Last April, Korbin was diagnosed with a Peanut Allergy(PA) in a very tramatic event in an allergist office. Since then, I have tried to educate myself and others around me about this severe allergy. Much to my dismay, I have failled more often than not. And as we face an allergy that threatens to worsen over time, rather than be something that he will just "grow out of", I find my anxiety over the situation growing as well. Especially with the onset of kindergarden looming.
House after house we visit, I find peanut tanted snacks littering cabinets and counter tops, by well meaning friends and family who do not simply understand the severity of an PA.
Fifty-four percent of fatal food allergic reactions reported in the United States from 2001-2006 were from peanuts.As well as, asthmatics with peanut sensitivity are more likely to develop life threatening reactions. "If untreated, anaphylactic shock can result in death due to obstruction of the upper or lower airway (bronchospasm) or hypotension and heart failure. This happens within minutes to hours of eating the peanuts. The first symptoms may include sneezing and a tingling sensation on the lips, tongue and throat followed by pallor, feeling unwell, warm and light headed. Severe reactions may return after an apparent resolution of 1-6 hours" says Wikipedia
Now do you see my anxiety?????
Who was it that said "Knowing is half the battle"? GI Joe, I think. Anyway, I found a new web-site of a mom who also has a Peanut Allergy Kid. She faces the same fears, trails and triumphs that I do. Ironically enough, I found solice in the wording of her articles as I realized that I am not alone.We are not alone in our battle to keep our son safe and healthy.
I wanted to give her web-site a special mention; http://www.peanutallergykid.com/ because if as parents we band together to keep our kids safe until there is a cure for PA then we can focus more on the fun of heading off to kindergarden instead of the fear.
Korbin's Favorite Peanut-Free No Bake Cookies
Ingredients
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup cocoa
1/2 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 cups dry oats
Directions
1In a saucepan add butter, sugar, cocoa and milk.
2Bring to boil, stirring constantly. After 3 minutes remove from heat.
3Stir in vanilla and oats.
4Drop by spoonful onto wax paper.
5Let sit till firm, or eat immediately!
Monday, January 19, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Now & Then
January 2008 was a very unique month for me as it was the month prior to my surgery. I am re-reading my journal from last year to remember and acknowledge how far I have come. Here is my journal from this day last year:
"Pre-Surgrey Day
This morning with my Aaron Shust CD and the keys to my sister-in-laws car in hand, I drove to Ypsilanti for my pre-surgrey testing. As I drove across the snow/salt covered express way, I was superised at how calm I was. There was the hiccup of some nervousness or fear try to burrow its way into my head, but I shook it off as I listened to the words of my new favorite CD.
I arrived shortly before 9:30 and went into the Clinic. They took me right back and I did not even have to sit in the waitting room. This surprised me a little because I have felt recently as if I am in a constant state of waitting for something. First, I went to have some blood drawn and chatted with the nice tech about how much I was going to enjoy the new phase of my life. She said she would she me the morning of my surgrey for more blood, and I went to see the attending dr. who " cleared" me for surgrey by asking some questions about my family and personal medical history.
The Dr. gave me one of those great medical gowns and had the nurse escort me down to ultra sound for a u/s of my gallbaladder. This was kinda surreal as I had flash backs of labor and delivery; ugly gown and all. Next, was a chest x-ray and then I was ewscort back to a dressing room before off to a nutrition class.
I sat in the room with several others and the Registered Deitician for an hour and a half with a continuing thought of I all ready know this. I was pretty happy when she finally gave out our big book of advice and I got to ask the things I didn't know. At that moment I felt pretty secure that I had done my homework and knew what laid in front of me. The RD was a nice lady was gave out her phone number at the clinic and said she was personally available to us. That kinda impressed me a little, not like a weight watchers or jenny craig chick but a real human who was personally available to me to help me through the things I don't know who won't give me text book answers to my non text book weight issue.
Finally some help! This is what I have truelly need for years. Not some to tell me what I should or shouldn't do but to help me find the answers and achieve success. Not to talk at me but too me. So, when I left the nutrition class, although I knew what she was talking about(for the most part), I felt secure in my knowledge about the decision I was making and who I was allowing to help me with that decision.
