The pain continues...
I was at work this morning at 8am. It was the first time I had to leave before Korbin had to go to school. I layed his clothes on the table, and packed his back pack for Rod. Complete with a check list of the morning's events I left Rod & Konnor at 7:40 to head to out into the windy morning air. Korbin was not even out of bed yet because Monday is his late start day.
I turned on my favorite Christan radio station and song along, I thought the day had prospect until I got a text message from Rod saying the last job he interviewed with twice had hired an candidate internally.
I knew the day was shot after that.
My heart broke for Rod, and hurt for our family.
It seems as if the questions are piling up with no answers!
Unemployment ends for good at the end of October, and things are looking very bleak right now.
I am so irritated that companies interview candidates two and three times encouraging there hopes and then they dash them! Is seems so unethical! Can't companies be honest with where they are at in the hiring process rather than say such flattering things encouraging candidates to believe that they are "the one" and it is just another pack of lies compacted with a just kidding.
What hurts more and is so confusing is that other people around us are getting jobs, so why can't our family?
Why are we constantly being punished over and over again??
If God is good, which He is, no matter what the circumstances what are we doing that we deserve to constantly be let down and driven into the ground over and over again?
The burdens that are piling up are beginning to be more than I can handle...
My head hurts constantly and the sleep that comes is so jumbled with hurt, anger and questions that it is in now way refreshing.
Trying to shake the funk I feel it harder and harder and I just simply pray for God to care for my boys.
I am not mad at God, nor have I ever been. I trust Him to make of this life what He desires of it. I just wish I knew what it is that I must be doing wrong that He desires not to do anything with my life?
It my surely be my freewill that has messed up the promising life God offers to those who believe and serve Him with their lives.
Since I believe my service is reasonable and acceptable, it must be me making the wrong choices!
That is the only option, and the way I am treated by people past and present, that is exactly what the problem must be.
Me.
My heart is broken, and my head is full. I wish someone somewhere could give me insight to why life is constantly so hard for us. Even our basic needs our up for debate these days..we have not purchased garbage bags in nearly a month!
(We gave them up for diapers for Konnor instead!)
Despite all that, this I know: God has a plan and as hard as it is to wait, wait upon Him I will.
I will worship and pray while I wait.
Even when I am confused, angry and hurting because there is not a feeling or frustration I have today that Jesus himself has not experienced and if He can be obedient unto the point of death, then I can be obedient when there is pain and uncertainty.
~Kristy~
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Rough Week
I am trying not to cry as I type because I do not understand what exactly has happened this week!To say I am overwhelmed right now, is an understatement!
I am not ever sure where to begin..
Ok, so everyone knows I started a new part time job right?
Also that I have 2 classes this semester, and Korbin has ended Fall Baseball and started Fall Soccer?
Yesterday was his first game, and of course it rained! Hard!
I have worked everyday this past week, with the exception of today and Friday when I have class. My head is swarming from information over load and my body is adjusting from being on my feet constantly moving for 4 or more hours.
Wednesday, I get two very lengthy voicemail messages from the school nutritionist saying that there is something going on with Korbins lunch at school. I quickly text Rod and ask him to call her and handle this. As I try not to panic, I head back to work and hope that they have a paper bag somewhere I can breath into if I hyperventilate? I felt very out of control! It was day #1 at work other than orientations and things at school already need my attention and I can not handle them!! At this point, I am not sure if I need a paper bag or box of Kleenex!
I head home to find out that the reason for the phone call is good and bad. The good news is that the new nutritionist is on the ball, working with us to make sure Korbin is as safe as he possibly can be while eating at school. That was nice to hear!!
The bad news is that for the past 3 years, when we were told that certain items we were allowing him to eat at school were safe, it was a best guess estimate because the school had no nutritional information/allergy information on any of the items they were serving in the lunch room.
So last year when Rod and I had a 504 meeting with the principle, the school social worker and the school nurse; just to name a few, and the school nurse said the items I had contacted her about were safe for him to eat to now say she was less than honest is a severe understatement!
Now, I was hyperventilating!!
When Korbin got home, he was crying because one of his school best friends was moving at the end of the week to Georgia.
After loving on him for a while and drying his tears, we have to tell him that he will be bringing his lunch from home until further notice because we are working with Ms. L on making sure things are safe for him.
Korbin was fine with bringing his lunch, until he remembered the next day was "cookie" day. So I asked, " Korbin what is cookie day" in which he replies "Ya know, it is when they sell cookies for $0.25" Duh?! Next, I rephrase, " Is cookie day new this year? I can go in and find out what kinda cookies to see if there are safe. If not, I will bake you cookies and you can take them from home. (My standard response to things when he wants to try things) "No," Korbin says "Cookie day is not new. I bought cookies all last year, and I was fine!". WHAT???!!!
Trying to remain calm, I ask for the lunch menu to see if they were listed & I missed it. Nope! Not on there! I ask Rod, could you see if there was something in the paper work Korbin has brought him thus far from school and see if there is a notice in there that they were selling cookies. He looked, and nothing!
We ask Korbin how he found out they were selling cookies and if they were part of his lunch tray. No, they were not part of his lunch tray and he did not know, they just "appeared" one day. My next question was if anyone ever asked him if he was suppose to have them? He tells us that he asked someone if they could check the ingredient list for him, and they did. It did not say anything about nuts, so at that point because it said no nuts and they looked safe, he thought they were a could idea.
I must stop here, and say technically, Korbin did was he knew to do. We have given him all the information we thought he should have to make wise decisions for a 7 year old. But, I trusted the school lunch room employees and addressed in Korbins 504 plan that he is not to be eating foods that may contain "piggy back" allergens. Like soybeans. But because piggy back allergens can be complicated, we have not gone into this with him. That is one of the reason we had a written 504 plan drawn up, to help the school be an extension of our eyes and ears. But they choose not to pay attention to it, and did not inform us in any manor that they were serving these cookies, so I could not check what I did not know existed further more no one is communicating the written directions of the 504 to all the members of our extended eyes and ears team.
My room began to swirl and I got sick to my stomach! I thought I was going to pass out!
"Get it together!", I heard a voice come from within the pit of my stomach saying. I excused myself from the living room and splashed some cold water on my face. I knew exactly what could have happened if they changed the brand of cookies and it looked similar to the other or changed the way the manufacturer processed the cookie in the plant. I was not going to cry!!
I trusted these people with my baby!!!
Rod and I email the principle and talked with Korbin. He was so innocent in his answers to our questions! Just a child trying to wrap his head around an allergy that I have trouble handling all of the components of myself.
I felt as if the school has abused my trust by their laziness!
It was a simple question, "If were have to check the ingredients, lets double check with Mrs. C ( the principle) and make sure you can have this." I know she would have directed Korbin to Rod or I for further clarification, because she has so many times before. Instead, they just asked for his money. But, it must have been too inconvenient for someone to walk 10 more steps out of their way to ask.
