Purge! Perge! Perge!

It happened about May or so, when I felt the need to throw out everything I own and start a fresh. Thank the good Lord,my BFF Pam talked me out of it! Because as I go through lot's of random junk, I am finding a few items that I would like to keep. A few. A great deal of the things I thought were important before, suddenly do not hold the same attraction for me. I have this real desire to remove all the things out of the way for "Old Kristy" so "New Kristy" can shine and be bold. I have started to refer to myself pre-wls as "her", which I here is very common. When I think of her I am very saddened by all of the things that she went through and how quickly she had to grow up. By age six, she was worrying about things like food, money and housing. Things that if Korbin had to worry about by that tender age, I would be very upset. I think about how she ate to console herself, and how often she cried because eatting was her only way out. Yet, as much as I understand her and feel a connection with her. I also feel a break, as if we are trully two different people. This is something I read about happening to others in books, however, was unable to see how it was going to happend to me. Somedays, the feelings I have about the past that I share with her is very, very overwhelming. As if someone has punched me in the gut several times over. There are days even at thirty that I still feel the pain of my parents divorce nearly two decades ago or the sting of my granfather dying just days before my 16th birthday and laying him in ground on one of the most important days of a teen agers life. I cry alot and mourn, then force myself to move on because nothing in the fridge is going to take away the pain or anxiety I feel at that very moment. Most often, I realize that I am dealing with this pain for the first time instead of repressing it. I usually carry the memory around with me like a heavy back pack for a day or two then pain I felt like a jab into the ribs is gone. And I am free again until the next wave of emotions hit. It is truelly amazing how God had stood by my side and helped me to deal with these issues, one at a time. Sometimes dealing with them involve a phone call or my dad or my sister to talk things through, but always God is holding my hand walking side by side with me until the ordeal is over. I prayed alot in my presurgery days that God would just take all of this emotional baggage away, and alot He has. But what He hasn't I deal with in the here and now and try to learn something from it. Today, I realized all of these things that I have been holding onto for so long are holding me back. I am not her any longer, and it is time to let go. So, as I purge my closet and drawers, I am also purging my life. To move forward. To be a better wife.A better mommy. A better Kristy. And I am finally at the place, where I am ok with all of that!!

6 months & 5 years

Today is my six month surg-a-versary and who would have thought that I began 2008 weighing 365 pounds?And now, I have lost 117 pounds in a very short, few months. Thanks to weight loss surgery and the Grace of God. I never would have thought in a million, million years that I would be where I am today, both physically and mentally. I am happier and healthier now than I have been in a very long time. God is good!! I am at this current time, just 69 pounds away from my goal weight and dream of someday being a mother again. In these past months, I have rediscover my zeal for life; and being a good wife and mother. Yes, I would love to have a degree and a part time career someday. But everyday I want to be the best mommy to my little angel I can be and a good wife to the love of my life. There was a time that I had lost that desire, and I am so thankful that through this shed weight I have rediscovered myself. This has been an amazing journey and I am thankful everyday that God has lead me down the path of gastric bypass. I was horrified at the thought in the beginning, not to mention scared. Yet, through many, many people God began to chip away at those fears and reservations and began to replace them with a confidence that is uniquely God inspired. I could have never had the success I have had thus far with the wisdom and guidence of my Lord and Savior. He has given me a wonderful support system, through fantastic friends, an amazing church family and a caring, supportive family. I have the best husband in the world! He makes me nuts and nuts about him all at the same time and I know each day that I have grown into the person I want to become in part to his love. There is something to be said about loving someone when everything is going ok and your on top of the mountain. But what about when the one you love has gained more than 100 pounds, has a disease that could claim thier eye sight or thier limbs if not thier life and cost's you several hundred dollars a month in medicine and doctors bills when you do not have the money to spare. That is the love that Paul describes in the Bible when he compare marriage to Christs love for the church; unwaivering.That is the type of love and commitment Rod and I strive for everyday. We, by no means, have arrived. But, again, through God's grace we can look past eachothers flaws and continue to love eachother like this for the rest of our lives. I am especially reflective of how this surgery has impacted my marriage as this saturday, Rod and I will be married for five years. On August 2, 2003 we said our vows and heard the mutters in the back ground of our reception of the nay sayers who said we wouldn't make it months, much less years. Our life together has been like most, up and down, but we are better for the downs because when we are up, we appreciate it much more and give our gratitude to whom it is due; the Lord of our marriage and our life. These past six months have been amazing- thank you all for sharing it with me. Thank you to all of my married friends who have been such a wonderful example to us- you will never know how truelly much you mean to us. Thank you to all my single friends-you remind me everyday how hard it is to be single and your are doing such a wonderful job at it. I am very blessed to have such wonderful people in my life and would not be where I am today without each of you.~Much Love ~

P.S.

