What do you marvel at?

I woke up this morning after having an amazing dream.. Rod came home from work with a bunch of beautiful yellow and purple tulips, and we sat down to dinner to discuss our family vacation. Konnor did not get  up from the table and run down the hallway nor did he cry that dinner was not pizza. Then, I glanced at the calendar and notice that something was circled in red( which usually means a bill) and I mentioned it to Rod and he replies " Just pay it. There is money in the bank"  Life was back to normal. I remember feeling so thankful!! Then Konnor called for me, and I had to return to real life. As I put my feet on the floor I remember feeling so sad. I do not dream about touring Europe or winning the lotto or shopping on Rodeo Drive, I dream about things that so many people take for granted. The dream I thought life could be has turned into a nightmare and I am the girl who runs up the stairs to get away from the monster in the horror films that leaves the viewer asking "Why is she running up the stairs. There is no way out!" I feel as if there is no way out, alot.

I attempted to fight the emotional roller coaster that I have been on so many times in the last three years. Then I looked out the window over the sink. Across the street there is a beautiful tree with red buds covering its branches, just behind it is another tree with lime green, almond shaped leaves. This morning the dark clouds rolled behind the two trees, as the clouds threatened to rain. I marveled at the beautiful contrasting colors of the trees and the frowning of the dark clouds behind the happy trees. Then, a sliver of the sun broke through the clouds and it was almost as the weather was mimicking a frowning face attempting not to smile. Just then, the weather broke and God's majesty shown as the sun filled the entire sky even among the dark clouds.

It reminded my of Pastor Mikes message yesterday : Psalm 8 and"What do you marvel at?"

Psalm 8 talks about David praising God with wisdom and knowledge in a poetic reflection that expresses  the wonder of God's majestic and sublime nature. The structure of his peom set to music is in the beginning of praising Gods excellent name. The next is the praise of God from his children the the praise of God the creator of everything that ever was, is, and is to come. Finally ending again, with the praise of God's excellent name. This was an example of what David marveled at.

Pastor said something specific that I was reminded of as I watched nature preform out my window this morning; "Whatever is going on; God alone will get the Glory". Just as the clouds attempted to cover up the sun this morning, reflecting God's love smiling on us in our(my) darkest moments, the devil will do the same to cover up what God is trying to show us in our darkest times.

In  my honesty and humanity, I am so tired; emotionally and physically of being tried and tested that it feels as if I have been on a roller coaster without end for three years. But as I remember God's majesty, He has never truly failled me when I have needed Him the most. When He alone has been my only answer, He has shown up and given to me what I have needed at exactly the right time. It is those moments, I am holding fast too right now when my feelings are not matching up to what my faith is.

Someday, I will look back at these days and be thankful for what they have taught us and it will make paying those bills and going on those vactions so much sweeter!! And these days will be something that I will marvel at. "O Lord, our Lord, How excellent is Your name in all the earth"

 As I remember the trees, the clouds and the sun this morning I marvel again at how amazing and how great our God is. I pray that He reminds me of this picture that is etched in my mind for days and weeks to come. That Pastors question stays fresh within mymind and heart; What do you marvel at??

Yep! I am cracked!!

I would pay good money to do that (above) with my arms. I have not been blogging much or anything else much because I chose to wrestle with my boys on Easter and suffered two cracked ribs as a result.

They may look sweet, but they are rough!! Oh well!! To hear them giggle the way they did that day, I would do it all over again. I live for those moments we can make memories laughing together. Some of the best memories I have of my mom is being silly and just laughing with her and my sister. I wish I had some of those days back again, I would bottle the time so that when I needed a moment with my mom I could pull it off the shelf and look it side. The feelings, the sounds and sights would envelope me and I would be transported back to those days so that maybe missing her would seem bearable.