I have talked with each person working in the lunch room and educated them that if that were to happen, they they were to direct Korbin to Mrs. C. They knew what to do, and choose not too. And because of what they choose not to do, we could have paid a very dear price!
Later that night, I cried and thanked God once again for protecting Korbin!
By the 2nd have of the week, Konnor began to have problems with his Asthma and we began his steroid and nebulizer treatments. The steroids make my sweet boy into an emotional mess as well as cause his sleep patterns to be sporadic.
Now, I was overwhelmed with work, exhausted from Konnor and emotional from Korbin and then we were adding stress into the mix as I studied for my A&P test.
I posted something on FB trying to possibly relieve some stress about Korbins allergy, because after all it appears that everyone else seems to post whatever they choose on their status updates, instead I got lambasted from several fronts. My heart was broken, but I pushed on because that what I do and accepted apologies from those who offered because that's what Christan's do. Alot of time, flat text comes across in different manor than we anticipate. It has happened to me. So, who would I be to not listen to those people who have done the same thing I am guilty of myself? I am hurt nonetheless.
By Friday, I was at my breaking point only to find out it was going to get worse.
Much worse. If I thought the school had broken my trust, I could not even begin to anticipate the the type of mistrust I would be struggling with today regarding a completely different situation.
Friday was 2 days ago and I have been crying, and praying hoping to make sense of something I accidentally over heard but what not meant too.
When I was in high school I was friends who a group of people, who had later decided that they no longer wished to be friends with me. I was caught off guard with their behavior& things they said and as I result decided that I did not need friends. I went through college, and most of my twenties never making more than a casual acquaintance. Friendship was not worth the hurt I would eventually incur. As Korbin got older, Rod and I decided that we needed to show him the types of friends he should have through making relationships of our own.
Today, I am wondering why I thought I could possibly have friends! The price is much more than I can bare when they hurt me! One of the reasons I married Rod was because I wanted to marry my friend, and I knew that Rod would never betray me. Sure, Rod & I have had our ups & downs, it seems as if more downs than ups in recent years, but when my heart can not possibly handle one more thing; my best friend Rod steps in to carry me through until my heart can beat again with out the oxygen Rod gives it. I am not sure what I would have done without him this week, because I certainly would not have made it!!
It has been a rough week, and now I am left with more questions than answers! My heart has been broken into more pieces than I ever thought possible and I am not sure how to sure how to go on from here!
I am not ever sure where to begin..
Ok, so everyone knows I started a new part time job right?
Also that I have 2 classes this semester, and Korbin has ended Fall Baseball and started Fall Soccer?
Yesterday was his first game, and of course it rained! Hard!
I have worked everyday this past week, with the exception of today and Friday when I have class. My head is swarming from information over load and my body is adjusting from being on my feet constantly moving for 4 or more hours.
Wednesday, I get two very lengthy voicemail messages from the school nutritionist saying that there is something going on with Korbins lunch at school. I quickly text Rod and ask him to call her and handle this. As I try not to panic, I head back to work and hope that they have a paper bag somewhere I can breath into if I hyperventilate? I felt very out of control! It was day #1 at work other than orientations and things at school already need my attention and I can not handle them!! At this point, I am not sure if I need a paper bag or box of Kleenex!
I head home to find out that the reason for the phone call is good and bad. The good news is that the new nutritionist is on the ball, working with us to make sure Korbin is as safe as he possibly can be while eating at school. That was nice to hear!!
The bad news is that for the past 3 years, when we were told that certain items we were allowing him to eat at school were safe, it was a best guess estimate because the school had no nutritional information/allergy information on any of the items they were serving in the lunch room.
So last year when Rod and I had a 504 meeting with the principle, the school social worker and the school nurse; just to name a few, and the school nurse said the items I had contacted her about were safe for him to eat to now say she was less than honest is a severe understatement!
Now, I was hyperventilating!!
When Korbin got home, he was crying because one of his school best friends was moving at the end of the week to Georgia.
After loving on him for a while and drying his tears, we have to tell him that he will be bringing his lunch from home until further notice because we are working with Ms. L on making sure things are safe for him.
Korbin was fine with bringing his lunch, until he remembered the next day was "cookie" day. So I asked, " Korbin what is cookie day" in which he replies "Ya know, it is when they sell cookies for $0.25" Duh?! Next, I rephrase, " Is cookie day new this year? I can go in and find out what kinda cookies to see if there are safe. If not, I will bake you cookies and you can take them from home. (My standard response to things when he wants to try things) "No," Korbin says "Cookie day is not new. I bought cookies all last year, and I was fine!". WHAT???!!!
Trying to remain calm, I ask for the lunch menu to see if they were listed & I missed it. Nope! Not on there! I ask Rod, could you see if there was something in the paper work Korbin has brought him thus far from school and see if there is a notice in there that they were selling cookies. He looked, and nothing!
We ask Korbin how he found out they were selling cookies and if they were part of his lunch tray. No, they were not part of his lunch tray and he did not know, they just "appeared" one day. My next question was if anyone ever asked him if he was suppose to have them? He tells us that he asked someone if they could check the ingredient list for him, and they did. It did not say anything about nuts, so at that point because it said no nuts and they looked safe, he thought they were a could idea.
I must stop here, and say technically, Korbin did was he knew to do. We have given him all the information we thought he should have to make wise decisions for a 7 year old. But, I trusted the school lunch room employees and addressed in Korbins 504 plan that he is not to be eating foods that may contain "piggy back" allergens. Like soybeans. But because piggy back allergens can be complicated, we have not gone into this with him. That is one of the reason we had a written 504 plan drawn up, to help the school be an extension of our eyes and ears. But they choose not to pay attention to it, and did not inform us in any manor that they were serving these cookies, so I could not check what I did not know existed further more no one is communicating the written directions of the 504 to all the members of our extended eyes and ears team.
My room began to swirl and I got sick to my stomach! I thought I was going to pass out!
"Get it together!", I heard a voice come from within the pit of my stomach saying. I excused myself from the living room and splashed some cold water on my face. I knew exactly what could have happened if they changed the brand of cookies and it looked similar to the other or changed the way the manufacturer processed the cookie in the plant. I was not going to cry!!
I trusted these people with my baby!!!
Rod and I email the principle and talked with Korbin. He was so innocent in his answers to our questions! Just a child trying to wrap his head around an allergy that I have trouble handling all of the components of myself.
I felt as if the school has abused my trust by their laziness!
It was a simple question, "If were have to check the ingredients, lets double check with Mrs. C ( the principle) and make sure you can have this." I know she would have directed Korbin to Rod or I for further clarification, because she has so many times before. Instead, they just asked for his money. But, it must have been too inconvenient for someone to walk 10 more steps out of their way to ask.
