Reflections of a Wife, Mom & Weightloss Surgery Patient!

What you do and don't do to manage your life does not only affect you. It affects everyone around you!- Author Elizabeth George

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Keeping trudging along..

Well, today is Wednesday and it has been an interestly, stessful week thus far. Korbin went to spend the night with Rod's mom & dad on Monday night coming home this morning for our summer reading program at the local library.
We left here Monday midday to take Korbin to Rod's mom & dad's. We stayed for dinner and came home in the early evening. Konnor fell asleep in the car, so putting him to bed was very simple. It was nice to drive in the car and be able to talk without answering 1000 questions about everything and anything imaginable. Yet, it felt odd know that the back seat was not as full on the way home as it was on the way there. It is always odd to me, to leave Korbin any place. I like my kids, I enjoy spending time with them and getting to know who they are and when I leave them some place it is like leaving a peace of me behind too. But the conversation with my husband was nice, I love reconnecting with him over something other than finding baseball pants or daiper cream.
After putting Konnor is bed, we came into the living room where Rod jumped on the computer and I sat down to do my devotions. The house was quiet, and it reminded me of how things were when Korb first started kindergarten last fall. I did my devotions, and enjoyed this week's topical study on self-control in the book of Proverbs. As I finished the devotional, I began looking through my bible searching for something.... then I stumpled upon Gensis 50:19-21.
Joseph in the previous verses had just learned his father had died and his brothers, whom had sold him into slavery and told thier father that Joseph had died, was convinced that the only reason Joseph had not repaid them for what they had done to him was because of thier father. So, when thier dad died, they were scared. In Gensis 50: 19-21 Joesph says "Do not be afraid. For am I in the place of God?( meaning: am I God? Should I judge you for your wrong doings?) But as you meant evil against me, God meant it for good.... therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones".
I was so encouraged by this verse that the Lord had shown me!!!!!!!!!!!! It was not by accident that particular verse said " I will provide for you and your little ones". God was meeting my fears head-on, and it brought to me a complete peace to hear from Him. I knew at that moment, as the devil tried to distract me with fear over the fact that we do not have any money coming into our home, God was talking to me through His written word!
Tuesday afternoon, Rod went to apply at a local hardware store for a part-time position that we advertising for and head over to a temp agency. The temp agency immediantly sent him over to a local super-center to apply for a loss prevention associate. What a blessing! We will not know until sometime later, if the super-center is interested in hiring Rod, but it was nice for him just to have the interview! It spoke to my heart that God was indeed working on our behalf!
While Rod was gone, I hade a few minutes to read and I ran across another verse that spoke volumes to me: In the book of Romans, the apostle Paul was writting a letter to a church in the city of Roman where he told them " Rejoice in hope.( be ) patient in tribulation and continue steadfast in prayer". It was almost as if the Lord was saying " See? I hear you, Kristy. I may or may not give Rod this job. But I showed you that I was listening. Rejoice in hope! Be patient in what is going on and continue praying. I am here, I am listening and your answer is on the way!"
My heart sang!
I have so often asked the Lord for big flashing lights to talk to me and tell me what was going on! But God does not work like that, but if we seek Him diligently( what my devotion was about the week prior), then He will hear us and give us the desires of our hearts if it lines up with His will for our lives. It speaks over and over again in the bible about the man being the leader of his home and providing for his family, so we know that it is in God's will for Rod to have a job.
I am looking forward to hearing from the Lord today, through His written word as I seek His answers for our current situation. Until the answer comes, I will keep trudging along... but I know that an answer is indeed coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

God Here is My Problems...Again.

When I was little my mom use to sing a song, whose refrain said " It's me again Lord. I have a prayer that needs an answer..." I have been singing that song alot to Konnor at night recently in light of our current situation.
Many post ago, I made a short list of things I needed the Lord to handle, since me in my humanity could not achieve success without His almighty help. The Lord mercifully answered each item on that list with the exception of one:"Rod needs a job that is close to home with good pay and good benefits so that I can stay home with the kids and finish my degree."
Today, we got a letter in the mail stating that Rod's unemployment benefits had been terminated. Which means that we do not have any money coming into the house at all! After Rod finished reading the letter that we had been dreading for a while now, since the senator from KY tried to stop the UIA benefits extension from passing the first time, sickness filled my entire system and I immediantly became ill. WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW???
This week and been extremely stressful on both Rod and I as I did something to hurt my back and laid on the couch in pain for more than hald of the week leaving Rod to handle the care of the house and the kids. To add to the stress of needing to go to the doctor and being unable too, it seemed as if person after person was calling with good news about something that we ourselves are in desperate need of.
I couldn't see or understand why God was allowing this to happen?! We have been narrowing escaping day by day for months and months now and there are people that have only endured a fraction of what we have and thier prayers are being answered right and left. I felt alone. Frightened. Sad. Confused.
I began to question myself and everything I thought I believed in, I was dizzy with pain and questions. The harder I prayed, the less clarity I felt I had. What was going on???
By Friday, nothing situationally had changed but refused to give in too the victim mentality. I was letting the Devil get into my head, and I needed to get him out and fast!
So, I began to reread alot of my private journal entries and past blog posts. I can see how much God has does for us, and how we have so close to devestation and He has never left us nor forsaked us! His timing is always on time.. just like the house and provisions for the baby and Korbin's school clothes.
I want to believe that Monday morning, the phone is gonna ring and it is gonna be someone with an amazing job offer. But the reality is that may not happen, and I have to prepared that God may have other plans for us. But no matter what, He has never let us down!!!
Sometimes, you have to look backward to see where God has brought you to see where He is gonna take you. He has brought us so far, I can only imagine where a great and mighty God is going to take us through this journey; nothing is to great for Father God!
A friend sent me a Facebook post today of a simple verse and gives me great hope that God truly has a plan in all of this, we just have to wait for Him to reveal it to us.
~Matthew 6:26 "Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" ~