To My wonderful Husband, these past five years with you have been amazing!! I fell in love with you on our first date and keep falling in love with you more everyday. Thank you for standing by my side through it all, and taking your vows to love, honor, and cherish through sickness and health seriously. Your amazing!! I will love you forever and always!! Here is to another fantansic five years, may the honeymoon never end! *Cheers**

New Link

So, since my wls I have been on a mission to cook things for my family that are healthy and tasty. I am sick to death of all the high fat, preservative filled foods out there that we fill out lives with in the name of convience, or budgeting or lack of knowledge. All three I am guilty of. I want my child(ren) to grow up with a well rounded pallet for things that taste good, are healthy and are enjoyable to eat. When we sit down for dinner, I want to rest in the fact that I am doing something right for my family. Not just something easy.
Ideally, I would buy completely organic things for my family. However, at this stage in the game, we are very budget conscious. Which means, I must take into account how much money I have to spend each week on groceries, wether to buy fresh or frozen chicken.Much less organic, low sodium, low fat options. But I believe there is a way to get it done, I just have to find it!
With all that being said, I am adding a page to my new website www.freewebs.com/rodandkristy called recipes,and another called tips. In these pages, I will list recipes that are budget friendly, family friendly, and healthy. In the tip section, I will share some of my knowledge of comparison shopping, kid friendly finds and any misscellanious tid bits I find that you might be interested in.
As a wife, I want to cook things that make my hubby wanting more when he leaves the table and as a mom, I want to leave the table knowing I just gave my son something that will help him to stay healthy. But, I just really have no idea how to do this.In my experience, it is either good for you or tastes good. Not both. I am in a search for both and will not settle for less. Please check out this section often, as I am just begining it's induction into life and would enjoy your thoughts, feed back or comments. I feel as if I have been set forth on this journey for a particular reason, and if helping just one other person fight childhood obesity, juvenille diabetes, Type II diabetes, heart disease or any other disease or illness that is directly effected by diet and exerise, then I will have fulfill a personal goal of someone else avioding the heart break and tragedy I have been through regarding some of these situations.
I am not a professional anything, no doctor, no nutritionist just chief cook and bottle washer for one very picky extended family and preschooler.Anything that is listed on this site will be for personal use only. Enjoy!!

New Bedding

In my days as a young, naive wife, I let my husband-to-be pick out the comforter set that would be in our bedroom as a married couple. Little did I realize then, I really did not like this multicolored, plaid quilt that would lay on our bed for the next five years!? By year # 4, I had enough of this comforter that would become my arch nemisis of bed making and began looking for another. Over the last year, I found only one set that I really liked and hinted to anyone that would ask that I wanted this for christmas. However, no one picked up my que's and I took it as a sign, that I was not meant to have it. Saddened by the loss of something I never really had in the first place, I mourned this comforter set for a very long two days and quickly moved on as I had bigger fish to fry right then (getting ready for my surgery).However, I knew my luck (if you believe in luck, and I am not sure that I do) would someday change and I would be destined for a new comforter.Sure enough, at a yard sale I found my new bed room linens and salivated over the chocolate brown and ice crystal blue set. I HAD TO HAVE IT!!!!! With in moments, I become obessed and asked Rod if we could buy it. He said no and I was heart broken yet again. As a result, I took my frustration out in the only manor I could and refused to make that ugly bed for a week. I soon gave up on that too, as it was making me nuts to have my bed unmade, and moved forward with life. As I said earlier, I knew I would eventaully have a new comforter. The lady whose yard sale we had attended, went to our church and did not sell the set and told me so.Two more weeks passed and finally yesterday, I was able to pay her for the coveted set and brought it home. I sat tempted most of the night last night trying to prevent myself from ripping into the bag. However, this morning while Korbin was at VBS I opened the package, washed its contents and made my beautiful new bed!!! I am soooo excited!! Everytime I walk down the hallway and look into my room, I have a sence of satisfaction that I waitted so long to have and can fully apperciate its beauty. No, it's not new. No, it's not something that I would have ordinarily picked out in the store or cataloge. But it was the right price, it had everything I wanted(2 standard shams, 2 euro shams, 2 throw pillows, a bedskirt, the devuet cover and a new sheet set) and it was the right for us. God is good! I may not always get what I think I want right at the moment I want it, but when God does provide, I am always more thankful and/or excited to see his His hand working than I would have been if I would have gotten it a year ago.The picture above is similar to the set that we have now, and I love it!!

