Konnor Ryman has arrived!!!

This is me as I changed from my beautiful powder blue baby foot print maternity shirt and way too tight pregnancy jeans into this wonderful hospital gown. The photo was taken moments before I was whisked away into the surgery room to meet our beautiful little bundle of joy. If I look huge in this picture, it was because I was huge!! I gained 45 pounds during this pregnancy, which made Dr. F elated but me not so much! Sigh, I made it my mission to gain enough weight to have a healthy baby and as I walked into the surgical room I was prepared for the birth of a small baby due to my gastric bypass.





Konnor Rymon was born Tuesday, October 6th at 8:42 am and weighed 7lbs 4oz's and 19 1/4 inches long. I held my breath as I heard him cry for the first time and waited until they announced his weight... 7 pounds?! Did they say 7 pounds 4 ounces??? That was just one ounce smaller than his brother!! He was not a small baby after all!!! I felt relieved, my weight gain was not for nothing!! Tears filled my face, as I breathed a sigh of huge relief.. I guess I did not realize how scared I was.. I made the decision to have weight loss surgery to save my life so that I could be a mother to Korbin. However, I had never anticipated that those same decisions would effect the life of dream I had prayed for so long. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days, and came home Friday evening.


Life began swirling around me and I tried to breast feed for the first time, although Konnor was our second child, Korbin was completely bottle feed. I was exhausted but exhilarated, I contemplated giving up at least once a day. My breast were so sore and I was only getting an hour or two of sleep at a time, not to mention the stress I was under since Konnor was rapidly loosing weight. We took him to the doctor every week for six weeks to have his weight checked, every time to be the potential time that they would hospitalize him for failure to thrive.

This is Konnor at three months old, approximently 12 1/2 pounds. When Konnor was 2 months old, I was hospitalized for 6 days to have my gallbladder removed. During which time, I had to stop breast feeding and Konnors weight began to sky rocket with the formula!! He is a wonderful baby, always happy and generally smiling!!

God has truly blessed me beyond measure and I am so thankful to be a mommy again. To date, I have lost all but 9 pounds of my "baby weight" and look forward to continuing my weight loss journey! It won't be easy, but I know that if I can loose 177 pounds and I loose that last little bit to get to my goal weight. Weight loss surgery for me was not a quick fix but the answer to a life long battle, which did not end on the day of surgery but merely just began.

We have a date!!!!

At 33 1/2 weeks we were given a date today for our repeat c-section: Tuesday, October 6th @ 8am. The moment was kind of surreal as I sat by while Denise; the ob/gyn nurse called the scheduling department at the hospital.

When I was pregnant with Korbin, the time in which he was to enter the world was completely out of our hands and we waited eagerly for my contractions to start or my water to break so we could head to the hospital. However, the time for our newest little blessing to enter the world is now a date on the calender. We wait, again, with eager anticipation although this time it feels alot different.As if we are waiting for Christmas to arrive, we will watch the calender days slip by, happily waiting for one of the two best presents we will ever receive.

Korbin's birth was filled with drama and anxiety, much like the pregnancy I had with him. This pregnancy, although dramatic at times, as been pretty text book and uneventful. Which is what I am praying his birth will be like, so even from the very moment of "Boomer's" arrival we can celebrate and bond together as a new family of four.

I am excited, nervous and overwhelmed! It seems as if we have been waiting for this forever, and now the days are rapidly approaching!! I stand in the door way of what will be "Boomer's" room and try to imagine me rocking him, or looking at him through the slot's in his crib. Yet, all I can see through my minds eye is those moment's that I experienced with Korbin.

For three long years, I prayed for this child and begged God to give us another child to share our lives with. Having Korbin was the scariest yet most amazing experience I had ever willingly participated in. I knew from the first single second I found out the he existed, that I loved him. That loved consumed my very being the moment I looked from his dark blue eyes after 72 hours of the worst pain I had ever felt to my husbands handsome face. For the second time in my life, I fell in love.

My love for this amazing gift began as I fell to my knee's on the bathroom floor as I looked into the toilet seeing it's red contense stare back at me knowing that the tests confirm that I was indeed almost 10 weeks pregnant. I prayed and cried and begged, again, God to spare his or her life. That I loved this child and wanted him or her unconditionally. God tested my resolve as I layed on the couch for weeks, painfully aware that there was nothing I could do other than to wait upon Him; the giver and taker of life.

