Although I was now working, the 20-30 hours I was alotted a week was not going to pay all the bills alone.
I knew God was not going to let us down. In the darkest hours over the last uncertain three and a half years, God was there.
That still small voice that lived inside  my soul reminded me of the life verse I choose for myself, " Be anxious for nothing..let your request be made known unto God..and the peach of God that passes all understand will guard your heart.." Philippians 4:6-7.
Smiling through the fears as I had done so many times before, I kissed Rod good bye and he headed home to our boys as I finished my shift.
The night seemed to speed by and before I knew it, my relief was there for my 15 minute break. I got a quick snack & headed to the bench where so many team memeber sat when they did not wish to head upstairs. I reached inside my pants pocket to find my phone which was buzzing loudly as I attempted to dial Rods number, only to realize he was calling me.
"I got it! I got it! I got it!!," Rod said giddily, he was breatheless with excitement as he continued his story. " Jeff just called and I was at McDonalds with my parents and the boys when I stepped out of there to take the phone call."
All I could do was smile and cry!
How silly I was to doubt God would come through for us and still He chose to bless us anyway.
Rod continued to talk quickly with great excitment but I was still stuck at the beginning of the conversation: " I got it!"
For the last year and a half, I have been praying a for job for Rod. On the heals of his second consecutive lay-off after only an eight month temporary assignment as a break, I have been longing to hear those words, "I am going back to work".
Our nightmare was finally ending.
I called my BFF and my dad within seconds of hanging up with Rod, and then my pray partner Heather who screamed with excitment.
"Two jobs within two weeks," Heather yelled to her husband Keith. " Rod and Kristy both have jobs! Praise the Lord" and with those words praise the lord I lost it and could not quit crying happy tears for the rest of the night, even at work.
Praise the Lord, indeed!!
He had carried us, me specifically so many times. He kept food on our table, the lights on, a roof over our heads, clothes on our kids, gas in our car, and He spent people to speak love to us in a variety of ways of the last years. God had a planned for all of this and Sunday, we would see His plan come true as only God could turn something bad into something amazing!
Saturday we would celebrate Konnor's 3rd birthday. It is hard to believe our baby is turning 3!! We gave him a Toy Story Birthday Party, and I made the cake and decorations myself

 Prior to the party, Korbin had a soccer game where he scored his first goal as a defensemen. He kicked the ball from half field, and the ball when sailing through the air over 3 or 4 kids heads, past the goalie into the top of the net! Korbin was so excited! He ran across the field to his friend, Alejandro and chest bumped! It was such an exciting moment!

{You can see the smile on Korb's face right after scoring. Ale, behind Korb heading to "Chest Bump" at the other end of the field}

The end of several amazing, God-centered days was Sunday with the Baptism of Korbin. As a 4 year old, during family devotions in our apartment when I was pregnant with Konnor, Korbin gave his heart to Jesus. It was very sweet, Rod began to sing " I was sinking deep in sin.." Korbin began to cry. Rod asked him what was wrong? He said, "I do not wanna sink into sin" Through a series of  scary and exciting questions, Korbin came to an understanding of what Jesus Christ did for him on the Cross of Calvary. Through prayer, Korb asked Jesus to forgive him of his sins and live in heart forever and be the leader of his life. It is a special moment that will live in my heart & life forever. We, along with Pastor Mike, thought it was best to have Korbin wait unti he was a bit older to be baptised. This year as a third grader, Korbin recorded his self written testimony at church on Friday with Pastor Don. Then Sunday morning Korbin particpated in belivers baptism.

It was cerainly an amazing Couple of Days in Our lives and it all began with the "Everyone" service! God is Good Folks!

{My little boy became an Man in Christ right here}



It was cerainly an amazing Couple of Days in Our lives and it all began with the "Everyone" service! God is Good Folks!


~Kristy~