Finally, is was off to get my EKG. This lady was nice and we chatted about our kids for several minutes before she asked me to put on that stupid gown again. That was nice, for once someone wanted to talk before asking me to undress. It is always easier to know who is going to see your grossly over weight body before they actaully see it.
I was done. Just that easy.
As I drove back home, with Aaron Shust blairing in my ear ( without Korbin in the car I can turn the radio up as loud as I want without the fear of making him deaf), I realized that I felt comfortable at that facility. There are so many people who work there that have had this surgrey and are a walking testimony to it. Plus people don't look at you funny for having bigger thighs or bellys or double chins. They applaude you for realizing you have a problem and getting help with it.
I am still dealing with that little hiccup that wants to become a full blown case but I am trying to rest on the promise that God will never give me than I can handle and that He has brought through so much. And dreaming about the little dress that I am gonna buy for Danny and kendra's wedding July 4th week end and think about all the fun I am gonna have for the first time in a long time because I will not have to think about if I look good. I will feal like I look good and that for the first time in forever will be good enough!!!!!!!!"
"Pre-Surgrey Day
This morning with my Aaron Shust CD and the keys to my sister-in-laws car in hand, I drove to Ypsilanti for my pre-surgrey testing. As I drove across the snow/salt covered express way, I was superised at how calm I was. There was the hiccup of some nervousness or fear try to burrow its way into my head, but I shook it off as I listened to the words of my new favorite CD.
I arrived shortly before 9:30 and went into the Clinic. They took me right back and I did not even have to sit in the waitting room. This surprised me a little because I have felt recently as if I am in a constant state of waitting for something. First, I went to have some blood drawn and chatted with the nice tech about how much I was going to enjoy the new phase of my life. She said she would she me the morning of my surgrey for more blood, and I went to see the attending dr. who " cleared" me for surgrey by asking some questions about my family and personal medical history.
The Dr. gave me one of those great medical gowns and had the nurse escort me down to ultra sound for a u/s of my gallbaladder. This was kinda surreal as I had flash backs of labor and delivery; ugly gown and all. Next, was a chest x-ray and then I was ewscort back to a dressing room before off to a nutrition class.
I sat in the room with several others and the Registered Deitician for an hour and a half with a continuing thought of I all ready know this. I was pretty happy when she finally gave out our big book of advice and I got to ask the things I didn't know. At that moment I felt pretty secure that I had done my homework and knew what laid in front of me. The RD was a nice lady was gave out her phone number at the clinic and said she was personally available to us. That kinda impressed me a little, not like a weight watchers or jenny craig chick but a real human who was personally available to me to help me through the things I don't know who won't give me text book answers to my non text book weight issue.
Finally some help! This is what I have truelly need for years. Not some to tell me what I should or shouldn't do but to help me find the answers and achieve success. Not to talk at me but too me. So, when I left the nutrition class, although I knew what she was talking about(for the most part), I felt secure in my knowledge about the decision I was making and who I was allowing to help me with that decision.
Finally, is was off to get my EKG. This lady was nice and we chatted about our kids for several minutes before she asked me to put on that stupid gown again. That was nice, for once someone wanted to talk before asking me to undress. It is always easier to know who is going to see your grossly over weight body before they actaully see it.
I was done. Just that easy.
As I drove back home, with Aaron Shust blairing in my ear ( without Korbin in the car I can turn the radio up as loud as I want without the fear of making him deaf), I realized that I felt comfortable at that facility. There are so many people who work there that have had this surgrey and are a walking testimony to it. Plus people don't look at you funny for having bigger thighs or bellys or double chins. They applaude you for realizing you have a problem and getting help with it.
I am still dealing with that little hiccup that wants to become a full blown case but I am trying to rest on the promise that God will never give me than I can handle and that He has brought through so much. And dreaming about the little dress that I am gonna buy for Danny and kendra's wedding July 4th week end and think about all the fun I am gonna have for the first time in a long time because I will not have to think about if I look good. I will feal like I look good and that for the first time in forever will be good enough!!!!!!!!"