C25K

Well, folks my entire summer routine has gone right out the window!! I was totally gun-ho over getting reorganized and resceduled since my surgery-let-everything-go mishap. I held on with both hands for two weeks to this schedule, and then life got in the way and everything totally and completely fell apart on me.
Since my husband recognized that I was nearing drowning in the tide of not knowing what to do next, he reacted as a life guard would and stepped in. This week, since Korbin is at VBS at my grandma's church from 10am-1pm everyday, it is my job everymorning to focus on cleaning and organizing our home. In the afternoons, along with giving Korbin some quality time and running errands, I will put down on paper all the things that I need to do, what to do and should do in a week. Then Saturday, Rod and I will be devoting the morning to coming up with a family schedule & chore chart that is realistic, reasonable, and achievable for everyone.
After all the parenting books that I read, you would think that this would be something I could do and implament on my own. In the past, I have done so very successfully. However, the thing that I satrificed to achieve that success was time for me. Time for me means something differant that it use too. My time is not spent shopping or sipping coffee at a local coffee shop with my friends. I do enjoy those moments occassionally, however, on a day to day basis time for me means time to read my bible and digest what it says, time spent in prayer for my loved ones, needs and needs of others, time to eat correctly and time to exerise.Since I had my surgery, many of those things that I had once listed as a luxery to do, is now a neccessity or a "have too".
In order to achieve success with Korbins homeschool in the fall, my classes to finish my education, my weight loss and anything else I take on, I/We must begin now. As a result, Korbin will not be formally taking any classes at the YMCA again until the fall session at the end of August. My time at the Y will be spent on Tues & Thurs in a water class and participating in something called a Couch to 5k challenge(C25K). Over the next nine weeks, three days a week I will be focusing on moving from a walk to a run for 5 kilometers (which is approx a 30 minute run or 3 miles). I will be doing this in the form of a podcast and a treadmill. I know it sounds like I am completely nuts, but I am superstoked!! I've always wanted to be a good runner, and ran track briefly in high school. So now, in order to get back on track at home and at the gym, I needed something that could give me some flexablity(any three days I choose and anytime that I choose) and some results.So, the question I have for you, my avid readers. What will you do? Will you encourage me and wish me the best while shaking your head thinking I am nuts? Or will you join in? I'm starting on Monday..........

Mud Day

My sister & I took our kids to Mud Day at one of the local metroparks in our area. Every year the city bring in 20 tons of top soil and the fire department comes to hoses it down to make a gaint mud pit that kids 12 and under can come to play in the mud. This was our first visit and it was a blast!!! I am sure the picture says it all!!! At first the kids had no idea what to do, mainly because we are always telling them to stay out of the mud. Now here we were telling them to go and play. I am sure that it was hard for thier little minds to understand that today it was ok but yesterday it wasn't?! Eventually, they got into it. Kinda. They never did get "down and dirty". But they did seem to have a good time once my sister & I took off our shoes and got involved. Next year we know to bring a towel and change of clothes for ourselves too. The fire department had a hose at the enterance and was hosing the kids down before the left. Korbin stood there for a minute waitting to get close to the water but soon gave up when he realized that he was the smallest kid among the bigger kids. When I aked Korbin if he had a good time, he said that it was fantastic and asked to go back tomorrow. I think that it went well over all, well enough for us to go back next year!

The great clothes give away

I have just spent the last 2 hours in the depths of my closet pulling things out that no longer fit; they are too big! I thought that when this time came I would be happy about giving the things away that caused me so much anquish to purchase in the first place. However, that is completely not the case. Each hanger full of clothes is a bucket full of tears shed about the item not fitting properly, not looking "right" or was my only choice because it was the only thing in that size I could find. With each piece I bought, I felt like a failure because I could not loose the weight and look the way I wanted too. Now, it is time to give away those pieces and I feal as if I am giving away a piece of myself. Yes, I am ready to move on with my new weight and new life, but man o man!! Each shirt, skirt, pair or pants or dress holds fond memories for because I literally wore it all the time. I simply had no choice, there is not alot of variety of nice plus size clothes in our price range. Since my surgery I had lost 10 dress sizes. The jeans I wore to the hospital that day, are huge on me. My favorite shirts hang lifeless on me, and those black dress pants I wore all the time almost double around my waist. These things excite me. But as I empty each hanger and place the item into the give-away pile, I am amazed with how far I have come in such a short amount of time. Five months. I have gone from just existing to living. It is hard sometimes to see the time that I waisted that I will never get back. What brings me to tears over and over again is the long white dress hanging in plastic with the buttons all the way down the back into the train that I searched four long months for. Your wedding day should be the most amazing day of your life, the day you feel like a princess or movie star. This beautiful dress that was gorgous on the rack was a train wreck on me. The day I married the man of my dreams, I looked like a chubby little kid playing dress up. The top was too big and the shoulders kept falling off, and the midsection was so tight that I had to unzip it to sit down and was so long in length that my dad stepped on it walking me down the isle nearly causing me to trip. This was extremely disappointing and embrassing. I ruined the best day of my life by being over weight. As you see, clothes have always been an emotional issue for me. I am looking forward to this turning into something other than dread of fear. The other day was a good experience that I hope is the turning of a corner for me. I took Korbin with me to Dress Barn to buy a dress for my nephews wedding. I tried on this sleeveless blue satin dress, that was totally something I would not have ordinarily tried on. Korbin looked up at me with his big blue eyes shinning and whispered "Mama you look beautiful!" At that moment no matter what the pattern or the fabric of the dress I felt beautiful as my heart melted into mush. Korbin thought I was beautiful and that was all that mattered!