Crisis of Faith

I refuse to let our current job statis, with Rod being without work, be a crisis of Faith!! I am battling the emotional, up hill battle that this christmas this year will be so different for us than in years past. I look at the news paper ads or see the t.v. commercials, and realize that there is no money for the things that they offer. I immediantly become sad and disheartend, why did this have to happen to us? Yet, I am trying to train my brain to catch up with my heart and stay focused on the big picture of God's mercy, grace and love.
I do not need a bunch of packages under the christmas tree to celebrate the birth of Christ! At this point, our daily needs are being met( by the grace of God, I might add) and for that I should be thankful. And my heart is! It rejoices in the morning's with David as I read the Psalms as he proclaims God's greatness and sovernity. It listens to Paul speak to the churches of the New Testament as he lovingly rebukes them in order to bring them closer to christ likeness. It is over whelmed with the story of John Newton, the man who wrote the lyrics of the world renoun Amazing Grace whose story is just that of God's amazing, saving grace.
Unfortunately, it is taking awhile for my mind to catch up to what my heart is saying. As loudly as it beats in my ears after a long run, it is saying: God loves you! He will provide for you!! Trust in Him!! Have Faith in Him!!
I really believe the the devil is trying the same thing with me as he does with Job in the Old Testament, who's body is badly afflicted with boils and he is sitting outside scraping them with a stick. Then his wife comes to him and asks him to "Curse God and Die". He is trying to get me to be angry with God. Or trying to get me to be so angry at Rod's former boss that I sin against God. Unfortunately, for Job it gets worse before it gets better. I am praying that it does not get worse before it gets better for us, but it did indeed get better for Job. Because he did not sin against God, God restored him double.
The only thing I am looking for at this point, is double the faith. I do not want our personal financial crisis to become a crisis of faith. Instead, I would hope to grow stronger and closer to my savior and my husband through this situation. I know that christmas is not about the packages under the tree, but about the one who was born to be hung and die on a tree. I think the thing that is fighting me most is that I had such expectations of an enjoyable christmas, me being a new person both inside and out.
Now, the manifestation I have gone through this past year will be put to the test this christmas to celebrate joyfully without sorrow instead being bought in a store and wrapped with a bow. Maybe that is the gift, in and of it's self. And I like, the Jewish rulers of the day, missed it. I was looking for a grand, expensive gift with a large bow and instead I got the gift that lives within my heart that cost more than money can buy but never wore a bow at all but a cross instead.
Thank you Jesus, for being my gift this season. May I never take you for granted nor put you on a shelf. But allow you to live within me and use my life as your own so that I may give your gift of love and sacrifice to another that they may celebrate this christmas with an eternal gift that moths and thieves will never corupt just as you so freely gave to me!"