So, I have been alternating between heat and ice, pain meds and muscle relaxers and attempting not to lean to the side that hurts the most as I so simple tasks as walk. I kept Korbins spring break week intacted with the help of a few friends, and he went to the zoo. Baseball. And a few play dates. We watched alot of movies though and snuggled with my little assailants and I slept through the pain meds.

My husband stepped up to the plate and knocked it out of the park, as usual. He always takes such good care of me when I need him to the most. I wish he could understand just how much those moments mean to me! I seem to fail at communicating that and soon life sweeps us away again in the task of living and running the kids here, there and everywhere.

With all that said, running is on the back burner. I may in the next week, begin to walk on the treadmill. If I can get the pain to diminish. Today began well, and now as I sit here and type, I hurt intensely.

I go back to the doctor on Wednesday for another set of x-rays and hopefully so more answers as to why I still hurt so stinkin badly! One step forward, two steps backward. At least I am putting one foot in front of the other even if those footsteps go backward sometimes!!

No running today

Saturdays are the day I head to school for my chemistry lab. I dropped my A&P class, and will pick it up again in the spring. Which reduces my school load to chemisty and its lab.
I cleared the kitchen table this morning, and opened my lab manual to complete the three questions that are left from last weeks homework. I prop my legs upon the wooden,spindle chairs that accompany the used dining room table that some friends gave us several years again. As I move my left leg to the chair, I wince as the wood connects with the top portion of my foot. A slight bump should not cause pain like that, so I quickly remove my sock to see that the bridge of my foot it slightly swollen and a light color green.
I do not remember hurting it in any way! I ask Rod to look at it, he presses the bruised area(of course!), and flex's my foot as someone who has apparently delt with many injured feet would, and determined it is nothing major but I probably should not run today before something minor turns into something major.
I decided to be an "internet doctor" and google beginners running injuries and see if Dr. Rod's diagnosis is correct. From what I read, it can take sometime for your feet and ankles to build up a tolerence to running and them may ache, be swollen or slightly bruised. As long as there is no intense pain; shooting or throbbing, you are ok to continue in a day or two with taking an extra recovery day off inbetween runs.
More than slightly annoyed, I agreed because now that I have a plan to accomplish my goal I do not wanna injure myself!
So, well my guys are watching wrestlemania tomorrow night I will sneak down to the basement and have some "me" time on the treadmill!!
~Kristy~

5 Random Things

1.) I accidently bought EAS Carb Control Dark Chocolate Ready to Drink Protien Shakes instead of the normal chocolate ones I typically buy and I LOVE THEM !!

2.) I found a new protien shake that is something that you make, and it is pretty stinkin good!
-1 cup low fat vanilla yogurt
-3/4 cup (6oz) All White liquid egg whites
-1 1/2 cup fresh blue berries
-1/2 cup pomergrante juice
Combine all the ingrediants in a blender with 3 ice cubes and blend until smooth. 250 Calories, 2g Fat, 47 g Carbs, and 14 g protien.
* I am thinking about adding a serving of vanilla protien powder and switching out the yogurt to Skim Milk which will change the nutrion infromation & increase the protien*
**AllWhite is a pasteurized product so it is safe to use cooked and noncooked**

3)Erin Henderson's blog  is a new one I am reading..she has TWELVE KIDS and if she has time to run..well, I can make time too! Check her blog out at see mom run far

4.) The best fast food option is The Fesco Steak or Chicken Soft Taco at Taco Bell because it is made without cheese and sour cream. It has 150 calories, 4 grams of fat and 9-12 grams of protien!

5)Since I have started running/walking my skin looks SO much better!! I think the extra water may be helping but either way...I am digging it!

Running in the Rain

I do not feel as poorly as I thought I may after my first run in ages. My back is a little sore from lack of a good sports bra and my legs feel a little stiff but all in all, pretty good!!

As I settled in with my warm cup of coffee on this cold morning, I thought about what I should be eating if I was serious about training for this 5k.

According to The runner's diet you need 50% carbs, 25% protein and 25% fat. Which goes against what I want/need to be eating as a gastric bypass diet, which is high protein(50-75grams per day), low carb and low fat.

