With Cabin fever setting in, it seems as if ALL the boys so it fight!!
I feel as if they argue one more time, I am going to loose my mind!!
No wonder the doctor told me the other day told me my blood pressure was high, 150/100 high!! This explains the continuous headache however.
Last night was the final straw with arguing brothers which ended with both boys sitting in opposite bedrooms in the quiet. It was the first quiet that I had heard with both boys awake in a long time. Too long, in fact!!
I never thought I would be that Mom, that one that passively yells her child's name in a monotone voice while he never responds. Well, on Korbins walk home from school today where I was trying to ask him to stop kicking the snow before he kicked something one of the boys ahead of him dropped seconds before. I became her, and in 24 hours I went from shreeking at my children like a wild lunatic to the teacher yelling "Bueller, Bueller, Bueller" from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
In between, I cried because I have no idea how I got here!! I just kept hearing the speakers words from Sunday's sermon at church,".. you have to have a balance between love and structure." Lately if feels as if I am failing in every aspect of parenting in an effort to simply find out what is wrong with Korbin's allergies. I am overwhelmed emotionally and where there use to be structure in excess there is nothing to replace it and things are reck-loose.
Rod laughs audibly as I tell him I feel like the mice are taking over the ship, because he really knows I would never let things get to that point. But my emotions feel as I am to that point!!
I had this grand vision that will all my planning, and reading, and researching that we would wake up one day and just be GF. But even with my best of intentions, I am failing. I thought last night I had made a GF dinner with chicken, broccoli, brown rice,and cheese. Until I read soup can this morning as I placed it in the recycling bin, that there was Gluten in it?! UGH!!!
I just want to throw up my hands, and run to the pizza store to drown my sorrows and frustrations in pepperoni and cheese!!!
As I sit here and type, I have one boy sitting on the couch playing a video game and another boy laying on the floor watching cartoons. I look past the computer, my heart swells as look beautiful little faces and the biggest/cutest ears that any mother could love!! It takes everything I have not to get up and nibble on their ears! I love their ears!! It is the thing they inherited from my Papaw Collins; Ears.
I know that so many mothers go through a variety of emotions raising thier children,and I am so thankful I can humble myself and ask the Lord for forgiveness, grace and wisdom. I am not sure how I could do this without Him!!I am everything I am because He loves Me!! So greatful to be a child of the King!!
Its kinda funny at the beginning of this post, I was so exasperated! In a moments notice, a glace sideways off my my computer and God changed everything in an instance. Kinda cool huh?!
Tomorrow is a new day, and I am sure that it will bring its own challenges but one thing I know for sure is that He will never leave me or forsake me, even during Cabin Fever ( which can not end soon enough!!).
~Kristy~
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