How crazy is it that I am still dealing with that hiccup of fear? The fear of not being good enough and the fear of failure. I have come so far, and still I face these fears daily. I guess weight loss surgery does not cure self-esteem or self-worth issues. Which is what I am dealing with right now, along with the complete and utter terror of my husband being without a job in an uncertain economy. So, I think for today I will rest on my success of what I have already achieved and let tomorrow take care of it's self. I am gonna pop in my Aaron Shust CD on my way to work tonight and pray that the Lord will give me today what he gave me a year ago; Hope.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Drowning
I wrote several months ago about Godly contentment and my desire for it. However, I had no idea that my desire to be content with what I have no matter how large or how small would lead me or my family down this path.
It is literally fighting everything I have ever know in order to be at peace with myself, my husband and our circumstances. Proverbs 3:5&6 says "lean not on your own understand in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct you paths". It is a completely ironic feeling to "lean" on God to understand exactly what is going on here without fully understanding what is going on yourself.
Have you ever jumped in a pool and went to far under and had to fight your way to the top and by the time you get there, your lungs are aching for air and for several minutes afterward they burn painfully until your body is reinflated with precious oxygen once again?
That is exactly what life is like right now, and I am in constant fear of literally drowning at any particular moment.
Christmas was an amazing moment for Rod & I once we got over the realization that we had nothing to give than what we hid in our hearts for one another. It was a bitter pill to swallow but once we did, we could get over the nasty taste left in our mouths and move forward. For the first time in years, we actaully enjoyed our families; faults and all, and the gifts that we were given without the preverbial "but" hanging in the air. It was a sweet time for us, and the soul reason was the we gave Jesus first place in our life and He restored our joy.
Yet, it seems as if that Joy has been lost once again and the Devil has launched a full on assult on our home, marriage, finances and life. From the time I rise until I go to sleep at night, it is an exhausting battle to control my thoughts and attitude in order to maintain any intergrity I may have left.
Some days are better than others, but even the best days are still very trying. I have never been this exhausted and terrified! I am completely at a loss, and have no idea what the answer is or how to obtain it.
When I was a little girl, I would constantly tell my parents that I could not wait to grow up so that I could live on my own and make my own decisions! Fast forward 20 years and here I am wishing that I did not have so many decisions to make!! I had no idea that being an adult was so rough because it looked like it was so much fun when I was 10. I should go back and ask my Dad when the fun part starts because right now is anything BUT fun!!!!
It is literally fighting everything I have ever know in order to be at peace with myself, my husband and our circumstances. Proverbs 3:5&6 says "lean not on your own understand in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct you paths". It is a completely ironic feeling to "lean" on God to understand exactly what is going on here without fully understanding what is going on yourself.
Have you ever jumped in a pool and went to far under and had to fight your way to the top and by the time you get there, your lungs are aching for air and for several minutes afterward they burn painfully until your body is reinflated with precious oxygen once again?
That is exactly what life is like right now, and I am in constant fear of literally drowning at any particular moment.
Christmas was an amazing moment for Rod & I once we got over the realization that we had nothing to give than what we hid in our hearts for one another. It was a bitter pill to swallow but once we did, we could get over the nasty taste left in our mouths and move forward. For the first time in years, we actaully enjoyed our families; faults and all, and the gifts that we were given without the preverbial "but" hanging in the air. It was a sweet time for us, and the soul reason was the we gave Jesus first place in our life and He restored our joy.
Yet, it seems as if that Joy has been lost once again and the Devil has launched a full on assult on our home, marriage, finances and life. From the time I rise until I go to sleep at night, it is an exhausting battle to control my thoughts and attitude in order to maintain any intergrity I may have left.
Some days are better than others, but even the best days are still very trying. I have never been this exhausted and terrified! I am completely at a loss, and have no idea what the answer is or how to obtain it.
When I was a little girl, I would constantly tell my parents that I could not wait to grow up so that I could live on my own and make my own decisions! Fast forward 20 years and here I am wishing that I did not have so many decisions to make!! I had no idea that being an adult was so rough because it looked like it was so much fun when I was 10. I should go back and ask my Dad when the fun part starts because right now is anything BUT fun!!!!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
A new year, a new attitude
I have been so busy that I do not know what year it is sometimes, literally!!!
