More questions than answers

The pain continues...
I was at work this morning at 8am. It was the first time I had to leave before Korbin had to go to school. I layed his clothes on the table, and packed his back pack for Rod. Complete with a check list of the morning's events I left Rod & Konnor at 7:40 to head to out into the windy morning air. Korbin was not even out of bed yet because Monday is his late start day.
I turned on my favorite Christan radio station and song along, I thought the day had prospect until I got a text message from Rod saying the last job he interviewed with twice had hired an candidate internally.
I knew the day was shot after that.
My heart broke for Rod, and hurt for our family.
It seems as if the questions are piling up with no answers!
Unemployment ends for good at the end of October, and things are looking very bleak right now.
I am so irritated that companies interview candidates two and three times encouraging there hopes and then they dash them! Is seems so unethical! Can't companies be honest with where they are at in the hiring process rather than say such flattering things encouraging candidates to believe that they are "the one" and it is just another pack of lies compacted with a just kidding.
What hurts more and is so confusing is that other people around us are getting jobs, so why can't our family?
Why are we constantly being punished over and over again??
If God is good, which He is, no matter what the circumstances what are we doing that we deserve to constantly be let down and driven into the ground over and over again?
The burdens that are piling up are beginning to be more than I can handle...
My head hurts constantly and the sleep that comes is so jumbled with hurt, anger and questions that it is in now way refreshing.
Trying to shake the funk I feel it harder and harder and I just simply pray for God to care for my boys.
I am not mad at God, nor have I ever been. I trust Him to make of this life what He desires of it. I just wish I knew what it is that I must be doing wrong that He desires not to do anything with my life?
It my surely be my freewill that has messed up the promising life God offers to those who believe and serve Him with their lives.
Since I believe my service is reasonable and acceptable, it must be me making the wrong choices!
That is the only option, and the way I am treated by people past and present, that is exactly what the problem must be.
Me.
My heart is broken, and my head is full. I wish someone somewhere could give me insight to why life is constantly so hard for us. Even our basic needs our up for debate these days..we have not purchased garbage bags in nearly a month!
(We gave them up for diapers for Konnor instead!)
Despite all that, this I know: God has a plan and as hard as it is to wait, wait upon Him I will.
I will worship and pray while I wait.
Even when I am confused, angry and hurting because there is not a feeling or frustration I have today that Jesus himself has not experienced and if He can be obedient unto the point of death, then I can be obedient when there is pain and uncertainty.
~Kristy~