So, I am in a bit of a quandary as to what to do!! Its been awhile since I have seriously looked at my nutrition. I mean, I have made half hearted attempts but nothing serious. Tomorrow is the day that I set for myself to be registered for my fitness pal. I think that it will be a helpful tool for me to look at my nutritional needs and move a few things around.

I have been taking my supplements, 2 multivitamins, 2 calcium, 1 D-3, 1 iron, 1 dropper of a sub lingual B-12, B-complex and fiber. Gotta love the nutritional supplements but I honestly think that they are the reason I have not gotten really sick when my eatting went off track! I am also thankful for coupons because without them, these supplements would cost us a fortune!

As I looked through the many, many sites that the the internet has to offer in the way of 5K training and diet suggestions, the hail begins to bang against the front room window. The darkness forces me to reach above and click on the light to see the computer screen to continue to type. The current time is 2:58 and I have to walk a block and a half to get Korbin from school...in the pouring rain!

As the lightening flashes from the Heavens, I make the decision to leave the umbrella at home and RUN to the school. Off the porch, I sprint across the street and down the block to the crossing guard. I walk through the school safety's to the play ground door where my second grader grabs my wet hand and says, "Let's go Mom" and we begin to retrace our steps home. On the other side of the main street I ask Korbin, "You want to run?" and together we take off.

The splish splash under my feet has my pants completely soaked and I lost my hood on the orginal sprint, so my wet hair is hanging in my eyes where my glasses usually rest. I wipe the dripping hair strands out of my face and yell for Korbin to hold up! My lungs are on fire and it aches to breath!! Back across our street, Korbin picks up his pace again and runs into the house. If the ground was not wet, I would have collapsed right there! I  go into the house and head to the kitchen to sit on a wooden chair to remove my wet coat and shoes. One puff of the inhaler..no relief! My lungs are burning and now there is an intense wheeze coming from somewhere.

Sans the wet clothes, I plop into the chair and squeek out that I need the breathing machine as the warm tears sing my eyes. Are you kidding me? An asthma attack for a block and a half??? I am irratated!!! If I can not run a block and a half, I am never gonna be able to run a 5k!!! Rod just watches me, he is not sure what to say as I sit there taking my breathing treatment from a short sprint which has reduced me to tears.

Now, my legs are aching and my back hurts as if I have been on a moving crew!! I want to be a runner, up until 3pm today I thought this goal was completely possible. I also thought this would be some work but I thought I could achieve at least a block & a half?!

The voice of reason reminds me gently that it is alot different running outside in the rain, than running on a treadmill in the basement. He may be right, either way I am frustrated. Then Rod says, " There is a reason you have a day off in between scheduled runs. Your muscles need time to recover", as he wipes the tears from my face. "I sure hope your right!" I say as I turn off the nebulizer.

"Because the way it feels right now," I said " Maybe running is another sport I should just stand on the sidelines and cheer others on for!" Rod shakes his head as he channels my mother and says, " You can do anything you want to do!"

~Kristy~

Second Chances

I did my first Couch to 5K (C25k) workout using a podcast & a treadmill this afternoon. It began with a five minute warm up, then alternated with a 60 second run and 90 second walk for the next 20 minutes and a five minute cool down. This is the schedule for 3 days your first week, with a day off in between. I ran walked 1.18 miles, and for the most part I think I did ok. I skipped two intervals but sped up the pace for the last interval.

The sweat was dripping off my face as I guzzled the water at the end of my workout and my legs felt like jello as I struggled to get up the stairs from the basement. At first, I was proud of myself for finishing what I started even if I had to modify the plan a bit. By the time I reached the top of the stairs, I became annoyed with myself. How did I get here again?? When I said good-bye to the 250's in 2008, just months after my gastric bypass, I swore I was never going back "there" again. Yet, here I am!!