I have talked with each person working in the lunch room and educated them that if that were to happen, they they were to direct Korbin to Mrs. C. They knew what to do, and choose not too. And because of what they choose not to do, we could have paid a very dear price!
Later that night, I cried and thanked God once again for protecting Korbin!
By the 2nd have of the week, Konnor began to have problems with his Asthma and we began his steroid and nebulizer treatments. The steroids make my sweet boy into an emotional mess as well as cause his sleep patterns to be sporadic.
Now, I was overwhelmed with work, exhausted from Konnor and emotional from Korbin and then we were adding stress into the mix as I studied for my A&P test.
I posted something on FB trying to possibly relieve some stress about Korbins allergy, because after all it appears that everyone else seems to post whatever they choose on their status updates, instead I got lambasted from several fronts. My heart was broken, but I pushed on because that what I do and accepted apologies from those who offered because that's what Christan's do. Alot of time, flat text comes across in different manor than we anticipate. It has happened to me. So, who would I be to not listen to those people who have done the same thing I am guilty of myself? I am hurt nonetheless.
By Friday, I was at my breaking point only to find out it was going to get worse.
Much worse. If I thought the school had broken my trust, I could not even begin to anticipate the the type of mistrust I would be struggling with today regarding a completely different situation.
Friday was 2 days ago and I have been crying, and praying hoping to make sense of something I accidentally over heard but what not meant too.
When I was in high school I was friends who a group of people, who had later decided that they no longer wished to be friends with me. I was caught off guard with their behavior& things they said and as I result decided that I did not need friends. I went through college, and most of my twenties never making more than a casual acquaintance. Friendship was not worth the hurt I would eventually incur. As Korbin got older, Rod and I decided that we needed to show him the types of friends he should have through making relationships of our own.
Today, I am wondering why I thought I could possibly have friends! The price is much more than I can bare when they hurt me! One of the reasons I married Rod was because I wanted to marry my friend, and I knew that Rod would never betray me. Sure, Rod & I have had our ups & downs, it seems as if more downs than ups in recent years, but when my heart can not possibly handle one more thing; my best friend Rod steps in to carry me through until my heart can beat again with out the oxygen Rod gives it. I am not sure what I would have done without him this week, because I certainly would not have made it!!
It has been a rough week, and now I am left with more questions than answers! My heart has been broken into more pieces than I ever thought possible and I am not sure how to sure how to go on from here!
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
The heart
When Korbin was about 3, I started a home care position working for a friend. I worked with the elderly and had 3 clients. I enjoyed it alot but did not actually earn anything because taxes were not taken out of my check, nor was I paid for mileage. So, by the time I drove and paid my taxes, I only earned about 2.50 an hour in addition to only working 10 hours a week or so.But it helped out a friend who ran the business, and I LOVED the people I worked with but at tax season what was momentarily made was given back to the government. So, this is my first real partime job, complete with taxes taken out & all, since before Korbin was born.
I watched 3 hours of training video's, took a tour of the store, and was given a schedule.
Once I received the schedule, it all became very real.
I was very thankful to God for the experience, but my heart was really in four different places.
Your physical heart is approximately the size of your fist. Is divided up into 4 chambers:the right and left atrium and the right and left ventricle.
My emotional heart was equally divided into 4 different places today, the physical place I was, the place where my emotional heart will always be: with my husband & boys, and specifically two people my sympathetic heart ached for that I could not seem to get off my mind today.
Your heart beats approximately 120 time per minute. It pushed blood through your entire body, along with oxygen, to keep your other organs healthy and to you moving as you should without thinking about it. But when your heart hurts, that is all you can do it think about it. And when it hurts for someone else, all you can do is think about them.
One of the most amazing things about being a Child of King Jesus is that you do not always have to be extremely close the people you hurt for, you just have to be willing and able to love others as Jesus would.
The bible often talks about us as being the body of Christ, and when one part of the body hurts so does the rest of the body. A good example Rod once used when he preached was that if you stub your toe, the toes is relatively small in comparison to your arm, but when it hurts the whole body hurts.
Today, I am thinking about two friends who have figuratively hurt their toes, and as a result, the entire body hurts. As an individual, my heart hurts.
Rod often calls me a bleeding heart, and in this occurrence, I feel that term is accurate.
Just like when you get a scrap and the blood flows from the cut, you "feel" it.
I feel for my friends who have very serious health issues facing their families, and I feel the hurt I have for them flowing from my heart as it aches for them!!
My schedule for the next week is 4 hour shifts most everyday, but the HR tech is extremely willing to work around my crazy life, and I am SO thankful!
Rod has not heard anything yet from the jobs he interviewed for last week, but we are still praying and optimistic.
God has never left us without a plan, so we know He has one for us, just like He has one for my friends. We continue to pray and seek His will.
For us and for others, because no matter what the circumstances God is Good all of the time.
God's Promises for You: I Will Never Leave You nor Forsake You
Hebrews 13:5-6
~Kristy~
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Fair Weather Fan
Korbin loves sports! To play them and watch them. But as soon as his team starts to loose, he jumps ship to cheer on the other team. Rod & I tease him, but if you call him a fair weather fan he gets upset. He pouts and says, " I am not! I just do not like them very much right now!"
Lots of people are fair weather fans in lots of aspects of life, if you think about it. You do not like your spouse, you get a divorce. You do not like you home, you move. Your car stops meeting your needs, you get a new one. You do not like a book you bought, you buy a new one. You do not like your dinner as much as you thought, you return it to the kitchen or it does not make a reappearance in yours. In the world we live in, being a fair weather fan does not always apply to just sports.
But what happens when you do not like God? He is omnipresent( everywhere). You can not divorce him or move away. So what happens when you think God stops meeting your needs? He is not a car, you can not trade Him in on a new model to fit your needs. What about when you do not like words God has written on your book of life? It's your book and there is not another like it! You can not return it for a new book or even give it too someone else to read. Nor is it like a meal you have been served, so what do you do now??
Well, I have been there. Let me say, its a bitter pill to swallow when you do everything you think your Lord is asking for you and you continue to serve Him but you do not feel He is hearing you through your word or actions anymore.
Actually, I am here right now. And the question I am asking my self is: Does God view me as a fair weather fan?
Some of my friends and I like to joke when the kids are asking for too much and the already get fair more than we ever did at their age and their attitudes stink like toilet water while asking is that we are required to do nothing more than give you food, shelter and clothes. Everything else is bonus!
It's kinda the same with God. He meets my needs. But meeting my wants is a bonus. He does not have too but He does so because He loves us. And when we start to expect that going on vacations, getting that promotion at work (or even going to work), or being healthy are something that we expect God to continue to give us that is when God checks our attitude of gratitude. And since He knows the beginning from the ending and everything in between, sometimes He shakes things up a little ( or alot) because we are not where we need to be.
So when God shakes things up a little, am I a fair weather fan getting mad and stomping around the house demanding that God allow my team to win?