Rod reminded me the other day when he said "Wow! We will be celebrating your one year anniversary at the end of the month" My response was "What? The end of the month? You can not be serious?!?!" But he was, and it is! In 23 days, I will be celebrating the life that gastric bypass gave me and all the victories that I found along my journey as well as all the pitfalls because they each had a lesson for me to learn.
This is my journal entry from this time last year :
21 Days Counting
So, my presurgrey appoinment is a week from today and my surgrey is 21 days away. Today, I am doing pretty good. I feal focused and know exactly for who and why I am doing this. On Sunday, I had a melt down at church. Two of our preteen girls came over to tell me that they were praying for me. First, let me tell you that I think our church has some of the greatest kids. Second, I am so proud and fortunate to call thier parents my friends. So after I talked with Emma & Avery, I become overwhelmed. I believe God sent a special message for me in that afternoon and because of that, today, I feal pretty good. I believe in Gods plan for my life, I believe in His power and I stand on His promises. And I know that everything will be all right. I am sure that I will have a couple more moments like this again.....it seems like satan is really trying to use things to get to me these days since he realizes that he can't use food anymore....mainly my family and my fears. I know God has brought me through so much and has never left me or tempted me and not given me a way out. I am looking forward o my new life being healthier which will make me a better mommy and wife. And this summer when I take my son my neices to the park or the pool then I will be able to have more fun with and not so self concious. And then I can take all the time I spent worried about that and focus on something more important.... like spelling... LOL.
It is funny to read that and realize that Satan is still trying to use those same things against me: my family and my fears. In 2009, it is my goal now that I have gotten off alot of this weight which was weighing me down figuritively and literally, I want to figure out exactly who Kristy is and what she wants from this life. I think I have gotten a good start, I just need alot of fine tuning. So here are a few things I want to accomplish in this first month of the new year:
1.) Journal or blog more memories of my son & husband and how God's grace is sufficient for me
2.) Exerise daily
3.) Cook good food for my family that is healthy and budget friendly
4.) Eat protien first, and stop when I am full
5.) Read my Bible everyday
6.) Laugh everyday
7.) Figure out what I am going to do with my education
I think that all of these goal are achievable, so here I go ------->
Rod reminded me the other day when he said "Wow! We will be celebrating your one year anniversary at the end of the month" My response was "What? The end of the month? You can not be serious?!?!" But he was, and it is! In 23 days, I will be celebrating the life that gastric bypass gave me and all the victories that I found along my journey as well as all the pitfalls because they each had a lesson for me to learn.
This is my journal entry from this time last year :
21 Days Counting
So, my presurgrey appoinment is a week from today and my surgrey is 21 days away. Today, I am doing pretty good. I feal focused and know exactly for who and why I am doing this. On Sunday, I had a melt down at church. Two of our preteen girls came over to tell me that they were praying for me. First, let me tell you that I think our church has some of the greatest kids. Second, I am so proud and fortunate to call thier parents my friends. So after I talked with Emma & Avery, I become overwhelmed. I believe God sent a special message for me in that afternoon and because of that, today, I feal pretty good. I believe in Gods plan for my life, I believe in His power and I stand on His promises. And I know that everything will be all right. I am sure that I will have a couple more moments like this again.....it seems like satan is really trying to use things to get to me these days since he realizes that he can't use food anymore....mainly my family and my fears. I know God has brought me through so much and has never left me or tempted me and not given me a way out. I am looking forward o my new life being healthier which will make me a better mommy and wife. And this summer when I take my son my neices to the park or the pool then I will be able to have more fun with and not so self concious. And then I can take all the time I spent worried about that and focus on something more important.... like spelling... LOL.
It is funny to read that and realize that Satan is still trying to use those same things against me: my family and my fears. In 2009, it is my goal now that I have gotten off alot of this weight which was weighing me down figuritively and literally, I want to figure out exactly who Kristy is and what she wants from this life. I think I have gotten a good start, I just need alot of fine tuning. So here are a few things I want to accomplish in this first month of the new year:
1.) Journal or blog more memories of my son & husband and how God's grace is sufficient for me
2.) Exerise daily
3.) Cook good food for my family that is healthy and budget friendly
4.) Eat protien first, and stop when I am full
5.) Read my Bible everyday
6.) Laugh everyday
7.) Figure out what I am going to do with my education
I think that all of these goal are achievable, so here I go ------->
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