As each day past, and with each visit I heard a heart beat or seen the tiny spine that God knitted together inside my womb on the video screen, I stopped holding my breath and started rejoicing. I was actually going to have another baby!!!!!!!!!!! My fear turned into joy, incredible joy, and my tears turned into laughter with the anticipation of giving my baby a baby brother or sister to grow up with. Although, I had convinced myself that "our" baby was a girl, I knew somewhere deep inside that we were having a boy and realized that as the ultrasound tech announced her proud findings. Then again, I knew I loved him.

Now, as his parents, Rod and I face great uncertainty of not know when Rod will have a job or how we will provide the very basic necessities so many other new or second time parents take for granted. It is very scary, and I find myself often facing my fear head on. Yet, I know somewhere deep inside that things will be ok, as I look around this room anticipating the love and amazement that I felt with Korbin re manifesting it's self within my soul telling me once again, I love this little person whom I have never met more than I could ever articulate.

We have a date to see who our new little miracle looks like, and what his personality will be, and to experience the joys of parenthood all over again! We have a date.... I can hardly wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baby Shower

Saturday, August 15th was our baby shower given by my sister, Rhonda and my friend Karen,and her mom Brenda. My Mamaw Collins, my friend Serena, mother in law and sister in law helped with the food. It was a beautiful shower and it was something I would have given myself. Gone are the thoughts. "Wow! I wish I had a beautiful shower like...." because now I have had one and I am sooo thankful!! Through my close friends and church family, God met alot of our needs for our new little blessing! I can cross off one item on my God here is my problems list.

As I sat down to write this article, I thought about cataloging all of the drama that surrounded having a second shower despite my boys are five years apart in age or that my husband has been off work for 9+ months now. Or how people selfishly hurt my fealings because they felt the need to make a point at a time in my life where I am already overwhelmed and stressed. However, when I thought about where to begin, I thought I would begin at the ending which is the most important part- God provided!

When I propped up my swollen ankles and grabbed my checklist of needs, I crossed off all that I had listed except for 6-8 things!!! For the second time that day, I wiped away the tears that fell from my face and thanked the Lord for His goodness for using the people that DID show up and DID support me.

I wish I could tell you that the hurt I felt from the others just magically disappeared, however, it did not. But what did happen was that I was filled with an amazing pity for such selfish people! I was overwhelmed by God's grace and love for even them, and if He could forgive more than what I knew about them how could I not? Have I forgotten? No! The devil see's it fit to remind me daily and I must make a decision daily to forgive them yet again. Through this forgiveness, I am shown God's grace over and over again!!!!

It was an amazing shower, I missed several of my friends that could not be there to celebrate with me because of a multitude of honest reasons. Yet, I rejoiced with each person who walked through the door and filled my day with love and support in a time I truly needed them most.

As I look through the items, I give thanks for each thing and say a silent prayer for each giver and pray that the Lord will bless them double for those who gave sincerely from their heart. I now have bottles, diapers and many other necessities that I was fearful that I would not have for this little miracle that I had for Korbin.

I now look to his birth with more anticipation instead of fear, that he will not pay a price for what our circumstances are at this time. No, the timing of his arrival is not perfect and no child's is. No one ever is completely ready or has enough money or enough space or has checked off this or that from their bucket list. However, Rod, Korbin and myself are thankful everyday for "our" baby and can not wait for this little guy to turn our whole world on it's ear as any baby inevitably does. 7 weeks to go and I can not wait...

Problem here is my God!!!

