Rough Week

I am trying not to cry as I type because I do not understand what exactly has happened this week!To say I am overwhelmed right now, is an understatement!
I am not ever sure where to begin..
Ok, so everyone knows I started a new part time job right?
Also that I have 2 classes this semester, and Korbin has ended Fall Baseball and started Fall Soccer?
Yesterday was his first game, and of course it rained! Hard!
I have worked everyday this past week, with the exception of today and Friday when I have class. My head is swarming from information over load and my body is adjusting from being on my feet constantly moving for 4 or more hours.
Wednesday, I get two very lengthy voicemail messages from the school nutritionist saying that there is something going on with Korbins lunch at school. I quickly text Rod and ask him to call her and handle this. As I try not to panic, I head back to work and hope that they have a paper bag somewhere I can breath into if I hyperventilate? I felt very out of control! It was day #1 at work other than orientations and things at school already need my attention and I can not handle them!! At this point, I am not sure if I need a paper bag or box of Kleenex!
I head home to find out that the reason for the phone call is good and bad. The good news is that the new nutritionist is on the ball, working with us to make sure Korbin is as safe as he possibly can be while eating at school. That was nice to hear!!
The bad news is that for the past 3 years, when we were told that certain items we were allowing him to eat at school were safe, it was a best guess estimate because the school had no nutritional information/allergy information on any of the items they were serving in the lunch room.
So last year when Rod and I had a 504 meeting with the principle, the school social worker and the school nurse; just to name a few, and the school nurse said the items I had contacted her about were safe for him to eat to now say she was less than honest is a severe understatement!
Now, I was hyperventilating!!
When Korbin got home, he was crying because one of his school best friends was moving at the end of the week to Georgia.
After loving on him for a while and drying his tears, we have to tell him that he will be bringing his lunch from home until further notice because we are working with Ms. L on making sure things are safe for him.
Korbin was fine with bringing his lunch, until he remembered the next day was "cookie" day. So I asked, " Korbin what is cookie day" in which he replies "Ya know, it is when they sell cookies for $0.25" Duh?! Next, I rephrase, " Is cookie day new this year? I can go in and find out what kinda cookies to see if there are safe. If not, I will bake you cookies and you can take them from home. (My standard response to things when he wants to try things) "No," Korbin says "Cookie day is not new. I bought cookies all last year, and I was fine!". WHAT???!!!
Trying to remain calm, I ask for the lunch menu to see if they were listed & I missed it. Nope! Not on there! I ask Rod, could you see if there was something in the paper work Korbin has brought him thus far from school and see if there is a notice in there that they were selling cookies. He looked, and nothing!
We ask Korbin how he found out they were selling cookies and if they were part of his lunch tray. No, they were not part of his lunch tray and he did not know, they just "appeared" one day. My next question was if anyone ever asked him if he was suppose to have them? He tells us that he asked someone if they could check the ingredient list for him, and they did. It did not say anything about nuts, so at that point because it said no nuts and they looked safe, he thought they were a could idea.
I must stop here, and say technically, Korbin did was he knew to do. We have given him all the information we thought he should have to make wise decisions for a 7 year old. But, I trusted the school lunch room employees and addressed in Korbins 504 plan that he is not to be eating foods that may contain "piggy back" allergens. Like soybeans. But because piggy back allergens can be complicated, we have not gone into this with him. That is one of the reason we had a written 504 plan drawn up, to help the school be an extension of our eyes and ears. But they choose not to pay attention to it, and did not inform us in any manor that they were serving these cookies, so I could not check what I did not know existed further more no one is communicating the written directions of the 504 to all the members of our extended eyes and ears team.
My room began to swirl and I got sick to my stomach! I thought I was going to pass out!
"Get it together!", I heard a voice come from within the pit of my stomach saying. I excused myself from the living room and splashed some cold water on my face. I knew exactly what could have happened if they changed the brand of cookies and it looked similar to the other or changed the way the manufacturer processed the cookie in the plant.  I was not going to cry!!
I trusted these people with my baby!!!
Rod and I email the principle and talked with Korbin. He was so innocent in his answers to our questions!  Just a child trying to wrap his head around an allergy that I have trouble handling all of the components of myself.
I felt as if the school has abused my trust by their laziness!
It was a simple question, "If were have to check the ingredients, lets double check with Mrs. C ( the principle) and make sure you can have this." I know she would have directed Korbin to Rod or I for further clarification, because she has so many times before. Instead, they just asked for his money. But, it must have been too inconvenient for someone to walk 10 more steps out of their way to ask.
I have talked with each person working in the lunch room and educated them that if that were to happen, they they were to direct Korbin to Mrs. C. They knew what to do, and choose not too. And because of what they choose not to do, we could have paid a very dear price!
Later that night, I cried and thanked God once again for protecting Korbin!
By the 2nd have of the week, Konnor began to have problems with his Asthma and we began his steroid and nebulizer treatments. The steroids make my sweet boy into an emotional mess as well as cause his sleep patterns to be sporadic.
Now, I was overwhelmed with work, exhausted from Konnor and emotional from Korbin and then we were adding stress into the mix as I studied for my A&P test.
I posted something on FB trying to possibly relieve some stress about Korbins allergy, because after all it appears that everyone else seems to post whatever they choose on their status updates, instead I got lambasted from several fronts. My heart was broken, but I pushed on because that what I do and accepted apologies from those who offered because that's what Christan's do. Alot of time, flat text comes across in different manor than we anticipate. It has happened to me. So, who would I be to not listen to those people who have done the same thing I am guilty of myself? I am hurt nonetheless.
By Friday, I was at my breaking point only to find out it was going to get worse.
Much worse. If I thought the school had broken my trust, I could not even begin to anticipate the the type of mistrust I would be struggling with today regarding a completely different situation.
Friday was 2 days ago and I have been crying, and praying hoping to make sense of something I accidentally over heard but what not meant too.
When I was in high school I was friends who a group of people, who had later decided that they no longer wished to be friends with me. I was caught off guard with their behavior& things they said and as I result decided that I did not need friends. I went through college, and most of my twenties never making more than a casual acquaintance. Friendship was not worth the hurt I would eventually incur. As Korbin got older, Rod and I decided that we needed to show him the types of friends he should have through making relationships of our own.
Today, I am wondering why I thought I could possibly have friends! The price is much more than I can bare when they hurt me! One of the reasons I married Rod was because I wanted to marry my friend, and I knew that Rod would never betray me. Sure, Rod & I have had our ups & downs, it seems as if more downs than ups in recent years, but when my heart can not possibly handle one more thing; my best friend Rod steps in to carry me through until my heart can beat again with out the oxygen Rod gives it. I am not sure what I would have done without him this week, because I certainly would not have made it!!
It has been a rough week, and now I am left with more questions than answers! My heart has been broken into more pieces than I ever thought possible and I am not sure how to sure how to go on from here!