Reflections of a Wife, Mom & Weightloss Surgery Patient!

What you do and don't do to manage your life does not only affect you. It affects everyone around you!- Author Elizabeth George

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Problem here is my God!!!

A friends facebook status struck me in a unique way, " Instead of saying 'God here is my problem' say "Problem here is my God'!".
So as I sat down to do my devotion, I found my self making a list of my current problems:
1.) Rod needs a job that is close to home with good pay and good benefits so that I can stay home with the kids and finish my degree.
2.) The money to pay our current bills ie, the car payment, the DTE bill, the cable bill and the rent.
3.) The money to buy Korbin clothes and shoes to start school in and necessary school supplies
4.) The money to purchase the necessities for the baby along with diapers and formula(if necessary).
Of course, as I look over this short list, I realize that this is not all of my current problems but these are the most pressing ones and top on the priority list.
Rod & I have praying over these problems for the last 8 months since he has been laid off from work. As I look as the list again, I realize that these problems are nothing new to God, we have talked with Him about these before. However, the urgency we have now is different than it was say 3 months ago.
Our baby is due in 10 short weeks, and there are things that we desperately need for him, that we simply can not afford on the money unemployment is providing. We are thankful for the unemployment, however, we are already working on a deficient that reviles the national debt much less purchasing bottles, a highchair, bedding, etc, etc.
As well as Korbin is starting school in 5 weeks. We were blessed that that last I purchased clothes that were a little big on Korb, so that this summer they would fit. So, we did not have to buy any clothes to outfit him for the summer, however, this fall we do not have the same option. His shoes are to small, his underware are getting too tight and his white undershirts look like something guys would have worn in the "Let's get Physical" music video in the 1980's.And the list of clothing and school supply list seems overwhelming. Yet, when I think of all of this all I can do is choke back the tears and emotions as I relive the years and years of hearing my mom say that my list of needs would have to wait because we simply did not have the money. A phrase I was praying not to have to use abundantly with my kids. Plus, I had a grand vision of the first time Korbin had to go school shopping the three of us would make a day of it and create a fun memory of getting our first child ready to go to school.
My stomach tightens as I fight off the physical manifestation of the stress, I glance back at the list. Faith and trust are easy when you are in mountain top scenario's when life is going great but it is a daily battle when your in the battle of your life. It is moments like these I wonder if God views my faith as weak or strong? As of late, I feal very weak; physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I simply can not fight this fight alone! Silently, I say to myself "Problem here is MY God, and Philippians 4:13 says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!"
I am not sure when our answers are coming, and some days I am not sure if the answers are coming at all, but I know that God has a plan. There have been times that I can look back over this journey as see exactly what His plan was, but these days I am looking though mud covered glasses and need clarity.
Some how in some way, I know that things are going to work out. They have too!! In God's word is says that He has come to give us life, and Give it more abundantly... it is a promise that I hold on to tightly. That is trial will not last forever no matter how long it seems, again I say to myself "Problem here is my God" and do my best to turn the entire problem over to Him. Even though I recognize that my attempts are weak and feeble at best.
Then, as if I am in a movie where the ending is always happy, a song fills my soul and I can not help but hum along " I must tell Jesus, I must tell Jesus, I can not handle these burdens alone. I must Jesus, I must Jesus, Jesus can help me. Jesus alone." I wipe the tears off the page of my bible, and thank the Lord for His abundant grace and mercy: Problem HERE is MY God!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

29 weeks

It is hard to believe that I only have 11 weeks left!!!!!! In the beginning, it seemed as if it took forever to get to the twelve week mark. Then after that, it seemed to have taken off and the weeks have flown by.
On Friday, I went for my monthly visit with Dr. F and had my glucose intolerance test. I was super worried about this test, both the results and the side effects from drinking 50mg of pure sugar.
As for the side effects, there were plenty, complete with dizziness and nausea. After an hour and a half visit I still felt as if I had been on a drinking benge, which the dr. said he had never heard of getting that type of response before!
I gained four pounds this visit for a total of twelve and my measurements were spot on this time instead of small. The baby's heart rate was 140's and my bp was 100 over 60.
This was my last "normal" visit and starting in two weeks, I begin twice a week visits for NST's (non stress tests). I could choose between Monday's and Thursday's or Tuesday's and Friday's. I choose the first rotation, and will have those dates for the rest of the pregnancy. Immediantly after the NST's, I will see the Dr.
Rod, Dr. F and myself chatted for a few minutes how normal this pregnancy has been in comparison to my last. It is amazing how much 200 pounds has made in my( and this baby's) life.
Stephanie from Dr. F's office called this afternoon to give me the results from Friday's test's: the blood test needed to come back 140 or under, and mine registered at 110!!! I told the lady, that if I wasn't pregnant I would do cartwheels I was so excited!!! That means no inslin!!! My hemoglobid was a bit low, so I need to make sure I am eatting iron rich foods and taking my iron supplement.
At this gestation, the baby should weigh 2 1/2 pounds and be 15 inches long. His muscles and lungs are continueing to mature and his head is getting bigger to make room for his growing brain. I have been completely exhausted, which I had contributed to the move, however it is because the baby is using up any of the iron my body needs to function. In addition to my prenatal, I need to maintain my protien levels, vitamen C,calcuim, folic acid and iron.
Over the course of the next month, I should plan to gain five to seven pounds which would bring my total weight gain to 17-19 and then five to seven more over the rest of the pregnancy which bring my total pregancy weight gain for 23-25, which is what Dr. F was hoping for. Me? I think I would be ok with a 18-20 toal weight gain, but whatever yields us a healthy baby. It is unique being in the position of not being able to see my toes again, but alas, being pregnant is not forever and neither will this weight gain. I have the tools and the knowledge now that I did not before and I will never see 300 lbs again!!!!!!!!