A friends facebook status struck me in a unique way, " Instead of saying 'God here is my problem' say "Problem here is my God'!".
So as I sat down to do my devotion, I found my self making a list of my current problems:
1.) Rod needs a job that is close to home with good pay and good benefits so that I can stay home with the kids and finish my degree.
2.) The money to pay our current bills ie, the car payment, the DTE bill, the cable bill and the rent.
3.) The money to buy Korbin clothes and shoes to start school in and necessary school supplies
4.) The money to purchase the necessities for the baby along with diapers and formula(if necessary).
Of course, as I look over this short list, I realize that this is not all of my current problems but these are the most pressing ones and top on the priority list.
Rod & I have praying over these problems for the last 8 months since he has been laid off from work. As I look as the list again, I realize that these problems are nothing new to God, we have talked with Him about these before. However, the urgency we have now is different than it was say 3 months ago.
Our baby is due in 10 short weeks, and there are things that we desperately need for him, that we simply can not afford on the money unemployment is providing. We are thankful for the unemployment, however, we are already working on a deficient that reviles the national debt much less purchasing bottles, a highchair, bedding, etc, etc.
As well as Korbin is starting school in 5 weeks. We were blessed that that last I purchased clothes that were a little big on Korb, so that this summer they would fit. So, we did not have to buy any clothes to outfit him for the summer, however, this fall we do not have the same option. His shoes are to small, his underware are getting too tight and his white undershirts look like something guys would have worn in the "Let's get Physical" music video in the 1980's.And the list of clothing and school supply list seems overwhelming. Yet, when I think of all of this all I can do is choke back the tears and emotions as I relive the years and years of hearing my mom say that my list of needs would have to wait because we simply did not have the money. A phrase I was praying not to have to use abundantly with my kids. Plus, I had a grand vision of the first time Korbin had to go school shopping the three of us would make a day of it and create a fun memory of getting our first child ready to go to school.
My stomach tightens as I fight off the physical manifestation of the stress, I glance back at the list. Faith and trust are easy when you are in mountain top scenario's when life is going great but it is a daily battle when your in the battle of your life. It is moments like these I wonder if God views my faith as weak or strong? As of late, I feal very weak; physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I simply can not fight this fight alone! Silently, I say to myself "Problem here is MY God, and Philippians 4:13 says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!"
I am not sure when our answers are coming, and some days I am not sure if the answers are coming at all, but I know that God has a plan. There have been times that I can look back over this journey as see exactly what His plan was, but these days I am looking though mud covered glasses and need clarity.
Some how in some way, I know that things are going to work out. They have too!! In God's word is says that He has come to give us life, and Give it more abundantly... it is a promise that I hold on to tightly. That is trial will not last forever no matter how long it seems, again I say to myself "Problem here is my God" and do my best to turn the entire problem over to Him. Even though I recognize that my attempts are weak and feeble at best.
Then, as if I am in a movie where the ending is always happy, a song fills my soul and I can not help but hum along " I must tell Jesus, I must tell Jesus, I can not handle these burdens alone. I must Jesus, I must Jesus, Jesus can help me. Jesus alone." I wipe the tears off the page of my bible, and thank the Lord for His abundant grace and mercy: Problem HERE is MY God!

29 weeks

It is hard to believe that I only have 11 weeks left!!!!!! In the beginning, it seemed as if it took forever to get to the twelve week mark. Then after that, it seemed to have taken off and the weeks have flown by.
On Friday, I went for my monthly visit with Dr. F and had my glucose intolerance test. I was super worried about this test, both the results and the side effects from drinking 50mg of pure sugar.
As for the side effects, there were plenty, complete with dizziness and nausea. After an hour and a half visit I still felt as if I had been on a drinking benge, which the dr. said he had never heard of getting that type of response before!
I gained four pounds this visit for a total of twelve and my measurements were spot on this time instead of small. The baby's heart rate was 140's and my bp was 100 over 60.
This was my last "normal" visit and starting in two weeks, I begin twice a week visits for NST's (non stress tests). I could choose between Monday's and Thursday's or Tuesday's and Friday's. I choose the first rotation, and will have those dates for the rest of the pregnancy. Immediantly after the NST's, I will see the Dr.
Rod, Dr. F and myself chatted for a few minutes how normal this pregnancy has been in comparison to my last. It is amazing how much 200 pounds has made in my( and this baby's) life.
Stephanie from Dr. F's office called this afternoon to give me the results from Friday's test's: the blood test needed to come back 140 or under, and mine registered at 110!!! I told the lady, that if I wasn't pregnant I would do cartwheels I was so excited!!! That means no inslin!!! My hemoglobid was a bit low, so I need to make sure I am eatting iron rich foods and taking my iron supplement.
At this gestation, the baby should weigh 2 1/2 pounds and be 15 inches long. His muscles and lungs are continueing to mature and his head is getting bigger to make room for his growing brain. I have been completely exhausted, which I had contributed to the move, however it is because the baby is using up any of the iron my body needs to function. In addition to my prenatal, I need to maintain my protien levels, vitamen C,calcuim, folic acid and iron.
Over the course of the next month, I should plan to gain five to seven pounds which would bring my total weight gain to 17-19 and then five to seven more over the rest of the pregnancy which bring my total pregancy weight gain for 23-25, which is what Dr. F was hoping for. Me? I think I would be ok with a 18-20 toal weight gain, but whatever yields us a healthy baby. It is unique being in the position of not being able to see my toes again, but alas, being pregnant is not forever and neither will this weight gain. I have the tools and the knowledge now that I did not before and I will never see 300 lbs again!!!!!!!!

