Music and Misunderstanding

Last week ( at 22 weeks) I began putting headphones on my tummy to let the baby listen a beethoven classical baby CD. Korbin loved this CD prior to being born, so it was naturaul for me to want to do it for this baby as well. It was an event to try and find head phones in this high- tech enviroment, so I began to focus on the task of finding these crazy headphones! Which to my surprise effected Korbin very dramtically.

One night during our family prayer time, Rod asked Korb what he wanted to pray for and his response broke my heart!! " I want to pray that mommy will love as much as she loves the baby!" I was devestated to hear that my little love would even consider the thought that I might not love him as much as our new little miracle. This was the beginning for tears that lasted for two long days as I tried to work through the confusion of how to explain to him that he is not going to be replaced in our family but I could share my love for him with another.

It never occured to me that I could not have enough love for two children. I yearned for this baby for so long, that I loved him the moment I knew he existed, just I did with Korbin. I have heard many say, that your love for your second or subsiquent children is different than the love you have for your first child. However, as much as I love Korbin, I love his brother as much but in a different fashion. Korbin was my first and I grew as a mommy as he grew from an infant into a toddler into this little boy right before my very eyes. This child, I have just as many hopes, dreams, and plans for as my first. However, I am a little older and a little wiser and more steady on my mommy legs than before. I am looking forward to my life with two little boys, and enjoying all those firsts with this little guy too.

As for Korbin, he is an amazing child with a keen sense of understanding and a sensitivity that boogles the mind for being a four year old. And over the following days, Rod and I have reasssured him that he is going to be an amazing big brother and no one will ever take his place in our home or lives, he will always be mommy's little angle bear. He smiles when I say this, and I smile to because I love being a mommy and I know that he is going to love being a big brother too!

21 weeks

Well, it has been awhile since I have posted and there is alot to catch up on. In week # 19, on May 13th we went over to the hospital to have our ultrasound done. We were originally scheduled at the dr.'s office to have the ultrasound done on Monday, May 11th but they asked us to reschedule at the hospital because they have a higher grade machine. So we agreed and went home, slightly frustrated. Korbin was hugely disappointed, " Great, just great! Now what am I suppose to do with the rest of my day!!" was his response which lighted our mood abit. Leave it too our little comedian!!

At 8am, we headed to the hospital and had a 45 minute ultrasound which yielded us 20 or so pictures of the baby, and the announcement that we are having another little boy!!! Korbin was excited with this too, " Now we will have all menz in our house" he proudly told the ultrasound tech.We made our phone calls to our close family and friends, then headed to our local babies r us to finish our baby registry for the 50 or so things that we need for our little guy.

In week # 20, we had our regular monthly dr.'s appointment. Everything is going along well, with the exception that I have lost 2 pounds. This upsetted Rod greatly. As proud as he is of me for loosing almost 200 lbs, he is secretly looking forward to "feeding" me with things that I will not typically eat. With it being the dr's orders to do what I need to do to gain weight, Rod is doing is best to oblige this situation.

Dr. F addressed Rod's concerns openly and told us that the ultrasound said that the baby looked good, maybe a week behind in the dating but we already knew that because of an earlier ultrasound that said our date was a week earlier but since it was only a week the Dr. would not be changing our due date for anything less than 2 weeks. Also, he was only worried about the size of the baby not the size of the baby's mama, which I think eased Rod's worries alittle bit. My Bp was good 110/60 and the baby's heart rate is 140's. My blood work all came back good last time, he is not really two concerned with anything at this point. He just wants me to keep an eye on my blood sugar, which has been running a steady 98-100 for my fasting.

We also discussed a prospective c-section date. Either Wednesday Sept 30th or my due date, Wednesday Oct 7th. Rod of course is leaning towards the earlier and I am leaning towards the later. This is typical for us, lol.

Yesterday, we turned 21 weeks and our little guy has become very active as of late. Rod could actually stand across the room and see my stomach move. It was even more exciting for him, when he could put his hand on my stomach and feel the movement inside. It was something he very rarely, if at all, he got to feel with Korbin. At this point the baby should be the length of a carrot, and 3/4th of a pound. I have started to notice a pattern of his movement, and enjoy being connected with this wonder little being for these short few months.