Sigh..sometimes!
As painful as that is to admit, sometimes I get so feed up with my current circumstances I yell at God like the announcer on the TV and demand to know "WHERE IS THE DEFENSE?" As my favorite team fumbles the ball again. Or should I say, as I fumble the ball again. I tell Korbin all the time, you are only as good as the worst person on your team. If I am the worst person on Gods team, what do I expect Him to do about my faults and failures? Swoop in and the Save the day like Superman? Although He could, what we I learn if He did?
After all, the purpose of the entire creation of God was to praise Him. If I never failed, how could I give Him adequate praise?
This week has been full of highest highs and extreme lows. I am trusting in God to meet all my needs, He has in the past and I know He will continue to in the future. But just like when the media whispers to the Quarter Back that he is carrying the team and leading them to victory, the devil is equally whispering to me that if God really loved me why would He let me suffer?
The bigger question is, why would He not? There are times that I have to look at my child and realize that he must fall flat on his face now to learn a bigger lesson for later. Is it painful to watch because I could have just as easily "fixed" it for him? You bet! I love my kids! I carried these boys inside my body and literally ate and breathed for them for 9 months of my life, so although we are physically disconnected now what would make any other think that love would do anything other than grow and expand over time? God may not have physically carried me inside His body but He fashioned me from nothing into something from a thought! That is much more than I ever did for my kids, and everything I am is because of that. And if I am to grow into the child He wants me to be, from time to time, I have to fall flat on my face.
What do you do, when you are falling or have fallen? Are you a fair weather fan? Do you get mad at God and turn the channel? Stop praying? Reading your bible? Going to church?
You continue to do what is right. Just like when your kids are talking to you, pleading their case as they ask for mercy instead of punishment, you sit there and listen. You weigh your decision verses their action and consequence. That is the same with God, May be not be responding but He is listening, weighing his option based upon your Free Will and is just waiting on you.
Waiting on me to do what? What does God want from me? I would ask myself over and over again. My worship.
We worship while we wait. No matter what this week has held and how broken my heart is at this moment, I look around and still see so very much God has blessed me with.
I was created to worship!
I am not a fair weather fan of God's. Things are tough, they may get tougher. I may hurt more. I do not know when things will end, at the beginning of this wee, I thought for certain God was going to swoop in and save the day, but now I do not know if the devil was whispering to me what he knew I wanted to hear from God? Only God knows when this trail will end, and when it does, something else will be on it's heals because that is how the devil works. He will continually try to tear down what God wants to build up.
But I know this: no matter what, I will praise you in this storm!
Lots of people are fair weather fans in lots of aspects of life, if you think about it. You do not like your spouse, you get a divorce. You do not like you home, you move. Your car stops meeting your needs, you get a new one. You do not like a book you bought, you buy a new one. You do not like your dinner as much as you thought, you return it to the kitchen or it does not make a reappearance in yours. In the world we live in, being a fair weather fan does not always apply to just sports.
But what happens when you do not like God? He is omnipresent( everywhere). You can not divorce him or move away. So what happens when you think God stops meeting your needs? He is not a car, you can not trade Him in on a new model to fit your needs. What about when you do not like words God has written on your book of life? It's your book and there is not another like it! You can not return it for a new book or even give it too someone else to read. Nor is it like a meal you have been served, so what do you do now??
Well, I have been there. Let me say, its a bitter pill to swallow when you do everything you think your Lord is asking for you and you continue to serve Him but you do not feel He is hearing you through your word or actions anymore.
Actually, I am here right now. And the question I am asking my self is: Does God view me as a fair weather fan?
Some of my friends and I like to joke when the kids are asking for too much and the already get fair more than we ever did at their age and their attitudes stink like toilet water while asking is that we are required to do nothing more than give you food, shelter and clothes. Everything else is bonus!
It's kinda the same with God. He meets my needs. But meeting my wants is a bonus. He does not have too but He does so because He loves us. And when we start to expect that going on vacations, getting that promotion at work (or even going to work), or being healthy are something that we expect God to continue to give us that is when God checks our attitude of gratitude. And since He knows the beginning from the ending and everything in between, sometimes He shakes things up a little ( or alot) because we are not where we need to be.
So when God shakes things up a little, am I a fair weather fan getting mad and stomping around the house demanding that God allow my team to win?
Sigh..sometimes!
As painful as that is to admit, sometimes I get so feed up with my current circumstances I yell at God like the announcer on the TV and demand to know "WHERE IS THE DEFENSE?" As my favorite team fumbles the ball again. Or should I say, as I fumble the ball again. I tell Korbin all the time, you are only as good as the worst person on your team. If I am the worst person on Gods team, what do I expect Him to do about my faults and failures? Swoop in and the Save the day like Superman? Although He could, what we I learn if He did?
After all, the purpose of the entire creation of God was to praise Him. If I never failed, how could I give Him adequate praise?
This week has been full of highest highs and extreme lows. I am trusting in God to meet all my needs, He has in the past and I know He will continue to in the future. But just like when the media whispers to the Quarter Back that he is carrying the team and leading them to victory, the devil is equally whispering to me that if God really loved me why would He let me suffer?
The bigger question is, why would He not? There are times that I have to look at my child and realize that he must fall flat on his face now to learn a bigger lesson for later. Is it painful to watch because I could have just as easily "fixed" it for him? You bet! I love my kids! I carried these boys inside my body and literally ate and breathed for them for 9 months of my life, so although we are physically disconnected now what would make any other think that love would do anything other than grow and expand over time? God may not have physically carried me inside His body but He fashioned me from nothing into something from a thought! That is much more than I ever did for my kids, and everything I am is because of that. And if I am to grow into the child He wants me to be, from time to time, I have to fall flat on my face.
What do you do, when you are falling or have fallen? Are you a fair weather fan? Do you get mad at God and turn the channel? Stop praying? Reading your bible? Going to church?
You continue to do what is right. Just like when your kids are talking to you, pleading their case as they ask for mercy instead of punishment, you sit there and listen. You weigh your decision verses their action and consequence. That is the same with God, May be not be responding but He is listening, weighing his option based upon your Free Will and is just waiting on you.
Waiting on me to do what? What does God want from me? I would ask myself over and over again. My worship.
We worship while we wait. No matter what this week has held and how broken my heart is at this moment, I look around and still see so very much God has blessed me with.
I was created to worship!
I am not a fair weather fan of God's. Things are tough, they may get tougher. I may hurt more. I do not know when things will end, at the beginning of this wee, I thought for certain God was going to swoop in and save the day, but now I do not know if the devil was whispering to me what he knew I wanted to hear from God? Only God knows when this trail will end, and when it does, something else will be on it's heals because that is how the devil works. He will continually try to tear down what God wants to build up.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
What's for Dinner??
If I have to here,"So what's for dinner?" one more time my head it gonna spin around & pop off! Does anyone else feel that way??
