A Break

I took a break from blogging for a bit because I did not want to write or post something that I would later regret.

I use Facebook and my blog to get my frustrations out as well as journal, and recently something was posted that someone thought was about them ( and it wasn't) and I wanted/needed to take a break to pray about what I was posting.

God has shown me area's to improve upon while also giving me great peace about things I have done that others may precieve as something different other than the way I was intending.

As I have grown older I have become aware how short life really is! This week every year is always a great time of reflection for me as the anniversary of my moms death is either on Mothers Day or Mothers Day Week-end. It has been harder this year than I anticipated because my mom's mom, my mamaw, is in the hospital with a freactured vertebrea. In addition, the loss of friends this year, through death & otherwise, have placed a very heavy ache in my heart that I had not thought would occur since it has been 14 years since my mom passed.

The reality is, it never gets easier. I just find more ways to get through the pain.

As I sat in a lighthouse themed cottage with my friend, Stephanie, on our girls get-a-way I said
to her " I have suddenly become more ok with me and who I am, faults & all, than I ever have before in my life. I know who I am and what I need to work on, and I realize; Its ok to be me!" She smiled kindly and told me it shows. I needed to hear that! So many times I try to twist & turn my personality, faults and character flaws to fit what other people want me to be. Since January, I have been on a very painful journey that has brought me to that conclusion: It's ok to be me.

And as my mom use to say, "And if they don't like me for who I am, then they do not know what they are missing!"

In am in no way saying I am perfect, you understand. I am saying God has done a work in my heart that I never anticipated and I have began to try to see myself through His eyes. Its is amazing what you see when you do that!! I have forgiven myself for my failures and others for thiers because God has shown me how many times He has given me grace when I needed it & had not realized. So, why can I not extend that grace to myself &others ?

The other day for the first time I planted some flowers, in pots and in the yard, and immensley enjoyed doing so! More than I thought I would to be honest! I have began to love life and enjoy it, from sunrise to sunset, the day is filled with so much that even when the heart ache creeps in I can find something to love & enjoy!

Just because I am making new life choices and living more, does not erase yesterday and all the pain that came with that. But by giving myself grace, I have also given my self permission to feel and work through those feelings. "It does not happen over night," I told a friend recentlly. " But I am trying".

My new favorite verse as of late is: Create in me a Clean Heart O Lord and Renew a Right Spirit in Me-Psalm 51:10.

As I pray this verse, the Lord has brought SO much into light! The biggest "take away"  is the realization that I have made myself responsible for how other people feel about me and carried that around  with me like a back pack. A very heavy one at that! The longer I prayed, the more I realized is that they only person I am responsible for is me. I can not be held accountable for how people precieve me or what they take away from my actions, attitudes or life experiences. If I have unknowingly hurt someone, then they have to do what the bible commands & bring it to my attention. Without knowing, there is no way fix the problem. Moreso, walking around with unforgiveness is taking up space in thier hearts & lives that God has intended for something else. I can say with great certainity, that is much better than bitterness & hurt! Equally, as I prayed for a clean heart and asked the Lord to bring people to mind that this may be the case, He showed me no one.

I always have been the type of person that if I have a disagreement with you, you will know it. Or if I suspect we have a disagreement, I will ask you. Just as I am not responsible for peoples preceptions of me, I am concerned for thier feelings.Which is such a fine line for me to walk! I try to do the right thing whenever possible, and believe me. The right thing is NOT always the easy thing!

The point of this entire post is this: Life is too short!! No one is perfect, but through Christ Jesus we have ALL been extended Grace and Mercy and we ( I am talking to myself here!) should all be more willing to extend it to others just as easily as God extends it to us. Whether we [they] ask for it or not!


I am thankful for what God has done in my heart & life, and I am thankful for the break He has provided for me but I am looking forward to blogging more often again!

God is Good folks!!
~Kristy~