Within the next week or so, I will be putting head phones on my stomach so he can listen to music in the evenings. I did this with Korbin and he loved it, so I am interested to see if this little guy loves it as much.

Our next dr. appointment is June 18 @ 24 weeks. Time is flying by to quickly. Korbin is enjoying know that he is gonna have a little brother and asks alot when we can get the baby out? Rod is equally excited to know now he is gonna be the father of two little boys, which mean twice as much sports! As for me, I am kinda relishing in the fact that I am still the queen of my castle to share only with my king and two little princes. I would love to have a princess to shop with, share secrets with and all of those other mother/daughter moments.

But if the Lord chooses to bless us with only sons, I will be just as happy as I assit my amazing husband raising our sons for the Lord and as I pray for their wives-to-be, I will pray that the Lord will help me to have good relationships with each of them and maybe I can share those moments with them instead?!

4 months

Today was my 16 week check up with my ob/gyn, and it was the l o n g e s t dr.'s appointment I have ever had. Dr. F was called into the hospital last night at midnight and delivered 4 babies between that time and the time he arrived at the office today around 12:30pm!! So my 10:20 appointment ended up being a 1 o'clock appointment. Oh well?! Whatcha gonna do? When I have mine, it would be grand if the dr. was present so I guess I do not mind so much if he there for others. Which is what I was thinking hearing lady after lady grumble about the dr's delay.
However, once he got to the office he got down to business! I was in the room at 1 and out by 1:30!! My weight was good as I gained 4 pounds, and I now weigh 198.
It is really hard for me to see the scale creep back up, instead of stay steady or going down. It brings alot of feeling up that I would rather not deal with. However, I am willing to do what is necessary for the health of this baby so, I guess I need to realize that I will not be pregnant forever. My blood pressure was good 110/60 which is right on because during this phase the baby's heart is pumping 25 grams of blood through his or her little body a day, which causes mom's bp to be a little lower than normal.
The nurse found the baby's heart rate right away and it was off to the races with a face paced little chug that was clocked at 150 beats per minute. The dr. said everything looked fine,and asked me to bring my fasting and night time bloodsugars in for the next visit at the end of May. I had some blood work taken today, and Korbin was not really happy about it.He was very afraid for me and kept asking if I was hurt or ok. Then when the tech was done, he ran over and gave me a huge hug! It melted my heart to see how much he cares for me. Korbin has a very caring spirit!
The baby weighs about 3 1/2 ounces and measures about 4 1/2 inches in length, about the size of an avocado. During the next weeks, he or she will go through a growth spurt nearly doubling her or her weight. At 18 weeks, I have an ultrasound scheduled to find out the sex of the baby. Rod & I are super excited to find out, and Korbin is over the top. He simply can not wait to know if he is having a boy baby or a girl baby. Because " that says if it gets a pink or a blue baseball hat". Everything equates to baseball when you are 4, lol.
Last week, I started feeling the baby move. It is random at best but it is a great feeling and I enjoy everytime it happens. I can not wait for Rod and Korbin to be able to feel the baby move too. This is such a special time for us, and I am trying to relish every moment!! It is going by way to quick!!

My Rant!