Monday, July 6, 2009

Gifts from Heaven?!

Rod & I sat in our apartment where we have lived for 2 1/2 years contemplating the next leg of our adventure. We have been praying freverntly for God's wisdom and provision for a new job as well as a new place to live before our lease is up here.
At 12:30 or so, there was a knock on the door with the door knocker and a folded up piece of paper placed on the door. It is never good news when the apartment complex chooses to communicate in this manor, but never the less, it was official start to the day.
In the next moments to follow, as we attempt to discuss our new information, there comes a large crash from the outside!! Korbin runs to the window and throws open the blinds and says"There are boxes all over the front lawn". I opened the door & looked to see if I could find out who or for what reason they left these boxes in front of our door. As I returned inside, I joked with Rod and said "Look Honey, it is a sign from God that we are suppose to move becuase there were boxed raining down from Heaven." It was a funny statement but very true.
Over the course of the next hour or so, we began to pack the kitchen as the tension began to mount. It was clear that we were to move but the question of where was causing mounting pressure in the small 8x8 kitchen.When the phone rang, I prayed for good news, sadly it was not. The 3 bedroom apartment we had taken a look at last week was calling to tell us that they had availablity but the security deposit was been twice the the monthly rent!!
As I got off the phone, I haphazardly said "Ok Lord, we know that we are suppose to move but can you show us where?" as I discouragedly began to stack the packed boxes. Within a half hour of the door closing phone call another phone call came in, with a surprising answer to our prayer.
A phone call we had placed more than a month ago, was finally being returned, with the availablity of a 3 bedroom house to rent!!!
Laughter gave a way to happy tears, as Rod and I prayed thanking our Lord for perfect timing and answered prayer on the day that the boxes rained down from heaven!!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

The American Dream

It seems as if the america dream when I got out of high school was simple: Go to college and graduate, get a job, meet an amazing man, get married and travel for a couple of years, buy a house, have a couple of kids and live happily ever after.
No where in there was my mom dying and reeking havoc on my entire adult life. Gaining 150+pounds, having diabetes, and my husband being laid off 3 times in our married lives of six years.
Now it seems my entire "american dream" as I knew it has been turned on its head, with the exception meeting and marrying an amazing man. With whom I have weathered these storms of truimph and tragedy with.
I thought as a child/teenager if I could just manage the catosphy that was my life, then I could make my own decisions thus being happier. Yet, as life would have it just as I became comfortable in my own skin on the campus of EMU at 21 that same life would be turned upside down with a single 2am phone call. As mothers day ended and my nightmare began in 1999, I sobbed on the phone to my best friend that my mom has had a heartattack and 'passed on' as the result.Two days later, at her funeral luncheon, this is not the way I thought my adult life should began.
One year later, I left EMU because I could not handle the stress of working full time, dealing my own emotions of mom's death and my family's issues, along with going to school. I got my first apartment close to my sister, and together we grieved the loss of our mother. In the two years following, I met the man who would be my husband and together I thought I would finally have some sort of normallacy in this life.
We were engaged after 6 months, and planned to be married that next August. Our orginal plans to have an intimate wedding in Hawii were dashed and instead we had a large family wedding complete with an even larger family headache close to our hometowns. This should have been our clue to not come back from our amazing honeymoon, yet with stars in our eyes and a 'our love an conquer anything' attitude we settled down in our one bedroom apartment and focused on what we thought was our american dream.
Over the next days and months we would experience a gamit of highs and lows from job issues to life threatening health problems. Which leaves me asking the question now: What is the American Dream anyways??