Adding work to my already crazy days is gonna be tough. So I am gonna have to extra extra preplan!
I found this super cool website that has some freezer/crock pot meals that are things that we would actually eat! I took some time today while clipping some coupons and tried to organize my meal plan for next week, and using Six-Cents I have five meals that I will prep on Sunday, and pull out of the freezer each morning after I take Korbin to school and pop into the crock pot. And since she suggests doubling the recipes, I will have 5 other meals that will be in the meal for another time!
Here is my list for this week:
3 pounds of roundsteak but into ½ inch thick strips.
Directions: Toss steak strips in mixture of flour, saltand
pepper. Mix together beef bullion,Worcestershire sauce, and steak sauce and
divide evenly into two bags. Add remaining ingredients. Cook on low 8 hours.
Serve with rice and a side salad.
Scalloped Potatoes andHam
12 new potatoes and cut into ¼ inch round slices or a large bag
of frozen potatoes
Directions: Divide everything evenly into two containers. Cook
on low for 8 hours.
*EDIT* People have mentioned the potatoes turning black if frozen. Mine didn't do that, but just to be safe, either use frozen potatoes or add potatoes the day of cooking.
Directions: Divide
everything except cheese evenly intotwo bags. Cook on low for 8 hours. Serve
over rice or on corn tortillas withrice as a side
Directions: Split all
ingredients except cheese, sour cream, and chips into two bags. Cook on low 8
hours. Top with cheese, sour cream and chips. This makes a lot of soup!
1/4 cup olive oil
Directions: Split all
ingredients into two bags. Cook on low for 8 hours. Serve with salad and rice
or noodles.
In addition to dinners, with Korbin being back in school I now have to also have a breakfast plan too.
Saturday mornings are muffin days, because my guys like them fresh outta the oven hot. They carry over into a hectic Sunday morning when the kids grab them on their way out the door and gobble them down in the car on the way to church. I usually toss a few in the freezer..shhhh do not tell them..and make them reappear Monday morning. Test days, Korb gets a hot breakfast which is usually eggs and toast. Two days a week, are smoothie days and then there are my "random days" Here are a couple quick recipes and that help with those days, especially if your kids are like mine and will not eat cold cereal.
Gluten-Free Baked Oatmeal Casserole
Total Time: 50 minutes
Serves: 6
Ingredients
2 cups gluten-free rolled oats
1/3 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup walnut pieces
1 cup raspberries {any berries work}
1/2 cup milk chocolate chips
2 cups milk
1 large egg
3 tablespoons butter, melted
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 ripe banana, peeled, 1/2-inch slices
I omit nuts for obvious reasons, and also use regular rolled oats when I can!
Preheat oven to 375°F and generously spray the inside of a 10-1/2 by 7 inch baking dish with cooking spray and place on a baking sheet
Pancake Bites
Batter
1 1/2 cups Bisquick
1 tablespoon Sugar
1/4 teaspoon Cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon Vanilla Extract
1 Egg
1/2 cup Milk + 2 Tablespoons
Choc Chips, Blue berries or sausage
Shopping day in my house is Thursday. The reason I choose Thursday is because the day before is Trash day, so I can clean out the fridge and the pantry and the there is room for the groceries. In addition, if there is left overs, Wednesday is church night for us, and in the late spring/early fall a sports day which means its a great left over day. In our house, unless it is frozen, left overs have a shelf life of two days. I mark things with masking tape & sharpies on my bowls or if I am covering something with foil, I will write the date right on the foil. The last thing anyone ever wants is food poisoning! If on Saturday or Sunday if there is meat left over, I will put the pieces in individual sandwich bags & toss them in the freezer. That way they can be reheated for leftover day without the threat of bacteria.
The first thing I do when making my menu, is check out what coupons match with what I wanna make for dinner. These are my two favorites:Bargains to bounty and Penny pinchin mom. They do the store match ups, and also have other tips and tricks on their sites that I find extremely helpful. They also have facebook links if your interested in having their feeds come right to you!!
I typically buy two newspapers a week, and clip them with a binder clip writing the date with a sharpie in the upper right hand corner of each packet of coupons. I store them in a three ring binder. I also have some baseball card sheets in the binder for loose coupons and/or coupons I print from the Internet. The sites I have listed for you tell you which packet to look in by date,(ex:RP 9/9/12 = Red Plum on the Sunday;s date of purchase of Sept 9,2012) so I have stopped cutting all the coupons out at one time and only take about 30 minutes or so clipping coupons the day before I shop. It usually takes me an hour from menu planning to clipping coupons, start to finish.
Doing this saves me about 35-50% on my grocery bill and increases my sanity by volumes!! I also get to stock up on certain things like cookie making supplies, also holiday ideas like Halloween and Christmas. It makes blessing people with dinners, breads or treats a little easier too. I try to keep stuff on hand for a lasagna, a soup of some sort and my friend Keith's favorite, Mexican stuffed pasta shells. So if I can be a blessing through a dinner to someone, I am not breaking the bank to do it.
Wowzers! My head it swimming! I am so thankful for websites that help me to be a mom a little easier but sometimes it is information overload! I think I need a cup of coffee and a cuddle with my little guy!!
Happy Reading!!
~Kristy~
Adding work to my already crazy days is gonna be tough. So I am gonna have to extra extra preplan!
I found this super cool website that has some freezer/crock pot meals that are things that we would actually eat! I took some time today while clipping some coupons and tried to organize my meal plan for next week, and using Six-Cents I have five meals that I will prep on Sunday, and pull out of the freezer each morning after I take Korbin to school and pop into the crock pot. And since she suggests doubling the recipes, I will have 5 other meals that will be in the meal for another time!
Here is my list for this week:
Savory Pepper Steak
½ cup flour
1 tsp of salt
1 tsp pepper
1 large onion chopped
a few garlic cloves—Ilike to put 4-5 crushed into each bag
1 green pepperssliced
1 red peper sliced
2 16oz cans of tomatoes—I prefer Italian style
2 tbsp beef bouillon
4 tsp ofWorcestershire sauce
2 tbsp of steakseasoning
2 tbsp of steak sauce
2 cans of cream of your choice—I used potato
2 cans of water
2 ham steaks, cubed--we used turkey ham
8 oz cheddar cheese
4 cups of broccoli
salt and pepper
*EDIT* People have mentioned the potatoes turning black if frozen. Mine didn't do that, but just to be safe, either use frozen potatoes or add potatoes the day of cooking.