Gifts from Heaven?!

Rod & I sat in our apartment where we have lived for 2 1/2 years contemplating the next leg of our adventure. We have been praying freverntly for God's wisdom and provision for a new job as well as a new place to live before our lease is up here.
At 12:30 or so, there was a knock on the door with the door knocker and a folded up piece of paper placed on the door. It is never good news when the apartment complex chooses to communicate in this manor, but never the less, it was official start to the day.
In the next moments to follow, as we attempt to discuss our new information, there comes a large crash from the outside!! Korbin runs to the window and throws open the blinds and says"There are boxes all over the front lawn". I opened the door & looked to see if I could find out who or for what reason they left these boxes in front of our door. As I returned inside, I joked with Rod and said "Look Honey, it is a sign from God that we are suppose to move becuase there were boxed raining down from Heaven." It was a funny statement but very true.
Over the course of the next hour or so, we began to pack the kitchen as the tension began to mount. It was clear that we were to move but the question of where was causing mounting pressure in the small 8x8 kitchen.When the phone rang, I prayed for good news, sadly it was not. The 3 bedroom apartment we had taken a look at last week was calling to tell us that they had availablity but the security deposit was been twice the the monthly rent!!
As I got off the phone, I haphazardly said "Ok Lord, we know that we are suppose to move but can you show us where?" as I discouragedly began to stack the packed boxes. Within a half hour of the door closing phone call another phone call came in, with a surprising answer to our prayer.
A phone call we had placed more than a month ago, was finally being returned, with the availablity of a 3 bedroom house to rent!!!
Laughter gave a way to happy tears, as Rod and I prayed thanking our Lord for perfect timing and answered prayer on the day that the boxes rained down from heaven!!

The American Dream

It seems as if the america dream when I got out of high school was simple: Go to college and graduate, get a job, meet an amazing man, get married and travel for a couple of years, buy a house, have a couple of kids and live happily ever after.
No where in there was my mom dying and reeking havoc on my entire adult life. Gaining 150+pounds, having diabetes, and my husband being laid off 3 times in our married lives of six years.
Now it seems my entire "american dream" as I knew it has been turned on its head, with the exception meeting and marrying an amazing man. With whom I have weathered these storms of truimph and tragedy with.
I thought as a child/teenager if I could just manage the catosphy that was my life, then I could make my own decisions thus being happier. Yet, as life would have it just as I became comfortable in my own skin on the campus of EMU at 21 that same life would be turned upside down with a single 2am phone call. As mothers day ended and my nightmare began in 1999, I sobbed on the phone to my best friend that my mom has had a heartattack and 'passed on' as the result.Two days later, at her funeral luncheon, this is not the way I thought my adult life should began.
One year later, I left EMU because I could not handle the stress of working full time, dealing my own emotions of mom's death and my family's issues, along with going to school. I got my first apartment close to my sister, and together we grieved the loss of our mother. In the two years following, I met the man who would be my husband and together I thought I would finally have some sort of normallacy in this life.
We were engaged after 6 months, and planned to be married that next August. Our orginal plans to have an intimate wedding in Hawii were dashed and instead we had a large family wedding complete with an even larger family headache close to our hometowns. This should have been our clue to not come back from our amazing honeymoon, yet with stars in our eyes and a 'our love an conquer anything' attitude we settled down in our one bedroom apartment and focused on what we thought was our american dream.
Over the next days and months we would experience a gamit of highs and lows from job issues to life threatening health problems. Which leaves me asking the question now: What is the American Dream anyways??