This week-end was beautiful- 60ish on Friday and 73 on Saturday. So, we packed a few sandwiches and headed to the park ( with the rest of the city, apparently!). It was fun eating outside and I loved the fresh air, while it lasted.
After eating, Korbin took off running toward the play scape and began running, climbing and sliding until his little heart was content. Rod and I took our blanket to sit just at the edge of the play scape to watch Korbin while he played. It was a good time, until the air became clouded with the stale smell of smoke that took my breath away. I was content to wait out the horrid smell and it's owner, with out much complaining. I gave this gentlemen the benefit of the doubt, thinking maybe he was an uncle of family friend that did not realize the impact he was having on the fifty something children there with his second hand smoke since he did not have kids himself. However, over the course of thirty minutes where he stood chain smoking by a tree throwing his remains on the same ground I was sitting on, I realized the three different little ones were calling this man Daddy!!
As a child, I had parent that was a three plus pack a day smoker. I know the effects of second hand smoke, and how it makes you feel and smell. My mom began smoking as a young teenager and smoked until the day she died at 43. As a result, I vowed to myself never, ever to begin smoking and it was one of the few promised I kept to myself.
Now as a parent, I am completely irritated at other parents who knowingly put their children's health in danger all because the can not walk away from the addiction. Today, we know more than we did 30+ years ago when my mom had kids, so there is the chance that my mom did not know the effects that we was leaving her children. Since my mom is not here to ask, I choose to believe that if she had, she would not have continued to smoke. Which is the question I have for this particular father, do you not love your kids enough to put down the smokes and walk away? What have they done to deserve be subjected to this day knowing danger each and everyday? More so, where do you get the money to support such an expensive habit?
I remember being 10 or 11 years old and writing my mom a letter asking her to please quit smoking. If she did, we could afford so many other things. Things that my friends were taking for granted: new clothes, money for groceries, or family vacations. But this particular letter was because I desperately wanted a new bedspread, one that did not have burn marks in it and smelled good. I did the math for my mom, how much she spent in a week, a month, and a year. Even then, I remember the number being astounding. I simply can not imagine what it would be today. As much as I remember writing the letter, I remember my mom's response. She cried. She told me the her cigarettes were the only thing that she got out of life and she would continue to smoke for as long as she wanted to and it was not up to me or anyone else to tell her to quit.
The reason I remember the scene so vividly is because I remember exactly how it made me feel; inadequate. That I was second best to an object, as a result I began a deep seeded hate for smoking and spoke of it often.
Through that particular moment that will live in my memory for ever, I realized one thing: She was right. It is not up to me or anyone else to tell anyone to quit smoking. The pure definition of parent is sacrifice, and nothing about sacrifice is easy or simple. As any adult person does what it required for one to become a parent, they are here by waiving their right to selfishness in the moment they conceive a child. Which also means putting aside what you want for the sake of your child's health and well being. Period.
And as I sat at the park, I remember thinking that is it not up to me or anyone else to tell another grown adult to quit smoking. They should just have the pure common sense to do so- if it was the drunk driver behind the wheel of a car coming straight for your child, you would call for justice. As a parent, I am seeking for a way to avoid the train wreck that smokers bring to our play grounds, restaurants and lives: if you are not willing to save your own child(ren) at least have the common sense to leave the cigarettes at home and not infect my child with your stupidity.

Sweet Treat

Since my son has a peanut allergy, we usually try to make something fun for him to take to church that we know for certain does not have any peanuts/ cross contanimation. Last year we made some bunny cookies, and this year we decided to make Rice Krispie Eggs! These we easy to make and clean up. You follow the basic Rice Krispie recipe:

3 Tablespoons Butter

1 Pkg(10 oz) regular marsh mellows or 4 cups of mini's

6 cups Rice Krispies

And these directions:

In a large sauce pan melt butter over low hear and stir in marsh mellows stirring until completely melted.

Remove from heat, and still in Rice Krispies until well coated. Using a 1/3 measuring cup coated with cooking spray divide into portions and shape like eggs with well buttered hands.

Cool and decorate with candies and chocolate

Enjoy your sweet treats! Happy Easter!!