Salsa Chicken
6-8 chicken breasts
2 15 oz. cans of black beans
1 family size frozenbag of corn
2 cans of dicedtomatoes and green chilies
1 jar of salsa
1 packet of tacoseasoning
2 cups of cheddarcheese
Chicken Taco Soup
2 onions diced
2 cans of chili beans
2 cans of black beans
2 cans corn, drained
2 cans tomato sauce
2 cans chicken broth
4 cans of Rotel undrained
2 taco seasoning packets
6 chicken breasts
cheddar cheese
sour cream
tortilla chips
Mediterranean Pork Chops
2 cups chick broth
4 cloves of garlic
2 tbsp paprika
2 tbsp poultry seasoning
2 tsp dried oregano
2 tsp dried basil
6-8 thick cut pork chops
In addition to dinners, with Korbin being back in school I now have to also have a breakfast plan too.
Saturday mornings are muffin days, because my guys like them fresh outta the oven hot. They carry over into a hectic Sunday morning when the kids grab them on their way out the door and gobble them down in the car on the way to church. I usually toss a few in the freezer..shhhh do not tell them..and make them reappear Monday morning. Test days, Korb gets a hot breakfast which is usually eggs and toast. Two days a week, are smoothie days and then there are my "random days" Here are a couple quick recipes and that help with those days, especially if your kids are like mine and will not eat cold cereal.
Gluten-Free Baked Oatmeal Casserole
Total Time: 50 minutes
Serves: 6
Ingredients
2 cups gluten-free rolled oats
1/3 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup walnut pieces
1 cup raspberries {any berries work}
1/2 cup milk chocolate chips
2 cups milk
1 large egg
3 tablespoons butter, melted
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 ripe banana, peeled, 1/2-inch slices
I omit nuts for obvious reasons, and also use regular rolled oats when I can!
Preheat oven to 375°F and generously spray the inside of a 10-1/2 by 7 inch baking dish with cooking spray and place on a baking sheet
In a large bowl, mix together the oats, sugar, baking
power, cinnamon, salt, half the walnuts, half the strawberries and half the
chocolate. (Save the other half of strawberries, walnuts and chocolate for the
top of the oatmeal).
In another large bowl, whisk together the milk, egg,
butter and vanilla extract.
Add the oat mixture to prepared baking dish. Arrange the
remaining strawberries, walnuts and chocolate on top. Add the banana slices to
the top then pour the milk mixture over everything. Gently shake the baking dish
to help the milk mixture go throughout the oats.
Bake 35 to 40 minutes or until the top is nicely golden
brown and the milk mixture has set. For an extra tasty top, sprinkle a
tablespoon or so of extra brown sugar.
Breakfast muffins.
Pour egg into a greased cupcake pan, then add toppings like - mushrooms, veggies, and meat, turkey. Bake them in the oven at 375-degrees for 30 minutes and let them cool. Pop them into plastic bags so that you can grab them easily in the morning
Pancake Bites
Put in mini muffin pan, pop in oven on 350 and cook 10-12 minutes until golden brown. They freeze nicely too!!
Shopping day in my house is Thursday. The reason I choose Thursday is because the day before is Trash day, so I can clean out the fridge and the pantry and the there is room for the groceries. In addition, if there is left overs, Wednesday is church night for us, and in the late spring/early fall a sports day which means its a great left over day. In our house, unless it is frozen, left overs have a shelf life of two days. I mark things with masking tape & sharpies on my bowls or if I am covering something with foil, I will write the date right on the foil. The last thing anyone ever wants is food poisoning! If on Saturday or Sunday if there is meat left over, I will put the pieces in individual sandwich bags & toss them in the freezer. That way they can be reheated for leftover day without the threat of bacteria.
The first thing I do when making my menu, is check out what coupons match with what I wanna make for dinner. These are my two favorites:Bargains to bounty and Penny pinchin mom. They do the store match ups, and also have other tips and tricks on their sites that I find extremely helpful. They also have facebook links if your interested in having their feeds come right to you!!
I typically buy two newspapers a week, and clip them with a binder clip writing the date with a sharpie in the upper right hand corner of each packet of coupons. I store them in a three ring binder. I also have some baseball card sheets in the binder for loose coupons and/or coupons I print from the Internet. The sites I have listed for you tell you which packet to look in by date,(ex:RP 9/9/12 = Red Plum on the Sunday;s date of purchase of Sept 9,2012) so I have stopped cutting all the coupons out at one time and only take about 30 minutes or so clipping coupons the day before I shop. It usually takes me an hour from menu planning to clipping coupons, start to finish.
Doing this saves me about 35-50% on my grocery bill and increases my sanity by volumes!! I also get to stock up on certain things like cookie making supplies, also holiday ideas like Halloween and Christmas. It makes blessing people with dinners, breads or treats a little easier too. I try to keep stuff on hand for a lasagna, a soup of some sort and my friend Keith's favorite, Mexican stuffed pasta shells. So if I can be a blessing through a dinner to someone, I am not breaking the bank to do it.
Wowzers! My head it swimming! I am so thankful for websites that help me to be a mom a little easier but sometimes it is information overload! I think I need a cup of coffee and a cuddle with my little guy!!
Happy Reading!!
~Kristy~
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
The things we seen today
**Yesterdays blog I forgot to post 9/10/12**
My day started with a story from my over-tired husband who lay sleepily on the couch as a result of fighting severe acid reflux most of the night, " I came into the living room about 2:30 because I was refluxing. I thought I may find a little peace having my head elevated but instead it was constantly swarmed by this ridiculous moth. It was like the moth was playing a game with me, and for a moment I became the hunted while the moth became the hunter. Until I got the Fly swatter..do not laugh at me! This story is very serious!" Rod said as I tried to suppress my laughter! "Please continue," I asked and he did.
"This moth pestered me for what seemed like hours! It would dart to the ceiling and back again because it know I could not reach it there. I was becoming infuriated with this darn moth as I tried my best to kill the stupid thing! Finally, I sat down in the couch and talked with God. 'Look God', I said 'I am exhausted and I need to sleep. I can not have this moth flying around my head while I am trying to sleep. Please get rid of this Moth'. The next thing I knew the moth flew right in front of me and dropped to the carpet with a THUD! I asked God to kill the Moth and He did! In the middle of the night, God killed a moth for me! He heard me and answered!" I smiled as I listened to Rod's giddy response of the nights event.
The moth story seemed a little silly to me, but I understood exactly what he was saying: God heard Rod and Answered! I would pay a million dollars every day for the rest of my life to hear in Rod's voice, what I heard this morning:Hope! If nothing else happened today that good, that would be enough to last me for weeks!
I left the house early to head to my 10am interview with Rod's voice echoing in my head. God heard..and answered! My interview was amazing and I felt at home with the people I had met and talked to there. I was extended an offer, and will begin orientation next Tuesday.
I was excited and apprehensive at the same time. I shook off the fear, because I knew it was the Devil trying to attack what God was trying to communicate: He was listening.
For so long it seemed as if I was praying, my bible and going to church, all the right things without any response. I never thought God was not listening, I thought I was not doing something right. I was not praying right, or trusting right, or hearing right. I knew God's word said He would never leave us nor forsake us, so it had to be me. Right?