As I finished our dinner of cubed steak pieces, red skin potatoes, boiled cabbage and fresh, cut up veggies I thought I have two choices: I can dwell on it and feel defeated or I can attempt to learn from my mistake and start again. I mean, the "pouch" created by my surgeon during my gastric bypass surgery as a tool. It did not go away because I gain a small fraction of my weight back. So, I just need to get back on track again. As I sat down to eat dinner with my beautiful family, I thanked God again for second chances.

My friend, Jen, reminded of my second chance recently in the wake of her own tragedy she took a few minutes to remind me "in the middle of my lil o'mess, I forgot how big I am blessed" as she lost her father to obesity recently. She reached passed her tears and sadness to help me to remember why I had my surgery to begin with: Rod and the boys. As the reality is that when I take care of myself, I am just a better wife to Rod and mother to my boys. With the stress of Rods joblessness taking extreme tolls on my health, it is more imperative than ever, I regain control of the regain.

I have asked Jen to be a guest writer to share her dads story, so that may be some good may come from such heart ache as she watched her dad kill himself through food. Something that if I am not careful, will be my children's story about me. As I sit here now, I look over top of of the computer screen to see two little boys wrestling. I wish you could hear the giddy laughter they share!! It makes my heart do flip flops as the noise levels soars as they belly laugh with red faces as legs and arms flying everywhere. I know without a shadow of a doubt I would trade every french fry, slice of pizza or frozen coffee drinks to keep them from the pain that Jens heart endures daily as she faces life without her dad. My heart hurts for my friend but I am thankful she is willing to step out on faith and share with you and others her pain so that others may be helped. Please look for Jen's story soon.

After dinner Rod said, "So how did it feel?" talking about running. I thought for a minute, as I rubbed my calves I responded "It felt like hard work. But anything worth having is worth fighting for." He smiled back, "Your hooked now aren't you?" He knew the answer without answering the question!! I am hooked and I am the only person who stands in my way. If God can give me a second chance, shouldn't I give myself one??

~Kristy~

My plan is simple: Regaining Control.

My friend, Nina, writes a running blog. I have read, and reread her article You do not need will power, you NEED a plan.

Since I have always wanted to be a runner, I am making a plan!! My plan is simple: Regaining Control.

Here I am at 259.2



So, I went to the Fruit Store this week stocked up!! I cut all the fruit and veggies, filled the fridge with water and protein shakes.

On Monday, my day began with coffee then followed by a protein shake. I have replaced one meal this week with protein shakes and then at night if I need a snack, instead of chips or candy, I dig out the fruit & veggies. I drink 4-6 bottles of 16.8 water in addition to my coffee and ice tea. It's not the ideal plan, but it is some place to start.

On Sunday, Rod loaded C25K Running Plan onto the Ipod, and the first week you run 3 days with a day off in between. So today is the day!! In addition to laundry, I will be running on the treadmill today. This morning I weighed myself and I weigh in at 259.2. I will weigh myself again in a week, and see what the results are. According to the running plan, in 9 weeks I should be able to run a 5k.

The last thing on my "Plan" is to join My fitness pal. Another "runner" friend, Crystal, has been asking me to join this site for the extra support in my quest to become a runner and be more healthy. It is my plan to join the site and navigate it by Saturday, so that I can track all my progress next week.

I made the decision to do this, since I dropped my A&P class this semester and focus on chemistry. More than that at the beginning of the week, the boys & I were taking our nightly walk around the block. Korbin asked me if he & I could take some extra walks together without Konnor so we could run? My heart lept!!As a mom, I have just a few things I want for my kids: to walk in truth with God as their Savior, to be healthy and to be men of integrity. As it stands, being a good wife and mother was what made me start this journey to health to begin with, it also stands to reason that should motivate me too. But, when I lack motivation I will have a plan!!

As Rod and Korbin get ready for sports season, it is kinda exciting for me to have a "sport" to focus on too!! I can be a runner! I can do this!! 2012 is my year to run my first 5k!!