Today is the Day!!

My Valentines Day celebration was interrupted for the funeral of a childhood friend. I was heart broken and devastated at the news of a friend passing away at 32, before she met the man of her dream. Before he got married or had kids of her own. Before she had or felt so many of the things I take for granted.

At the funeral home, I stepped back in time sharing memories and meeting people that I shared my childhood with, as now adults. Little to my surprise, I had been sharing time in worship with some of these people and did not know it. My childhood vision of these adults, did not adjust for them to age as I did. So, I had been seeing them for years now, and did not know it.

I seen my 4th grade BFF, J but it was not the same as part of our trio was missing. Amy's sister, L  tried to step into the spot and share the memories and be apart of the jokes. But the piece to our puzzle was 1/2 mile down the road at Michigan Memorial Cemetery, where she was laid to rest in 2005 at the age of 28.

November 2005, I was celebrating Korbins first birthday. It was rubber ducky themed and he had just began to walk with some assistance. We lived in Rview, and I had no idea what was transpiring in the world around me. I was a full time stay at home mom, and I was surrounded with the daily tasks of that. I was eating to deal with the memories and feelings that arose from my own childhood. It would have been great to have Amy to talk too about all of that, some how we just clicked and knew what to say to each other.

The only time I remember never "clicking" was the year my mom died. 1999. My emotions were completely running on adrenaline and I was not sleeping for fear of dying in my sleep, as my mom did. Amy was living in Canada with her husband & little boy. She needed me as much as I needed her but we were going in completely opposite directions. For the first time in more than 15 years since we had met, we not even in the same book much less on the same page. I was sitting at the front desk working doing check in's, handling mail and a multitude of other tasks.Talking to Amy on the phone one particular day while I was there. I remember telling her, " I just can not handle this right now, Ame's. I am sorry I just can't" She said she understood. I never ever thought that day in early 2000, would be the last time we would speak.

To stand in the funeral home and look at the pictures of Paula & her big sister, Amy, was a double edged sword for me. In that moment, I was hurting for Paula's life being cut so short. Yet, I was hurting for the person, I never got to say Good-bye too. The person's grave I had stood over, and asked myself again and again, how did this happen??? The person I would not have gotten through those rough days as a child with an uncertain home life without her. I laughed and cried with Amy with all the things we spoke about and shared, and all the things we never said because we did not have too. We just clicked.

My breath was caught in my throat when Amy's step-mom introduced me to Amy's little, not so little, boy. He looked so much like his mom, I found it hard to breath!! I wanted to hug him, but refrained. I shook his hand instead. I smiled kindly at his dad, he appeared to be taking good care of Amy's pride & joy, and for that I was thankful. I offered the only thing I could in the moment, " I have plenty of stories of your mom from when we were kids and would love to share them with you when you would like to hear them." He smiled kindly, and I tried not to cry. He has his mom's eye's and ear's ( that she tried to constantly hide because she did not like them). His hair coloring is that reddish brown and I think he has her freckles but I did not get close enough to see. I did not want to freak the poor boy out by blubbering all over him!!

I really hope he calls one day, it is the least I can do to make sure my friends son has good memories of her. I know her family has good memories and will pass them along, but there is something different when your mom's friends have good memories. I know this first hand...

By the end Wednesday afternoon, I was beyond exhausted and entirely too emotional. I had forgotten to do the boys &Rod's little treats for the day, which caused more tears. I have a ton of fruit to cute for the 3rd grade fruit kabob's the next day and 48 GF rice krispie treats to make, as well as to make sure Korb's Val Cards were done. Not to mention dinner?!

I was looking forward to the distraction the next day being in Korbin's class room for his Valentine's Celebration. Those kids are crazy but I love being with them! So does Konnor, and they enjoy him too!

Valentine's Day must go on, and it did. We celebrated with our traditional candle lit dinner for 4, and Rod did his best to make the day extra special for me. Before he left for work, he gave me my favorite chocolates. After school, the boys gave me a card and a necklace from them. Then, just when I think Rod had out done himself, he came giving me a dozen red & while Tulips.

It was a nice way to seperate from the pain &sadness earlier in the week and love on my family. We do not have a promise of tomorrow, and we laid my childood to rest, I realized yet again: Today is the day for memories. Today is the day to tell someone about Jesus. Today is the day to be nice to a stranger. Today is the day to tell the people you love, that you love them. Today is the day...(fill in the blank)!!

We have no promise of tomorrow, today is the day!!

~Kristy~