I walked up to the front door of the house to look through the glass to see Rod playing on the floor with Konnor. The laughter assaulted my senses and my heart was over whelmed. My eyes filled with tears before I opened the door, I looked across the street to the school play ground to see Korbin running and laughing with his friends. I was truly blessed and have been allowing the Devil to beat me down for so long! To whisper his lies in my ears, and allow his thoughts to destroy my inner peace, as I turned to open the door to come inside I was so thankful for the glimpse of Gods amazing goodness!
I played trains with Rod and Konnor for most of the day. It was nice to enjoy the time without stressing. Things have been so stressful lately! It has been almost as if you could cut the tension in the house with a knife just because there are so many unanswered questions regarding money. It was nice relax a bit, seeing God moving was helping us to realize he was working behind the scenes. There are still alot of unanswered questions but we knew something was happening and that alone gave us hope!
Eventually playtime had to give way to homework time.I have my first A&P 2 lecture test of Friday that has a study guide of 260 questions. I am determined to start this class good off the bat! As I sat at the computer reconfiguring my pdf study guide to my satisfaction, the phone rang and Rod jumped of the couch. IT WAS THEM!!! Two minutes later, Rod emerges from the other room beaming: He has an interview tomorrow morning in Brighton at 9am!!!
The rest of the afternoon was a buzz because you could feel the power struggle in our house of a supernatural proportion. This was new territory for us as we had never experienced this before! Our hearts were overwhelmed with God's goodness and mercy but things were physically falling apart tempting us to anger. The printer would not work, the toilet over flowed, there was an issue with the timing/placement of my drug test to start work. I could not find my car keys and Korbin could not find his baseball hat, just to name a few things. Trying to breath through the nuisances and stay focused on God was most certainly the devil attempting to distract us into sinning. It made me wonder how often that happens without us really noticing that the devil is stealing our contentment with God's blessings?
In true God fashion, He worked it all out.
As I type, I am listening to the crickets chirp and there is a bright star that is shining through the window of the dimly lit front room. The house is quiet and my heart is full. The fear is trying to bubble up like Rods acid reflux from last night, why if all of this is a just kidding and it will all fall apart in the morning? What if tomorrow is no difference from last week and there is really no relief coming from the stress or burdens? I stop typing, close my eyes and breath deeply and hear that still small voice echo deep from within my soul, "sufficient for tomorrow is its own trouble,..if it were not true I would have told you" Two completely different scripture verses but yet they worked together for God's glory!
The reality is, if nothing else comes of any of this ( which I really hope is NOT the case!) we seen two things today: God heard and God moved! Those to things alone encouraged me and strengthened me for what ever God has planned ahead!
Goodnight, Friends!
~Kristy~
My day started with a story from my over-tired husband who lay sleepily on the couch as a result of fighting severe acid reflux most of the night, " I came into the living room about 2:30 because I was refluxing. I thought I may find a little peace having my head elevated but instead it was constantly swarmed by this ridiculous moth. It was like the moth was playing a game with me, and for a moment I became the hunted while the moth became the hunter. Until I got the Fly swatter..do not laugh at me! This story is very serious!" Rod said as I tried to suppress my laughter! "Please continue," I asked and he did.
"This moth pestered me for what seemed like hours! It would dart to the ceiling and back again because it know I could not reach it there. I was becoming infuriated with this darn moth as I tried my best to kill the stupid thing! Finally, I sat down in the couch and talked with God. 'Look God', I said 'I am exhausted and I need to sleep. I can not have this moth flying around my head while I am trying to sleep. Please get rid of this Moth'. The next thing I knew the moth flew right in front of me and dropped to the carpet with a THUD! I asked God to kill the Moth and He did! In the middle of the night, God killed a moth for me! He heard me and answered!" I smiled as I listened to Rod's giddy response of the nights event.
The moth story seemed a little silly to me, but I understood exactly what he was saying: God heard Rod and Answered! I would pay a million dollars every day for the rest of my life to hear in Rod's voice, what I heard this morning:Hope! If nothing else happened today that good, that would be enough to last me for weeks!
I left the house early to head to my 10am interview with Rod's voice echoing in my head. God heard..and answered! My interview was amazing and I felt at home with the people I had met and talked to there. I was extended an offer, and will begin orientation next Tuesday.
I was excited and apprehensive at the same time. I shook off the fear, because I knew it was the Devil trying to attack what God was trying to communicate: He was listening.
For so long it seemed as if I was praying, my bible and going to church, all the right things without any response. I never thought God was not listening, I thought I was not doing something right. I was not praying right, or trusting right, or hearing right. I knew God's word said He would never leave us nor forsake us, so it had to be me. Right?
I walked up to the front door of the house to look through the glass to see Rod playing on the floor with Konnor. The laughter assaulted my senses and my heart was over whelmed. My eyes filled with tears before I opened the door, I looked across the street to the school play ground to see Korbin running and laughing with his friends. I was truly blessed and have been allowing the Devil to beat me down for so long! To whisper his lies in my ears, and allow his thoughts to destroy my inner peace, as I turned to open the door to come inside I was so thankful for the glimpse of Gods amazing goodness!
I played trains with Rod and Konnor for most of the day. It was nice to enjoy the time without stressing. Things have been so stressful lately! It has been almost as if you could cut the tension in the house with a knife just because there are so many unanswered questions regarding money. It was nice relax a bit, seeing God moving was helping us to realize he was working behind the scenes. There are still alot of unanswered questions but we knew something was happening and that alone gave us hope!
Eventually playtime had to give way to homework time.I have my first A&P 2 lecture test of Friday that has a study guide of 260 questions. I am determined to start this class good off the bat! As I sat at the computer reconfiguring my pdf study guide to my satisfaction, the phone rang and Rod jumped of the couch. IT WAS THEM!!! Two minutes later, Rod emerges from the other room beaming: He has an interview tomorrow morning in Brighton at 9am!!!
The rest of the afternoon was a buzz because you could feel the power struggle in our house of a supernatural proportion. This was new territory for us as we had never experienced this before! Our hearts were overwhelmed with God's goodness and mercy but things were physically falling apart tempting us to anger. The printer would not work, the toilet over flowed, there was an issue with the timing/placement of my drug test to start work. I could not find my car keys and Korbin could not find his baseball hat, just to name a few things. Trying to breath through the nuisances and stay focused on God was most certainly the devil attempting to distract us into sinning. It made me wonder how often that happens without us really noticing that the devil is stealing our contentment with God's blessings?
In true God fashion, He worked it all out.
As I type, I am listening to the crickets chirp and there is a bright star that is shining through the window of the dimly lit front room. The house is quiet and my heart is full. The fear is trying to bubble up like Rods acid reflux from last night, why if all of this is a just kidding and it will all fall apart in the morning? What if tomorrow is no difference from last week and there is really no relief coming from the stress or burdens? I stop typing, close my eyes and breath deeply and hear that still small voice echo deep from within my soul, "sufficient for tomorrow is its own trouble,..if it were not true I would have told you" Two completely different scripture verses but yet they worked together for God's glory!