Friday, June 25, 2010

Missed Blogging

I have definately left somethings undone to do others, like take care of Konnor and take Korbin to school, soccer and t-ball. Blogging is one of those things. When I started this blog, so many warned me against it! People who do not necessarily know you are reading about your life and/or people who think that they know you are reading about your life. Both are making opinions about the writtings you posted some good and others not so good.
But when I look back over my postings, I reread my struggles with food, the journey through motherhood and being a wife. I enjoy reading what I was doing and knowing how far I have come. Somethings break my heart all over again, and some revive my desire to continue to be the best I can be. That is where I am right now.
I miss blogging, just like I miss working out and I miss the routine of life that I use to have. So, as life moves forward at a break neck speed, I am going to try and record more of my journey again. Instead of just my woe's, I will record more of my triumphs. I will be open and honest, yet thoughtful and respectful to the rights and privacy of others.
I have always loved journaling but the novelty of pen and paper escapes me these days, mainly because of the clutter and the dust that it keeps. Maybe that is why blogging appeals to me so, especially in the day in age of "mommy bloggers", it definately fit's me and my life style.
Will I return daily? I am not sure. Weekly, at this point is my goal. I want to revive my desire for life again, instead of this depressing slump I have been it. I put on a smile and go out trying not to let other see the pain that I carry inside. But, I am done hidding! I did not hide my battle with food, or my fears of not being good enough as a wife, mother, etc so I will not hide the depression that I have allowed let slip into my life over my husbands job-less-ness. I will share my pain and struggles and show myself and other how God has used all of this for not only my own good but His glory!!!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Ice Cofee Recipes



I am hooked on Ice Coffee's!! So, I needed to find some recipes to make at home with the calorie count and fat grams to get my weight/protien back under control. I have been feeling pretty awful recently, and I think it is because I have been to lax on my food and vitamens. So this is what I have found ( although I have not tried them yet!):

Ice Coffee
Prep time: 15 minutes Serves: 4 (1-cup)
Details:Whipped topping turns this coffee milk into a satisfying, rich-tasting dessert. The cinnamon stick stirrer adds a light spiced flavor. You can also sprinkle some ground cinnamon on top, if you like.
Ingredients:
3 cups strongly brewed decaffeinated coffee,
chilled1 cup fat-free or 1% milk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 teaspoons granular sugar substitute
Ice cubes
1/2 cup fat-free or light whipped topping
Pinch ground cinnamon for garnish (optional)
4 cinnamon sticks for garnish (optional)
Directions:
In a pitcher, combine coffee, milk, vanilla, and sugar substitute; stir well. Fill 4 (10-ounce) glasses with ice. Pour coffee mixture over ice. Spoon 2 tablespoons of the whipped topping into each glass.Stir gently so that some topping mixes with coffee and some remains at the top of the glass. Garnish each with a pinch of ground cinnamon and a cinnamon stick, if using.
Nutritional Information:
50 calories0 g fat (0 g sat)
6 g carbohydrate
2 g protein
0 g fiber
45 mg sodium

-OR-

Brew your coffee double strength (decaf)Pour coffee into a glass full of ice cubes (16-20 ounce glass )Use 3- 4 packets of the orignal flavor creamers by coffee-mate Sugar Free Vanilla Syrup (measure to how sweet you want and use the flavor of your choice )Oh and the best thing is its 60 calories maxium

I will try them both out and let you know!!!!!!!!!!!

Finding my Blessings

I am in a HUGE slump right now!! Rod has officially been out of work of 19 months now! We thought we seen a light at the end of the tunnel with a job in Iowa. But, just as the others, the job that Rod interviewed 2+ times for was given to someone else. To say I was disappointed was an understatement!! Then, to top things off, I hurt my back with pains shooting down both of my legs. I have no idea what caused this pain, I did not fall or do anything out of the ordinary. With no health insurance, a trip to the doctor is out of the question.

There are so many people telling me not to give up, to hang in there. However, I am not sure I can. The necessities that others take for granted, we have to scrap together for. Food, Clothing, the Money to pay Rent. I am tired, no wait exhausted, and over burdened. There is no relief in sight and all that I thought I stood on, I am starting to question.

I will NEVER turn my back on God. I know to much and my love, for a savior who gave His life for me that I may not spend enternity in a sinner's Hell, is a grande love. I have seen Him through out this situation over and over again. I do not question His ability or Sovernity. However, I question me?! Am I in the center of His will? What have I done to deserve all of this? Is there something that He want me/us to do that we are just not seeing/doing? The question list is endless.

I am depressed and overwhelmed. I am trying to find the good in all of this bad! So, as I look around I am trying to count my blessings as I tie another knot and hang on. Here are a few of the blessing I look at daily to help me see that no matter what: God is Good!!