14 weeks and counting

Last week, I finally had a good eatting week but this week that is not proving to be the case!! By my next ob appointment(which is in 2 weeks), I should have gained 4 pounds but as of right now I toggle back and forth between a one pound(195) gain and nothing(194). This boggles my mind, since I have put the weight gaining business at the very front of my to-do list.
Upon doing some very serious research on how to gain weight for pregnancy, I have discovered one way dr.'s and nutritionist across america are suggesting is a milk shake!! After reading this for the fourth time on the sixth different website, I thought to myself I can do this!! However, I think I skipped the paragraph explaining the the fast food place are missing alot of the calcuim and extra protien that comes from what a homemade shake that can offer pregnant women. So after a severe bout of dumping from an overly sweet milkshake from our local golden arches, I decided to take matters into my own hands-literally!
Rod's next trip out, was to the super market for some vanilla ice cream, skim milk and strawberries. 4 oz's of ice cream, 4 oz's more or less skim milk and 3 large strawberries,and 30 seconds in the blender I had a wonderful shake that gave me extra calcuim, protien and vitamin C that I thought for sure would yeild me a few extra pounds.
Let me stop here, and say that I have spent the last 20 years of my life ( yes! for those of you who did the math 10 was the correct age) I have been dietting and trying to loose weight. Now, suddenly instead of spending every waking minute worried about how I am gonna loose X number of pounds, now I am trying to gain it?! It really does something to your mental image, and gives you a dissorted view of what/who you are. It is a day to day struggle, to eat more and not count the calories and protein grams that I have spent the last year tracking in order to be a success with my wls.
One of the many reasons I had wls surgery to begin with was to have a second or third child. So, now that I am in the middle of this pregnancy, I am willing to do what it takes to see it through and have a healthy baby.
At 14 weeks, the baby is 3 1/2 inches long and weighs 1 1/2 oz's which is about the size of a lemon. All his or her major organs have developed and at this point, he or she is moving alot and I may or may not be able to feel it any time soon. My belly has started to take on a rounder shape, and it is getting harder to do some of the things that I had learned to take for granted after they become normal again. In alot of ways, I feel alot like I am an MO person again, that is sometimes a hard feeling to deal with.
I am still extremely tired, but I am content to deal with these side effects for the out come. I can not wait to meet our new little boy or girl.
I was actually at an office this week and they asked my household side and I said 3, and the lady looked back at the screen confused. Then she asked again, and I gave her the same answer, finally she asked "Um... are you counting the baby that your carrying?".
That was just another moment that I realized that our life is changing and I am finally gonna actually have another baby, not just dream of it!!

12 week check up

Went to see Dr. F this morning at 10 am, I like his office. They are relatively prompt, and we were in and out by 11:15am.
My BP was good, 100 over 70, as well as my weight. I did not gain any weight my first trimester and by week 20( which is 8 weeks away) I should have gain 5-8 pounds.
He thinks that the reason for my extremely exhaustion is because of lack of food in tack, not low iron or B-12, my labs were fine in Feb. and he will redraw them next month and do a fasting glucose test. He wants to stay on top of my Blood Sugar numbers from the get go because I was gestational with Korbin which makes me more susceptible to going back on insulin with this pregnancy too.
The baby's heart rate was 150, and the nurse said that anywhere from 130-160 was good. I looked in my pregnancy journal for Korbin and his heart rate was mainly in the 140's. Girl??? We will see. My next appointment is at the end of April, and then I will make an OB Ultrasound appt for two weeks after that, and then we can find out the sex of the baby.
Dr. F also said that I did not need an extra folic acid supplement at this point, because the forming of the spinal column which is what folic acid helps was already formed by 10 weeks. Plus most prenatal's have 1 mg of folic acid in them, and since I am malabsorptive, I may only be getting half which would be .5mg and as along as I am getting .4mg's the baby should be fine. So since I am taking an extra prenatal every other day, I should be ok!!
The morning ( or all day) sickness should pass within the next week or 2, if it is going too. If it doesn't then I may just be one of the lucky ones that are sick thier entire pregnancy?! Lucky??? Yeah right!!
It was a nice visit, I loved hearing the heart beat! So did Korbin. For most of the day, he has walked around making the washing machine noise " like the baby's heart". He did not like, however, the dr. or the nurse pressing around on my stomach. He was bothered that they might be hurting me or the baby, plus he is really protective over me and wanted to know why they were touching HIS mommy.
I felt some sort of relief after hearing the baby's heart beat, that he or she is ok in there. And now it is another month of waitting. With Korbin, I started off going to the dr. twice a month, so this once a month appointment is kinda strange to me. Yet, I am kinda liking the normality of it all. This is just another positive reward of having gastric bypass for me!!!!