The reality is, if nothing else comes of any of this ( which I really hope is NOT the case!) we seen two things today: God heard and God moved! Those to things alone encouraged me and strengthened me for what ever God has planned ahead!
Goodnight, Friends!
~Kristy~
Saturday, September 8, 2012
School, Work, Ect
School has officially started and fall is definitely in the air. We have all the windows open and we are sitting here watching college football. We do not get very many lazy Saturdays and I am thankful for the ones that we do get.
Rod & I took the boys to the park for a short while this morning before running some errands. We had nothing on the calendar today, the day was ours to do with what we pleased.
It has been a stressful week here with school starting on Tuesday, and I am not really feeling the best. I have battling a migraine (again) and there is something going on with my phantom gallbladder. It strange pain landed me in the hospital on Labor Day evening where they did CT scan, and checked for an enlarged liver, stones in the common bile duct and stones in the kidney. All came back negative, so they sent me home.
So, I have been drinking 3-4 one liter bottles of smart water a day to see if my electrolytes were out of balance because that is a common side effect of one my migraine medications or I am/was just dehydrated.
I really hate feeling poorly. It makes me feel like I am older in age than what I am plus no one really gets their best from me. I am just really wondering if its just the stress getting to me? Stress does horrible things to your mind and body, so I have to fine away to "distress"!
Let me update you on what's going on with Rod's job, He had 3 interviews within the same company on Friday. He originally sat down to interview for one, but the administrator kept telling him "You would be a good fit for.." and read him into the openings for those two positions as well. We are down to the end of Rod's unemployment, approximately 7 weeks left at this point. We do not know what God has planned for us but He has not left us without provision before, so we trust and worship while we wait.
Sometime ago I put my application in to work at our local Target. I finally got a call for an interview Monday at 10am. I am excited and nervous at the same time. It will be my first official interview in more than 9 years, and I am overwhelmed with how the details will come together with a sitter for Konnor, school and sports for Korbin and school for myself. If this is how God is choosing to help provide for our family, I will accept that but with this being Konnor's last year at home before he goes to preschool, it saddens me greatly to realize that I will not be spending more of it with him.
I often feel like Konnor has gotten the raw end of the deal from me. I returned to school when he was 10 months old, to try and help dig our family out of the hole we are in. He has spent alot of time with Rod, who is a great father, but it not mom. Which is what Korbin got; comprehensive teaching & play time with me. This is why he still does so well with school. Korbin & I had the best times playing trains and little people, we spent from the earliest months at the park until it was almost to cold to stop. I enjoyed Korbin's preschool ages immensely and as much as I am so thankful to have the opportunity to even have an interview, I spent most of Friday crying because in my heart it is not the right time for me to return to work.
There is a song that echo's in my head, " Trust and Obey, it is the very best way to show that you believe". So, I will trust God and step out in faith knowing that my heavenly Father will never leave me ( or my family) alone. Its just these decisions, are the part of adulthood, that truly stink!
If you would have told me when I got married that I would have been a stay-at-home- mom for more than eight years, I would have laughed until I cried! Now, the idea of returning to work when my youngest child is not in full time school, is gut wrenching.
Beyond that, Korbin is not having an easy adjustment to school this year. He has been over-tired and cranky. His teacher his kind and trusting but as a third grader he is overwhelmed at the amount of responsibility that is given to him after having a carefree summer. Equally, Konnor has been just as emotional because he is just not use to not having Korbin at school all day anymore.
It has been a very trying week.
I am looking forward to church tomorrow, and "recharging" my batteries.
God has a plan for our family, and I am praying for His leading.
~Kristy~
Rod & I took the boys to the park for a short while this morning before running some errands. We had nothing on the calendar today, the day was ours to do with what we pleased.
It has been a stressful week here with school starting on Tuesday, and I am not really feeling the best. I have battling a migraine (again) and there is something going on with my phantom gallbladder. It strange pain landed me in the hospital on Labor Day evening where they did CT scan, and checked for an enlarged liver, stones in the common bile duct and stones in the kidney. All came back negative, so they sent me home.
So, I have been drinking 3-4 one liter bottles of smart water a day to see if my electrolytes were out of balance because that is a common side effect of one my migraine medications or I am/was just dehydrated.
I really hate feeling poorly. It makes me feel like I am older in age than what I am plus no one really gets their best from me. I am just really wondering if its just the stress getting to me? Stress does horrible things to your mind and body, so I have to fine away to "distress"!
Let me update you on what's going on with Rod's job, He had 3 interviews within the same company on Friday. He originally sat down to interview for one, but the administrator kept telling him "You would be a good fit for.." and read him into the openings for those two positions as well. We are down to the end of Rod's unemployment, approximately 7 weeks left at this point. We do not know what God has planned for us but He has not left us without provision before, so we trust and worship while we wait.
Sometime ago I put my application in to work at our local Target. I finally got a call for an interview Monday at 10am. I am excited and nervous at the same time. It will be my first official interview in more than 9 years, and I am overwhelmed with how the details will come together with a sitter for Konnor, school and sports for Korbin and school for myself. If this is how God is choosing to help provide for our family, I will accept that but with this being Konnor's last year at home before he goes to preschool, it saddens me greatly to realize that I will not be spending more of it with him.
I often feel like Konnor has gotten the raw end of the deal from me. I returned to school when he was 10 months old, to try and help dig our family out of the hole we are in. He has spent alot of time with Rod, who is a great father, but it not mom. Which is what Korbin got; comprehensive teaching & play time with me. This is why he still does so well with school. Korbin & I had the best times playing trains and little people, we spent from the earliest months at the park until it was almost to cold to stop. I enjoyed Korbin's preschool ages immensely and as much as I am so thankful to have the opportunity to even have an interview, I spent most of Friday crying because in my heart it is not the right time for me to return to work.
There is a song that echo's in my head, " Trust and Obey, it is the very best way to show that you believe". So, I will trust God and step out in faith knowing that my heavenly Father will never leave me ( or my family) alone. Its just these decisions, are the part of adulthood, that truly stink!
If you would have told me when I got married that I would have been a stay-at-home- mom for more than eight years, I would have laughed until I cried! Now, the idea of returning to work when my youngest child is not in full time school, is gut wrenching.
Beyond that, Korbin is not having an easy adjustment to school this year. He has been over-tired and cranky. His teacher his kind and trusting but as a third grader he is overwhelmed at the amount of responsibility that is given to him after having a carefree summer. Equally, Konnor has been just as emotional because he is just not use to not having Korbin at school all day anymore.
It has been a very trying week.
I am looking forward to church tomorrow, and "recharging" my batteries.
God has a plan for our family, and I am praying for His leading.
~Kristy~
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